I recently got lost in a quagmire of informative sites, forums, and blogs devoted to the topic of curly hair (here’s but one example of the genre). Here and there, I noticed that every now and then in this (surprisingly voluminous) tract of curly discussion, a straight-haired mother would rear her (smooth, shiny, un-frizzy) head asking questions about how to care for her children’s curly hair. These were women who didn’t have a a curly-headed gene to their name but had somehow, poor things, managed to spawn a lil’ moptop.
I have rampantly curly hair. And my daughter’s hair is increasingly a frickin’ clone of my own, in terms of structure, colour, texture, frizziness and pigheaded stubbornness. I thought that, for the benefit of any mama out there bringing up a little Taylor Swift, a little Adrian Grenier, or, god forbid, perhaps even a little Kenny G, I’d share some wisdom based on 31 years of personal experience.
The best guiding principle I’ve heard about caring for curly hair is to think of it as requiring the “delicates” cycle. Straight-haired people, lucky bastards, get to chuck their hair in the ordinary old everyday wash. We curlies need to take more care, and similar principles apply: not too much heat, not too many chemicals, and the less handling, the better.
Here are my eight tips for caring for your kidlet’s curly hair:
- Don’t brush it, ever.
- Don’t use a hair-dryer on it, ever.
- If you MUST brush it (and the only time that’s permitted is when dreadlocks have developed or are imminent) brush it with your fingers while it’s wet. If that ain’t working (ie, you’ve got, like, a baby Captain Jack Sparrow on your hands), brush it with a good sturdy brush, while it’s wet. NEVER brush it dry, unless you think a dandelion is a great model for a human head to aspire to.
- It will look fluffy and dry (read: hideous) after being washed and potentially for days after that; commercial shampoo strips it of its natural oils. Newsflash: you don’t actually need to wash a child’s hair (even if it’s straight) with shampoo; it’s fine to just wet it, to rinse out the sand or the food or whatever else has found its way in there.
- This won’t be appropriate for babies, because it involves a bit of time and patience, but let me tell you about my own routine for washing my hair. I don’t like to use shampoo at all: after years of experimentation I’ve found that the best thing that works for me is a weekly 20-minute mask of egg yolk, olive oil and honey in equal proportions. That’s gonna sound either crazy crunchy (if you’re not very crunchy yourself) or needlessly smug (if you already have crunchy tendencies), but it’s the truth. It doesn’t smell as pleasantly of the salon as Pantene does, but it works. If I’m lacking time I’ll run conditioner through it instead, just to feel like I’m doing something to combat the constant threat of brittle dryness curly hair faces.
- The best way to accentuate curls and to minimise frizz is to wet the hair, preferably in cold water, and leave it. Don’t even towel it dry: let the sun do the job. I give my own hair a blast of cold water just before I get out of the shower and then leave it to dry naturally, with a towel around my shoulders to catch the drips. For Miss Bee, I wet my hands with cold water and pat the water on to her head, picking out stray curls here and there with my fingers: this is enough to define them and somewhat tame them.
- Plaits (normal, French, fishtail, you name it) will look terrible in curly hair. Fringes are also a no-go; ponytails often are. The best thing you can do is always just to keep your hands off it and let it speak for itself (if it could speak it would probably have one of those really loud nasal voices with a wicked New York Jewish accent, like Fran Drescher — “Oh Mr SHEF-field!”).
- Find a hairdresser you absolutely trust to cut it, and never ever let them leave the city, emigrate, change careers, or die.
Good luck, straight-haired comrades!
Comments on 8 tips for straight-haired mamas with curly haired kids
Hi my fellow mamas,
To get ideas for your curly hair kids, go to http://blackgirllonghair.com/
They show African american women and curly haired women of other races with a wide range of hair types. There are great tips and hair inspiration for you there.
Also oyin hair products are really good too. I use that on my hair and my son’s hair as well.
So true XD but straight haired momma’s aren’t the only ones who need help, Mom’s who haven’t embraced their curls (A.K.A. straighten the hell out of their curls for years) need help too. As a little kid I suffered from my mom (a curly denier) and sister’s (straight haired diva) hair abuse. Also not brushing hair isn’t such a good idea, when it’s still short totally, but once it’s long… kids definitely need a good brushing or even trying to untangle wet hair will become painful. here’s a tip for the unexperienced: for the sake of your child and not scarring them for life, START FROM THE TIPS AND WORK YOUR WAY UP! otherwise it’s very painful.And also, make sure the conditioner is appropriate because some don’t lock in enough moisture resulting in dry hair and really BIG knots. 😀
There’s a salon specializing in curls in Chicago called Calli’s Curls and Co on Howard and Clark
I have naturally wavy hair – not too curly but definitely frizzy. I wear my hair both ways – naturally wavy as well as pin straight (via a flat iron).
Either way I style my hair, I use the Somaluxe Exotic Oil Conditioner – It eliminates/makes the frizz go away and gives you a smooth and sleek look. This product does as good a job and smells great. I have been using the same bottle now for 2 months – it lasts a long time. . .
This is actually pretty helpful for me and I don’t have a child with curly hair yet. I am on hormones to get pregnant and my hair went from bone straight to super curly (like my older siblings but they are either male or just ponytail to get by).
Holy cow, I feel terrible for this fellow curly girl! Hopefully she will be able to embrace her hair with all the responses.
My hair has never been so healthy and beautiful, since I stopped shampooing. I don’t need conditioner either. I don’t have to use any product for frizz or definition. You can absolutely use heat for styling. I have colored the crap out of it. Braids are beautiful.
The only nugget of wisdom in this article is the hair dresser. I have never, and I mean never, had someone who actually knew what they were doing. I started cutting my own using the upside down ponytail method. My hair is very long, and it works for me.
Thank you for this!
I’m a straight haired momma with a curly headed toddler.
You don’t have to wash it?!?! I wash my sons hair 3+ times a week! And comb it in the shower with conditioner!
He gets dreadlocks often and we comb them out with conditioner.
So I’ve been doing it wrong?!
All I have to do is wet it? I just heard about coconut oil and am going to try using that to keep dreadlocks at bay….
What do you do when the curly headed kid works mud, applesauce, slime and spaghetti sauce into his locks?????