What do you dread your guests finding?

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I have a friend who is unabashed about her habit of looking in medicine cabinets. I never peek, but I always think of her when I’m in a new person’s home: What would she find in this house? I kind of figure that whatever my friend might find in my house is her own problem — you get what you ask for when you snoop!

But now I need to know: When your friends come over, what’s your panic object? The thing you hope they don’t find, because it’ll mean no end to merciless teasing? A shrine to an ex in the closet? Cigarettes, even though you made a big deal about quitting? Dirty shots of you and your sweetie doing cosplay? Your journal? A photo of you stuck in the toilet? Save me the snooping and just tell!

Comments on What do you dread your guests finding?

  1. Surprisingly, I’m not very embarrassed about anyone running into any of my hygiene or sex products. None of that stuff is just laying around for the average person to stumble upon so if they go rummaging through my drawers or cabinets, then THEY should be embarrassed about what they find, not me.

    The two things that I am a bit on edge about are the books on the paranormal and ghosts that I have on my bookshelves because I’ve gotten a bit of grief in the past for it, but choose to leave them out in the open any way because it’s really none of anyone’s business what the hell I read. And the second thing that embarrasses me – moritifies me, really – is the fact that it never seems to fail that my cat will take a huge, smelly steaming dump in his litterbox right when someone either is about to come over or two seconds after they walk in.

    • People give you shit about being into the paranormal? That’s…weird.

      Dude. Every cat does this. They know. They KNOW.

  2. The vibe cuz I have a bad habit of leaving it on the rim of the sink after washing it. Tbh though I’m not really embarrassed so much as I feel bad when people see it and they are embarrassed by it. What would truly embarrass me though is if someone found my stash of wedding stuff..

  3. I know the best way to keep visitors from visiting is to keep my house clean. The moment I let things slip, my landlady comes in to do maintenance or I get a surprise visit.

    I have a ton of old drawings/writings/journals that I would find embarrassing to share. It’s nothing controversial; I just don’t feel comfortable revealing that part of myself. Same goes for the anthology of ghost stories and rather edgy comics on the bookshelves.

  4. Sadly enough, I think I’d be most embarassed about a couple of books I own. A lot of them fall under the self-help catergory, and I own them out of curiosity. Like “The Case for Faith” (A book with a very Christian tilt about why it’s logical to have faith in the divine) when I’m a rather vocal agnostic (A friend actually bought it for me after a discussion about religion and how I’m too cynical to take stuff on faith alone). Or “The 5 Languages of Love” which, while being a really good book about love in general, is marketed as a self-help marriage book and I only recently got engaged (Even worse was buying that book, as I was also picking up the book “A Practical Wedding”. Why yes, I was just shopping the marriage self-help section AND the wedding section at the same time). And lastly, a book that I really just bought because I thought it sounded ridiculously silly and it was cheap… some kind of “Girl’s Guide to Spellcraft” book, clearly targeted at pre-teen girls with spells to summon fairies and wish bad hair days on people. Sad to think that I get more embarrassed about people thinking I’ve taken up some kind of religion than people finding stuff like tampons and sex toys.

  5. It would definitely depend on the person who was visiting. Friends and my immediate family could find my DivaCup without me caring at all, but a lot of the extended family and my inlaws, I’d be kind of uncomfortable explaining it if that came up…

    I don’t care if people FIND my journals, but if anyone READ them (without my permission and supervision, at least), I would totally flip out. I’ve read sections from my journal to my husband, and one of my best friends has even read parts of my journal (and I’ve read parts of hers), but there are some things in my journals that nobody can see, from times when I was just feeling really down, and needed to get the dark thoughts out somehow…

  6. Holy crap. How have I missed this post?

    For us, it’s all about the visitor.

    I don’t mind most of my friends seeing most of my items, but for my vanilla friends and family I have to make sure to cover the st. Andrews cross and put the mannequin head with the hood on it in a drawer. The de-kinkifying the house sweep is always entertaining.

    Husband: hey hunny… You left your cuffs on the table… Please put them in a drawer.

    Me: crap, I didn’t even see those!

    We end up both having to go through and check the house completely. it’s amazing what you miss when you’re used to it.

    On the other side of things… If they are snoopy enough to go through our drawers, then more power to them!

  7. I came home to my toddler using my hibachi wand as a microphone while my mother in law was babysitting. My man and I had to stifle our laughter in case it gave it away what that was really used for.

  8. i had accidentally left out “mr. blue”…a blue silicone-rubber vibrator…when my ILs were visiting. that was fun. they were staying in my bedroom because they were looking after my son while i had a weekend away with the guy i was seeing at the time (now engaged and living together, lol). (their son, my husband, passed away when i was still pregnant.) it was still where i left it when i came back. there’s no way they didn’t see it there. nobody has mentioned it though, lol. i figure, whatev. i’m only human, and i was alone for a long time after my husband passed away, and it was MY room. actually, my husband was the one who bought me mr. blue. that was after i broke mr. pink, which he also bought for me. lol

  9. I think it’s so funny that everyone brings up sex toys. Me, I’m just worried that someone will find moldy food in the fridge. I am SO. BAD. at keeping the fridge up to date. This whole living with another person thing is a killer.

  10. I just don’t hide anything at all. Once we invite you into our house, our whole lives are on display. Our house is not a fancy place we entertain guests, it is the place we live in and sometimes we let other people in too because we like them.

    Someone peeking in our medicine cabinet is a wizard, because we don’t have one. Our bathroom is really small, so I just put up some open shelves. My pads and tampons are right out there for everyone to see (and use, if needed). I have no shame. Why should I?

    And medication, that thing that bathroom snoops are actually looking for? My husband’s medication is actually on the lazy susan on the dining room table, right there with the salt and pepper, because that’s where he will SEE it and therefore TAKE it. And him taking his meds is way more important than keeping them hidden from some theoretical judgement.

  11. I have a confession… When I visit girlfriends or girls who know my guy friends I snoop for make-up type stuff to look and one time I found a bunch of different kinds of eyeliners and powders I got so busted. I live with my boyfriend of 8+ years and prior to that was married to an abusive sob we married just after my 18th b day. Not because I seek out guy friends over female ones I seem to have a 5 to 1 guy vs girl friends. I’m way to shy and broke to try a make-up counter at a big department store. I could probably show up to stuff my friends and I do in a wedding dress or a bag and they wouldn’t notice! So really do they take you aside in school or was their some secret code I missed as to where you learn this stuff?? I’m a pre you tube net girl of the early 90’s GO! Class of 91!

  12. I wouldn’t want people to stumble upon a few books I have about fighting depression, although I don’t have depression, only sometimes I’m really sad and scared and I don’t want it to get worse.

    Also, when I worked in a book shop I got some free books including “sex for dummies” which is pretty lame. I am not embarrassed at all about it but I know some people may be. Or my guests may be if they found it.

  13. Worst conversation with a friend ever: “Oh, that? Yeah, that’s out of Chewtoy’s Star Trek collection. One of the cats must have knocked the box over.”

    It was totally my vibrator.

  14. What do I dread my guests finding?

    My house.

    Also, my PVR’d shows. I’m so glad I’m not the only one. Ancient Aliens, Jeopardy, Game of Thrones okay, but the odd episode of Oprah’s Master Class, Something Borrowed Something New, Playboy Shootout, and Dr Oz (sometimes he looks at both sides of alternative health issues, I swear!) would ruin me. There could be a whole blog post on embarrassing guilty pleasure tv shows we all watch, I’m so glad I’m not alone!

    Oh, and my iPhoto. My now-husband first saw me naked when I was showing him some innocent vacation pictures on my computer. On our first date. Oops.

  15. I would be mortified by nothing but someone discovering my browser history.

    Cat video

  16. My dreads. I cut them off two years ago but couldn’t quite bear to part with them as they took so long to grow. I have them in a carrier bag in my bottom drawer. And just typing that made me aware of how gross it is.

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