Posted byWhat were the three things (or more!) you did that made those first few months with baby less overwhelming? Or what do you wish you had done? I mean concrete things like organizing the onesies, stocking up on energy bars, hiring a cleaning person, etc.
I’m due in around seven weeks with our first, and trying to be as prepared as I can. One request: please don’t tell me how I’ll never be prepared enough — I get that. I’m just trying to take care of what I can now when I have the time. — Holly
What did you guys do before you had your child(ren) that made those first few months a little easier?
Buy infant tylenol so that you have it on hand in the middle of the night if you need it.
Wow, these responses are so awesome–thanks everyone and keep ’em coming!
Baby Olive June is now here–born August 18th–and we are implementing many of these ideas now. A corner of our couch has the pump, Lanolin, Breast Friend, room for beverages, a pair of glasses (for tv-watching at 4am) and all the other stuff I like to have on hand. We’ve accepted every offer of help (my mom is, as I write this, in the kitchen making us dinner–yay!) and we’re trying to time out the visits so that we get time with friends without being overwhelmed or anxious about feeding Olive on time. Super loving the friends who graciously have made us food and spent a mere few minutes with us when they know the baby is antsy.
One thing I’ve found really helpful is this: if you have a dvr, record as many shows you like as possible. I prefer lighter stuff like CSI and What Not To Wear–nothing where I have to think too hard but keeps my interest up. It’s nice to have the distraction while pumping or when Olive is out cold but I can’t quite get to sleep…and I can cruise through the commercials.
Another thing my husband and I have found to work well (at least for the last week or so–and she’s only 14 days old) is to take two 5ish-hour shifts at night so that each partner gets a fairly solid block of sleep. Olive prefers to sleep in the bassinet instead of the co-sleeper so far, so the bedroom is currently the “sleep zone” and the on-shift partner hangs out in the living room with Olive. I miss sleeping with my honey, but so far it’s worked well and we can each function pretty well during the day 🙂
I love hearing all the different things people have found to make their new-parent life work! We are indeed finding our way and making it work for us. And getting to talk to other new parents is extremely helpful too. Community is a blessed thing 🙂
stock up on tea, coffee and ‘guest cookies’ as we call them in our house. the fancy kind we don’t usually have 🙂
if you have gone to pre natal class, try and stay in contact with your class mates, they are most likely due around the same time as you.
try to get out of the house every day
1. Eat! When my daughter was born, I was holding her or doing something for her all the time. I wouldn’t eat because every time I went to, she would cry. It made me so much more stressed and tired. Be kind to yourself. Its okay for the baby to cry for a few seconds while you finish what you are doing.
2. Get a schedule going. I dont mean, feed every 3 hours. I mean, when baby finishes eating, change diaper and or clothes. Bath at same time a day. Do evreything the same that way they expect it. Thats how I got my daughter to sleep through the night at 4 weeks.
3. Trust your instincts. My daughters doctor was very rude. I didnt lean on a professionals opinion even though I read book after book. Also, dont let anyone make you feel bad for the way you raise your child. Everyone is different, but some people will tell you that you are wrong. You are not wrong. Its what works for you and its your child
I am now one week into taking care of our new little one. Biggest tip I can give you: it (enter any aspect of new parent time) is going to be okay. Not perfect, maybe not even tolerable in your normal life situation, but totally okay with a new baby and a new you. Prepare as you will, but be ready for not having things your usual way.
You never know an exact date, so don’t freak out if labor happens and you dont have it all done right. Our house was pristine and clean, organized and stocked…a week before baby arrived. When I finally did go into labor, the fridge was empty, the house was dirty, I was low on energy anyway being a week overdue, and it made me so unhappy to not have certain projects done. I had to do some serious attitude adjustment to get over this on the drive to the birthing center, because mentally it will interfere with labor and many other things.
This all became more complicated when I got a good tear during delivery and I was suddenly restricted to reclining/laying down or standing for short periods of time. Sitting is not in the picture, and after 33 hours of labor I wasn’t about to do anything more than hobble to the bathroom and back. Even the rocker is out of bounds for me right now. Thank the stars I had borrowed Ina Maye Gaskin’s Guide to Breastfeeding, because it had pictures and instructions for breastfeeding while laying down, and many other helpful info. I’m also restricted on the amount of walking I can do, so I’m at home a lot right now. Movie rentals have saved my sanity, as well as random internet fun.
I still have a hard time with snacking. Dried fruit is a favorite of mine, so I may try to make trail mix as suggested. I carry a bicyclist’s water pack (Camelback thing) with me everywhere in the house or wherever I go – I can drink lying down really easy from this. La Leche League is going to be my resource for mom time later on when I’m cleared to go out more.
Basically, I did everything right to prepare as best I could, but the tear changed up everything. That and hubby had to return to work right away… I am dependant on him doing meals in between work, or from visitors doing errands and such, since we only have one vehicle. It gets better every day, but it isn’t how I saw it going down beforehand! I still feel like an awesome mom though. Happy baby breast-coma face makes it all better.
Figure out the minimum about of self maintenence you can live with and stock up. I don’t usually wear make up but I found that mascara and eye liner helped me pretend I wasn’t as tired as I was. Stock up on hand cream. You will be washing your hands a lot and whithered hands can be depressing.
Also set up cleaning stations so if you happen to have a couple of minutes you can take care of small stuff around the house.
I dont really have 3 things but we always said to ourselves “this cant last forever”, she cant scream forever, she cant stay awake forever, she wont be grumpy forever so there is no point getting worked up about it cos it cant last forever (and when you get stressed it makes baby even more stressed) Keeping this mentality seriously helped even if it was with a forced smile.
1. Be prepared to not wear a shirt when your house isn’t full of other people for the first few weeks. (It makes nursing so much easier!)
2. Organize two baskets of diapers, wipes, receiving blankets and snacks. Keep one beside your bed and one beside the couch.
3. Buy a big jug of water, just in case. The power went out here for three days the week my son was born which meant we did’t have water either. It is 10x harder to take care of an infant with no water (think hand washing).
4. Get the phone number for your local La Leche League Leader and keep it handy if you need help with breastfeeding. What seems like a complete inability to do it can often be fixed very quickly with their help. 🙂
Haha! I’m still shirt-less around the house at three months!
All the suggestions for a having a support network are great. It’s nice to have fall backs if you get overwhelmed.
However, you also need to know that if push comes to shove you can make things work all on your own.
Let me explain. When I was pregnant, all the baby classes, and books said you needed this huge support system ready to be in place before the baby comes. They made it feel like without it, you don’t stand a chance in hell. We did our best to make lists, and have people on standby, but when it came down to it, life got in the way. My daughter was born in the midst of my Dad fighting for his life from throat cancer, my sister in an abusive relationship and with a 3 month old, and 3 days after she was born, my grandmother died. (I had to move my baby shower for the funeral, since I was induced three weeks early.) Not to mention my daughter was in the NICU for five days before we could take her home. So it ended up just being me, my husband, and my baby girl for the first few months until everything else settled down. You know what? We did just fine. There was the usual adjustment period where we can to figure out how to live around a newborn’s schedule, but overall I have nothing but fond memories of that time.
Basically support is great if you have it, but don’t be devastated if it doesn’t all work out just as you planned. As with anything in life, but esp. when it comes to parenting, just try to be flexible and roll with it. It will be ok. Have confidence in your ability to be exactly what your baby needs you to be (it helps to remember that babies don’t care if your house is a mess, or you haven’t changed out pajamas for a week straight), and just take it from there.
Find out what type of support there is in your community. I ended up going to a couple baby groups and a breastfeeding clinic. I just wish I had known about them earlier. It would have made the earlier weeks waaaaay easier!
We cooked a lot of food which could be kept in the freezer. We also ordered from a home-baked food service which delivered a week’s worth of meals every Sunday for two weeks.
Everyone says it, but it really is also important to let people know ahead of time that when they come to visit you in that first month or two, they should bring something with them, be it food or a willingness to clean, even if it is just to wipe down the sink in the bathroom or sweep one floor. I thought it sounded mean to ask but wish I had!
If you have been in any prenatal exercise or other groups and haven’t already done it, get a list of phone numbers and e-mail addresses – new Mum friends are indispensable when you are a new Mum too. Plus you can forge many long-lasting friendships!
Good luck, and enjoy – it goes so quickly!
i’m happily moming a 5 month old but MAN did i want to quit during those first few months.
my tips:
1. stock up on toilet paper and paper towels (if you use them), dish soap, shampoo, toothpaste. the things you want to die if you run out of but don’t really think about till you’re sitting on the toilet desperately wanting to wipe.
2. we reserved ONE weekend day to NOT have visitors. we just wanted to be. weekends became insane and we had constant streams of people and didn’t feel like we could exhale. so, say no to some people, say yes to some people. your friends and family will have a WHOLE lotta time to meet the little one. not everyone needs to during the first two weeks or three months. because a visit is great except that it means you can’t nap or shower or lay facedown on the bed while people are there. say YES to people who get it…people who will hold the baby so you can nap for 45 minutes but will wake you if you need to be up…people who will wash your dishes without asking…people who will know that a 2 hour visit is tough.
3. we gave ourselves 12 weeks of guilt-free ness. so if all we could muster was sitting on the couch eating granola bars watching friday night lights…so be it. if one of us was grouchy, the other gave space. those first few months are HARD so own it, honor it and know that when you get your first laugh a whole new world of awesome opens up.
i’m a writer starting to work on a book i wanna call something like “The C Section You’ll Never Have,” full of lists and helpful hints for how to make things less stressful when you get home from the hospital (that of course you, being fully wonderful with your positive visualizations and birth hypnosis, would never have to go to!) (being silly, ha ha)…
so, i’d pre-prepare for the chance you might have a cesarean section. tell your friends and fam that if you do have one, they should treat it as though you just had major abdominal surgery — because you did! how would they treat you if you’d had a liver transplant? *add* that to how would they treat you if you’d had a baby. it’s HUGE.
no one, despite my lotsa-reading and many awesome docs/doulas, warned me adequately about this. 1) you may be on lots of drugs for a while. your doc might make you come in *in person* for drug refills (federal law). 2) you may not be able to drive for a good long time. or walk. 3) hell, you may not be able to get up off the couch to go pee. 4) the couch? wtf! why didn’t you set up a nice bed in the living room, just in case you had a C section or bad tear or related surgery. DUH!
5) combine C section with breastfeeding problems, and holy crap, is it hard. pre-warn your friends and fam that if this happens, you may need to have others in the house with you 24/7 or close to it. 6) maybe ask one friend (who isn’t the person coordinating dropoff meals, etc) to be your C Section Coordinator. if you *do* have one, this person has read a bit about it, and will coordinate having others come stay with you. or a Breastfeeding Coordinator if that goes awry. these things add so much craziness. the supportiveness and free time of your partner will probably be a factor
Take advantage of your co-parent! My husband took off 3 weeks after the birth and while I was recovering/struggling with breastfeeding, he was cooking, cleaning and changing the baby. (We did make freezer meals but didn’t use any of them in the first month because he was so on top of things!) Get rid of any resentment you may have about having a baby clinging to you, and leaking milk and being sore and having to wake up in the middle of the night and realize that equal input doesn’t mean you both do the same things. Divide and conquer. I am breast-feeding and co-sleeping, and my rule is I am the night-parent and he is “on call”. I feed and comfort the baby during the night, BUT I don’t get out of bed during the night. Any diaper changes or walking is his department at night.
The next big thing for us was for those first 3 weeks, we didn’t get up until we had enough sleep. Sure this meant a few hours of having him sleep on our chests to keep him calm, but you’ll be happy on your back after the long pregnancy. Usually this meant we spent at least 12 hours in bed, but everyone was amazed that we were bright-eyed during the day. Even if you get enough sleep at night be sure to nap as well because it takes a lot of energy to recover, produce milk, deal with hormonal changes, and care for a new person.
Get out of the house! Pack up that little creature and go anywhere. Friends are going to want to see your baby anyways, so why not meet them in a place where you’re not worried about them seeing that you still haven’t vacuumed since the birth and oh yeah, it’s been a month…or two. Honestly, when they’re little they’re easy to take with you and don’t have many needs. Don’t be afraid that they are going to make some noise or need to be changed or fed. They will. You just have to be cool about it. You can still do a lot of things that you like with only a few minor modifications; Go to matinees instead of evening movies so there are fewer people, hit your friend’s party early before it turns into a rager, eat out at a restaurant a little before the dinner rush. A good thing to know is that babies are sometimes way better out in public than you’d think. Sometimes he’ll be screaming at home and I get sick of strolling around my kitchen trying to calm him down. I grab the wrap and we’re out the door going for a walk or to the store or for a visit because if he’s going to be the same at home or out, I’d rather that I were happier. Usually the change of scenery actually makes both of us happier. A lot of our friends think my son is a “good baby” because he is very social and likes being out around other people. Now, even when he cried all through dinner and had to be held while I stood up and rocked him and even took him out of the restaurant for a little while to walk around outside, they still all say he’s such a good baby. Long story short, you will probably notice and remember your baby fussing in public much more than other people will. (At least those who know you)
The biggest mistake I made at the beginning was trying to delay things based on his eating schedule. I’d stay up the extra 45 minutes because I figured that it was better than having to wake up to feed him (Wrong! Always grab that extra 15 or more minutes of sleep!) or I’d kill 30 minutes at home so I could feed him before we went out. I eventually got over my worry about breastfeeding in public (seriously, feeding your baby in a comfy chair or at least a moderately ok bench is better than sitting on a toilet in a cramped public washroom stall) and now I just go when I’m ready to go.
1) I created a “breastfeeding/hospitality/convenience basket” for myself I could move with me around the house so I could nurse where I wanted to and have what I needed (nursing pads, lansinoh, nail files, lotion, bottle of water, a snack, etc.).
2) Lean on your partner to serve as the “visitor buffer”, enforcing when and how people come by (with food or gifts). We learned that the hard way after a pair of friends came over with 2 bottles of champagne and just wouldn’t leave b/c they wanted to “celebrate with us”, even though I was literally falling asleep sitting up.
3) Nap when baby naps!! Sounds cliche, but it’s true, and it worked for me. It’s infinitely harder to cope with anything that comes at you (and everything will come your way, surely) when you’re lacking sleep.
Other essentials:
Didn’t do but wish I had: Read up on breastfeeding (“The Nursing Mother’s Companion” was my bible”) and locate a Lactation Consultant you trust BEFORE baby comes. This will help you at least have a sense of what you’ll be doing, and a plan for building your milk supply, establishing a latch, pumping for going back to work, etc.
Netflix and/or epic serial TV shows (think “Mad Men”, “The Wire”, etc.) for the random times you’re awake and you need distraction.
Snacks and water on the night stand– I’ve never woken up more voraciously hungry in the middle of the night than my first 1-2 months of nursing.
Get used to nursing on-the-go as soon as you can. Practice makes perfect! Baby will never be more portable than they are in the first 6 months of their lives. (Yes! Do it! Go out to eat with baby in tow– wear him/her– while you can! This coming from the mother of a now 2.5yo toddler who fondly remembers the days of adoring looks from fellow customers eating out with an infant.)
Call around to your local grocery stores and find one that does deliveries. Some stores even have online shopping where you can set up a profile with your favourites, which makes an hour-long outing take ten minutes at home.