On unexpectedly finding love after feeling like I don't deserve it

October 10 | Guest post by Heather Wells

We've had a lot of sad relationship stories recently, from sexless marriages, chemistry-less partnerships, and unhappy polyamory. So we thought it was time for a "it gets better" love story!

Luna de Papel by Felixdeon

I believe there are many people we will meet in our lifetime…

There are people who we love. Those people come into our lives and it's a nice feeling but doesn't cause waves and it leaves as fast as it arrived.

There are people who come into our lives that we settle for. Those people may be what you think you deserve and sadly they can knock you down to their level if you let them.

Then, there is the person you're meant for. That person comes into your life and it feels like home. Your souls find familiarity in one another.

I have met each of these people. I have spent a lot of years seeking affection. And I would momentarily obtain it, but it was never satisfying. I gave bits and pieces of myself to people that never really earned it. I was hurt repeatedly, but was okay with that, because I thought "I deserved it." I had a resentment buried down inside of me so deep that it had tainted my being. I was told I wasn't good enough and I believed it — I let myself believe his words. I had never looked in someone's eyes and saw love. I just kept living with mediocrity. It was like I had pieces of completely different puzzles patched together that just created a sad-looking picture.

And then I met her…

Meeting her was an instant connection, a gravity that was impossible to fight. I realized in that moment every person I had encountered and every decision I had made led me to her. All the hurt and unhappiness seemed insignificant. My soul had finally found a home and I knew I was bound to her. I knew I would always love her.

Having a real connection with someone is extraordinary. When you really connect with someone it doesn't matter the circumstance, the distance, the situation, your life will change. The connection can be ignored, set aside, or even walked away from, but that doesn't change anything. When you connect with someone, it's a deep penetrating link that will not let go. You will know it's real when no matter how much times passes, the second you're in their presence you are instantly swept back into the moment you left them. A real connection is undeniable. And so are the reasons I fell in love with her…

  • I love her because she is my best friend. I can laugh and be a complete dork with her and it feels so good.
  • I love her because she has seen me at my absolute worst and didn't even think twice.
  • I love her because she is the first person I call or text when something good or bad happens in my life.
  • I love her because she puts effort into knowing who I am as a person. Not who she wants me to be.
  • I love her because no one has ever loved me like she loves me. No one has ever made me feel worthy of love like she does.
  • I love her because pouring my heart out to her is second nature. I have told her things I have never told anyone, and she knows the deepest darkest parts of me. I have told her my hopes and dreams. I have told her my disappointments and the low points in my life and she holds me like she feels them too.
  • I love her because she speaks to me in a loving way. She doesn't try to hurt me. When I cry, she is there to wipe my tears no matter the reason. When I am a mess she picks me up and when I am stuck in my head she is patient with me.
  • I love her because she is never jealous or spiteful or hateful in any way. She loves me with an unselfish love that is wrapped up in trust and mutual respect.
  • I love her because she is the strongest woman I have ever met, and I admire her more than she will ever know.
  • I love her because she has made my life better in more ways that I can put into words. She makes the ordinary extraordinary and I am lucky to be loved by her.

No matter where life takes us, I promise to treat her like every day is Valentine's day because she deserves it. She deserves more than I could ever give her, but I will spend my life showing her. I will spend my life making her smile. I will spend my life devoting myself to her and loving her with a deep and fierce love. I will never take our love for granted. A connection like we have is once in a lifetime, and I know that.

To read more about Heather — coming out, going through divorce, raising kids, and running marathons — you can check out her blog.

  1. This is such a sweet, uplifting article (although I'm not sure I agree with the definition of "people we love" at the beginning!). Congratulations on finally finding the love you deserve, I hope you both enjoy great happiness.

    3 agree
  2. I love this, It's beautiful and hopeful. Thank you for sharing.

    But I also feel like people, especially young ones, need to know that *even if/when you find this* it might not last. Sometimes people make bad decisions, sometimes people die. Sometimes life wedges its way between you.
    But that doesn't mean it's the end. There isn't *ONE* person for each of us. We're given do-overs.
    I had this, and between he and I, we managed to screw it up. I was devastated, and even after years and lovers, no one compared.
    I *still* feel connected to him in this way, despite distance and years of no-contact.
    But then one day I met another man, and those deep intense feelings had competition. I began to wonder if what I had before was real. I began to wonder if this new man could compete. The answer to both questions was, and is, a resounding yes.

    We get more than one chance at love. I believe this down to my bones.

    3 agree
    • I do not disagree with this at all. I think there could be more than one. Heck, I was married to a man for a long long time and thought it was love. I think love is different for everyone in our lives. Love is different even at different stages in our lives. I am so so glad to hear you have found love and I wish you the best best happily ever after. Thanks for reading!!!

Join the conversation

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

No-drama comment policy

Part of what makes the Offbeat Empire different is our commitment to civil, constructive commenting. Make sure you're familiar with our no-drama comment policy.