Long-distance relationships of all kinds are more and more prevalent thanks to technology. Keeping in touch is easier than ever before… but sometimes it’s the lack of touch that makes these relationships difficult. Long-distance sex is totally possible, and it can even be totally fulfilling. Let’s talk about some long-distance sex hacks using technology.
Sexting is fantastic. It’s like a choose-your-own-adventure, personalized erotica novel. It’s also a great way to indulge in fantasy role-playing or to try on kinks you might be too nervous to try in person. It’s sometimes difficult to get over the worry of embarrassing yourself when texting, and waiting for a response after a pivotal sentence can be agonizing (possibly in more ways than one), but sexting can be incredibly fulfilling sexually. Especially if you can do it one-handed. If you need help figuring out what to sext, reading erotica can help a lot. The thing to remember is that your partner is probably not concerned with how many synonyms you know because they’re too turned on.
It could be useful to figure out a code word with your partner to text to initiate, rather than just sending a sext without warning. It lets them know you’re in the mood so that if they are, too, you can get to it. But even more practically, it’s way better to get a text that says “Carrot cake?” when you’re sitting next to your boss in a meeting than the NSFW alternative.
Speaking of personalized erotica… have you ever wanted to write out a fantasy to your partner, but felt kind of weird about sending it to their email? Post it to a private blog instead! This idea doesn’t even have to be sexual — it’s just good for long-distance relationships altogether. Get a Tumblr account and have your partner get one, too. Create a blog and put a password on it. Invite your partner to be an admin. Now you have a secret blog that only the two of you have access to to post messages and photos. It keeps everything in one place, so whenever you’re feeling like you miss your partner, you can open up the blog and read all the messages. But if you find a sexy gif you want to show your partner, and, say, you write a couple of paragraphs about how you’d like to reenact with them, this is the secret place to put it.
You could keep a dedicated tumblr log-in for this that you only use on your mobile phone to make it even more private, and to ensure that your regular dashboard doesn’t become porn gif-central when you follow more “inspiration” blogs.
Plus: if you’re both into exhibitionism, you could have a lot of fun with an anonymous blog that isn’t password-protected.
Sexy selfies, or “nudes,” or whatever you want to call them, with whatever level of anonymity you are comfortable with, are a major turn-on to a lot of people. There are apps intended to make it safer to send photos you don’t want someone to keep, but those have workarounds (like screenshots, for example). Obviously, you should only send sensitive photos and texts to people who trust completely. Duh. Warning aside, they can be a really fun way to take your own boudoir-style photos. You’re the one in charge of how much you show. Turn up your tease game!
Obviously we all thought of Skype when I mentioned long-distance sex. Video calls and virtual sex go hand in, uh, hand. If you’re nervous about it, that’s completely natural. You might be nervous about “in real life” sex, too, right? Talk with your partner before trying it out. Talk about what makes you both nervous about it, and set some rules. If you’re not comfortable showing your face, don’t. If you’re not comfortable taking off any clothes, don’t. If you need to have a glass of wine before, go ahead. Heck, if you just want to use the mic and not the video, that can be a whole other level of sexy.
But wait, what does on-cam sex even entail? Essentially you’re sexting out loud, and you may be masturbating. Whether or not you show yourself masturbating is again, up to you. Of course, sexting out loud can put pressure on you. Not everyone likes to dirty talk, especially not on the spot. That’s fine! You could read erotica to each other, browse for sex toys or outfits together, or you don’t have to say anything at all. It’s sexy to see your partner doing their thing while you do yours, and hearing the heavier breathing, gasping, moans, etc.
A word to the wise: if you are a squirter, keep this in mind while using your laptop’s built-in camera. It’s a very expensive way to get a good party story.
Schedule your sex
A lot of couples find that scheduling sex helps them even when they co-habit. Long-distance couples are usually no strangers to scheduling conversations, and it’s a good idea to schedule sexytimes, too! When you’re long-distance, it can be harder to know what mood your partner is in, or even if they have any spare time. Scheduling long-distance sex gives you something to look forward to.
What tips do you have for long-distance sex? What’s worked for you? What are you thinking about trying?