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BDSM DIY: The acronym-free guide to home pervertables

Guestpost by Joey Hill on Oct 26th

We've discussed the awesomeness of pervertables — common household items turned sex toys — but erotic novelist Joey W. Hill is here to tell us more about the joys of pervertables.

This boring 'ol kitchen utensil set could actually be the key to one kinky night!

This boring 'ol kitchen utensil set could actually be the key to one kinky night!

In Fifty Shades of Grey and my own Knights of the Board Room series, the heroes are rich, handsome, sexual Dominants with a seemingly endless supply of money. They happily invest their fortunes in expensive contraptions, hidden pleasure rooms, and state-of-the-art sex toys to pleasure their female subs.

But as a practicing sub in my personal life, I can assure you exploring BDSM and other sexual fantasies doesn't have to cost an arm and a leg (or any other interesting body part). In fact, many of us "in the lifestyle" fondly refer to our local hardware stores as "Dom Depot." The term "pervertable" refers to a common household item that can be "hidden in plain sight" and repurposed for sex play with your partner.

Hopefully the examples below will help you look at each area of your home with a fresh set of eyes:

Kitchen

Many consider the spatula the most glorious BDSM paddle in the world. Somehow both flexible and rigid, it delivers a powerful slap and leaves delicious soap-sized marks on your lover's backside. While you're checking out the utensils, don't forget to grab your humble wooden spoon.

Almost everyone has clamps for chip bags — they can also be used on nipples or scrotums. Just test them on your own flesh first to determine their strength.

I won't inventory all the foods in your pantry and fridge that can be used as a pervertable, but if you've seen 9½ Weeks, you're probably covered.

Bedroom

Even the most demanding decorators would approve of a linen trunk at the end of the bed. Choose one that locks to hide X-rated toys that don't blend well — but you can also use the trunk itself as a pervertable. Look for one with ring handles to tie your lover down, turn it into a spanking bench, or use it as an impromptu wedge to explore different angles.

Screw a heavy grade hook into a ceiling support beam. When it's not displaying a hanging flower basket or decorative indoor mobile, it can hold a sex swing or provide the catch for a tether that pulls your lover's cuffed hands above his/her head, deliciously naked and vulnerable (without cutting off circulation, of course).

Safety Note: Do not suspend loved ones off their feet without advanced training/study of BDSM rope suspension techniques; you can cause serious harm to shoulder joints and tissue.

Living/dining room:

Any sofa provides three different heights for sexual positions — over the back, kneeling by the seat or over one of the arms. If your sofa has reclining options, it's even more versatile.

Use a cheap vinyl tablecloth to cover the dining room table. Melt paraffin candles or wax (tucked neatly away in a china cupboard) into a burner and brush the wax onto your lover's skin.

Safety Note: Proceed carefully and slowly with any type of candle wax. It's possible to do too much, too fast and burn the skin in an unpleasant way.

Around the house:

In my humble opinion, the Bowflex is one of the best pieces of sex furniture ever created. The frame is outfitted with carabineer clips at ankle, mid body and above-the-head levels, while the extended bench is perfect for all sorts of sexual positions.

If you're like me, you have a box of sports accessories collecting dust somewhere. Discarded rubber balls become ball gags, the wiffle bat produces a nice smack on a bare ass, and jump rope is a great tool for (loosely) tying your partner to a bed, a table, a chair, a linen trunk… You get the idea.

You may find hairbrushes, lotions, oils, and the detachable showerhead in your bathroom. Need I say more?

Discarded or unused pet collars, leashes, and collapsible cages all have intriguing potential, and a muzzle can be fitted around a certain male human appendage.

Joey knows of what she speaks. Check out her sexy books!

Many people tell me they are uncomfortable or overwhelmed when they consider buying sex toys from a store or online site, while others say they don't have the budget set aside to invest in the toys they read about in my books. None of these reasons should stop you from exploring potential fantasies in a safe, healthy, and consensual way.

Consider this article the jumpstart to your own sexy scavenger hunt! Once you locate the pervertables mentioned above, I guarantee you'll find more on your own. Good luck and have fun.

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About Joey Hill

Joey W. Hill is the author of more than thirty erotic romance novels and the recipient of the RT Book Reviews Career Achievement award. She is a practicing submissive in her personal life and has been involved in the BDSM community for more than twenty years. Hostile Takeover, of the Knights of the Board Room series, is available at ellorascave.com.

http://ellorascave.com