Posted byWhat were the three things (or more!) you did that made those first few months with baby less overwhelming? Or what do you wish you had done? I mean concrete things like organizing the onesies, stocking up on energy bars, hiring a cleaning person, etc.
I’m due in around seven weeks with our first, and trying to be as prepared as I can. One request: please don’t tell me how I’ll never be prepared enough — I get that. I’m just trying to take care of what I can now when I have the time. — Holly
What did you guys do before you had your child(ren) that made those first few months a little easier?
the stocking up on food thing was great. also, i had a mom-friend come over and organize things in the first little while. she was great because she KNEW what i was going through. one thing she did was organize all the baby clothes into “stuff that fits now”, “stuff to go through when baby gets bigger” and “things that won’t fit for a while”. that way, brighid’s first growth spurt didn’t overwhelm me because i could just go through a little bag of stuff, not all the handmedowns the family had given us.
I second the Amazon Mom membership – free/cheap and fast shipping of stuff in stock that my local shops just didn’t carry. LIFESAVER!
I also second separating clothing into size groups which my husband thought of and has been fantastic. We do it even now as we cycle through clothing to consign and donate as our son outgrows them and if we buy/receive clothing too big for him at the time.
And, just this one bit of advice I wish I’d heard:
It gets easier. Around 6-8 weeks old something clicked with our baby. He was figuring out breastfeeding and routine, and suddenly feeding was teamwork and less of a struggle. I was full of anxiety about all I didn’t know (I Googled every little noise, skin bump and thing he did wondering if it was OK) and overly worried about everything. As we got more comfortable in parenthood and our little guy became a little more aware of things it got so much easier. In the beginning, my tired brain worried that it was going to be that level of difficult forever. Knowing that it gets easier as infants (and parents!) mature would have let me relax a bit those first two months!
Great great great suggestions so far.
My one suggestion is to talk with your partner about what you need before they leave for the day (if that’s your situation). For example: get some breakfast ready for you, make the coffee, defrost that lasagne you made Before Baby, feed the cats or lock them in the basement so they don’t bother you if you and baby are sleeping, etc.
Wishing you the best!
1) Decide what things really need to get done and figure out a plan. For me, it was having my living room clean. I didn’t care about the kitchen, but I spent all of my time in the living room (where the rocking chair was). It was important to me to have it look nice to keep my stress level down. So my husband and I made a point to work on it every day.
2) don’t worry about having all of the tiny clothes hung up on all of the tiny hangers. You wont’ really need it. As long as you can get to them. What you will need is a place for baby to sleep. Whether you are cosleeping or using a crib/bassinet, you are going to want to have it all set up. There is nothing worse than having a sleepy baby and not place to put him/her.
3) FOOD! Everyone will tell you to freeze stuff ahead of time, but I didn’t even have time to put stuff in the oven! My son would not stand to be set down, so even cooking something prepared was difficult. Plus I always got SO hungry while I was breastfeeding. I kept some trail mix by my rocking chair to munch on. A nice combo of carbs and protein to keep me going….
4)If you are breastfeeding, stock up on water bottles. I only had one in my house and I had to go out and buy several more. I was always “hungover” thirsty. I felt like I’d been binge drinking for a week straight with not water….constantly.
We made a huge container of trail mix with healthy nuts and dried fruit and kept it along with a jug of water and a cup next to our ‘nursing station’ for the wee hours of the night when I felt like I needed something to get me through. We also added small chocolates and those mini heart-shaped cookies (I cant remember what they are called)for the times when what I really needed was some comfort! Also I posted signs around the place with the words ‘this too shall pass’ to remind me that I wouldn’t be _______ (sleep deprived, smelling of sour milk, etc) forever for those times when it really felt like it would. Good luck! It’s such an amazing and overwhelming time that goes so so quickly!
FROZEN FOOD!!!! I worked right up to my due date and did not have time or energy to cook and freeze, so we bought healthy frozen food at Trader Joe’s. It is better to BUY food than keep saying “I’ll make them soon” and then never do it.
Designate a “family and friends liaison” (or more than one) who will update your whole list of family and friends on what is going on. My daughter was in NICU for a week and my husband and I did not want to make 40 separate phone calls. My mom, his mom, and a friend of mine sent out updates on our behalf.
Set up a secondary diaper changing station. This saved us because the nursery was upstairs with our first and the other side of the house with the second.
yes! two changing stations worked for us, especially since i couldn’t get up the stairs for a month (that’s where the baby’s room is).
1. Get your house clean! You’ll probably be having many visitors as well as be too tired to clean for a couple weeks after the baby is born, so deep clean everything and get it as spotless as possible.
2. If you’re at home with the baby and your man is working, getting up at night with the baby really should be your job. But try about once every 2 weeks to get a full 8+ hour night of sleep. Go sleep in the living room while your man takes care of nighttime feedings, leave the kid with your parents, or something similar. You’ll be amazed how much better you will feel for several days after getting a full night’s sleep for just one.
3. Make sure you have plenty of clothing that will fit you after birth, and several nursing bras, that you like.
Number 2 didn’t work for our family. I had a full 8 weeks off of work after my second daughter was born, but when I DO work, I bring my kids with me. When it comes to the kids, I’m always ‘on’ and I need my sleep, too!
I got up with the baby Sunday through Thursday nights, and my husband got up with the baby on Friday and Saturday. It was so amazing to be able to get continuous sleep so I could be my best when taking care of my girls.
FWIW, I was a single mom the first time around, so I DID get up every.single.night every.single.time with my baby. I’m so glad that I had somebody to switch off with the second time around 🙂
a) Asked a friend to set up a meal-delivery calendar for the first three months, so we could get real food and real company twice a week — and a fridge full of leftovers to sustain us the rest of the week.
b) bought a lot of cloth diapers to use as burp cloths. Best purchase ever.
c) practiced installing the car seats.
1. Definitely stock your freezer with frozen meals. A good dinner means a lot, especially when you are too tired to even stand up. Also have healthy snacks or prepared lunches handy. I had a harder time feeding myself when it was me and the baby alone than when daddy came home from work.
2. Set up “Baby Stations” throughout the house. At least one on each floor if you have a multi-story house. Also, spread out the baby gear so you always have a safe place to sit her down nearby. We have a swing in the living room, a pack n’ play in the dinning room, a bouncer seat in his sister’s bedroom,…etc
3. Organize the baby’s room and clothes. At first, I kept the onesies in the dresser, which was across the room from the changin table. Bad idea. Keep everything you may need for changing a baby right there with the table. Also washing and organizing clothes by size is great because you can just grab them when you realize how quickly your little one has gotten big.
I’m due in 7 weeks too and a lot of the same above info was shared with me: wash the clothes, sheets, and changing pad covers (and pack away the clothes that are larger sizes so you don’t even have to deal with them now), make sure you have enough diapers and supplies you’re not going to want to go out and have to get, prepare meals ahead and freeze etc.
I’ll add, some advice i also got recently that i plan to put into action is prepare the birth plan, pack a bag, and prepare a call list this weekend (at 33 weeks) – in case the baby is early. Same goes for car seat installation and building whatever the baby will sleep in when you’re first home. I’m also trying to think of additional prep things i can do too. Good luck!
Food and snacks that you can grab in the middle of the night one handed. And WATER water everywhere!
And the knowlege that it’s going to get easier!
Take a breastfeeding class before the birth, or like someone else said, read a book about it. The way you start could shape your whole experience.
Remember that a bad day is just a bad day. It can be really hard to stay calm and think clearly when you’re sleep deprived and it becomes very easy to blow things out of proportion. Here is my real life example. At my most tired I was able to convince myself that if I couldn’t breast feed and my son wouldn’t eat then his development would be delayed, he’d be behind in school and would never get a good job or have a happy life and I would have failed him as a mother and ruined him for life. That’s a lot of pressure to put on yourself and also, completely unrealistic. Take a step away and take a deep breath. You will figure out what works for you and your new family unit. (And by the way, we did get the hang of breast feeding, I started getting some more sleep and suddenly all those ridiculous thoughts stopped coming around).
Be prepared to go to bed at 7:30PM and then do it when the time comes! I set aside a 12-hour window for night sleeping: 7:30 to 7:30. I was only getting 2-3 hours at a time for the first three months but they added up to over 8 hours total and it made a HUGE difference in my mental health.
And I agree with others who recommend finding a breastfeeding support group (if you plan to nurse). I was shocked by how difficult breastfeeding was and their help was invaluable. Plus, you make friends with babies, too. Win!
Yes, sleeping requires 12 hours (though you won’t get nearly that much sleep). Mine is closer to 11pm – 11am but the theory is the same.
My daughter cried almost all day every day for the first several months. However, she slept great at night. I pumped a couple of bottles in the evening for her nighttime meals and indulged in a few glasses of wine every night. It was a tremendous stress relief.
A few more have occurred to me:
Not sure you’ll have long enough to nap before baby wakes up/someone comes to call etc? Find a ten minute or so guided meditation that you like (plenty to choose from on youtube and various meditation websites ) A good one is as effective as a long nap, I find.
Also, the first six weeks tend to be a lot more mind-bending than the rest – lots of feeding, sore boobs if breastfeeding, no routine, no set bedtime etc. But sanity slowly returns after that stage. I have a four week old right now and keep reminding myself that I’m getting closer to things like a regular bedtime and someone else being able to give expressed milk in a bottle (I hope)!
If, like me, you’re not content just to nest at home, this time round I’m finding it quite good to alternate a day when I do stuff with a day when I do very little. So I don’t feel too cabin-fevery or like I’m not getting anything that needs to be sorted done, but I can also appreciate the rest days more.
We discovered that we don’t eat meals from the freezer. But. It’s really handy for me to portion out and cook meat, especially chicken, and chop and freeze veggies. Then I can just throw a bunch of stuff in the crockpot, add broth and spices, and it’s easy soup. Or stovetop casseroles/one pot dishes. Takes less time and I can do it onehanded.
We also stocked up on several packages of diapers. The crib was full of them (since baby slept in our room for the first several weeks, that was the easiest place to store them).
Also, schedule time for yourself. Find a babysitter you trust, and set up a time(s) for you to leave the house and do something grown-up each week. It’s such a mental lifesaver.
Sign up for diapers.com. That’s where we get all of our diapers. They are usually cheaper than the store and get to your house in about 3 days. They also carry a lot of those baby products you might need to replenish often, like butt cream, baby soap, shampoo, powders, that sort of thing. It was a life saver for me because my hubs was deployed for the first nine months of Pookie’s life.
I haven’t read all the responses, so I hope I am not repeating too many of them.
If you haven’t received some at a shower, I would recommend buying Mylicon Drops (or generic brand of simethicone drops) ahead of time. My husband ended up going to the store at 3am our first night home. Chances are VERY good you will want them.
Make sure you have a box of whatever kind of maxi pads you find most comfortable. This is for after your bleeding has slowed, and you’re ready to leave the hospital issue, phone book-thick pads behind, but you’re not ready to be without. Being a tampon girl, I didn’t have a single one in the house. For me, regular absorbency was fine.
More diapers and wipes than you think seems reasonable. We planned on using cloth as soon as we were able, so I only bought one 32 ct box of NB diapers, and continued to buy them one at a time until we needed them. We ended up using five boxes. It was annoying to be constantly on the verge of “out.”
I millionth the suggestion of stocking up on freezer dishes. I didn’t want to cook for about 3 weeks, and even then, I only cooked once or twice a week that 4th week.
If you are having people stay with you, make a list of things that would be helpful to know, but you may not think of at the time. Mine had things like, “Our laundry detergent is concentrated; trash pick up is Wednesday morning; my husband’s work shirts are gentle cycle; I don’t put our good knives in the dishwasher.”
If possible, I would recommend some semblance of balance to night time duties, even though I am a SAHM and my husband works. You could argue that your working partner needs their sleep, but so do you. Always being the one to get the baby would be VERY frustrating to me. We worked it out that my husband gets our daughter up, changes her, and brings her to me to eat. Afterward, I put her back in bed. I relax in the knowledge that when she starts crying, I get a few extra minutes I know are MINE. He still gets more sleep than I do, because it takes longer to feed her than it does for him to change her, but we both are contributing to the part that is the least fun.
Good luck!
I second the maxi pad comment – think of how many you might need, then double that amount! The bleeding can go on for weeks…
Any birthdays, weddings, anniversaries coming up in the next 3 to 6 months – buy presents now! I would also recommend wrapping them , buying the postal bags and organising postage that way a week before the present is due just pop it in the post.
And a word on visitors – don’t be afraid to stand up for yourself. We had lots of family and friends who just wanted to see the (sleeping) baby and have us (?!) make them (?!) a cup of tea. After a week of this, we rang everone we knew and asked for “family” time – just hubby, mummy and baby for a week to allow us to adjust. It was bliss.
Find out the opening hours and address for nearby chemist/pharmacy and takeout places.
These have all been said, but here goes:
– do your taxes, paperwork etc. Have all the papers you need for birth certificates, child tax benefits, maternity leave, etc. filled out as much as possible (it took me three days to fill out our birth certificate form with a newborn who wouldn’t let me put him down).
– pay your bills a month or two in advance if you can. The last thing I wanted to think about was the phone bill.
– instead of stocking up on baby stuff, I found it more important to have extra cash on hand for unexpected things (eg. a $350 breast pump when it turned out I couldn’t breastfeed). I wanted to get out of the house so badly I didn’t mind running out to get extra sleepers when it turned out our big baby didn’t fit the newborn sizes for more than a couple weeks.
– have a doctor you trust lined up. I found that my doctor was a huge source of support when certain things got tough. It also helps to have the phone number of a nurse’s line and someone to provide breastfeeding support.
Oh, yeah and have lots of frozen, quick to make food stocked up!
Everyone says to have frozen food on hand, but I couldn’t find anything resembling a list of recipes that freeze well. I don’t do frozen food a lot so, other than lasagna, I had no idea what to make. Think we can do a post thats just a collection of recipes that portion and freeze well?
Great Idea! I have turned into a bit of a squirrel in the last couple months of my pregnancy. I have been absolutely compelled to stock my freezer. Here are a few things I have made:
Vegetarian Chili: Chili will be great in November (In Wisconsin.) Its packed full of summer garden veggies and beans.
Corn off the cob: I have bags and bags of sweet corn in the freezer. Pick it, blanch it, take it off the cob with a knife, put it in zip-lock freezer bags.
Bran muffins- haven’t made them yet but sure to be a good snack.
Tomato sauces- gotta use up those garden tomatoes. I make a basic sauce that can be converted into pasta sauce, pizza sauce, or whatever.
Any type of chicken and rice dish, casserole, or soup freezes well.
Some tips:
-Freeze the stuff in the portion size your family would eat.
-I am 29 weeks prego and about every 3rd meal I make, I make double what we will eat and freeze what is left. By the time the kiddo shows up we should be good to go.
-Bread freezes really well.
-I just froze a bunch of raw cookie dough (yum) that way when guests come over and can pop out a handful of raw cookies and throw them in the oven if I feel like being all housewifely.
There is a lot of good info out there on food preservation, have fun and good luck!!
All types of casseroles! Here are ones that have frozen well for me:
Shepherd’s pie: fry ground beef with onions, garlic, and add some veggies. I like corn kernels and peas. Some people like finely chopped carrot. Whatever. Put that in a dish and top with a layer of mashed potato.
Tuna casserole: Mix together cooked whole wheat pasta of your choice (macaroni, rotini) with a can of low-sodium mushroom soup and a can or two of tuna or salmon. Add veggies if you’d like. Top with grated cheese.
There is a website called savingdinner.com that has TONS of freezer menues you make ahead. The food is great, you can pick the number of portions and it has all the nutritional info. There are also vegetarian, gluten free and other options. Leanne is a life saver around our house!
I wish that I’d done a diapering run through. I’d take a stuffed animal or something and change the diaper on it to make sure everything is accessible/handleable for those first few changes. Our diaper changes were fumbling messes (and our bedroom a disaster) for about a week, till we got a set of shelves to organize stuff.
I’m only two months into this, so thanks for asking the question. I read through everything hoping to get some good tips too.
1. buy a TV recorder (tivo type thing) so you an stockpile some watchable tv.
2. get outside everyday. maybe that means 5 minutes on your patio, or half an hour around the block, but trust me. the sunshine and fresh air (even in winter!) will do you both good
3. Join a mums group. I love mine. we are super different (heck, one of us is a dad!), but its a positive and accepting group who have saved my sanity.
4. accept help.
5. facebook is the modern village sometimes. I have friends all over the world who are full of reassurance and sensible advice.
6. remember – ‘this too shall pass’- the good and the bad. soak up that newborn-ness, it is SO fleeting.
and a little off topic – take a footprint and handprint as soon as you can. I kept putting it off, and I missed the tiny stage. Its one of my greatest regrets.