How do you celebrate your kid’s birthdays together when divorced grandparents don’t get along?

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By: Iain WatsonCC BY 2.0
I’m the product of divorced parents who are happily remarried, but that don’t get along well with one another. Now that my husband and I have brought our three families’ first grandbaby in the world, I’m wondering how we’re going to handle birthdays and other celebrations when two sets of grandparents don’t jive.

I’m not entirely sold on birthday parties to begin with, but even if we opt out of those there will inevitably be circumstances that will require all sets of grandparents to be present at the same time.

How do we deal with the tension and ensure that our child’s celebration isn’t taken over by drama between the divorced grandparents? — Kate

Comments on How do you celebrate your kid’s birthdays together when divorced grandparents don’t get along?

  1. This is going to be interesting for us when we finally take the plunge. Both of our parents are happily married but in addition to the standard pair, my husband also has birth parents, who both have their own partners, and who hadn’t seen each other since their divorce shortly after my husband’s adoption until our wedding thirty years later. Awkward times, both between them and for his adoptive parents. I suspect we’re going to end up dealing with it exactly as we dealt with the wedding: everyone’s invited, everyone can damn well behave like grown ups.

  2. I have a similar situation: both my parents have been divorced since I was kid. But, they get along great! It’s their current spouses (number 3 for my mom, number 4 for my dad!) that cause the problems. They each don’t think my parents should still be as friendly as they are. My mom’s husband broke my heart by not coming to my wedding. However, my dad’s wife also left in a tiff, and my parents had a great night of partying and dancing. I’m not sure how I’ll approach things when our first baby comes. I’ll probably just invite everyone and ignore the situation. They’re adults, they should be able to figure it out.

  3. My parents are also divorced, my mom is called Gommy and she is my now 3 year olds daughter’s favorite person on the planet she sees her about 2 days a week and makes Stella my daughter a priority in her life and is so in love with her. My dad her grandpa on the other hand is the opposite he calls to talk to me every week but beyond that doesn’t make much of an effort. I invited him to come over to celebrate Stella’s birthday last Sunday and his response is it really already her birthday (I don’t think he had any clue when her birthday was) and he was very thankful to be invited and included but that was it. Stella loves him every time she sees him shes able o pick up right were they left off thankfully he’s sort of exciting because she knows he has horses and she pictures this cowboy on a farm and it doesn’t faze her that he isn’t making an effort she only sees the good. I didn’t care if he didn’t want to make us part of his life I figured his loss ill just enjoy the little time I spend with this stranger until her birthday came he called to talk to her on the phone and she asked him if he was coming to see her, he just said not today baby, and really in my opinion who the heck knows when but this innocent little girl wants to be a part of your life how to you have no connection to her your first grand child ?!?! Is this resentment because you are now a grandpa a term you aren’t proud of because you think it means your old?!? Sorry guys my parents have been divorced since before I could walk and it has been very frustrating for me as an adults trying to become close with the every other weekend dad I bearly know or have more than a small talk conversation with :/ needed to vent

  4. I am a product of divorced parents and have brought them both the first grandbaby. Since my son was born its been a struggle to keep both sides happy and feeling involved. For holidays like birthdays and such is an all weekend event with each day involving one grandparent. The last time we tried having both grandparents together it made everyone uncomfortable.

    Examle: Easter, Saturday with my mother. Sunday with my father.

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