Posted byMy husband and I got the shock of our lives at our first ultrasound at 20 weeks. “Did you know there were two babies in there?” the technician said. With no fertility treatments or history of twins in my family, suddenly I went from pregnant with my first baby to pregnant with my first two babies!
After struggling with the shock for the first week or two, I started to read and research twins. While I’m finding plenty of practical information about twin pregnancy issues, how to choose a twin stroller or how to breastfeed two babies at once, I’m interested in the bigger picture issues. How did having twins or multiples change your life? What are some of the biggest challenges unique to raising multiples? What have you discovered is special about having twins? — RC
This is sooooo familiar! I didn’t find out I was having twins until my ultrasound, too. (My husband asked the tech if it wad a girl or a boy; there was a distinct pause; then the tech said, “well, this one’s a girl. This one is a boy.”) The most important thing I guess I can tell you, 8 years & two more kidlings later, is to do it all the way YOU want to do it. With twins you will get so very much attention any time you take them out in public-most of the strangers will have advice for you. Smile, nod, say you’ll think about it, and then make your own choices. It will all get easier as time goes by, so always try to remember that as one is crying, one has spit up, the phone is ringing, & you’re all still wearing pjs at dinnertime. A couple of things we did that made things a bit easier include starting out with 1 crib in the downstairs livingroom & the other in their nursery (the babies are used to being together & small, they can easily share for a while); use one bowl & one spoon to feed the both of them when they start solid food; &, if you breastfeed & co sleep, put the twins in the center of the bed & you switch sides (along with your husband) to feed them during the night. You can do it! Raising twins, like all kidlings, is a wonderful, amusing, & sometimes frustrating adventure full of sweet and loving moments.
I’m not a mom of twins, but just wanted to say that we have several twin mama’s in our La Leche League group. One of the mamas nursed her twins until they were 3 and only stopped because she got pregnant again and they didn’t like the taste of her milk. My point is two fold: first, it’s possible to nurse with twins! second, La Leche might be a great resource for breastfeeding support!
Get thee to http://www.girlsgonechild.net to read the story of someone who’s a few months ahead of you… This is her latest weekly post, but you can read right back through the links at the bottom to get to the “oh holy f***” moment at the ultrasound. http://www.girlsgonechild.net/2011/09/thirty-four-weeks.html
Ha! I saw this post and thought ‘Hmm, I should forward this to Rebecca from Girls Gone Child – the replies might be really useful’.
We went through the exact same thing (except at 7 weeks along!); it’s terrifying. But eventually wonderful. My twins are only 8 months old, but here’s what I’ve learned so far: embrace the chaos, realize that your plans and expectations are probably faulty, and pare down to the essentials. Every parent eventually learns that there is an enormous divide between our expectations for parenting, our children, etc. and reality. Having twins makes this more clear sooner. It’s like varsity parenting.
Ultimately — once I got through the first very difficult months — I’ve felt like having twins helped me give up perfectionism and a desire to control everything. Though I guess I’ll never know, I think I would probably be trying to do and be everything if I had had one baby at a time. But with two, I was forced to learn very quickly that, at the end of the day, what matter is that everyone is fed, reasonably clean, healthy, and happy.
(And to echo a previous poster, I was not at all prepared for the amount of attention twins generate in public. I think it’s the double stroller, though. When I wear one and put one in the cart, or wear one and put the other in a single stroller, I get many fewer comments. We never leave the house, however, without hearing things like “double trouble!” or being asked if we used ART.)
I’m going to second the paring down to what you really need. Think about all the stuff that everyone says you need for babies, and then think about what of that YOU need/want, because they are not the same! Better for your wallet and sanity…
Also, check out baby/kids consignment shops for good quality used items at less than half the price.
We also found out we were having twins at our first ultrasound at 12 weeks. Huge shock, but you do eventually come to terms with it. I absolutely agree with the PP about having to give up my perfectionism and need for planning and being the better for it. I was expecting complete and utter chaos though, and (caveated with the fact that our twins are only 4 weeks old!) can report that it’s actually (so far anyway) been more manageable than I expected. We have had a lot of help from family though. An extra set of hands every now and again means you/your partner can catch up on sleep. The attention you get in public is a bit tiresome – I don’t seem to be able to walk past anyone without them saying “twins!”, “double trouble” or some other inane comment: the questions about how they were conceived I find particularly intrusive! People are fascinated by multiples though, and we are lucky to have them, so I try to just answer the questions. Rehearsing answers you feel comfortable with is a good idea.
My boys just turned five and are now starting to fully realize what is means to be twins. We have never really referred to them as the “twins” because they are so different in every way.At first I was scared to breast feed them both at the same time, they were my first babies. At about four weeks of being exhausted and tired, I finally had my husband give me both of the babies to feed at the same time- it was so much easier. Have fun!
I am a nanny and one of my families has twins. I have been their nanny since the babies (a boy and a girl) were about 5 weeks old. When they are tiny the biggest challenge is meeting everyone’s needs all at once. that was my role for the first few months. Made mom something to eat so she can feed the babies and then do the bounce and burping and wiggle and diapers and once they were asleep (parents included) it was laundry and dishes and trying to keep the household in working order. The biggest challenge was figuring out how to pick up one squishy baby while holding the other. They figure out pretty quick that everyone gets a turn but someone has to wait a second longer. Oh, and if they both has major meltdowns at the same time the noise level is instantly through the roof…but some calming breathes and a really really good baby carrier makes all the difference.
Really you are just doing everything twice.
Now that the babies are 2 1/2 (OMG) its twice the stories and twice the chatter and twice the potty training! and I have to say everything about 4 times. It’s a blast! and it’s really special to see how they are still so bonded to each other. Sometimes if they fall asleep in the stroller they’ll wrap their feet around each others. it’s heart explodingly sweet.
oh yes the double baby meltdown. those are the worst 🙂 I had to teach myself to take a few seconds to close my eyes and breath before I jumped into it.
I’m a nanny for almost three year old twins, and yes, it’s those sweet moments that melt my heart. When he falls down, she grabs his blankie and runs to take it to him.
Of course, there’s also the great lines like, “Sissy’s throwing a tantrum! No watching tv for her.” Way to rub it in, kid.
In a lot of ways, now that they’re older, I think it’s easier to get a break than if I just had one. They play together and entertain each other really well.
I went in to have an ultrasound to confirm a miscarriage (due to excessive! bleeding at 8 weeks). As I lay their waiting for what I allready knew the technician said, “so do multiples run in your family?” My response, “a blank stare.” My twins are now 5 months old and we can’t imagine life with out them. Having twins forced us to be super (SUPER) organized and yet really flexible. We plan our days out really well. For example, my husband pre-measures out all the babies medication every morning while bottle up enough breastmilk to last the day. The preplanning really keeps us relatively on track.
We also have started asking for help. When ever anyone comes by the house a baby is handed to them. Their told to entertain or bath or feed or change…
We also found it really helpful to have stations set up around the house. We have a box full of diaper supplies in the living room for when we’re alone and have to do an emergency diaper change and can’t bring them both. We have supplies for breastfeeding/ pumping both in our bedroom and in the living room.
lastly, having twins has forced me out of my shell. we can not go anywhere with out people coming over to ask us about the twins.
It is an amazing experience! I’ve sometimes described it as living inside a sociology experiment. I’ve also said that ignorance is probably bliss when it comes to having twins without having a singleton first. I’ve never changed just one diaper or fed just one child, so doing everything twice is my normal.
Try to keep them both on the same schedule for feeding/napping as much as possible. Don’t be afraid to ask for help because it might get overwhelming once in a while. I had massive post-partum depression, my marriage was falling apart and headed for divorce, and I had no family nearby. Friends (IRL and online) kept me going. My mantra on the trying days has always been, “I just have to make it to nap/bed time.” My own version of, “This too shall pass.” One thing I did during meltdowns was to put on headphones and listen to something awesome. I can SEE that they’re crying. I don’t need to hear it, too. Listening to something other than screaming while I tried to comfort them saved my sanity on numerous occassions.
I know that your new additions won’t be in school for quite some time, but one thing I learned early is that there are many states with laws regarding whether the school or the parents have primary say in whether or not to separate into different classrooms. TwinsLaw.com has information on each state’s laws (if any) and has a lot of good information. My girls just started school in adjoining classrooms with similar schedules so they can spend lunch and recess together if they choose to do so. The federal ERIC guidelines state that classroom placement of multiples should be considered on a case-by-case basis. School administrators don’t necessarily know about the guidelines and laws (I had to educate ours – They have always separated multiples without consulting parents). This issue is VERY fresh in my mind having occupied a good chunk of my summer. I’m glad to have known my rights and have laws and federal guidelines to back me up and allow me to decide what is best for my kids.
Things to look forward to: Waking up to baby chatter and giggles from their cribs and being able to just listen to them enjoying each others’ company. When they start talking and having nonsensical toddler conversations, you’ll have TWO of them having those conversations with each other all the time. They always have someone to give them a hug or encourage them when it’s needed. They learn to share and take turns from birth, so they can easily become some of the best-behaved kids you know. They challenge each other (when one learns to do something, the other wants to learn, too).
It really is incredible. Yes, there were some days where it was more like living in a nursing home than a sociology project (spending hours doing laundry and cleaning various messes off my clothes only to leave the house and still find myself wondering, “What is that SMELL?”), but I wouldn’t trade it for anything.
I have twin step-sons. They’re 7 next week. Certain things are harder (they get doubles of everything on their birthday. same shirt, toy and movie. WE DON’T NEED COPIES!) but some things are easier (Same homework so we do it together and stay focused)
I didn’t have them as babies so i cant speak to that, but now…they’re like normal brothers. They bicker, they wrestle, they can’t stop chatting. But the other day i said “nick i can’t read your mind!” and he said “my brother can!” it was a quick reminder that they are bonded in a special way. We try real hard to keep them as individuals. Seperate classrooms, I know what food they like/dislike, one does karate, one does art. As long as we treat them like seperate children, other people do too.
Except the public “omg are you guys twins!!” that never changes *eye roll*
Congrats on your babies!
Ah, my parents discovered my mom was carrying twins 8 months into the ordeal. I was so happy, I got not one, but TWO baby brothers! It’s a handful, but just remember to not panic….too much.
I was in the same boat, except my parents found out at 30 weeks… as the first one popped out. :O
Thanks everyone for posting such great replies – that’s me from the question above. I’m really appreciating the responses and advice!
And of course, thanks Stephanie and Ariel for posting my question. 🙂
I had a similar experience. I found out at 6 weeks that I was pregnant, had excessive bleeding around 8 weeks, went to the ER for an ultrasound, and found out I still was pregnant with twins. (All of this after being told I would never conceive on my own) I can tell you that having twins has completely changed my life, all for the better. My girls, now 7 year old identical twins, have taught me more about living than any other experience I’ve had. The first few months are the hardest (I should mention I was also technically a single parent at the time)… but find a routine that works for you and stick to it. I usually prepared a pitcher every morning with formula – as breast feeding two babies at once wasn’t easy for us. It made feedings a lot easier. My girls slept in the same crib until about 6 months old, but even to this day they still share a bed because they choose to. The questions from strangers when we are out in public get really old really fast. But that never stops. We still deal with that daily. People assume twins are more difficult just because there are two of them, but I’ve found that my girls are easier than most singletons (from watching friends and their kids), simply for the fact that they can keep each other entertained. My biggest advice is don’t treat them like they are the same person, just because they are twins. And make sure other people do the same. Watching two people who have the same DNA grow up and blossom in to their own individual human beings has been a great pleasure. I am now 18 weeks pregnant with my 3rd (it’s only 1 this time!) and I’m actually more nervous about this one because I already know what it’s like to be the mother of twins.
Do what you feels right to you, listen to advice – but only take it if you think it can work for your family, and most importantly, remember that no matter what, you’ll all survive. Enjoy this journey!
My story is very similar, didn’t know till 22 week u/s, no history of twins, no fertility treatments. i lived in denial for several weeks afterwards. WE still get comments and the twins are almost 4. They have a 2.5 year old sibling who is almost as big as the twins so we get the triplet comment a lot.
I love the fact that they all play together and share without much work from me. they seem really close and tight knit. Their verbal skills have improved immensely and it has really helped their younger sibling. The twins potty trained themselves just before they turned 3 and the younger one is working very hard and is almost there.
I love them and would have done this all over again!
This is such a good question, thanks for posting. I love reading the comments. Twins run in my family and I am nearly in my 30s so my chances are even higher so I wonder about this a lot. My brothers are twins and it was a rough road… my parents (who were not all that stable in the first place) divorced after the first few years. The one thing I can say about this is that you and your partner have to be a team 100% and not to let the little things get to you. I think if you are stable together and happy it will be a beautiful experience. I love my little brothers dearly but I’m afraid to have a pair of them! It is interesting though now to see my brothers are 24 now (yikes!) and could not look anymore different. I don’t even think they look like siblings! Dark hair, light hair, tall, short, hefty, skinny. Good luck and enjoy those babies!
1) Finding out I was carrying twins immediately and forcefully reminded me of the limits of my ability to control the trajectory of my life, and made me give up perfectionism. Not just in theory but in solid practice. It turns out this is really good for my head. I’m seriously mellow now. I was good at being flexible and responsive to change before, but now I’m a champ.
2) Man, am I getting good at being frugal. And creatively resourceful.
3) As a shy person, and as a mom of not only twins but biracial twins, the public attention was and still can be overwhelming. I practiced responses to common questions, up to and including the way-too-frequent ones on their differing skin tones and whether I was their mother or a nanny or a teacher or what.
4) Breastfeeding twins can certainly be done. But it’s hard, and time-consuming, and formula supplementation has its upsides, too, like the ability to share feeding duties.
5) Don’t let anyone guilt you for taking shortcuts (formula, disposable diapers, kid leashes, whatever!), but if you don’t want to take them, don’t.
6) Again, I’m shy, but I’ve gotten a lot better at asking for help when I need it. A lot.
7) Logistics are harder. One baby is quite portable. Two, not so much. Walking down the street with one toddler? Easy. Two? Let’s take the stroller, kids…
I was just saying this morning that although we’d planned for one child, if I was going to have two I would indeed prefer to do it this way. I really love having two (very different!) kids at the same developmental stage who can relate to each other, keep each other company, share, teach, challenge each other, take care of each other. It’s amazing and a lot of fun.
Leashes! I have to say that even though I received many an unpleasant glare, leashes came in SO handy when my girls were toddlers. I don’t know about anyone else, but running in two opposite directions is not something I’m able to do. We only used the leashes if we were going to be somewhere too crowded to keep track of both of them easily (ie: the county fair, Disneyland, etc.)
I used them, too! I got some dirty looks once in a while, but I also had people ask me where they could get one (I had the animal backpack type you can get at Target). The girls loved their “snuggle puppy” and “snuggle bear” (so named because they were “hugging” the girls to keep them safe). I figured I’d get dirty looks if my kids were running rampant anyway, so I might as well deal with the glares and keep them safe.
I’ve never understood why people give child leashes dirty looks. It allows the kid more freedom then forcing them to hold your hand the entire time you’re out. While one might feel that a toddler should be able to be trusted to calmly walk beside their parent, its an ideal many rambunctious kids just don’t live up to.
My sister was a bit of a hellion. The options were pretty much don’t take her out, carry her, or have her on a leash. Or lose her when she went running off through a department store and into the mall at top speed – but luckily we only did that once before we started going with the leash option.
This is more advice for when they’re older, (I have no advice for logistics when they’re babies) but realize that there are some people who really enjoy being a twin, and some people who really dislike it.
My brothers are in the latter group, although that dislike began to wane as they went away to college and began to look more distinct. (They’re not actually identical, but all of us look really similar, so they pretty much were).
Make certain that both of them get some one-on-one time with you and your partner (if applicable). It’s more difficult to do with twins, but they need to know that they are their own separate persons, not just one entity. That’s why I really, really dislike it when people call twins ‘the twins’. In our family it was just “Bob and Sam” or “Sam and Bob” – just like me and my sister (7 years apart) were “Mary and Suzy” or “Suzy and Mary”.
I guess I’m just saying that having their own separate identity can be even more important for twins than other people. They can either resent that connection or become so dependent on it they’ll never be happy alone.
Just something to think about.
In reference to them becoming so interdependent on each other: I dated a twin for several years who was extremely close to his brother. It was actually kind of creepy at times (to me) because they would still share a bed at twenty years old occasionally. They are completely inseparable to this day and I know from my own experience that the twin I was not dating loathed me for taking up time that he would normally spend with his brother. I think in their case they were too dependent on each other, or one was more dependent on the other than was healthy. It’s something to keep in mind as they get older I think.
I am not a mother of multiples, but I am a triplet! The best advice I can give is to treat each baby as an individual. As they get older tke time to take each one out on special “dates” without the other in tow. Also, my mom stuck to a schedule when we were little, it was the only way to keep her bearings.
I’m a triplet too!
This might just be me, or more of a triplet thing, or what, but here’s my 2 cents.
DO NOT FIND OUT WHICH IS ‘ELDEST’ and ‘YOUNGEST’. I have been plagued by this since birth. Seriously. It’s one of the first questions anyone asks, and it bugs me out of my mind. My sister is the ‘eldest’ by LITERALLY three minutes, and it might as well be years, the way she was treated at times. She still occasionally comes out with, “Yeah, well I’m the eldest!”
On a more serious and rounded note – I feel like the labels of ‘eldest’, ‘middle’ and ‘youngest’ can cause people (including the family) to have expectations and mould you in a way. That’s probably just me, no more than anecdotal evidence for that one.
I know that if I ever have multiples (we were IVF with no family history of twins or triplets, so there’s not much chance) I would actively avoid finding out who was older and younger. I’d just wait ’til they were all out and ask if all fingers and toes were intact and in working order! 😀 They’re exactly the same age, development-wise (barring other things and stuff) so why risk treating them otherwise, even unconsciously?
I’m a twin, and I love this possibility. Not knowing which one was born first? would’ve been awesome. My sister was born first but it was a C Section… so she was pulled out although I was ready to go down the canal. So which one was “really” the elder one?. I wonder if the doctors would edit the time of birth to reflect the same time (or an average) or if that’s even allowed.
things to ponder.
I am a mother of 15 month old twins. Like you, my husband and I found out at our first ultrasound. I have since left my job teaching, to be a stay at home mom and I LOVE IT! I have started a blog about being a twin mom (http://twinkiemom143.blogspot.com/). I write about what we have used and what works for us. I am by no means a expert but I am working through it one day at a time. You can do it!
Not a mother of twins, although someday I might be… they run in the family, and my father has a fraternal twin brother (they look identical, however – Mary Kate and Ashley Olsen have the same situation). My advice would be this:
1. If you’re worried about being able to tell them apart, don’t be. You’re going to be spending A LOT of time with them, and their physical differences will become extremely obvious, not to mention their differences in personality. Even identical twins never look exactly alike – they may be genetically identical, but environmental causes can and do cause differences in appearance; sometimes they’re major, even if the children in question are identical twins.
2. I would like to reiterate the importance of individuality. They are two separate people. Even if they love being a twin, there are issues. I mean, it’s bad enough for me being compared to any one of my four siblings, and none of us are even close to being twins. And while my dad and his brother love being twins (they are essentially Fred and George Weasley, but real people, muggles, Americans, born in the 1950’s, and frankly, much worse), there is always a huge amount of competition between the two of them. Often times it’s all in good fun. Other times it is not.
3. Separation can be a VERY good thing. Peer pressure is intense between a set of twins. If one of them wants to get into some trouble and convinces the other one to go along with it, then you’re faced with a lot of trouble. Sometimes even more than double the trouble – you don’t just have two kids causing trouble, you have two kids discussing how they can make said trouble even more troublesome, and can come up with ideas they would not be able to conceive on their own. It’s a very sticky situation.
All that being said, you’ve having two children. The fact that they were conceived at the same time and will be born seconds apart from each other is both wonderful and incidental. So congratulations! It presents its own unique challenges, but while these challenges are different than the challenges faced by parents whose siblings are born at different times or parents who only have one child, they’re no more difficult than the challenges any other parent faces – they’re just different. And also a whole lot of fun!
Yay! My boys are about to be 14 years old. You’d never know they were twins to look at them now. It seems like so long ago that I was where you are, but there are things that stand out in my memory as important. Throw any and all expectations out the window. I don’t think having twins is twice the work, like everyone says. You’re already doing the work anyway; you just need to do a little extra for the second baby. It’s like Work-and-a-Half! An assembly line! Accept and ask for help. Any and every kind. Keep a written list, because it’s hard to remember what you need in the moment when someone asks what they can do. Find support. La Leche League was invaluable for me, since the boys refused solid food til they had teeth at 12 months. It helped me to learn how to know things were going fine, and if/when I should be concerned. They’ll likely hit milestones at different times, and that’s ok too. It was nice having two and seeing the differences in their development; it made me not stress out so much wondering what was “normal”. I also wish I had known about slings before they were 9 months old. We had the front carriers, but I didn’t like how they fit. Shopping got so much easier once I started putting one in a sling and one in the cart (carseat or sitting). Wearing them both just felt cumbersome to me, but I could wear one and carry the other if necessary. I kept my keys on a lanyard around my neck, which both gave them something to play with and eliminated the need to dig in the diaper bag for my keys. I used a backpack diaper bag, which worked great with the sling and kept both shoulders/hands free for babies. Strollers are good. I never used a leash, but I could have, when I was 8 months pregnant with their brother and they were about 2 and a half, running off in opposite directions, shrieking and giggling. You’re going to have some great stories to tell. When they’ve covered the kitchen floor in eggs, orange juice and parmesan cheese, or made a slip-n-slide out of the bathroom floor (again) and you feel your sanity slipping, imagine that you’re someone else reading about it, or that someone has cast you in a sitcom. Imagining what someone else would think watching the scene always made me at least smile, if not laugh outright. 🙂
My parents found out they would be getting twins 3 weeks before they were born. The week after that my dad had a 450lbs beam fall across his body and break a bunch of his ribs, shattered one of the bones in his left forearm and shattered his right ankle (which are both now made of metal, pins & screws), one of the benefits my parents got out of that is that my dad was home full time for the first 3 months after my brothers were born. My brothers had the same clothes, but in opposite colors…Martin always wore red, Dan always wore blue. It was like that until they were 10 or so.
I did this with my girls quite a bit, too. I found that it wasn’t so much about dressing them alike, but more about only having to make ONE decision about what they were going to wear. It was one way I could simplify my day. Once they started forming opinions about what they wanted to wear, I let them decide.
I found out I was having twins at 6 weeks, I found out the week earlier that I was pregnant, but ended up having an ultrasound because I thought I had a miscarriage. At 26 weeks I was dialated to 2 cm and went on bedrest/ almost 2 weeks in the hospital, but they were able to help keep me pregnant until my scheduled c section at 35 weeks. The girls are now 2 and a lot of fun. It can be scary trying to figure out how you’re going to handle two babies at once, but I assure you that you will find a way to make it work. My advice as far as nursing is concerned, either rent or purchase an electric pump. They sell them at target, babies r us, second hand stores and garage sales. You can rent them at medical supply stores or if you qualify for W.I.C. they can check one at to you. I highly recommend pumping because it is a lot faster than trying to nurse two fussy babies. I would feed the girls every 3 hours when they were really little, so I’d take 15-20 minutes pumping, it would normally take me an hour to feed/change both of them. Then I would have an hour and a half before I started all over again. Also, when they sleep, you sleep. Keeping them on the same schedule is very important in keeping your sanity. My girls were in the nicu for 12 days, so I got help in doing that. My last piece of advice, enjoy them while they are young, they grow way too fast and before you know it they are running around the house and you wonder what happened to your little babies. I wish you the best and make sure to have fun with them. They are the biggest entertainment 🙂
We are 12.5 weeks along with twins. We knew it was possible since we transferred two embryos (IVF), but it still feels surreal. It’s great to hear all these stories to help me wrap my mind around it! I don’t know if this is the place to mention it, but I would love a post about people’s decision to stay in/come out of the infertility/IVF closet. Right now, only a few select people (chosen for their sensitivity and ability to keep a secret) know about our experience. I know that once people find out that we are having twins (I am not planning on telling people until the very last moment, if at all) – people will wonder how its possible since there are no twins at all in our families. I am not sure what we will say – I am generally a private person.
If people ask, just shrug and say, “Gosh, I know! Amazing, isn’t it?”
Here’s my advice as a twin:
Treat them as individuals. I grew up as always being refered to as “The Twins” and I actually hate it to this day. I am more then just one of the twins. I am Chelsea. I am my own person.
People will never stop asking questions. My brother and I (obviously not identical) used to get the same questions, asked really fast like they were quizzing us to see if we actually were. Just take these in stride.
Let them have somethings to themselves. I used to hate shared birthdays. Birthdays are the one day when it’s all about you, and people show you how much they love you, and growing up, I hated that I had to share that. Hated it. I also shared my graduation, my first legal drink, all those things that are supposed to be huge milestones in your life. The best thing my mom ever did was let my brother and I have our birthday meals seperate. My brother got lunch to be all about him, while dinner was mine, and then the next year we switched. I liked when people paid attention for me for simply being me, not just a twin.
It does sound needy and selfish, but everyone wants to be there own person. I love being a twin, and having a built in friend, but its nice to be myself.
I guess this is for when your kids get older haha. I dont have any ideas for babies, as I was a baby and dont remember it =) Bt good luck!