If you are a human and live on the planet Earth, then there is a fair chance that you may know a teacher that you may be shopping for. Whether this teacher is related to you by blood, marriage, or association (when spending eight hours a day with your offspring), this person is appreciative that you’ve thought of them at all.
If you’re anything like my mom — the sweet woman who toiled endlessly in the kitchen making purposefully ugly-DIY-worthy cookies, so that my teachers would believe that they were the thoughtful product of a 3rd grader’s labor — then you probably have also found yourself weeping into the bowl of M&Ms at 2am on a weeknight and whispering, “There has to be a better way…”
And there is, my friends. There definitely is.
This year, whether it be a holiday, birthday, or end of the year “thanks for dealing with my kid for nine months,” get Teacher something they will cherish for always instead!
I present to you, the top ten gift ideas for the teacher in your life…
Because coffee is life. Gift cards, Keurig machines, and straight up IV drips are all welcomed. And look! The new mini Keurig comes in banana color.
#2: Gift cards for bookstores
Just because they teach, it doesn’t mean that they don’t like to read for fun. They usually end up spending an entire paycheck on books and supplies for the classroom, so it would be nice to pick up something fun, crazy, and decidedly not G rated.
#3: Audio Books
And sometimes their adult brains like to be stimulated while the rest of their body slowly decays in rush hour traffic.
Because no one goes through bags like teachers do. Surprise your Teacher with something that’s totes awesome.
#5: Movie Theater Tickets
When teachers don’t want to read a book, they go and see it at the movies, just like normal people! Help a teacher out and send him to the movies so he can figure out what all the kids are talking about.
#6: Crafty handmade items that were actually made by kids
This one might take a little bit more time to put together than, let’s say, tote bag, but it is still an all-time favorite of teachers the world-over. Example: How awesome are these nifty Christmas tree earrings from one of my 9th graders? He actually made them!
#7: Miss Frizzle inspired accessories
You can bet that most of the teachers teaching the kids today grew up in Miss Frizzle’s cracked out world of scientific exploration in the hit PBS show, The Magic School Bus. They actually want to be her. To get your favorite teacher one step closer to taking turning her students into space rocks or whatever, start off by making sure she has a pair of these bad boys.
#8: Weird desk supplies
Teachers don’t want to be that person who spends hard earned money on really stupid things like pushpins shaped like battle axes, but let’s face it; it’s what they really want.
They’ll never tell you that, but it’s what they’re thinking when holding another tin of shortbread cookies and smiling… God, I hope there’s beer in here.
#10: Content Specific Tchotchkes
If your teacher is spending day after day trying to get the next generation to appreciate one particular subject, it’s probably because that teacher is highly attracted to that kind of content (even possibly on a sexual level… yes, you, grammar…I’m looking at you). Might I suggest any of the items for the content specific teacher in your life?
- Math: For the strapping math teaching man or woman in your life, he or she may love this smashing tie full of math things from seller The Wool Fish on Etsy.
- Science: For the nerdy science person, there is always this hip way to keep your sandwiches cool. The Organ Transplant lunch cooler is loved by all who won’t puke at the thought of such things.
- History: While a lot of people these days are trying to steal your grandpa’s style, History teachers like to take it one step further and steal the panache of your great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great- grandpa. One way to impress this teacher is with really, really old shit. Sometime like authentic Roman glass bling.
- English/Language Arts: These quotation earrings will mean your English teacher will never leave the house without being properly quoted again.
- Foreign Languages: I’m still not sure what it is about world language teachers, but they love hats.
Teachers, raise your hand. Teach us more about the things you REALLY want to be gifted!