My sex drive has been at the centre of a few arguments and tears in the past little while. Right now, even if we wanted to do it more often, our weeks are so busy we don’t even have the time! But here’s what helped us have more sex in a relationship, even when we’re super-busy…
1. I changed birth control
This may not apply to everyone, but in case it does… I found my pills were making me feel like a robot. Six attempts later, I settled on Yaz which made me feel the most normal. I’ve been off of my pills for a while now (same reason as you, good luck!), so my drive has kickstarted.
2. Make a daily reminder somewhere to think sexy thoughts about each other
I made a reminder in my Outlook at work to use any spare time to think sexy things about my husband. This helps put me in the mood for later.
3. Try new things
I’m not the experimenting type (I tend to laugh and not take it seriously or get embarrassed), but I have done new things at my own pace. We have found new things that keep it interesting — whether that’s a new lube (the Yours and Mine from KY is very good), or a fun new prop/toy — it can definitely help.
4. Make a schedule
Yes this sounds totally lame, and it kind of is. But if you’re in a real funk like I was. Sometimes forcing it can help regain a rhythm. My husband and I designated specific days for fun time, and then before we knew it…we were doing it more often.
5. Switch up the time of day
This REALLY helped us. I found I was more in the mood in the mornings, whereas he was in the mood… well… whenever. We started going at it in the mornings more (sexy wake up call anyone?) and that really helped jump-start things.
6. No pressure
Try not to think about why or how often you are doing it. Doing so will make you feel worse about it. I know I cried many times because I wasn’t being “satisfactory” even though my husband didn’t mind. If you beat yourself up about it, it’ll make things worse.
So relax and take things slowly. Loudly proclaim to the other partner you’re “just not feeling it” that day, if it’s really feeling like a bother. Try and do things you did together when you first starting seeing each other to try to rekindle that feeling that made you go at it like bunnies.
Since it’s Valentine’s Day, let’s talk about the unexpected things you or your partner does to have more sex in your relationship…