I like sex. I liked it before my daughter was born, and I like it even more now that I’m a mom. I’ve heard other moms talk about how they have no interest in sex, and how they’re so tired that it doesn’t bother them. I’ve read about moms being “touched out” or having given so much to the baby that they can’t imagine giving it to dad (I’m referring to dad, because I haven’t heard anything AT ALL about the post-baby sex lives of lesbian moms or gay dads, but I would love to). I don’t generally talk about this because I’m afraid other moms will feel bad. Sex is better now. I’m grateful that my experience has been different from the norm.
Bubba is a ball of contradictions, which I have always appreciated. He is a knitter with a black belt. A pediatric nurse. An incredibly sensitive man with a crass sense of humor. But the sexiest thing my honey ever did is become a dad.
I think the shift in our sex life happened when I was in labor. Labor was the most intense experience I have ever had, and he was there for me, supporting me, encouraging me, and believing in me. When our daughter Aspen was born, I was not the one with tears streaming down my face, it was him. After Aspen was born, I really knew there was nothing I couldn’t trust him with. We truly shared her birth.
In the first few weeks of Aspen’s life, we made out like teenagers while the baby was asleep. During pregnancy, I had looked forward to the second trimester, an increase in energy and a revival in my sex drive, but, sadly that never happened. This more than made up for it. I was horny like I hadn’t been in a looong time. Intercourse was off the table due to a 3rd degree tear, but we were creative while she slept, and we laughed when she woke up and interrupted us.
Looking back, I’m sure those raging hormones designed to make me love my baby influenced how I felt about Bubba in those first few weeks. But it was fun and wonderful, and I loved it and him.
We all know that giving birth changes your body. Some changes I expected, and some not so much. I think giving birth triggered something for me physically as well. I used to require time to reach orgasm. I mean TIME. Since Aspen’s birth, it’s much faster than before, and I’ve even had some wet dreams.
I was scared to have sex the first time. The first few times. But we took it really slow, and I focused on relaxing, and it was such a relief to feel able to freely express myself sexually with Bubba again without worrying. I swear I still feel my perineum differently, and that when the weather is bad, it kind of aches a little, the way old-timer’s bones do.
It’s been almost 8 months now, and I’m not saying it’s on for us all the time. It’s not. We each work 3 days a week, and we’re not doing daycare, so we have one day each week we’re together as a family. At night, we have the usual demands of those who have a baby: dinner, cleaning up, laundry, and finding time for ourselves and each other. But when we do get it on, it’s better, easier and more connected than ever before.