I turn 36 years old soon. I almost forgot about it, but I have kids old enough to remind me these days.
While my dad will celebrate the day with me a little early, my mom won’t be there at all. Not because she’s dead, or ill, or in prison, or somehow incapacitated. Those would be better reasons, I guess. Instead, my mom won’t be there in any shape or form, not even via email, or Facebook, or Skype, because we are “estranged.”
Estranged is a funny word, really. It describes the estrangement itself, but it provides no hint as to the emotions behind that decision. Did I create the estrangement? Did my mother? Why? Those questions require far more words than a simple “estrangement,” and yet I find myself little able to answer them.
Why doesn’t my mother reach out to me? Why doesn’t my mother remind me that she will always be there for me? Why doesn’t my mother love me, just as I am, no matter how many mistakes I have made? I don’t know, really. But, perhaps the hardest question to answer is this: why am I better off without my mother?
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Because the truth is that I am. This estrangement has brought me peace, finally, after a lifetime of swirling questions and unmet needs.
Still, I would be lying if I said that peace was never challenged. That I never wondered, yet again, what was so wrong with me that my mother wouldn’t even call or email me on the day of my birth. As a mother myself, I find it incomprehensible. My teenagers can be real assholes sometimes, but I would never kick them out or turn them away or deny them my love. And, as time goes on, it’s hard not to wonder and perhaps even seethe with pain or rage or betrayal or who even knows what at the woman who only wanted me when I met her needs.
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There was a time in my life when I knew a terrible truth. I knew that my mother’s love was not freely given, and it was conditional, and it would be revoked if I strayed too far. For years, she accused me of testing people and trying to see how far I could push them before they left me. She was right about that much, but she never saw the why. And neither did I. Because I was too afraid to admit that terrible truth and to give up the pleasant fiction I had created about my mother. But, like all realities, it was true whether I admitted it or not. And, eventually, even I could no longer pretend and my house of cards crumpled to the ground, leaving me alone, naked of all pretense, and cast out by my mother.
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I would like to say that I had a great epiphany. I would like to say that healing washed over me. I would like to say many things, but none of them are true. What is true, however, is that the hole in my soul and my heart that was gaping and bleeding for most of my life is simply a scar now. It is there, and sometimes it aches a bit, but it isn’t gushing and hemorrhaging anymore. It is just there, a part of me now, like my brown eyes or pale skin. Through time, I’m sure that even that scar will fade. One day, perhaps, I will barely even notice it.
But, this year, on the anniversary of the day of my birth, it’s still red. It’s still a bit fresh. And, it still hurts, just a little. But that scar has led me to learn to fill my own holes in my life, and even in love. And, it has brought me peace, and freedom from love on someone else’s terms.
I may not know the answers to most of those questions, but I do know this much: even if my mother were to call me, or Facebook me, or Skype me, I wouldn’t answer. I am not crazy enough to trade a scar for an open wound. So, while I do not know the why’s, I do know how I want to live. In peace, in love, and even in estrangement.
Jody, big internet hugs for you! And everyone else who has commented about going through this or is thinking about going through this.
My husband is also in that group. His relationship with his family has never been good and I started referring to them as his biological donors years ago to stress that parenting is an action, not a genetic link (I’m adopted, so I come at it from a different view anyway). I have watched him struggle each time they called or whenever they interacted. I have met his dad in passing twice, went for dinner with his mom once, and have never met any of the rest of his biological family. He has discussed it with his counselor and he put limits on what he needed to do. He did his best, they were unable to reciprocate, and he has ended contact as much as possible. They were never told about our wedding. That was hard for my parents to understand. Like others have said, they couldn’t wrap their head around a parent treating a child like that. I eventually explained and they accepted the situation. My mom has wholeheartedly adopted my husband and it’s wonderful seeing him experience that kind of relationship. My dad is trying too although he isn’t always the easiest to get along with. I fully support my husband and we talk often about what we think is important as parents because we want to avoid making the same mistakes. Thankfully nobody I know questions it and my husband has some really great friends who are “family.” Just because someone is part of your family according to society, whether it’s a genetic link or a marriage or even an adoption, that person needs to deserve that place in your life. If they are abusing you in any way or making you feel less than you are, you have the right to space or to being estranged. You have a right to be happy and healthy.
I’m grateful that my relationship with my parents is okay – not perfect, but way better than years before. It’s my extended family. If I don’t initiate contact with them they don’t speak to me. I’m an only child. Having a relationship with my cousins and their families is important to me. There will be a day when I’m going to be completely on my own (well, my husband too). I want to have some connection to my family some how.
The thing is I don’t think anyone on my mother’s side of the family really cares. At least that’s what I get. Seriously, even on Facebook my aunt and uncle (mom’s siblings) don’t initiate conversations with me. My uncle is better about commenting. But neither one of them will actually email me to see how I’m doing. They all live in Pennsylvania and I live in Florida. My parents were military so growing up I was never around family except for once a year. But I always wrote letters, and never got any back.
I just hate that I want to connect with them so much and yet there seems to be little interest in connecting with me. I’m out of sight out of mind. I wonder if it just wouldn’t be easier to cut them all out and give my heart some peace. Or will it actually be at peace?
Have you initiated contact with them? Have you talked to them about the issue? I think so often we sit, waiting for others to take action. Why not take action yourself? Initiate something with them. If they don’t respond, then you know, and can adjust your expectations accordingly. But if you never let them know how you feel, you cant be upset that they don’t act as you’d like them to. I was in a similar position with my stepsiblings a few years ago, upset that we werent closer, but convinced they didn’t want to be. Once I reached out to them, however, they were thrilled to have me be a part of their life, they just didn’t really know I felt that way. Be honest with people about what you want. More often than not, you’ll be pleasantly surprised by the response you get.
Oh yeah, I’ve talked to them about it before. The answer is always the same, “I’m so busy” and “But you never come visit us”. Which KILLS me because none of them have ever come to visit us. Even when they were in my state two hours away in which I would have gladly driven to see them just to buy dinner and get/give a hug. I found out they were in town via Facebook.
They say they want to be closer but no matter how many emails or phone calls I make to connect with them they never, ever return the favor. It truly is out of sight out of mind for them. It breaks my heart.
🙁 I’m sorry to hear that. Family is so tough sometimes. It takes a lot of strength and maturity to actually try and talk to them about it, so you can feel good about that!
I get where you’re coming from with this blog. There are plenty of times I’ve had thoughts of estrangement with my parents, my mother especially. Having said that, I went to counseling for a long time and was able to stop judging my mom. We like to think of our parents as just parents. They are there, being parents, and the only possible motivation for their actions is to hurt us. However…that’s not really the case. I decided to show compassion for my mother, and respect for the difficult life experiences she had been through. This is not necessarily to excuse her behavior, but rather to try and understand that she is a human being, doing the best she can, just like all of us. She had a difficult childhood, watched her mother drink herself to death, and had a father who abandoned her. But I also knew that she loved me, and that if I could try to be a bit more understanding and compassionate, perhaps she’d see that and echo it. It turns out it worked, and we now have a good relationship of mutual respect and admiration. I’m not going to say this will be the case for everyone, every relationship is different. But there are several family members in my life who are estranged from each other, and almost always, the situation is that one person thinks it’s the other person’s responsibility to change it. “How could she not call me on my birthday?” “How could he not be concerned when he heard I was sick?” Well…you’re estranged! That’s what that means! We start these estrangements to punish the other person, expecting them to come back and beg to be a part of our life. I’m not going to say I think estrangement is always the wrong answer, just like I don’t think divorce is always the wrong answer. I will say that our society seems quick to give up on relationships when they don’t feel “unconditional love” when it appears their own love is conditional. To me…I practice unconditional love with the few people in my life who are really important to me. It’s an elite group. My parents, family, husband. And perhaps sometimes, if the relationship is difficult, I will keep them at arms length, giving myself the space and time I need to maintain my sanity. But by being honest, taking responsibility for my role in the issues we’ve had, and really listening to the other person, I find that my relationships are strengthened in times of trouble. We all just want to be understood and loved, and sometimes it’s harder than others to feel that from people, even when they do love us. By letting go of anger and judgment, I was able to find peace, and let go of grudges. I’m just posting this as perhaps a different perspective, not at all in a judgmental way. As I said before, it’s impossible to know the ins and outs of anyone’s situation but my own. But I do think it’s a perspective that maybe some people could benefit from hearing.
Bethany, I like that you offered a different perspective. In 2007 I laid out some serious boundaries with my mom. I had been in therapy for years. My therapist encouraged me to forgive my mom but also to set boundaries so that the emotional abuse could stop.
I want to have a relationship with my mom because, for me at least, there is a very real and wonderful woman who was also abused, also neglected, also struggled a lot more than I did. My mom did the best that she knew how. Luckily, she wasn’t manipulative. For all her faults she was not manipulative or narcissistic. So I learned how to forgive her. I learned how to set up boundaries that protected me from those times when she had hit a low point and could only think of taking it out on someone. Seven years later the relationship is stronger. We still have our hits and misses, but what mother and daughter doesn’t?
For our situation forgiveness and bounadaries worked. Also, the fact that we were both willing to get help individually helped too.
Not everyone has parents who are willing to work on themselves. Or has parents/family members who actually have real love in their hearts without price tags. For those folks it might be better to distance and cut themselves off. But if real love and acceptance has been shown, I think relationships can be salvaged.
I absolutely agree that therapy/counseling/working on yourself and learning to understand you’re parents are human (not super heros) is vital to becoming a whole adult.
That said, my father and I will never have a real relationship. Why? He’s given up. Years ago I forgave his flaws as a parent, he is a flawed human being just like the rest of us.
However, he’s decided to become the father he always wanted to be to his step daughter and daughter with his second wife, while acknowledging he was not a great dad to my sister and me. And that was it. He acknowledged being a shitty dad and said he was making changes in his current life to be better. That betterment of himself did not include my sister or me.
The last time I saw him was at my step sister’s wedding. Where he walked her down the aisle, paid for her wedding, bent over backward to make her day special. As we were sitting down to dinner my dad walked over to my sister and her long time boyfriend, my fiancé and me and said basically how he had fun but was super excited about not having any wedding related things to do until his youngest daughters wedding in ten years or so.
Thanks dad.
So yes, therapy is important. Forgiving someone for being a flawed human is important. Understanding that some people are either just not going to acknowledge or even try for a relationship is also important. And if you’ve done the work and that person continues to bring only negativity to your life, blood relative or not it’s time for boundaries or cutting ties.
My mom died when I was 15. My dad gave up on me shortly thereafter. I’ve held on to the hope that we’d have a relationship for a long time to avoid becoming an orphan by choice. But if I look at it realistically, my dad hasn’t helped me in any way at all since I was 18. And only provided the very basics for survival from 16-18.
He’s a stranger with the potential to tear my heart out. No one deserves to continue a one-sided relationship like that.
I’m so sorry to hear about your unrelationship with your dad. I agree with you – safer for you to not have a relationship with him.
I think we’re just expressing that some people, like you, absolutely need to cut ties with their families. And others can find something to salvage.
Your dad being a stranger with the potential to tear your heart out is incredibly heart breaking, and I’m only reading about it. *gentle hugs*
Thank you Wendi.
I simply wanted to expand upon Bethany’s idea of a salvageable (vs non-salvageable) relationship.
You know, as far as I can tell he’s being the father he wants to be now, to his youngest child and step child. That’s great. I often wonder if my sister and I remind him of a failure, but I can’t live my life as his failure anymore.
I really admire you and Bethany’s determination to work on your relationships with your parent(s). It was a long time and a lot of work to realize what I needed vs what I wanted.
I agree that it takes compromise – you have to let go of who you WANT your parent to be and let them be who they are – it also requires all parties to work on it. But the door has always been closed to me.
Wow, I just left my narcissistic mother this month after myself & my family put up with her bs for several years, naturally, putting our lives on hold to make sure hers was comfortable (never happy). This REALLY hits home!
I’m the author of this post and it was really awesome to read the comments. I was a bit nervous about publishing this so thank you for being supportive!
For me, this decision didn’t come lightly, like many of you described. It wasn’t the first time that I tried both setting boundaries or even trialed an estrangement. The other attempts were years ago, before I entered therapy and could describe them that way. But, ultimately, after so many attempts at everything from reconciliation to boundary-setting, I recognized that estrangement was the only healthy option.
I spent my childhood care taking and “understanding” my mother. In my situation, growth required me not to find compassion but to recognize where it ends and co-dependence begins. Compassion is still there, but a relationship never will be. It’s simply impossible for my mother to engage in a healthy relationship, and as such I choose not to engage in those same toxic cycles.
We can’t control others, but we can control who and where we invest our love, time, and energy. If a parent can’t reciprocate those in a healthy manner, sometimes the best choice is an estrangement.
I know mine will be permanent. In some ways, that’s very freeing. My heart goes out to all in a similar situation.
Perfect timing, as always. I’m at the point where all I feel about my parents is apathy, and I’d love to not speak to or interact with them again. I’m exhausted, I’m tired of being invalidated and gaslit every time that I speak to them. My dad is currently asking how we can build our relationship, but I don’t feel like doing this anymore. I’m tired of parenting him, I’m tired of only speaking when he wants emotional support, and I’m tired of having my problems ignored and pushed to the side. I’m only in contact on Facebook with my mother for her parents’ sake, yet she tells everyone we’re best friends and it infuriates me. My scar is not haemorrhaging nor is it twinging, it’s comfortably numb and I wish I could never disturb it again.
Hi Jodie,
I really enjoyed (if that was is) reading about estrangement…. After much umming and arring I have estranged myself from my parents at a time when I had more first baby. All their false promises and a lifetime of just not being good enough and the fact that they stayed away from me during this difficult time where I got sick as well, and my husband lost his job, and yet, they couldn’t even celebrate my first mothers day with me. What I would like to know is how do you transition or navigate your way between open wound and scar…? And how do you cope with people they recruit to their cause? you see my lot recruit everyone to make me the devil…and tell everyone how hard done by they are! it doen’t help that all these doctors then use it to tell me how “ill” I am…….. great reading that I wasn’t alone though…
I don’t have much to add, other than that I have seen the kind of damage wrought by these kinds of relationships, and I just want to say: Good for you. It is not easy, it is very hard, and it takes a lot of gumption (though that word doesn’t really begin to cover what it actually takes) to face these realities and make your own best decisions. So, again, good for you.
My family life is complicated and I can’t even explain all of the ins and outs. I have been estranged from my father for over a decade, have barely said two words to my brother in just as long, and broke up with my mother last year. All three are terribly selfish, mean-spirited, uncaring people. I was blind to my mother’s manipulations because I wanted her to love me so much that I would do anything for her and a year ago I finally cracked. She didn’t take the break-up well and refused to acknowledge any part in why I was feeling abused.
Mostly I am fine and keep myself so busy with the things I enjoy that I don’t even notice that I have no family. Other times it hits me like a ton of bricks and all I can do is curl up and cry about not being wanted by the people that are supposed to love me. I try to remind myself that I broke up with them and that I don’t want them but sometimes it’s hard.
I read a Joss Whedon quote once that really hit home: “I am a great believer in found families and I’m not a great believer in blood.” I try to surround myself with supportive, fun people and create the family I want instead of the family I was given.
Thank you for sharing this.
i have to say…im sorry, and i believe you. and happy birthday princess!
also i havent read all of the comments but i felt annoyed that the mother is portrayed as someone who should be perfect.
im a mother. my child was kidnapped by her dad at 3 and finally found at 17 and at age 30 now…she has never been very well or easy since that trauma caused, naturally, some issues and behaviors that cause her to behave in some negative ways. she has created a certain amount of havoc and done alot of abandoning and silent treatment over the last 13 years.
she has siblings and when they were younger it was really confusing and painful for them. and for me.
ive been in therapy on and off for many years. first to deal with a missing child and then to process her not being missing, and learning how to be supportive tho she is terribly traumatized/really hard to deal with.
i get tired of the responsibility being on me because ‘im the mother’.
ironically her birthday passed recently and after being around for 2 years, the longest period so far, but all on her terms, she recently created a giant scene over nothing so she could tear herself away from the discomfort of intimacy, yet again.
she picked up and moved across the country again. overnight.
her birthday my sons wife asked me if i was going to call her. i said no.
ive come to a point of peace that i cannot fix her. i cannot bear the cost to have her in my life. maybe that will change but it will be due to her efforts, not mine.
as a mom it is weird that i could ever say that. but while it may be your mom is the problem and i am clearly projecting and feeling defensive, it hurt my feelings somehow to read this and so i thought i would chime in to the discussion.
i love this site. as in LOVE. ive never commented before so yeah, heres my opener haha
shes 30 im 52 so we are adults but sometimes people are sick and you cant make yourself sick by trying to be with them and sometimes it doesnt really create anything lasting for one person to try to play out their role perfectly as in im the mother and so i should always be the one. eff that.
Dear you,
I’m not sure what you have gone through, but no situation is the same. I can’t begin to understand how horrid it must have been for your daughter to be kidnapped and I assume raised by her father. you say she’s ill, but do you know what narrative she was told? Does she know she was kidnapped?
She’s not sick, she’s traumatized. She didn’t ask for this…. I guess whilst its no good trying to always blame one party over the other, the onus is on the mother in most situations because as a parent its our responsibility to see it through our kids eyes and help them navigate it through. The damage being away from you not by choice must have been extraordinary.
Whilst I never want to excuse bad behaviour, sometimes people just don’t know how to communicate, and it sounds like you two just don’t know how to express your hurt. A child should never come at a cost, that made me really sad to see as you must be really in a lot of pain to write that. And from her part, that is a rejection that she has probably been told you would do.
As a daughter of a mother who rejected me, I have tried and reached out to her and I just cannot be heard. She failed me as a mother by not protecting me, but all I want to hear from her is I love you and i’m sorry. instead I get demonized and ostracized when all I want is unconditional love. As a parent now and hopefully of more soon, I aim to put my ego and pride aside, and to always be there for my children, the way they need, not the way I need them to be. so far, its the hardest thing I have ever done!
your situation is impossible, and I don’t want to invalidate your hurt. But try this…ask your daughter in a written letter how you can possibly mend the situation so that you two can have a relationship where neither one of you gets hurt. it would be nice if you both could take a journey where you help each other heal… This kid did not ask for this life. and I know neither did you.
I can understand this really well right now. I’m going through a similar issue with my sister.
She’s accused my stepdad of abuse, and it’s just not true. She says I’m burying my head in the sand but I know I am not. I was abused in a relationship and I know what it is like. My sister is in many ways abusive.
She’s recently cut off contact with me (again, she punishes me often in this way) and I just can’t bring myself to get all worked up. She’s angry because I refuse to give in to her attempt to manipulate me into not inviting my stepdad to my wedding. So she’s told me she’s not coming to my wedding.
There’s a part of me that is just relieved really. My fiancé finds it hard to understand, he himself often says but she’s family. But I know that I can’t keep allowing her to treat me (ironically) in such an abusive fashion. She’s choosing not to be part of my life right now. If that continues that’s her choice too. But I will keep choosing to look after myself in regards to what behaviour I’ll allow.
Dee, what happens if she’s telling the truth?
you don’t want to believe it, and I totally understand that, but I was abused and the worst thing you can ever do to someone who actually was abused is to invalidate them. my parents matched me up with my abuser and made his family a part of mine. I will never forgive them for that.
if your sister is telling you the truth, and you don’t know either way, then you have a duty to talk to her and say I don’t want to believe you. if she isn’t telling the truth, then maybe, kindly explain to her that the life of people who are abused is rather horrid, and she doesn’t want to become a person who cries wolf.
instead of meeting her with hatred and anger, meet her with kindness. Either way, she needs love and understanding, whether she’s telling the truth or not. and I cannot begin to tell you how hurtful it would be to have your sister choose your abuser over her……
That said, I also want to say that it is not ok to falsy accuse anyone of abuse. Abuse and bullying are so rampant in our community that falsehoods just serve to make real victims lives almost impossible. But not being believed by family and friends when you are a victim is sometimes a one way ticket to becoming a prickly and very unhappy individual who really just needs to be believed and loved.
Estranged from my mom since the death of my Dad 5 years ago. Boy do I know the feeling.
W O W ! Reading this I (finally) felt that someone understands. I really thought I was alone. This post could have been written by me ( except I am in my early 40’s). My mom and I have not had any contact since 2005 and it has been the most peaceful 10 years of my life. Her love was conditional and I was never good enough. I was so psychologically/mentally “abused” that I finally had to stop all contact with her. She has not ever tried to contact me, and it does hurt( especially on birthdays and holidays). I also have 3 children she hasn’t seen…at the time they were 6, 10 and 14 yrs.old……10 yrs. later they are almost all adults, I never ever would have kept my kids from their grandma. Sadly, she never even tried to contact my kids. Many people can’t comprehend not having a relationship with your mom. Many women especially consider their mom a best friend. I do admire those people and their relationship and sure I wish I had that…..but fact is I don’t! It is a loss and a struggle that does get easier with time however, the scar remains. Sometimes I wonder if it could ever be again….then I think ( like you) I can not have an open wound again. My situation has made me focus on my parenting and really LOVE my kids completely as they are …with an open mind and open heart. P.S. The hardest day for me is Mother’s Day when everybody is posting on Facebook how great mom is and how much mom means to them etc…. so, I stay off Facebook for a good week surrounding Mother’s Day.
I’m so sorry, Nicole. I can feel your pain through your words. I’m the 51 year-old mother of a 30 year-old daughter who cut off all contact with me. It has been 18 months of excruciating pain. I’ve tried many things to repair – apologies, suggested resetting boundaries, flew 1500 miles to see her so we could talk face to face, etc. She ultimately told me she is happier without me though even 2 years ago she was sending me cards saying what an inspiration I had been to her and how much she loves me. I now have a grandson who is nearly a year old and I’ve never gotten to hold him. It’s a difficult balancing act to respect my child’s request for distance and the ‘mother knowing’ that the distance is hurting her. All I can do is wait……and hope.
I really needed this post today. I have been estranged from my momster for almost 10 years. With a short period last year where I tried, at my Aunt’s urging. Even though I didn’t feel it should be me trying. I had “tried” I sent her two letters explaining why even though she hasn’t contacted me that I too wasn’t going to contact her.
During my abusive marriage my mother discredited me, told me she felt sorry for my abuser and asked me if I was really abused. This man put me in the hospital. It was also my 2nd marriage to an abuser. After I was released from the hospital, to which my mother didn’t even show up to visit, I started to get myself together and went to therapists. I even tried to bring my mother in to one session where she convinced my therapist there was something wrong with me saying possibly drugs. I have never been into drugs. I started to see during this period of time how toxic my mother is towards me. I finally, after a tantrum she threw in a parking lot and calling me names (later denying she had done that), I decided to distance myself. After yet another argument, my husband had to take the phone because he could hear her berating me and tell her that its time to take break. She never called me again.
I have been tormented by it. But I finally have a scar and no more open wounds. I NEVER want to open that again. When I did a year ago, she bad mouthed me to one of my adult kids and I realized she only has ill will towards me. When she told me she couldn’t love me in that parking lot 10 years ago, she was being truthful. She cannot love me and never will. Therefore my only safe option is to stay away.
Wow…sad, how so many of us are estranged from family. I’ve decided I’m done. I have one child left, after my daughter died as a toddler, from leukemia, and my oldest son isn’t speaking to me, because I reported his father for abusing his brother (who is disabled). My mother is tired of my “drama”(but I still had to deal with hers), my father and I haven’t spoken in years (and my sister helped keep that going), and I just want nothing to do with any of them, anymore. Here itnis, Christmas, and I am angry, resentful, heartbroken, and in such pain, I want to scream. I haven’t done anything wrong. If hanging up on my mom because she’s yelling at me over the phone is wrong, then what does that make her?! If reporting abuse is wrong, then how right is my husband (some day ex, when I can afford it)?! I keep wondering what I coukd possibly have done in this life to deserve this. Ok, Mom doesn’t hate me, she sent money for Christmas. I don’t want it. My oldest brother has serious issues regarding me. The man is seriously attra Ted to his own sister! I mean, sexually attracted to me! Thank God we don’t live in the same state! My middle brother has been an asshole pretty much since day one. I’m fed up with neing treated like a second class citizen by my own famiky! Every last one of them is why I want nothing to do with people anymkre. My ex is the reason I’m never getting married again.
I’m just done. I told my youngest son that it’s just the two of us. Nobody else. That may seem harsh, but if they don’t want to speak to me, it’s their loss. Not mine! I’ve done nothing wrong, nor has my son. We don’t deserve this, but it is what it is. I’m not going to grovel. I quit!
I know this is an older post, but I just wanted to add my experience. Long story short, my mother is a horribly selfish, narcissistic alcoholic who managed to crush every bit of self-esteem I might ever have. I put up with it for years because she is my mother and I felt like that’s what I was supposed to do. She kept me from my father because of petty high school drama (she was 16 when I was born)– I didn’t meet him or my half siblings until I was fifteen years old. Because of that, having a close relationship with him has been terribly hard.
A year before my first wedding, she managed to estrange herself from not only me, but her five sisters as well. However, I do still have moments where I miss having my mother in my life. At the same time, I dread being out around town afraid I might run into her. I recently learned she is moving about 45 minutes away, but that isn’t doing much to quell my anxiety. I dread people asking things like “what are you doing for Mother’s Day?” because I don’t really want to get into the details with them. It’s definitely not easy, but cutting ties with her has been the best decision I’ve ever made.