When I got married, I didn’t want to keep my name because I grew up with an abusive father. My husband is deeply connected to his last name and didn’t want to change, so I took his name. Now I hate that I changed my name because I associate it with his parents, and they aren’t very good people, and I feel stuck. Anyone have any advice? – C
I don’t know that you are stuck, honestly. If your husband would be okay with you changing your name again, that would be my advice. If it were me, I’d consider something totally new and totally you. It’s a hassle to legally change it again, so you could even just start changing it on public places that aren’t technically official, like on social media.
One consolation if this isn’t an option is that if your husband is deeply connected to the name, maybe you can start thinking of it as just his and being associated with just him instead of the rest of the family. It would take some time to adjust that way of thinking, but it could help if that’s your only option.
Here’s some advice about how to handle going back to another name from this the comments on this post…
I never changed my name, but a friend of mine did and recently went back to her maiden name after about a year. She’s a fairly progressive lady, so I think everyone who knew her just sort of shrugged. And I second the people who are saying, “People get over stuff.” They do. If you want your original name back and your partner doesn’t care, pfft. Everyone else will get used to it eventually. – Chris
I THOUGHT I WAS THE ONLY ONE!! I lasted all of three weeks with my husband’s name before switching back as it just didn’t feel right. Luckily, I hadn’t done anything legally, so it was just Facebook and socially that I had to do. That said, four years later, and his family and some of our friends who we don’t see often still send letters and address me by his name, along with everyone in his hometown. Most of our friends stopped after a few reminders, but he comes from a very conservative area and I get a lot of dirty looks when I correct his family or anyone else there. I’ll still correct people, but if I’m not in the mood to deal with the arguing, I won’t push it. – Chantal
I changed mine legally when we got married, but ended up having to change it back about a month or so later which was a huge pain in the ass as I’d changed everything but my passport and SIN. I wanted to continue to work under my maiden name, and keep my work bank accounts under that name, but wanted to have everything else under my husband’s name. Bank kicked up a fuss, and even though I could prove that every one else was fine with it, I changed it back to avoid the hassle. My parents know I’ve changed it back, and my husband knows and is fine with it. I haven’t told his parents, and socially, on Facebook etc. I go by his last name, and all my legal documentation, bank accounts, and at work I go by my maiden name. I answer to both.
The only issue is having to keep straight who I’ve called and left what names for for non important things (e.g. hair salons, dog kennel etc.) when I’m calling back to try to not to confuse everyone. When I changed all of my documentation back, they asked the reason and I said I got married, or when I had to go into it, I explained the whole process. – Kate
Let’s take it to our fellow readers: have any of YOU regretted changing your name? How did you handle it?