Swinging: an insider’s perspective (plus how it differs from polyamory!)
I’ve been seeing lots of awesome posts about polyamory and ethical non-monogamy. I wanted to offer some thoughts on a variation that I haven’t seen talked much about yet: swinging.
Swinging or, “the lifestyle,” as we often refer to it with each other (sometimes indicated by a black ring on the right ring finger for those who like to advertise their proclivity), is one subculture among many with countless variations and expressions. Here is my personal perspective…
Let’s talk about talking about your “sex number”
The number of people I have slept with is higher than most women I’ve asked. At the end of the day, I’m not going to lie about my number — I am not ashamed. But I do wonder how I should talk about it in future dating scenarios.
Anyone else with a high sex number want to give me advice about talking open and honestly about it?
Bad Romance part 3: Demanding greater diversity in who gets a happily ever after in romance
One of the big success stories in self-publishing is romance. According to popular platform Smashwords, the genre dominates the market. With a few clicks any writer can become an author. Which makes it possible that a novel most major publishing houses and quite a few small presses would have turned down, one that hasn’t seen an editor’s red pen, or even a proofreader will wind up on Amazon more than in other genres.
There’s an argument for gatekeepers, right? Not so fast. Here’s part three in this series on romance as a genre…
Bad Romance part 2: The romance genre needs better critique, not more gatekeepers
Though romance novels have always centered relationships and women, there’s no argument that issues of consent and coercion abound in the genre's shady past. Consider the conflicted relationships readers have with Kathleen Woodwiss’ The Flame
and the Flower, a novel that is said to have started the modern “bodice ripper” romance genre. Here’s part two analyzing the romance genre in books…
How do I stop my teenage son from pressuring girls into sending nudes?
I have a 13-year-old son who I’ve recently found out has been pressuring a female friend into sending nude photos to him. I’m SO disappointed as I thought I was doing a good job teaching him about enthusiastic consent, legal issues with minors, and framing media news in a teachable way. But I’m going wrong somewhere. Do any of you have any advice or resources for dealing with this?
How to explain BDSM to your family without getting embarrassed
I’ve been writing about kink online for over a decade. I used to sometimes write under a pseudonym to protect my identity. Now that I’m older and wiser, I’ve realized that there’s nothing to be ashamed of as long as I keep it appropriate for the audience and circumstance. Do I talk about kink out of nowhere, with strangers or acquaintances, using “I” statements and sharing anecdotes? No. Never. Would I talk to my family about it? Would I be embarrassed? Would you? Here’s how to explain BDSM to your family without getting embarrassed…
My husband and I haven’t had sex, not even on our wedding night
I have been married for almost two years now, together for 11 years. But… my husband doesn’t want sex at all — not for the past four years. To clarify: We have not had sex, not even on our wedding night.
I can’t do this anymore. What should I do? Am I wasting my time? I need help.
How to have more sex when all you do is work
Couples vary wildly in the amount of sex they have. The American average for couples is somewhere around three to four times a month (last I heard). That sounds awfully low, doesn’t it? But lots of people are happy with it. If you only have sex on the weekends, you’re practically at, or exceeding, the American average.
But if you’re not, and you want to have more sex, here’s my advice…