Butt bench: A party in your bathtub for your butt

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That’s me. In my bathtub. I am in there because I am a complete bath junkie. I know now that this is a type of person, but I didn’t always understand there are others like me. One who, for fun, takes frequent, long, pointless baths. This person reads in the tub. This person is jealous of Marat's bathtub setup, horrible skin disease be damned! This person buys furniture for the purpose of enhancing bathtime.

Whether or not you are a bath junkie, you will want a Butt Bench, and I will show you why.

Butt Bench is Offbeat Home's new sponsor. They make pine and cedar benches designed to fit in almost every bathtub, upon which you can sit your fancy-feeling fanny, prop a leg up while shaving, or use as shelf for MOAR bath products. They sent me a sample bench to try, and I was so excited I had to take to Google Chat immediately:

me
MY BUTT BENCH ARRIVED!!!!
In preparation, I will turn my water heater up ALL THE WAY

dani.ausen
WOOOO

me
Light a little incense…
Make some edamame…
AND NEVER LEAVE THE BATHTUB AGAIN

dani.ausen
Wow. It sounds like you're planning a romantic date for yourself.

me
Me and butt bench, we're in a platonic relationship. But we are CLOSE

dani.ausen
VERY CLOSE.

me
We are like peanut butter and jelly. Celery and peanut butter. Like a butt and a buttbench.

dani.ausen
IT IS ACQUIANTED WITH YOUR NAKED ASS.

me
not yet
BUT SOON!

To be honest, even though I was expecting a pretty standard panel of wood — I was still excited for it! But I did not expect to be impressed so thoroughly when I ripped open the package.

The Butt Bench is SUPER DUPER nice. I chose cedar, and it SMELLS like cedar, and makes my bathroom smell like cedar. It's smooth, finely finished, and varnished. No butt splinters! No mildew!

The thing is nicely built. Benches come in two lengths, but fit most tubs, and come with built-in suction cups so it’ll stay stuck to the wall. You wouldn't want to get too wiggly in a bathtime singalong and slide off your seat, would you?

Even the suction cups impressed me — they have a nicely-routed home, and are built to be tightened to give the best fit.

Uses for the Butt Bench:

• Extra storage: if you only use your shower as a shower, you can still use a handsome shelf.
• Shaving support: sit on it, prop a leg up — you’ll get better reach and smooooother shaves.
• This would be GREAT for anyone with mobility issues. Obviously, elderly relatives come to mind, but I also spent months with a camping chair in my bathtub after I broke my leg. Lord, if I could have had a Butt Bench then!
• Turning your shower into a sauna! Sit on your Butt Bench and let the steam refresh you! This is especially good as a natural treatment for asthma or respiratory infections.
• Washing your dog! SO SMART!

And of course you can also use a butt bench as a working-tub-desk. I'm serious about the bath-fanatic thing. I EAT in the tub. I start most mornings with my iPhone and a bath. My laptop is well-acquainted with the edge of the tub. Books, sketchpads, craft projects, phone calls…they all happen in my bathtub.

And so I'm serious about my excitement for the Butt Bench. Its name makes me giggle, and the product makes one of my favorite things in the world EVEN BETTER.

I can’t gush anymore. You’re already excited. I know this, because you are my bath-freak brethren. Go now, and buy your ass a Butt Bench.

About the Author: Cat Rocketship

I was the Managing Editor of Offbeat Home for a year and a half. I have a rich Internet life and also a pretty good real life. Hobbies include D&D, Twitter, and working on making our household more self-reliant. I also draw things.