pre-trying to conceive

Chronic pain, depression & bread-winning: Is it selfish to have children?

I am 28 and the sole breadwinner in my household, my husband is long-term unemployed with chronic back pain and is unlikely to be meaningfully employed anytime in the foreseeable future. We both have mental health issues. We have been trying to conceive for over a year with no luck as yet, and I have been wondering more and more whether having a baby is a good idea.

How do you know it’s the right time for kids when baby fever clouds your mind?

Okay, so baby fever is hitting me hard, and I don’t know how to deal with that. How do you know it’s the right time for kids when baby fever clouds your mind?

How can I diplomatically talk to my in-laws about smoking around my kid?

I feel very strongly that I don’t want my child to spend time in my in-laws home. I love my in-laws. They are kind, generous people, and I absolutely would want my kid to have a relationship with them. The problem is that they are very heavy (cigarette) smokers who smoke (a lot) inside their home. Every time I go to their home, the smell of smoke assaults me at the door and lingers on my clothes and hair so that I pretty much have to shower immediately when I leave their home and sometimes have to sit outside to get away from it so I can breathe properly.

A US military pre-op trans woman and fiancée ponder parenthood

As a pre-op trans woman struggling with life in the US Armed Forces (while “Don’t ask, don’t tell” is not gone, transgender people are still forced to live in the dark) who had just arrived at a new command with no friends, no idea what I was in for, and no clue who I could trust. A dream of a woman — who was also fairly new to the command — entered into my life. At the time I assumed I had no chance with her. Even if I did, all the heartbreak I had experienced over the years had left me believing that the women I’m attracted to never understand my journey as a transgender woman, and are never willing to help me through the issues I deal with on a daily basis.

How do you cope when your family thinks you’re not ready to have a kid?

My partner and I have been together six years, and married for two. We are finally both in steady full time (dream) jobs. We have been desperate to start a family for years. We feel that we have the stability, as well as emotional and financial resilience to do so. We are lucky enough to […]

Our life isn’t ready for a baby but I am: let’s talk about dealing with baby fever

I’ve tried to just grin and bear it. I’ve tried crafting things for the future baby in hopes of convincing my brain that we’re moving forward. I originally started all of the over-planning in hopes of combating the Baby Fever but I (obviously) got carried away and it’s so much worse now. Nothing I’ve tried has worked.

Is it too soon to try to conceive?

My husband and I got married last month, but we have been living together for two years. We both have part-time jobs, we own our own coffee business, and we rent a nice apartment. I am 22, but I have always wanted kids. A lot of our friends and family tell us to wait a few years before we have kids. Wait til we have more money, wait til we have a house, etc. I see where they are coming from, but I also think we could manage having children now too.

Where will I fit into the life of my partner-of-only-a-year’s child?

Last year I met a fabulous genderqueer person with whom I fell into bed unexpectedly one night and fell in love with almost as quickly — a person who told me in the very first hour or two of serious conversation, right before serious cuddling became serious sex, that he was planning to get pregnant and become a single mom within a year. And I surprised myself by instantly thinking “That’s interesting… where do I fit in? How can I be part of this? Who do I want to be?”

Because we’re queer and gender non-normative, we have a wonderful terrifying freedom to design our own family structure. Who will we be together? He (who just as happily goes by she) is set on being Mom or Mama or Mother to the Real Live Baby he’s growing inside him. My role is not set. Do I want to be a Dad, a Daddy, a Papa, or a Pops? Or an Uncle K or a KayPaw or just K? Do I want to be a parent or only the partner of one? And who does the Real Live Baby, and the Real Live Baby’s mother, want me to be?