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How NOT to talk to pregnant women about their body

I'm not sure there is a right answer for how to talk to a pregnant woman about her body, unless you fully understand your own relationship with that woman, or her own relationship with her changing body. In all reality, the worst offenders don't come from my well-intentioned friends and family. They happen out in the world when I'm least expecting it.

Here's how not to talk to pregnant women about their bodies…

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Would you use frozen condoms to soothe your lady parts?

Post-pregnancy people and new mamas: have you heard about this trick to help soothe vaginal trauma post childbirth? The irony of using pregnancy prevention methods to make your vagina feel better post-baby isn't lost on us. Apparently filling the condoms with water and having them on hand is just a tricksy way of having a perfectly shaped ice pack at the ready.

Are you planning to fill up some condom balloons to soothe your downstairs parts post-pregnancy?

There is no one perfect birth and postpartum model

If you have never had a child, nothing prepares you for what your body goes through. Unless someone tells you. And even then, everyone is different. There is no guarantee that your experience is the same as anyone else's. Just like being pregnant.

But I still feel like everyone that goes through a pregnancy has a model that they think they need to fit into…

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Go off-brand & black-ops: How to have a baby on the cheap

Three days before I found out I was pregnant with my first baby, in an example of worst-timing-ever, I quit my job. Now nine months of being pregnant, broke, and bored loomed ahead. After the first (but not last) major panic attack was over, we realized we would have to become money-saving ninjas, embracing the second hand, the cheap and the wonky, and we would cope.

So now I'm in my second pregnancy, I'd like to share how we managed to keep down the costs of preparing for a newborn…