BDSM DIY: The acronym-free guide to home pervertables

October 26 | Guest post by Joey Hill

We've discussed the awesomeness of pervertables — common household items turned sex toys — but erotic novelist Joey W. Hill is here to tell us more about the joys of pervertables.

This boring 'ol kitchen utensil set could actually be the key to one kinky night!
This boring 'ol kitchen utensil set could actually be the key to one kinky night!
In Fifty Shades of Grey and my own Knights of the Board Room series, the heroes are rich, handsome, sexual Dominants with a seemingly endless supply of money. They happily invest their fortunes in expensive contraptions, hidden pleasure rooms, and state-of-the-art sex toys to pleasure their female subs.

But as a practicing sub in my personal life, I can assure you exploring BDSM and other sexual fantasies doesn't have to cost an arm and a leg (or any other interesting body part). In fact, many of us "in the lifestyle" fondly refer to our local hardware stores as "Dom Depot." The term "pervertable" refers to a common household item that can be "hidden in plain sight" and repurposed for sex play with your partner.

Hopefully the examples below will help you look at each area of your home with a fresh set of eyes:

Kitchen

Many consider the spatula the most glorious BDSM paddle in the world. Somehow both flexible and rigid, it delivers a powerful slap and leaves delicious soap-sized marks on your lover's backside. While you're checking out the utensils, don't forget to grab your humble wooden spoon.

Almost everyone has clamps for chip bags — they can also be used on nipples or scrotums. Just test them on your own flesh first to determine their strength.

I won't inventory all the foods in your pantry and fridge that can be used as a pervertable, but if you've seen 9½ Weeks, you're probably covered.

Bedroom

Even the most demanding decorators would approve of a linen trunk at the end of the bed. Choose one that locks to hide X-rated toys that don't blend well — but you can also use the trunk itself as a pervertable. Look for one with ring handles to tie your lover down, turn it into a spanking bench, or use it as an impromptu wedge to explore different angles.

[related-post align="right"]Screw a heavy grade hook into a ceiling support beam. When it's not displaying a hanging flower basket or decorative indoor mobile, it can hold a sex swing or provide the catch for a tether that pulls your lover's cuffed hands above his/her head, deliciously naked and vulnerable (without cutting off circulation, of course).

Safety Note: Do not suspend loved ones off their feet without advanced training/study of BDSM rope suspension techniques; you can cause serious harm to shoulder joints and tissue.

Living/dining room:

Any sofa provides three different heights for sexual positions — over the back, kneeling by the seat or over one of the arms. If your sofa has reclining options, it's even more versatile.

Use a cheap vinyl tablecloth to cover the dining room table. Melt paraffin candles or wax (tucked neatly away in a china cupboard) into a burner and brush the wax onto your lover's skin.

Safety Note: Proceed carefully and slowly with any type of candle wax. It's possible to do too much, too fast and burn the skin in an unpleasant way.

Around the house:

In my humble opinion, the Bowflex is one of the best pieces of sex furniture ever created. The frame is outfitted with carabineer clips at ankle, mid body and above-the-head levels, while the extended bench is perfect for all sorts of sexual positions.

If you're like me, you have a box of sports accessories collecting dust somewhere. Discarded rubber balls become ball gags, the wiffle bat produces a nice smack on a bare ass, and jump rope is a great tool for (loosely) tying your partner to a bed, a table, a chair, a linen trunk… You get the idea.

You may find hairbrushes, lotions, oils, and the detachable showerhead in your bathroom. Need I say more?

Discarded or unused pet collars, leashes, and collapsible cages all have intriguing potential, and a muzzle can be fitted around a certain male human appendage.

Joey knows of what she speaks. Check out her sexy books!
Many people tell me they are uncomfortable or overwhelmed when they consider buying sex toys from a store or online site, while others say they don't have the budget set aside to invest in the toys they read about in my books. None of these reasons should stop you from exploring potential fantasies in a safe, healthy, and consensual way.

Consider this article the jumpstart to your own sexy scavenger hunt! Once you locate the pervertables mentioned above, I guarantee you'll find more on your own. Good luck and have fun.

  1. That jump rope's handles look like they could also be put to good use . . .

    32 agree
  2. It's not for everyone, but… electric toothbrushes.
    I got one (Hello Kitty, of course… haha ) on sale at Meijer for $2.50.

    11 agree
    • I admit, I've had…ideas of how to use my electric toothbrush. May have to get a kiddie one so I can…test it.

      3 agree
      • Dootsie's Sex Advice Corner Time!
        A lot of people use the back of the bristled head or the end you're supposed to hold for stimulation.
        I use the bristle side of the head (I know, I know, it sounds scary!) Things do get sore if you use it a lot.
        I'd advise against using the end you're supposed to hold for any sort of insertion. I guess they're supposed to be waterproof because tooth brushing is a wet event, but the ones I've had don't seem to have very tight battery compartments.
        Um. They're awesome. I've spent a lot of money on toys, but electric toothbrushes will be my forever love.
        Aaaand end overshare.

        30 agree
    • My first vibrator (before I was old enough to buy one meant for that purpose) was an electric toothbrush! Haha

      9 agree
  3. Thank you so much for this! I have been an active BDSMer for over a decade now and it is always nice to see easy to read and thoughtful insight for everyone :)

    6 agree
  4. Great post! An above poster mentioned electric toothbrushes, but I can personally vouch for electric razor handles. They come in all different shapes and sizes. ;)

    2 agree
  5. The bag clips and the spatula are ones we were already using, so it's good to know others do too! I bought one for my boyfriend last xmas from Target that is red with the word "Naughty" on it. It sits amongst our other cooking utensils but we know what it's REALLY for. :)

    And just to clarify, we are sanitary with it when it goes back into the canister.

    7 agree
  6. Sadly, you can only put a heavy duty hook or ring in a ceiling support beam if your ceiling HAS support beams.

    We were so mad when we found out my Viking's bedroom doesn't have ceiling beams. SO MAD.

    9 agree
  7. We got several wedding presents with nice satin ribbons as part of the wrapping. They immediately went into the "Bag o' Fun" where we keep our actual, purchased cuffs. Also, don't discount your local fabric store. One of the first set of ropes we got were cheap, "buy it by the yard" curtain tiebacks. If you're buying ten yards of it, you may get an odd look from the nice fabric-store lady, but hey, it's soft and functional!

    13 agree
  8. And avoid nylon rope! It can cause serious rope burn and it can slip if you are doing partial suspensions

    4 agree
  9. Great ideas being presented here! Note to self – must look for that Naughty Spatula at Target, now that we're headed into the Christmas season…

    Chuckle – I've heard about the wondrous properties of the electric toothbrush, though Loli-Lolly, I admit I've had a serious desire to write to the razor people and suggest they strengthen the motor on that vibrator handle option considerably (laughter).

    Eamane, I think the effectiveness of nylon rope depends on the knots and how it's employed in BDSM practice. It's used frequently in a lot of BDSM play because it's easy to tie and untie, waterproof (so the knots don't tighten or the rope molds/retains more germs, etc), and it's more comfortable against the skin. Thickness, braided, etc all can make a difference as well. You make a very good point, however, in that any type of suspension work should proceed with careful study and/or mentorship because it requires skill and expertise to do it the right way. Glad you raised that point!

    Bird, you may not have a support beam, but you have a VIKING. Wow. In my book, that makes up for the lack of support beam, but having it all would be nice (laughter).

    Megan, I want one of those jump ropes. There is no way those handles were not designed without sex play in mind. Great pics!

    Have been enjoying the comments – thank you for posting them, and glad you took the time to read the article!

    5 agree
  10. Great article – I really want to get a linen trunk for the end of my bed for these exact purposes!

    I was pretty alarmed, though, by the phrase "Discarded rubber balls become ball gags" – there have been many deaths caused by kinky folk using gags that don't have the ball firmly attached to the part that buckles/snaps/ties around the sub's head. It can be a real choking hazard.

    You can, however, insert the ball into a pair of tights/leggings (so its completely encased) and then tie the leggings around the back of your sub's head so that the ball is positioned in their mouth, but can't possibly be swallowed or slip too far back.

    I'm by no means an expert, but just thought I'd toss my two cents in :) Thanks for this great article!

    23 agree
  11. As a former sex-shop employee, I would also like to point out that, while these are good at home BDSM things, that before trying anything new, it is important to do your research. Look up the proper way to tie someone up so as not to injure them and the same goes with any non-vanilla sex act. Most reputable sex shops are going to have books and DVDs explaining how to do these things (especially since 50 shades came out) but websites are also available for how-to guides.

    10 agree
  12. Cyndie, excellent point, and I'm very glad you pointed that out. My apologies – in the article, I was imagining balls larger than a person could swallow, probably because I have dogs, and so all the balls in our house have to be over that size for them as well (laughter).

    Ellie makes a great point as well. The point of an article like this is to be fun and pithy, but safe, sane and consensual means making sure that everything you do stays fun and not dangerous. One of the books I recommend is Screw the Roses, Send me the Thorns by Philip Miller and Molly Devon. Great overview of BDSM play, including introduction to basic safety tips, etc. But as Ellie pointed out, you can also visit forum sites like Fetlife.com to get more information. And above and beyond everything else (since we know the Internet can be filled with smart and not-so-smart info), always use common sense. :>

    7 agree
  13. I'm a kink and BDSM educator, and first I want to say that this is a very nice introductory article. Well done!

    Secondly, public service announcement to not suspend or partial suspend until you know what you are doing.

    Please, please, Go to classes, conferences (if you're really kinky!) or even check out an online site like kinkacademy.com (unlike fetlife, it is all professional educators).

    Finally, a reminder that you can do these things even if you have housemates, small children, or the like. Be creative!

    And underwear and duct tape also makes a great gag…

    5 agree
  14. Makeup brushes (especially the big fluffy kabuki kind) make great gentle tickling sensations, either on their own or on just-spanked skin.

    2 agree
  15. I love this article and all the suggestions!

    My own pervertables to add:

    Small ratchet straps: these make fantastic tie downs….and make moving interesting when the sound just turns you on.

    Shoulder strap from a duffle bag: makes a great behind the neck leg spreader…the neck pad is awesome.

    Clothespins: Get a pack of 60 for a $1 from the dollar store. Of course, like the chip clips, check them out before using.

    There was a site, I don't know if it is still going, the Frugal Domme. She had a ton of great ideas.

    2 agree
    • The clothespins are a great idea and if they are too painfull you can take them apart and reverse them so the open end is now the pinchy end and it takes some pressure off!

      0 agree
  16. Mmmkay…can someone clear up exactly how the toothbrush is used?? Is it inserted?

    0 agree
    • I think you can do whatever you want. My first thought (mind you, I've never tried this because I'm too in love with my hitachi magic wand) would be to use the bristle side on my clit. Option two, as someone mentioned would be to use the back of the head on your clit. Option three, would be to use the handle as an insertable, I'd think. Either way, don't brush your teeth with it after. Get a new one. :P

      0 agree
  17. Hmmm…we have those chip clips hanging on our fridge of apparent pervertable wonders.

    *eyebrow waggle*

    0 agree
  18. HELLO
    I am a corssdresser with small tits!one day I had the ideea to use a clothes hanger but the one with the two pincers (one on a nipple and one on the other). The pain excites me and also I have the bennefit that I think my tits get bigger. and to force them I extended them by bending a little the hook of the hanger and tieding it on my chest. for those who want to try the sensation I hope they will enjoy!…..and feel free to ask me on how I did this by my mail: concombre.lolette@yahoo.com.

    0 agree

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