Advice for being the polyamorous partner to a monogamous spouse
I’m monogamous to my soul. My husband of 21 years recently dropped the Poly bomb. And, I’m sorry poly people, no matter how gently you think you’re approaching it, it still feels like a bomb. But he doesn’t want to lose his family, and God help me, I still love him, so I’m staying. He’ll have his happiness, the girls will have their family and home intact, and I’ll learn to live with it.
That being said, there are some things you can do if your monogamous spouse agrees to open your marriage…
How to have more sex when all you do is work
Couples vary wildly in the amount of sex they have. The American average for couples is somewhere around three to four times a month (last I heard). That sounds awfully low, doesn’t it? But lots of people are happy with it. If you only have sex on the weekends, you’re practically at, or exceeding, the American average.
But if you’re not, and you want to have more sex, here’s my advice…
I’m not attracted to my husband: Marriage without chemistry?
I find myself more and more disconnected and not attracted to my husband. And now I’ve gotten to the point where I can’t stand his smell, can’t stand kissing him, all his little mannerisms annoy the hell out of me, I can’t stand him touching me in bed, I put a pillow between us so I can’t smell him… The list goes on. And he is NOT getting what he deserves out of a wife.
However, I have not been true to my feelings or honest with him that being with him has always felt wrong. Until recently…
I want a permanent “weekend relationship.” Is that possible?
Recently, I found a great guy who is just like me and we clicked immediately. He lives some 200 miles away and we basically have a weekend relationship. I really love it that way and so does he. We don’t take it as a “phase,” though. We’re looking at it more like a perfect relationship pattern.
I do hear warning voices, though, telling me that this isn’t a “real” relationship. So I wonder… are there other people out there living in a similar weekend relationship pattern?
I hate my nickname and just can’t shake it
My name is Catherine. I was named after my maternal grandmother who went by “Kitty.” When my mother was looking to nickname me as a baby (since I guess that’s what you do with more formal names?), she settled on “Cathy” since she felt that something like “Cate” was too weird. And Cathy stuck. Forever. Despite my first attempt to change it back at the age of eight and the many (many) attempts after. I just can’t shake this name that I don’t like and with which I don’t identify…
My husband wants space and I don’t. Are we doomed?
My husband and I have been together for three years and always struggled with the balance of personal space. I don’t need to be alone at all — in fact I hate it. He is the opposite and thinks we should live apart, feels smothered…
How can our relationship survive if he doesn’t want to be around me 90% of the time? Isn’t him wanting to live separately just the first step in ending the relationship? Or is it already over, and I’m refusing to acknowledge it?
Shit. I think I may be non-monogamous. Now what?
I can’t deny it. I feel strong pulls to be emotionally, and perhaps down the road, physically involved with other men with whom I’ve developed emotional connections.
I recently told all of this to my husband. He met me with open arms and respects my feelings. But I don’t know how to sort through these feelings I’m having towards a new lifestyle…
Let’s talk about polyamory research: QUALITY OVER QUANTITY?
An article was recently published about how polyamorous people are supposedly less sexually satisfied than monogamous people. Who did we ask to weigh in on this? Why, our favorite philosopher of love, of course: Carrie Jenkins, author of What Love Is…