I’m bad at communication (like really, really bad). Even if I can bring up the courage to talk to someone I never know exactly what to say.
I struggle to figure out how to express what I’m feeling. Therefore I plan conversations in my head. I plan what I want to say to someone, and how they probably react. This works for me in many situations. But it’s just not enough for a relationship.
Turns out, my partner often surprises me with his reactions (most of the time in positive ways).
The thing is, when conversations don’t go as I planned, it means that I didn’t get to say anything of the important things, because the conversations turned into a different direction. I was getting so frustrated.
That’s when I started to write letters to my partner.
I just write down everything I want to say. I get to take my time and think about the right wording — mostly making sure to phrase things so that I’m not blaming him for things. (It’s always important to tell your partner about yourself and how you feel, instead of telling them what they did wrong.)
Then I give him time to read it.
And then we can talk about the exact things I wanted to bring up.
First I give him time to comment on what I wrote. And then the conversation can go in any direction. It doesn’t really matter, because the important things are already said.
We never keep those letters — at first we burned them, but then we decided to just throw them away. And I make sure that he always gets more love letters than serious talk letters. Because even though we have some difficulties I’m madly in love with him.
I’m slowly learning to openly talk about things. I’m learning to just bring things up. But while I do we have something that works for us.