4 reasons this drunken unicorn wine holder wins the internet today

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#My favorite things#gifts#unicorn#wine

WINE OF SACRED PURITY UNICORN WINE HOLDER

I don’t know what the best thing about this wine holder is…

1. That Offbeat Homie Amanda sent it to me in an email that said:

“Just, this.” And the link.

2. That it’s called this:

“WINE OF SACRED PURITY UNICORN WINE HOLDER KITCHEN DECORATION SCULPTURE STATUE”

3. This Amazon review:

I bought this unicorn thinking it would bring luck, joy and rainbows into my home. Instead he just sits there, staring through my soul with his cold black eyes, just daring me to steal his bottle of sweet nectar. Then when I finally get the courage to take the wine all he does is throw judgement my way for days. Every time I pass I get the “oh hey, there goes that thieving wino again” look.

By the time I feel I am over the constant judging, he switches up and begins a massive guilt trip. “Why did you take my precious bottle, leaving me lonely here on my back? Now I’m just a poor, pale joke. All the other mystical hooved animals laugh at me.”

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Eventually I give in and buy him another bottle so that I can literally put a cork in it, thus starting the cycle all over again. Want a review? Sure it holds the hell out of a bottle of wine. Just be aware of the mind games to come.

4. Or this creepy photo:

unicorn wine

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What do YOU think is the best thing about this creepy drunken unicorn statue?

About the Author: Megan Finley Horowitz

@meggyfin @meggyfin

I'm a 40-year-old potty-mouthed writer with late-diagnosed ADHD and a shit-ton of anxiety. I live in my hometown of Los Angeles with a husband, a daughter I never planned on having, and a senior rescue dog. Anything else you need to know can be gleaned from my instagram and my TikTok.

Comments on 4 reasons this drunken unicorn wine holder wins the internet today

  1. I love these things. They’re so ridiculous, it works. I bought a rooster one for my mom – I found it because I was desperate to figure out a gift for her, so I typed 2 things she likes into Google at the same time (rooster, wine), saw this masterpiece, and said DONE. She loved it and it’s still on her table today!
    http://www.amazon.com/Rivers-Edge-Painted-Rooster-Bottle/dp/B008AI22AK/
    There are a bunch more styles too – zombie, octopus, bear, dogs, etc. But I think the unicorn is my favorite!

  2. I clicked on this article thinking “Surely there’s only 1 reason and that’s summed up in ‘Drunken Unicorn’?”

    I was wrong.

    Although I would argue that there are 5 reasons – the 4 given here AND the endless amusing comments and conversations that could result from any reference to the drunken unicorn.

    • Duh, I meant to forward this post to my friend and replied as a comment instead. Is it Friday yet?! Clearly my brain thinks so!

      Either way, this unicorn is cute as hell!

  4. I have this and it is awesome. It sits on my table and makes me smile every day. There’s a dragon version out there. I think I must get it and display them together. Then it will become my new house crest.

  5. anyone else immediately saw gary??
    he is a fierce and sassy gay unicorn from my favouritebook of 2015 “the lightning struck heart” by t.j. klune…

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