Are you a mover or a stayer? #Moving#Philosophy Updated Oct 12 2015 (Posted Apr 14 2014) Guest post by Stealmystapler See that globe? Do you dream of living all over its surface, or do you dream about using it to decorate your permanent living space? (Thanks to WeeHermione for uploading this to our Flickr pool.) Some people depend on astrology, and they knowingly smile when you state your star sign. Others focus on personality types or the introvert/extrovert dichotomy when trying to understand themselves and their relationships. In recent years, I've begun to develop my own theory: people are either movers, or stayers. The terminology is a bit simplistic, but I find that it is evocative. I've met people who have lived in the same town their whole lives, and never felt the need to leave. Often, their family has lived in that place or region for generations; leaving for a job or anything more than a short vacation seems unthinkable. These are the stereotypical stayers. I've met others who have "itchy feet" and are constantly on the move: six months here, two years there. Sometimes they're world travelers, sometimes they're not; either way, they're movers. I'm a mover, descended from movers. My mother's side immigrated to this country from Ireland and Scotland around the turn of the century. My father's side moved to Maryland long ago, and slowly moved west until they reached Iowa. My grandfather and great-grandfather were pilots. Both sides are spread all over the Midwest and East Coast. After I was born, my parents moved our family five times before I was in third grade. Whether by nature or nurture, or somewhere in between, moving is just part of who I am. I remember being astonished as a child, and then in college, to meet people who could state with pride that they had never left their state. Or that they had never been west of the Mississippi River. All I could think was, "why?" There is so much world — how could you write it off so easily? Even from simply moving from state to state, I have always found that an artificial border can create different, fascinating cultures and senses of identity. Of course, the bias goes both ways. As a professional architectural historian and historic preservationist, I encounter stayers on a nearly-daily basis. I love entering new communities, learning as much as I can about their history and architecture, and helping people understand and preserve their heritage. However, some stayers are baffled by this and occasionally discount my knowledge and experience. They seem to think: how could someone so new to my community/region/state be of any help at all, when I have lived here my whole life and know every brick, road, and family name? Related Post Conquering the belongings that formerly overwhelmed me Are you moving or thinking it's time to reduce some of the crap you own? Homie Matilda's struggle with getting rid of all of her... Read more Through my moves, I've become very close friends with stayers. One is a committed Pittsburgher, who believes the former industrial city is a hidden gem. She loves its steep hills, rivers, countless bridges, and thriving arts community. She's never really lived anywhere else, but in her travels she's never found another place she'd rather be. Another is an Adirondacker through-and-through who loves the sight of mountains, smell of wood, and honesty of small communities. He's traveled all over the world — he's climbed mountains in Pakistan, hiked in New Zealand, surfed in Hawaii, drunk beer in Ireland, explored ancient wooden structures in Slovakia — but he has always had a home and many acres of land adjoining his family. I like to joke that historians are better at understanding dead people than living ones, but for some reason this concept really resonates with me. Recently, I shared the concept with a mover acquaintance who was wrestling with the concept of beginning to consider dating a stayer more seriously. She hadn't thought much of his offer to move to be with her, until I emphasized that that was one of the biggest leaps a stayer could ever make. Suddenly, she saw the situation with new eyes. I'm a mover, desperately trying to be a stayer. I've found a great job in a great new place, but I've never stayed anywhere longer than ten years. It's hard to say what the future will bring. So, I'm a little curious, Offbeat Homies: where do you fall on the mover/stayer spectrum? How do you think it has affected your personality? Stealmystapler Stealmystapler is a historian who loves to spend time in old buildings and rediscover their stories. She also enjoys cooking and exploring beautiful natural places with her husband and dog. On the best of days, she combines all three passions; on the worst, she has simply forgotten to notice that they are all still there. PREVIOUS I want to have an affair with these Mad Men-style time capsule homes NEXT A rainy, Michelin star-chasing, foodie vacation in Cartmel, England Show/Hide comments [ 83 ] I am a mover who got stuck in the same place for 18-19 years. As a kid we moved every few years then after that pattern was set my parents decided to stay in the same place for a while. After a few years I was sure we would move again but we stayed put. I was miserable during those years and the longer we stayed the more I wanted to move. As an adult I am back to moving every few years and I am much happier. The older I get, the more of a stayer I am. That being said, I moved across the country for school for 3.5 years, have travelled to various places in the US, Europe and New Zealand, and I enjoy going on trips and seeing new places. I can contemplate moving somewhere else, I just would prefer not to. A lot of that is that I have a support network where I am. I happen to like 15-20 minutes being the max travel time to get pretty much anywhere in my city. Also, I'm an only child and my mother is aging and single. Moving away would mean either leaving her behind to rely on friends and the family still here or uprooting her. We live in roughly the same region as my mother's family has been in for a couple generations. My father is more likely to travel and has remarried. His family has done more relocating although we're only an hour and a half from where he grew up. My husband is slowly realizing that he isn't a huge fan of travel although he used to do it without a thought and change also is a big deal. So while he may have had a view of himself as a nomad, he is becoming a stayer. As young-ish person (26), I think I'm still trying to figure this out. I grew up in one place, went to college in another, and moved far away for my first post-graduate job. I always have big dreams about moving on to a new adventure, but in my heart, I think I like the stability of being a stayer. I guess life circumstances will eventually reveal which side of the spectrum I'm on. I agree that there is something to be said for some of the forced mover-ness of youth. I'm 27, so your story definitely rings true with my experience. Hang in there! I think I'm inherently a mover. My parents were military and while we didn't move every year or anything, we moved quite a bit. When we moved to a small town with a mostly non-military population, I was always astounded that there were people who had lived in the same house their entire lives. I just had trouble understanding how someone could enjoy being in the same place forever. Unlike many of my high school classmates, I moved away for college and then moved across the country after college. Now, I've been in my current city for 8 years. My husband is definitely a stayer and now that we have a kid, it's hard to consider moving away from our relatively nearby families (my parents moved close to us a few years ago because they are movers and wanted to be near us when we had kids). I know it makes him anxious to think about being so far away from his family and the friends he's had since elementary school. And I have to admit that it's quite nice knowing our city so well and having a built in support system. Still, I don't want to live here forever. I'm fine with long-term stays, but eventually, I just want to fall in love with someplace new. I'm a mover. I stayed in my home state for the first 25 years of my life, though once I was 18 I moved every couple of years. I remember telling a friend during graduate school that I couldn't wait to graduate and move somewhere new. She told me there must be something wrong with me because no one wanted to always move and start over in a new place. The comment stung. Until I met my significant other – a military member – and realized that I was perfect for that role. In our four years of marriage we've lived in four different places, including three different continents. We just moved back to the US, have only had our feet on the ground for two months and we're already planning the next move at the end of this year. I know it's not the life for everyone, but I'm so glad that I have the heart of a mover. I'm about 85% stayer at heart. I think if I had fallen in love with a career that let me live in Western or Central NY state my whole life, I'd be stuck here. It's not that I adore this place, I just don't like moving. REALLY don't like moving. I don't even really like traveling. However, I do really like science. Which means I have to move later this year to start a postdoc (once I find one) and move again 3-5 years from then when I (fingers crossed) find a faculty job. This is actually what broke up my first marriage – he's a hardcore stayer who told me for years he could be a mover and finally realized he was lying to both of us. Part of me thinks I should pick a postdoc in a place I don't really like much, because otherwise I won't want to leave and I'll drastically limit my possibilities. This is probably a terrible plan though. =P My mom is a stayer, or so I thought, but now she and her husband are thinking of moving to a new state. My dad and his wife want to live everywhere, I think – they have cut down on the number of houses they own to just two, one in NY and one in FL, but they have people they know they can visit at any time all over the country (and in Honduras, where they do a lot of work and volunteering). So I think we're all a bit of a mixture. You aren't the first person I've heard to mention getting a post-doc in a place that they don't really like, so I think you're onto something! I know someone who did that, and it helped them keep focus during a really busy time in their lives and get the paper they needed. I would say, though, that if you can, find a place that you like the day to day life in, even if you don't like the general area. I lived in an awesome city for awhile, but I didn't have time to do the awesome stuff, and it was expensive and a pain in the butt to get around. Now I live somewhere where I have a 5-10 minute bike commute to my lab, but I have to travel a bit to see an awesome concert or a big art museum. I was told not to pick a PhD program in a place I enjoyed living. So, I of course picked a program in a really cool place, and now that I'm finishing it, I don't want to leave! But, I'm optimistic I'll find something here (though I realize I have to be more open to what is available). I don't think I could do a post-doc somewhere that I didn't like. Where I live is just too important to me that if I was miserable, I wouldn't do good work. That said, I have other friends that can thrive (intellectually) really anywhere, and their biggest thing would be finding a supportive environment (lab, department, etc) for their work and wouldn't care much about location. What I hate in academia though is the pressure to take a job somewhere you know you'll be miserable. I've seen more than a few friends get the advice "You have to take the job & ignore that your partner can't find work/is too far from ailing parents/is in an area that doesn't mesh with your values/etc" I think you were right to pick a program in a place you love. Precisely because the academic job market is so rough, choosing where you go to grad school could, in fact, be the last time you really get to *choose* where you live. However, I think that hiring committees can often tell if you are less-than-enthusiastic about the area where the school is. They will be able to pick up on it, and the job will go to someone who is able to convince the committee (probably out of genuine interest, or maybe s/he is just really slick) that they really like the location and will stick around. I think it mostly works out in that way – everyone I know from my graduate program who got a job (which isn't everyone), ended up in a place that was somehow just right geographically for them. When I was a kid we stayed in the same lovely house for my first 12 years. We had a beautiful back garden, I had a lovely sized room, and we were a whole and happy family. When my parents split, I lived with my father. We didn't stay in a place longer than a year. We total, we moved 7 times in 5 years. I hated it. The moment I felt settled, we would be moved on. When my relationship ended, moving house was a part of it. I felt like a huge failure – this time I was doing it as a grown up, and with my child. I had always maintained I wanted my children to have the stable start I had been blessed with. It's taken 6 years, but we have finally got to a place where we can settle. We are a family unit (with her nonbio dad) and we can start placing roots again. I'm not a mover. Living out of a suitcase is not a natural state for me. Home is a bubble that I like to continuously craft and evolves with every year we are in it. I can see the attraction of regularly moving, the buzz of finding a new place, getting to make a blank canvas into something that is totally yours. For me, the novelty wore off after the first 4 moves. Where we are now isn't our forever home, that will come next, when finances are better. But to be able to put down little roots, to truly be able to call a place 'home', that's my happy 🙂 Stayer who loves to travel, much like the OP's Adirondacker. I've lived in the same general part of Northern California since I was 5 years old, but I've also traveled the world (even to Antarctica 🙂 ). I love to go places, experience other cultures, eat different food, immerse myself in history that goes farther back than the California Gold Rush. But I need to eventually come back to my own cozy little home in my own beloved valley with my mountains in the distance. I recharge my batteries at home, so I can go out into the greater world again later. I feel like this is a sliding scale that changes as you age, but for now I'm a stayer. I like going and seeing places, but I like putting down roots. I'm a hardcore stayer. I don't even rearrange my furniture. Oddly enough though, I desperately want to move. I currently live near my family, in a place I've been a total of seven years, and I want to go back to my college town. That's become my place to stay; I'm just a stuck with a stayer who needs to stay here. I'm a stayer. Definitely. I like to travel, but I especially love to return home. I live 30 minutes from my parents, and don't plan to go anywhere else. I could see living in Israel for about a year or two (but that is because my US home and Israel feel equally like home). Other than that, I'm staying put. The idea of moving frequently sounds awful! Very interesting post! Does anyone else find that their passions in life dictate whether they are a mover or a stayer? Many things make me a stayer: I am dreaming of the time where I know I'll be in once place long enough to plant blueberry bushes and fruit trees. I want to have a home where I can make changes and enjoy them. I want to have a whole bunch of animals. All of the things that make me a mover- seeing famous works of art, hiking in a new place- can be accomplished on vacations, for me. I don't ever really want to go the same place twice for vacation, unlike people who always visit the same beach. (Also, I would like time for a vacation.) I kind of want to steal everything you just said and add it to my post below. 🙂 Yes! I used to move every 3 months to 3 years and was constantly planning for the next place. Now, I have put so much work into our old rental house, garden, and large flock of chickens that I hope to find a place soon to settle long-term. I greatly dislike thinking of what we will do with our chickens when we move, or who will prune the 60 year-old grapevine in the yard (thought it was a burn pile when we moved in). Also, we struck a deal that I can get a milk goat after we are settled – that's a good bargain that I never would have bought into even five years ago. Yes! This is absolutely me! I live in the city I was born in. I've lived in other places, and travelled quite a bit (New Zealanders tend to) but ended up back here, first out of convenience as a stopgap, then decided just to stay because there's so much to like. But I want dogs, I want a garden, I want a house done the way I like it. I'm not averse to going somwhere else for a year or two (we did when I was a kid, thanks to having an academic father) but I can't imagine moving around, never feeling settled, starting over somewhere and having to re-learn where the good cafes are, where the nice neighbourhoods are, where the best running routes are. I can see why some people find it exhilarating, but I don't think it's for me. I guess I'm a stayer, but a traveler. I figured out when I was 21 that I want to have a home to return to, but it's only special if I leave it every now and then. I LOVE travelling, and as much as I love my city, I need to leave it to feel happy and alive, and to appreciate what I have. I need the extremes of going somewhere foreign with new and unique experiences, as well as a sense of home and comfort and routine. I need routine, and part of my routine is breaking it to go somewhere I've never been before. I want to see the world. I want to visit everywhere. I haven't moved that often. I left my home state when I was 7, lived in limbo for 14 years (while I lived in the same house all that time, I never felt it was home because I knew I would leave soon enough). When I was 21, I moved, and have been in the same neighborhood (3 apartments) for 10 years. My husband and I would love to buy a house in this or a neighboring neighborhood. Of course, there are a short list of cities that we would leave Chicago for, if I got the right job opportunity. I have fallen in love with places like New York City and Newfoundland, which are one and two on my "nice place to visit, wouldn't want to live there" list. But just because you're head over heels in love with somewhere doesn't mean you want to live there. It's like a relationship: New York is sexy and enthralling, which can be fun to date, but I wouldn't want to marry it. Newfoundland is sweet and endearing and beautiful, but not exciting enough for my long-term taste. As a kid, I was a mover within a family of movers. Grandparents on my dad's side moved from Malta to the US while my mom's family were constantly on the move (she was a navy kid). Then while growing up, we tended to move around a lot for my dad's job (about every 2-3 years). But now that I have 4 chronic illnesses, I'm turning into a stayer. While I love traveling and seeing the country, it's getting incredibly hard for me to travel. So it's more of a chore now than actually an enjoyment. Constantly worrying about where to eat that's safe and if a hospital is nearby isn't all that fun. >.< Honestly though, being a stayer isn't all that bad now. I love the area that I live in and it's fun to find new, local places (like we found a farmers market last weekend). Plus, my hubby and I are finding day trips in the region that would be easy on me yet still fun. Becoming chronically ill definitely edged me towards the staying side of things. I think the unpredictability of it made me crave stability in my life where I could create it. Totally agree on the craving stability thing. Never thought of it before, but it makes sense. <3 Stayer who loves to travel here also! I think this about most things in life–but I believe here there's a wide spectrum in between. Growing up in a the third-largest city in Missouri (which, admittedly, isn't saying much), I was always dreaming of moving to a bigger city. But life, money, marrying my first husband young, "losing my way," etc. kept me close to home. As discussed in a recent post on here about getting an adult buddy and having"adult stuff anxiety" –the thought of dealing with the logistics of moving to a different state makes me freak out. But I think there's something to be said for staying, creating stability, so that you have the ability to be a "part time adventurer!" My husband and I both have 5-6 weeks of paid time off at our jobs because we've been there for so long. And since we live near our families, that vacation time isn't used to see them–it's used for US. We have to budget and can't go crazy, but we are able to take tons of weekend getaways to see concerts throughout the year. The way I see it, the stability we've created by staying in a place where it's pretty cheap to live allows us to get a taste of adventure. So while I have not moved away from the place I grew up–I don't really look at myself as a stereotypical "stayer." I would never brag about never living anywhere but Springfield, Missouri. I'm a mover, but with a family so I've got itchy feet to move, but moreso to find a "home base" now. I've found that frequent travel will usually be enough to take the edge off the urge to move every few years. Interesting concept. This rings so true. I am very much a stayer. I do enjoy traveling, but am always so relieved to return home. I just love the familiarity of it, it's safe. It's soothing. It's comfortable being home. I wonder if this is due, at least I'm part, to the generalized anxiety that I have. Any other stayers relate? Yep. I'm a homebody to the core, and I think by extension, a stayer. And probably because it's just so much cozier and easier to be where everything's familiar. As a kid I only moved twice, once to a house when I was three and the last time to Oregon where my family stayed. In college and after I was a mover. The longest I stayed anywhere was two years and one year I moved about three times. I even sold everything and moved across the ocean to Korea. Since moving to Portland though, I found that I've become a stayer. Even while I was moving all that time I always thought of Portland and how much I wanted to live there. Now that I've bought a house in an awesome neighborhood I'm loving it but am starting to feel a little anxious, like I'm not seeing everything I could see of the world. So, I'm channeling all that traveling/moving energy into exploring my city and neighborhood. I try to look at my home like I looked at the cities I used to travel though and experience it the same way. I take walks in the park, sketch cool buildings, try new restaurants and bars, and generally try not to fall into the rut of Netflix/pizza (although that is also amazing) that you tend to when you're staying in one place for a while. Half the fun of moving/traveling is discovering new things so I try to keep that alive while I put down some roots. No question about it: I fucking STAY. I moved out of my parents house in Hollywood, to an apartment in West Hollywood. Then when I got married, I moved from my 1 bedroom to a 2 bedroom in the same building! I'm a stayer. I like to travel (both to new places and revisiting cities I love), but I grew up in one place and lived with my parents while earning my BA from the same university where I went to summer day-camps as a child and then commuting to a library school two hours away that had a program arranged you could come one day a week and still finish the MLS in two years. I've worked for the same place for the entire time I've been working, although at times I've simultaneously held other jobs. Then I bought a house with my husband about five minutes away. In theory I could happily live somewhere within an easy day trip of NYC, or near Portland, both of which I love, but only if I could somehow pick based purely on the place itself, without taking into account jobs, distance from family, and the simple practicalities of getting our stuff there. I'm a stayer. My parents moved to upstate NY a few years before I was born. My older siblings had moved every few years for my dad's job, and I thought starting new schools and such sounded awful. I went to another part of the state for college, then moved to Japan for six years. After ten years away, I'm back in my hometown, next door to my mom in my grandfather's old house. I don't see myself leaving any time soon. It took time to find my feet as an adult in a place I left as a teenager, but now I have my community and friends in the area. My husband loves the country, and we have pets and livestock. We still love to travel, and I wonder if we'll relocate to Europe in twenty years, but for now we're settled and happy to be so. I am a big time mover. I grew up an Air Force brat, and we moved ever year or two. My dad's last assignment before he retired was to Charleston, and I went to three years of high school there, then three years of college (although technically in different towns). It was by far the longest I lived anywhere, and though I love it, I couldn't wait to get out. For the last six years, I've been bouncing around with even greater frequency – I haven't even spent a full year in one place! I've lived in eight different countries just in that time. All that being said, I miss having something of a home base, and it would be really nice to unpack the boxes in my parents' attic that were put there when I was 19. But I'm think I'll start with a two year commitment 🙂 I'm mostly a stayer. I don't need to be in the same city or house, but the greater Toronto area… That's my home. I need to know I can get downtown and back in a day. All my friends and family are there. When my husband and I just started talking about getting married, he mentioned wanting to move to a coast. And it terrified me. I couldn't imagine not being able to come home every holiday. I think now I might be more down for it… But not forever. Eventually, I'd have to come find a forever home in the Toronto area. I think he's okay with that too. There's always holidays. Definitely a stayer. I like taking vacations and seeing other places, but I want to go home at the end. I envy movers. That sounds like an awesome adventure! I know me though, and it's just not my personality. Definitely a stayer. I've lived in the same big city my whole life – never left for college or anything (I'm 31 now). I live in a suburb of my hometown – have been in this house almost ten years – and it still feels weird to not be right in the heart of the city (even though there's no space between the two). It also was important to me that my son was born downtown so our birth certificates share the same city. What's crazy and sad is that so much political garbage has happened here in the last five to ten years that I strongly disagree with, but that doesn't change the fact that this is home. And practically speaking, my family is all here. And my parents aren't getting any younger, and I want them to have as much time with my son as possible. That said, my parents ensured I developed an appreciation for other places – we normally made at least one big road trip a year. I would like to do the same for my son when he's older, especially to expose him to other cultures. Still, it's always a relief to come back home. I am a stayer, I like having a home base, pets and a garden. It took me a long time to realize that I am a stayer and although it doesn't sound a cool as being an adventurous mover, I am what I am, I need a home base. My sister has always been a mover, for thirty years she has been on the move, until she moved back last year and announced that she wants to settle down and buy a house. I keep wondering when she is going to get itchy feet and want to leave, she hasn't made it for more than a couple of years in the same location. Only time will tell if she really wants to be in one place as much as she thinks she does. I was a mover, but I found a good place to set up home base and travel out of. It feels really good to put down roots. My parents moved around when I was 0-4 and then settled in one place for good. So even though I only remember growing up in one place, I grew up as an outsider. I was a "Yankee" in a small Southern town where family names mean a lot, where other kids went to school with all their cousins and second cousins, and everyone knew everyone. As much as a struggle as that was sometimes, I think it was fundamental in the formation of my personality and giving me a relativist perspective. My parents had a running meta-commentary on the culture I was in, and so I never totally bought in to the prevailing point of view. From this I was always fascinated with the idea of travel, of worlds colliding and cultures mixing (one of my favorite movies was a Jetsons-meet-the-Flintsons plot, and I loved reading/escaping to other worlds, or even when characters on one TGIF tv show would make a cameo in another show). As a teen, I looked down on stayers as "townies" and considered them to be small-minded, boring people. But now I realize the great value in having roots, and I can only imagine how satisfying it might be to grow up with extended family and deep heritage. I think you might have a lot less existential angst than I have struggled with :). I think that, just like with introversion and extroversion, there's definitely a sliding scale. I'm a stayer who has been forced into a mover's life. In the past 5 years, I have moved 12 times. And it sucks. Royally. The longest I've stayed anywhere was where I am now for 1 year. Everything else has been about 4-ish months or sometimes 8. They've also all been in Michigan, Wisconsin, or Illinois so it's not like I'm seeing the world. Growing up, I only lived in one house ever. When my parents renovated and I no longer had a room, I felt kind of devastated. My home was gone. That wasn't my home anymore (despite the fact I hadn't actually lived there in 4 years). But I also like to see new places – feel them and understand how they tick. Sadly I've not had the financial resources/time to go and see many other places at all (I'm one of those people from the Midwest that hasn't made it across the Mississippi) but I'm hoping that with my new job, I'll be able to afford some trips. I'm moving into a new apartment next month and I hope to god this will be the last move for quite some time. I agree with some of the other posters that its really a continuum. Some of us are both movers and stayers, sliding back and forth with life changes. Growing up, we moved a lot. When I moved to college, I lived in that town for 6 years, but I moved places I lived every.damn.year. Mostly because I thrived on change in my living environments. One year I wanted to be in a cute downtown apt by my favorite coffee shop. The next I wanted to live in a cute little place in the woods. When I started my PhD, I chose the program partly because it was on the other side of the country, and I wanted to try out living there. But, turns out? I really love it here and don't want to leave. Funny, because as a young 20-something, I thought traveling around for post-docs and visiting professor gigs would be cool! Now, I'd rather not and want the stability and ability to choose to live somewhere I enjoy. Now that I'm almost 30, I love the idea of putting down roots. I see the value of contributing to and building a community. I think we'll stay for a while here. But I travel a lot, and we still talk about moving to the PNW someday. And we might. So I don't see myself firmly as either! I grew up in one home for 9 years, and in the next home for 13 years, both in the same small community. But then I became a mover (14 communities, six US states, 3 German provinces, and multiple homes in almost every community). Now I'm in transition to becoming a stayer (I've lived in the current state since 2007, though in four homes in two communities). The transition is hard, because when I first came here, it felt more of a short-term home than any place I've ever lived. It's also harder to build new communities at my age – especially since we don't have kids . Becoming a stayer… well, I think I have reduced my desire for adventure, but I think that is more because I have a job that is occupying so much of my time and energy. I'm open to moving again, though – but this time, only to one of the many, many communities in which I have close friends or family. Like a few other people in these comments, I'm still in that phase of my life where I am also trying to figure this out. My family is mostly stayers with a couple of movers randomly bursting out from the fold, so I am very closely connected to my family in my current region. However, I am currently in that small cluster of "movers," though this is my first jaunt off from the pack in my life. Despite this, my career is one that sort of requires me to be a mover rather than a stayer. This has been one very big point of stress in my life as of late, so it's funny that this came across the feed now. I thought I was going to be a mover, and I have been to some degree. In the past decade I've lived in three different states (in vastly different areas of the country) and in about 8 different apartments. But the last (out of state) move I made was really hard. REALLY HARD. Even though I've moved a number of times over the past 10 years, it was always with a support system already in place. Moving to a new city where I knew no one and had never even visited before I moved here definitely made be realize that I am just not up for starting completely over every few years. Making friends in hard. Getting comfortable with new roads and stores and a new culture is hard. I definitely appreciate my experiences as a mover (mover-lite maybe?) but I'm about to marry a hardcore stayer and that's fine by me! (He's lived in the same city all his life and pretty much lived within a 5 mile radius for the past probably 2 decades). I am a stayer who desperately wishes she were a mover. Where I grew up has this ancestral tug on me that I just can't sever. I just feel like I have to be at most a day's drive away or I can't be comfortable. I can't travel for long and moving far is just impossible for my mind to even wrap itself around. But I wannnnt to go. I looked at colleges far away, but I just talked myself out of it. I've thought about other places and very seriously considered moving to Connecticut, but again–so many reasons to stay, so few to go. I'd love to have the mover gene. I just don't. I'm a mover who dreams of being a stayer and was raised by stayers. I lived in the same house all of my child hood. When my parents did move, it was to a house in the same small town, 5 minutes down the road. When I was younger I was the one who went to a collage out of town, moved every 4 months and lived in different cities and even considered moving to Ireland for a year (from Canada). I have been living in the same city for a while now, about 7 years, we have a house and I think my husband feels like this is a forever house. I feel like it's a for now house, and dream of a house in the country where I don't have to worry that my garden is to big, and doesn't give our dog enough room in the yard. But I think that once I find the house that I truly love I will be settled. I'm a drifter. I don't really choose to move, but I've moved a lot. I've never lived in a house for longer than 10 years, and I've lived most of my life a continent and an ocean away from where I was born. Problematic results of that is that I've become a stayer with two 'home places' which are 5000 miles apart and no handy way to travel between them. It has been so fascinating to read everyone's comments – I missed the launch of the post because I was out driving for work (and relishing the opportunity to take the backroads). I definitely agree that there is a continuum, as many of you have said. As a person who is so focused on place and sense of place personally and professionally, I think the attachment to place (which both movers and stayers share to different degrees) is totally fascinating! Stayer. Stayer, stayer, stayer. I don't even really like to travel. I did leave home for college, however, because I hate the cold more than I hate moving, and I grew up in Massachusetts. Now I've been in the same college town in the South since 2002. My husband is definitely more of a mover/traveler than I am (he's from Oregon originally, he's studied abroad and worked in the Czech Republic for several years), but he's gotten comfortable with the stayer lifestyle. We're seriously looking into buying a house here in the next year or so. I can't wait to start a garden, get a dog, and do all the great things that come with being homeowners who STAY. Now, I find it interesting that the OP brought up astrological signs – while I'm not exactly into astrology, I *do* feel really attached to my sun sign, Cancer. We're homebodies. We like our shells. We're intensely loyal to home and family. Check, check, check. 🙂 Definitely a mover! I'm currently on my 49th house and I'm only 26 yrs old! Lived on 3 continents, have done 9 international moves so far (child of a pilot). I like it but my husband is not a mover, he came with me on my last international move (N.Ireland to Canada) but he's not keen on doing it ever again. I honestly couldn't tell you which I am. I've lived in the same city my whole life (I'm 26), but I have always traveled a lot, and have been to Italy twice (one of those times I studied abroad there for a month), Brasil three times, and Mexico, as well as 45 states. Since beginning college, I have moved apartments or living situations at least once a year. I've been at my current place for 2 years, which is the longest I've been in one apartment any time in the last 8 years. But those apartments have always been in the same city (with the exception of a 3-month stint in Atlanta with a now-ex), so I'm not really sure it counts as moving. I'll be moving to a new place in May with my boyfriend (yay!), but again, it will still be in the same city. I am also graduating in May and will be trying to start my career in marketing, and am still looking for a job. We plan on being in this city for at least a year, potentially two. The thing is, I've always loved the mountains out in the western part of the US (I'm from the eastern part of the Midwest). I spent a lot of my childhood traveling out there and camping with my family, and I really, really want to move out to Denver, which seems the likeliest place to have both a successful career and access to the gorgeous outdoors. I have no idea if I'll end up staying there long term, since careers can take you anywhere, but I'd like to always be somewhere with big mountains and amazing hiking. Mover. Total mover. Daughter of people who moved a long looooong way from their home… but who may actually have been stayers. I should ask them. God Bless Skype. I had a conversation once with another mover – we were actually talking mainly about the concept of Third Culture Kids -who told me she called this phenomenon Tree People or House-Plant People, which I loved and still use. It's such an evocative image. The hardest part of getting married, and I think one of the reasons I struggled so much with just dating the Dude, was coming to terms with the fact that I couldn't just walk out any more. I couldn't decide to hand in my notice and be on a plane in two weeks. My Dude is also part mover, but a big part of being a mover, for me at least, is being free to *go.* When I met the Dude, I was actually in the planning process for another international move, and although I really really wanted to date him – I nearly didn't. All the places I wouldn't be able to go! That said, I managed it, and I'm married now, and I'm getting better at satisfying my mover tendencies without having to skip town: trying new things, meeting new people, planning interesting – even if local – vacations, taking breaks from social groups when I'm feeling too stuck… I'll never be a stayer, though. Even if I live in the same city for the next 20 years. I can stay in one place, but deep down, I keep my roots in a nice terracotta pot, ready for heading out on the road. Could you elaborate more on House Plant People vs Tree People? Not sure if I'm a mover or a stayer who hasn't found a place I love yet. Oh, great question! I'm definitely a mover! I always wanted to be a traveler growing up because my traveling was limited due to family finances. Once I got married, and started having kids, I realized we are probably a long ways out from having any significant funds for traveling. Luckily, due to both our jobs, we are forced to move frequently. We are just a few weeks in to our new home state in a new area of the country and we are loving the adventure! Hopefully some traveling is in the future,but for now we'll settle on exploring our new home and surrounding areas. Our next goal is to move abroad! A down side to the mover lifestyle, for us, is making new connections. It takes time and sometimes circumstances do not work out for significant bonds to form. Because we are living, not visiting, we still have bills and lifestyle choices that can sometimes prohibit us from enjoying a more social experience. But there are tradeoffs for whatever lifestyle you choose. The distance from family can be hard too. At some point, you just miss out on the day-to-day experiences with your family and some relationship distance occurs. We wouldn't want to live where we are from, but that doesn't mean we don't miss the people we love:) I'm really not sure where I fall. I was raised in one town, and got out of there as soon as I became an adult, going to school across the country. Since then, for 10 + years, I've stayed in generally the same area. I moved across the bay after college, and have lived in the same city now for 9 years. I do want to travel all over, and my career should have me traveling, ideally all over the world, much of the time. However, I like the idea of having a home base to come back to. It also helps that I live in a major city, close to good friends, and hate the logistical aspects of moving (packing sucks!). There's a lot of world, and I definitely want to see as much of it as possible, but right now, there's only one place I really want to be my home. I'm very much a stayer. The only time I have moved was when I left home for University at 18. I've now been in my adoptive home town of Liverpool for nearly 17 years. I've moved house a few times in that time, and I now live across the river from Liverpool, but it is very much my home. I honestly believe that there is no better place to be, it's so full of history and folklore, and the countryside is just beautiful. I do want to visit other parts of the world, but not stay. I love the knowledge that I have home waiting for me and I'm quite often more excited about the return journey than the outward one. I THINK I'm a stayer, but I'm not quite sure. I don't live where I grew up. I lived for twenty years in the city I grew up in and it was never home for me. I couldn't imagine putting down roots there – never could. I can't even begin to understand my classmates from high school who lived there all their lives and never even went away for college. So that would imply mover. I've lived in my 'new' city for five years and don't really want to live anywhere else. So that would imply stayer. But I love Love LOVE to travel. I can't imagine always staying in one place – there's so much to see and experience! So a stayer with a travel itch? Interestingly, my parents have also lived in the same city for 25+ years but it is not the place they grew up in. And then there's also the fact that this is probably a wildly different spectrum for me, living in the itty bitty country of the Netherlands, than it is for most of the North-American readers on this site. I mean, sure, I moved away from my childhood home, but that is still only an hour by train away. Hardly counts as moving away for most of you, probably. I am totally a mover! Get itchy feet after a while. So far two ccountries, 7 cities, and I know I am not "home" yet. Even when I lived with my parents I had to move my bedroom furniture around every couple of months. I have barely been in my current city 7 months and am already thinking of where we should go next, even if I do like the city very much. And as much as I think of me as a sort of nomad, I am starting to think it might be time to become a stayer instead to give my daughter some sort of stability, I just haven't figured out where I want to stay yet.. I am definitely a mover. My parents are both stayers and I remember begging to move while we were growing up. I wanted to see the world! But my mom had lived in 3 houses all her life and my dad was a stayer who grew up as a military brat so they never wanted to change. That's fine. As soon as I could I moved out. My first move was an hour away. I realized that wasn't far enough and so at 22 I moved 12 hours away. This kept my itch at bay for a couple years but the last 3 years, my itch has been back and with a vengeance. It will settle for nothing less than a cross country move. So I am preparing for one. And I'm in luck because I fell in love with a career Naval submariner who has a similar desire for that area. We will go… and eventually, we will go again. My itch will always be soothed and the government will pay for it and now I feel comfortable considering children with such an itch. I'm pretty sure I'm a stayer, but it's not about the place so much I think, it's about the people. My mom is definitely a mover and she controlled that by moving five times before I could finish high school…but always in the same area so that I could stay at the same school. But the second I finished (like, literally, the day after prom), we moved 200 km away. I stayed there for 3 years and then moved back to Montreal for university. I've moved 4 times since I came here in 2005, but more out of necessity than anything else. I love Montreal. But what I love most is being close to my high school friends again. I don't think I could move away from all the people I love. Moving to Toronto might be better for my career at some point, but I'm not sure I'll be able to do it. Scratch that, I'm pretty sure I won't. Not that Toronto doesn't have potential as a city, but…my people! And I'm not sure how I would deal with living outside of Quebec. That would be something else entirely. A stayer. That being said, I've moved 2,500 miles from my birthplace for grad school, and I'll move again for a post-doc, and I'll move again for a faculty position. I'll move again if I have to do so in order to get tenure. I have plans, and they have usually involved me having horses and a small homestead-farm and a bunch of cats and dogs. That's hard to do as a mover. However, my career is also important to me, so I'll move to make it happen. Once I get to a place, though – I put down roots like whoa. I also miss my old home like crazy – it comes in waves. I need my base-camp, though – my safe place from which to explore the world. I want to see the world – I'm disappointed that I've only made it to two continents thus far. I'd like to hit six, if not all seven in my life time. There is a ton to see and do. I'd love it if my post-doc was on another continent. All of this being said, though – I still long for that farm, those horses (friesians!), and that garden. So – a stayer who puts down roots, wherever she has to move to? I am earlier on the career path than you, halfway through my masters, but that is one of my dilemmas in life. I am a mover, and will happily move anywhere else for the next path on my career (ideally a phd) but I have a 3yr old daughter now, and I keep thinking she will need some stability, so it might be best to become stayers, but if I move back to where my family is my career options are very limited and I would have to leave science and have to go into industry or teaching… I'm definitely like the friends you've mentioned. I love the Pacific Northwest, especially Oregon. Especially Eugene, though I'm not living there now for employment reasons. I would never want to live anywhere but Oregon, Washington or B.C. permanently, but I LOVE to travel, and would love to live other places temporarily. I've run into a lot of movers, but for me, as much as I've traveled, I know I want to end up in the PNW. I've often thought about this phenomenon as well, being the child of a British national and a US citizen. By the time I was 16, I had lived in three different countries (and different places within those countries) and attended six different schools. My friends were movers too, due to our parents' jobs, so I had a new best friend every two years or so. Although I am very grateful for the slightly more 'global' perspective and open-mindedness my upbringing gave me, I've always longed to be part of a strong group of friends that have known eachother since they were in school, and having my extended family right around the corner. My 'mover' upbringing followed me into adulthood – I studied languages at university (in the UK, where my immediate family eventually settled after my father retired) and ended up living in Spain for two years and Portugal for a month. I've always been open to the prospect of packing up and living in a different place for a year or two and then moving on. However, I then met my now-husband, who comes from a long line of stayers. He's never lived outside of his country, although he is open to it. I love the fact that all his family lives so close by (while half of mine are on the other side of the Atlantic), and that his friends have known him since he was a teenager. I tend to forge friendships with other movers like myself and, as a result, they are prone to moving! Three of my closest friends now live abroad, and although we stay in touch, it's not quite the same as seeing eachother every week to chat and hang out. I'm beginning to realise that relationships are more important to me than anything else. I'm still envious of people who are part of groups of friends that have known eachother since they were kids. That was never an option for me. Making friends as an adult is arduous, and I'm more inclined to stay put so I can form close relationships with stayers or other movers-turned-stayers like myself. I don't know where I fit into this! My parents are definitely movers, and I lived in four different places as a kid. When I was eighteen I moved out, and moved a long way from my parents. So I would have thought, mover? But then now I'm here, I really have no desire to leave. I just had to get the hell away from where I was! As I've been reading through the comments, I've seen an interesting pattern emerge. It seems like there is a fine line between life experience (being moved/staying) versus patterns of desire (wanting to move/stay). I know my husband is a bit of a frustrated stayer – he's very attached to his childhood home and community (which no one in his family still lives in) but he has moved a bit over the past decade for all the usual reasons – education, jobs, etc. But I know deep down he's a stayer and he's looking to stay. John Steinbeck describes the opposite in Travels with Charley. When he mentions his cross-country trip to people in small towns, he can tell that some of them are just itching to go but they never will. Frustrated movers, if you will. He argues in a sense that moving/moverness is an American characteristic; after all, most of us wouldn't be here if our ancestors hadn't been willing to explore. That theory makes so much sense! I am one hell of a stayer. I always joke that for me, the world is divided into 'South London' and 'All The Other Places', which is… not far off accurate. I lived in the same house for all but three years of my life, and my current home is just over ten miles from the hospital that I was born in. I think the longest I have ever been away from South London is ten days. In recent years I've become better at travelling. I struggle with anxiety and unfamiliar places, but my partner likes to travel so I've had to stretch my boundaries a bit. At the same time, I've become more militant about identifying as a South Londoner… to the point of writing angry folk songs about local town planning. I think a big part of that has been my partner moving down here. When you've always been in one place, it's easy to get into a rut and ignore what's on the doorstep because it's not part of the set routine. Wandering round with someone who had never really been here before made me realise just how much more there was to explore. It made the area both familiar and new-and-shiny at the same time, which was rather magical. Still is, really. It's funny that you mention anxiety – my anxiety is actually better when I'm travelling. I always feel as if I'm slightly out of place, or that everybody else knows what's going on while I have no clue. When I'm travelling that actually becomes true, my interior matches my exterior, which then helps lessen the anxiety about it. As long as I can eventually go home to my burrow and my stuff. Like the author, I'm a mover descended from movers. Part of this is growing up as a military brat (ie. my parents were in the military). When you're part of that particular subculture, it becomes the norm to pack up and move every 3 years or so because your parent has a new assignment. There are some really fascinating articles out there on how that influences the personalities of military brats, but one of the assertions is that thanks to those early experiences, moving every few years becomes a comfortable norm for us. (Horrific run-on sentence for the win!) I've found that to be true for myself and my brothers and sisters, but I do know people who grew up in the military and want nothing so much as to stay in one place and put down roots. From my experience, they're in the minority, but they're out there. I'm a stayer so hard. Until I was 10, we would move around every 1-2 years, and I hated it. Then, when I lived in the same town from 4th grade until I graduated high school, I swore that when I had kids, I would raise them in the same town from birth to graduation. I don't know if the *stayer* part is also connected to the fact that once we settled in a town, I met my husband a year later (in 5th grade!), but I know that it takes me a long time to make connections and feel close to someone/somewhere. I love feeling like a place is home, but it takes years for that feeling to kick in. I'm a stayer, but I like to explore. I fantasize about moving to other places, but when it comes down to it, I realized that it takes me a long to establish myself and build a community (I've lived in the same place for 4 years, and just now feel like it's become my community and I have friends and people I wouldn't want to leave.). My husband and I are talking about selling our house, and moving somewhere nearby, but possibly in a different community. My instinct is to dig my heels in and stay- the neighborhood's not bad, I like my house, we have friends and family nearby- even though there have been many times we have wanted to move to a different area. I'm a homebody and I don't want to give up my safe zone. I think I'm slowing getting on board with moving, but it takes a lot of convincing myself that it's actually a potentially good idea. I'm definitely a mover. I have never lived anywhere for more than 5 years my entire life. And my 5 year old son has lived in 6 different homes. …but… I really, really am trying to be a stayer. I think there's something healthy in an emotional attachment to a community that I am missing. And I really want that for my kids. I am a mover by upbringing and a mover at heart. I'm a stayer by circumstance. For the time being. I've been in not only the same state for the last nine years, but the same house. I have been itching for at least seven of those years to be elsewhere. Not because it's a terrible place (though it doesn't suite me as well as some others have) or because I don't like the house or my roomies/family. Just because I like being in new places. I like the process of setting up house anew and getting to know a place. I'm hoping that in the next two years I will finally be in a position to move somewhere new. In the meantime, I'm hoping to increase the amount of traveling I do- even small day trips- to help feed my need for novelty, which has been sorely neglected this last near-decade. I married a stayer, but I'm somewhere in the middle. Even though I grew up in Florida and only moved once within town, I found myself traveling a lot because my dad's family had done a lot of moving over the years. They were Dutch-Indonesian immigrants that first escaped a revolution then came to the US when my grandfather landed a job at Boeing. Even though my dad ended up being a stayer, I understood the draw to be a mover that dominated the rest of my family. I came to detest Florida and wanted out when I graduated high school. However, the state gave me money to go to college, so I didn't leave until 2007. I adore Minnesota but am ambivalent about how I feel in regards to it being a more family friendly area. The stability is nice, and job opportunities are better. However, I'm pursuing retraining in IT so I can be open to new jobs in other places so we might be able to leave when we're in our early 40s and the mortgage is paid off. Of course, if the US attitude toward atheism gets any worse, we may have to leave, anyway, and a part of me would be more than okay with that. I have the desire to be a mover without the means. I relocated to another state for college and felt like I was some kind of failure for ending up back in the town I was from when it was all done with. My parents are both movers – my mom relocated to MA from ND and my dad from ME. So I always anticipated being in a different state once I had settled into my adult life. My fiancee is definitely a stayer – we live close to where she grew up and she likes it that way. I'm trying to convince her to make a solid plan and set aside savings for an out of country move. We'll see how that goes! i'm somewhere in between. my mom did a little bit of moving around for a little while in her twenties and settled a couple hours from her family and my dad's (both stayers). i lived in the same place from birth till i moved 1/3 of the way across the country for grad school. then i stayed there as long as i could before moving even farther west. i think, really, i'm a stayer at heart though. that's not to say that i don't want to see the world and travel…i just need a place to put down roots, if that makes sense. a place to come back to and recharge after doing said travel. YES! I am a mover. My husband and I moved to our 3rd state (my 5th city in 10 years) almost 2 years ago. Being somewhere where we both have amazing, long-term, career building jobs and buying a house has freaked me the fuck out. Staying in one place is scary to me. I keep searching for the next adventure. This piece puts it such simple terms, I can't believe I never realized before that I am a mover. Everything makes so much more sense! FYI. I by no means plan to stay here forever, just for the next 5-10 years (that freaks me out). I still haven't lived in the mountains, somewhere tropical, or a foreign country, so obviously I have more moving to do. I'm definitely a mover! My parents and me moved two times before I turned eighteen and moved out, and then I moved another three times. So I'm twenty-two now and have lived in five places in three different provinces (my current city is one I've lived in before) and lived abroad for a year as well. I had some trouble adapting to small town life when I moved away from a city at age twelve, and as someone who grew up in an international school environment as a kid even though I was not an immigrant, it was tough to slip back into non-expact mode after I moved back to this country. Nobody to speak English with and nobody else struggling with the locals – because I AM a local! And so are my friends! It's so weird. Like someone else commented above, I also can't wait to finish graduate school so I can move again! It's going to be tough when my parents are older. They will be the only ones in the small town old people's home who don't speak the local regional language, my father will definitely be deaf anyway, and I'm an only child, so I may have to reconsider my options then to save them from utter isolation. I was raised a stayer so I have a strong homebody desire. However, my whole adult life has been two years here, two years there, three years somewhere else, and I'm itching to move again. I think I'd love to stay someplace, I just haven't found the place I want to stay yet. I may be the stayer-est stayer that ever stayed. I never moved as a child, my parents bought the house they live in, and I grew up in, four years before I was born. I went to a local suitcase college, only about 45 minutes away and in the beginning I came home almost every weekend. My fiancé and I were high school sweethearts and we grew up just 5 blocks apart. He also never moved growing up. When we were looking to buy a house we looked mainly in the neighboring city just to do something different, but I was having major anxiety over the fact that "Home" would be more than 20 minutes away and it was hard to think about. The house we ended up buying is only 10 minutes away from our parents, still in our hometown. I can't imagine the thought of my parents ever moving out of "our house" even though my mom has mentioned that she thinks she could someday, and my in-laws mention moving when my sister-in-law graduates college in a few years on a regular basis. I've always thought that it must be so much easier to move later in life when you've done it before as a child, but since I never have, I get very attached to my home and it's history. I really do wish I was more of a mover. It would make things much less difficult down the road if we ever decide to move to a bigger house when we have children! I want the freedom to be able to decide to move to that other city some day, but I know it's going to be hard on me. I'm a mover, hard. I'm not always able to go anywhere but I have the itchy feet. I get restless especially when I feel like things are going wrong which is usually the catalyst for a trip, house move or city move. I've got a 'not all those who wander are lost' tattoo which I love to death. Definitely an identity thing for me, for sure. I've married a homebody who has already travelled. Luckily he's willing to follow me around some on holidays when we can afford it but I really need to make it happen, take full responsibility. Luckily I enjoy local roadtrips even though it 's not quite the same as a big trip He did flip out a little when I wanted to move out of our house when the lease was up. It's natural to me and exasperating for him. He said we don't have to move just because we can. I've lost count of how many times I've moved couch/house/city. It's coming up the longest I've continuously lived in one city soon. I'm travelling for work currently which is good though lots of unrelated things have gone wrong which is hard. I think I'm in a bit of a weird transition state. I'll always have the wanderlust I think and curiosity to discover but I've been lucky to find stability in every sense with my partner and also I've grown up since we met so I think the panic roots of my need to move around all the time is less. It's complex! I started to edit but I think it needs its own comment. Another complex thing for me is how rooted I feel in my earth, papatuanuku. If I have a spirituality this is it. I feel it in my feet when I am home, and it is different when I am away. When I was born the placenta was planted under a native tree on our front lawn and I believe this is part of it. When I shaved my head on a significant occasion I buried it there too. So I have this connection to my country and even the hometown I will never live in again but also this need to just keep going The other factor for me is a partner whose family are all in one place vs mine who are spread all over the world and not close – also a complex coming of age thing for me This is so spot on for me right now! I've been having this exact conversation with my parents, my best friend, and my boss recently. I am absolutely a mover. Ever since I can remember, I've had a special kind of excitement that I associate with house hunting and the potential of empty rooms, just waiting for them to become "mine." My best friend is absolutely a stayer. She and her husband recently bought a house, which they plan to live in basically forever, and I expect them to start that whole baby thing before too long. I did a year of graduate school in the same town as her for the sake of being close, and then got restless again and went back to full-time work. Right now I'm only 60 miles away from her and happy enough in my job, but really I want to move to Thailand or Africa or Turkey or . . . and everyone in my life wants me to stay exactly where I am. I love where I live right now. I loved where I lived last year, too, and where I spent the first 18 years of my life, but I'm feeling that itchy feeling between my shoulder blades (or maybe on the soles of my feet, I don't know) that says, "there are SO MANY PLACES! And I want to know them ALL!" Oh so terrifying, the thought of actually buying a house and having to live in it for some undisclosed amount of time. I moved alot as a child but mostly from house to house in the same city. i wasnt until i was in highschool that i actually was moved out of state and you know what i actually liked it down there in alabama. I moved back to my old home town when i was 20 and now that im 26 i wanna move again. But not to far i wanna move in state. but its some place i wanna raise a family in so im a bit of a mover and a bit of a stayer. i kind of think of it as if your not happy with your place change it. If you wanna find someplace better then start hunting. but i like the idea of a place you grow up in and your parents living there and you inheriting the house. i just couldnt see myself being that person Comments are closed.