So, after 15 weeks of pregnancy, I can say this: I have become a barfing expert. A patron of puke, a valet of vomit, a connoisseur of chunder. In short, I’ve had fucking terrible morning sickness. But by “morning sickness,” I mean, all-day-whenever-it-fucking-feels-like-it sickness. The last week or so, I’ve mostly been throwing up at night, usually before I eat dinner. Doesn’t matter what I eat, I just barf.
Anyway, after discussing barfing at length with a few people, someone brought up the notion of refusing to throw up in a toilet. “Uh, why?” I asked naievely. “Someone’s ASS has been there, taking a SHIT. I don’t want to put my MOUTH there!” they replied. I was shocked. Not because of the language or anything, but HOW HAVE I NOT THOUGHT ABOUT THIS BEFORE?
This is the kind of thing I usually harbour and thrive on. Like how I won’t put a public phone to my ear, because god knows who’s been using that thing, and nonsense like that. I’m not a germaphobe by any means, I just tend to over-think the possibility of grossness, more than the germs themselves. Plus, I kind of loathe anything toilet-related. I hate talking about it, I hate jokes about it, I don’t even like using those facilities, if I can help it. The contempt I have for someone who conversationally talks about or jokes about feces, flatulence, and urine is kind of huge. I mean, really — this is what people choose to laugh and chat about? But I digress.
Anyway, my point is, I’ve now been thinking a lot about locations in which to throw up. Being sensitive to cleaning and other people’s horror regarding barf, I haven’t wanted to throw up anywhere that involves not being able to close a door for privacy, and anywhere where the barf is difficult to flush/wash away. Here are my top three locations:
The Bath
The best thing about the bath is that you’re able to sit pretty comfortably beside it, as opposed to be hunched over a toilet bowl in (usually) a small space. You can easily wash the barf away using the tap, and since there’s a large area to throw up in, if you need to stagger in and projectile barf, you can. The downside is that there’s usually not water already in it, so that sick-y smell tends to hit you pretty hard, pretty quickly. You can’t just leisurely sit there and wait for the waves of nasuea to take you on a trip to Chunder Town — you have to be prepared to hold it in and wash the existing barf away as you go. Still, it’s not bad.
The Laundry Sink/Trough
A place where you can barf and STAND UP. I’ve only done this once, so we’ll see how it goes in the future, but it seemed to result in less post-barfing eye watering, which is a plus. Standing up means that you’re not as close to the barf itself, so you don’t seem to be as close to the smell as you would be like you are with the bath. Once again, taps means that it’s easy to wash away pretty quickly. However, I can see this only being a decent solution if you’re going to throw up quickly and move on. If you’re surfing a lot of nasuea, you’ll probably hunch over the sink, and then you’ll be SUPER CLOSE to the barf smell, which ain’t fun. Plus, standing up for long periods when your stomach muscles are aching doesn’t sound overly pleasant. But still, it’s not bad, and it’s usually far enough away from a kitchen or something so that if you’re throwing up when people are around it’s not going to be horrific for anyone else.
The Toilet
I KNOW. I know, I spent the first half of this post arguing against this option. BUT HEAR ME OUT. The toilet is kind of designed to quickly and easily remove gross stuff from your butt or face or whatever. This is why people have spent years flushing dead fish down there. That means that when you puke, you’re one short button-push away from removing the horridness of your former food. Also, because there’s already water in there, it immediately dilutes the sick-y smells, so you don’t get the same offending odor. If you have a large toilet area, you can sit pretty comfortably, but honestly, I prefer being on my knees, hunched over the bowl anyway. There’s something poetic about it. Plus, since toilets are generally small in size (well, smaller than a bath or laundry sink), you don’t have to stare at it while you give yourself a second to recover/breathe (or wait for the next wave of nasuea to come). You don’t have to lean for a tap, or watch the barf clog up a sink hole. It just disappears. Yes, people have put their asses there. But unless their entire butt is covered in something horrific, I’m not too worried. Y’know, for now. That being said, I’ve never had to throw up in a toilet that wasn’t sparkling clean (thanks mum), so we’ll see how it goes if I have to toilet-barf in public or something.
Other places I’m yet to try: Flower beds, a lake/the ocean, a bin, an urn (thanks to “Juno” this seems like a must). However, I did throw up on the side of the freeway recently, and was approached by police officers in an unmarked cop car, who assumed I was drunk. They thought it was hilarious. I wanted to set them on fire.
The moral of the story? Morning sickness in a toilet might be gross, but at least it won’t lead to you almost being arrested.
I spent roughly weeks six through eleven throwing up 2-6 times a day, depending on whether I was feeling cheeky enough to try food that wasn’t a saltine. I also have an almost hour commute, so I had a triple-layered plastic bag system sitting in my lap for emergencies. Weirdly, though, (and my husband is convinced that this is some previously latent but crappy superpower) I never once threw up anywhere but our toilet at home. For all the throwing up I did, it was all in one place! Our apartment has pretty dubious plumbing, so sinks or the bath were definitely not options, and I have the same weird over-thinking issues with public spaces, so I guess things worked out…? Still nauseous at 17 weeks, but at least the toilet has returned to its regular use!
I get that toilets are gross, but I would be furious if anyone ever threw up in my bathtub, sink, laundry room, etc. I mean, unlesxs you’re puking so violently that you’re getting splashback from the toilet, or you’re doing that drunken “the porcelain feels so nice on my cheek” thing, you aren’t actually going to TOUCH any part of the toilet, but try taking a nice relaxing bath somewhere that you’ve recently up-chucked.
I do think that outside is the best option, but living on a 4th floor apartment, I can see how pedestrians wouldn’t like that in my case.
Weirdest place I ever threw up while pregnant? On my inlaws front porch -sub zero temperatures. It was frozen before they got to clean it up. No lie.
I had hyperemesis during pregnancy. Got all sorts of sick. Lost 30 lbs in my first trimester. A few highlights:
-Getting stuck in traffic and repeatedly throwing up a plastic cup and pouring said cup out the window… a fine moment, indeed!
-staggering through a parking lot while vomiting.. while insisting to all passers by that I was “not drunk just pregnant!” very classy!
-packing ziplocks on the commuter train so I could hurl on the way to and from class.
-swaying through classes, because somehow it helped. my professors were deeply disturbed! my classmate was so sympathetic he took to patting my back in a very platonic way.
-discovering the miracle drug zofran and the “fixit” food… bagel bites and red gatorade that’s all I’d eat for weeks, because it sorta/kinda stayed down.
-inventing more ergonomic yoga like poses to puke in.. all that hunching was hurting my back! I opted for downward dog into a bucket on the floor.
I had third trimester morning sickness. I was huge (no, really, huge). There was NO WAY that I was going to get down and puke in the toilet.
So, it was the sink for me. The sink and bath tub are close enough that I could sit on the edge of the tub and puke into the sink. Thankfully, it only happened at home. But I do have a memory of trying to ask my oldest son to “Hang on a minute” in between the puke. 🙂
I was in school during my pregnancy and I think I barfed in every bathroom in the entire college, including a faculty washroom I had to run into once. My favorite was all the looks I would get from other people in the bathroom as I walked out the stall. There were a lot of “Oh my god, are you okay?”and “Bad hangover?”
“However, I did throw up on the side of the freeway recently, and was approached by police officers in an unmarked cop car, who assumed I was drunk.”
I can’t count the number of times, when pregnant with my daughter, that I’d end up pulling the car over, puking, and continuing on my merry way….
Yeah, I’m in month 7, and I still have a big problem with morning/all day sickness. My doc said it looks like I’ll be suffering through it throughout my entire pregnancy, unfortunately…which really sucks.
I’m fine with the toilet, for me, it’s not even a thought in my mind when I’m feeling that ill. And I’ve hurled in a tub before, and that was NOT a pretty sight… So yeah, I’ll stick with the toilet, for many reasons. My only real problem, the echo of bathrooms! I’m a little prideful, and I hate the thought of anyone hearing me while I’m “sick”. But hey, when ya gotta throw, you gotta throw.
I’ve never been pregnant before but hubby & i are trying at the moment. I’m already trying to come up with ways to deal with the inevitable morning sickness that will be coming my way. I’m worried about the daily 45 minute train trip to & from work & at work i spend hours standing at a checkout really far away from a toilet. I can see that i’ll end up throwing up in a bin in front of customers. I’ve noticed that you can buy disposable sick bags similar to the ones you get on planes. I’ll be investing in those!
As a celiac, I got really, really used to barfing. A lot. The best combination I’ve had was the gutter in my alley, right over a storm drain and next to a hose. It’s good for the three cool seasons, not so much for summer. Other than that, I wound up having trash bins with a few inches of water in each just standing around the house. I was able to worship the [cheap plastic Ikea] god in whatever position I needed, and with as much privacy as I needed. Pretty sweet deal. Then I could flush it away and rinse the bin out in the laundry sink.
During a particularly unpleasant run of food-poisoning a few years ago, I learned a good trick. I keep a plastic wastebasket around for hurling in. Given my leaky pregnant bladder I can sit on the toilet with my pants down and puke into the wastebasket. Between “throes” so to speak, I can hold the stinky yuck away from me. Afterwards I pour the contents down the toilet, rinse the garbage can with water from the bathtub faucet. Clean-up takes 30 seconds and I don’t pee my pants!
When ever I was traveling, I found an embroidery hoop so it held a bag open worked fine. Next bin, drop it in ! ( just make sure you keep the hoop, lol ) x
I sadly don’t have one at my current house but a midwife friend told me about yakking into the kitchen sink and just running the garbage disposal. It’s my first choice option when it’s available because you can stand which I find more comfortable, very easy clean up, and you got running water right there to rinse out your mouth.