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My sister (who lives just a few miles away and is very involved in my life and the life of our large extended family) is part of an open polyamorous quad. All four individuals live together in the same house and one of the women (not my sister) is expecting a baby in the fall. Once baby arrives, I know that it will (and should) become apparent to my two oldest children that these people are more than roommates.
In fact, my sister has expressed to me that it is important to her that my children recognize them as a family. The problem is that non-monogamy runs very counter to our family’s values and the values I am trying to impart to my children.
How can I explain my sister’s family to my kids in a respectful way that still reflects my belief in monogamy? — Anne
You might also like to check out these posts about explaining polyamorous relationships to kids:
- How can we get a toddler ready for a not-quite-sibling?
- It truly does take a village: polyamorous parenting and creating space for children
- A polyamorous quad welcomes their first child
I would keep it short and sweet; something like “[a, b, c, & d] have decided to be a family and raise the baby together.” No need to make it more complicated than that. X
I may be under thinking this, but why not…just interact with your sisters family more?
You don’t need to have “the talk” unless one of your kids asks you about it later…and that’s when you break out the “Some people have different religions, and different relationship styles. We don’t love your aunt or the rest of her family any differently than our other family members, however, we do follow X religion, which tells us that the best way to love god is X way.”
If you make a big deal out of it, the kids have a higher chance of feeling awkward about it. Normalizing it doesn’t necessarily mean that you teach it as an option for your children. And, honestly, if you reject it too hard, there’s a higher possibility that your intentions may “backfire”.