Category Archive


Dear well-meaning people who see my ring and ask “when are you going to have kids?”

I understand that our society has instilled in you that when a couple gets married the next step in their life together is to try to procreate. I understand that my fiancé and I are in the minority when we declare, completely honestly and without any trace of shame, that we do not want children. But you need to understand that “first comes love, then comes marriage, then comes baby in the baby carriage” is not a universal statement.

What to say to a formerly child-free person who is now pregnant

I am a self-professed child-free lady. A fellow child-free friend recently announced she was unexpectedly pregnant. I can tell she’s feeling pretty rattled and struggling with the sudden change in life plans. As a fellow child-freer in a similarly stable life situation, I want to empathize and be there for her and give her a break from all the squee-ing, but I don’t want to be a downer. What can I say to her?

Scars, costs, and regrets?: My tubal ligation FAQs

A few women have asked me about my tubal ligation, including a couple media outlets like ABC News and Huffington Post. As sterilization with the goal of never reproducing now seems to be a hot topic, I thought I would discuss a few frequently-asked questions. I hope this information helps other women who are thinking of making this decision for themselves.

How do I tell my parents about my sterilization?

I don’t want to go into surgery, even day surgery, without telling my parents. But at the same time I don’t want to hurt them or have them try to change my mind. How do I tell my parents that I’m getting a tubal ligation? Anyone else have to go through something like this?

Unpopular opinion, even for the child-free: I don’t like kids

There seems to be some importance placed in the child-free movement to stress “I like kids, they’re just not for me.” But the older I get and the older their kids get, the more I realize kids just get on my nerves.

I’m starting to loathe Mother’s Day

I’ve started becoming a recluse on Mother’s Day weekend. I’m of an age where it’s assumed I am a mother and am generally given a cheery “Happy Mother’s Day” by every retail clerk with whom I come into contact (yes, even though there are no children with me). The issue is that I am not and I, in my over-abundant need to be truthful, feel uncomfortable allowing it to slide with a simple “thank you,” but don’t really want to break into tears and shout that I don’t deserve this particular salutation.

How I keep cool when I’m unsure about wanting kids

Since getting married (oh, who am I kidding, since before getting married), people have started asking me how many kids I want. I answer truthfully, somewhere between zero to two — my husband and I do not know if we want to have kids. It’s not as if the decision needs to be made today, but it can be a bit disconcerting to be so ambivalent about something so major, especially when it seems like everyone else has the answer.

The question that is driving me crazy: “Where is the baby?”

I recently got married and there is one question that is driving me crazy: “Where is the baby?” How do you answer this without getting emotional or rude, and letting them know it is a personal issue?