I’m a tattooed, blue-haired mom dealing with mental health stigma: do I need to tone down my look?
I’m a tattooed mom with blue hair who loves her family and teenage kids and live in a home full of love. Recently we’ve been working through challenges relating to mental illness — minor but requiring therapy and medication. I’ve lost some friends over it, people who could overlook the superficial style stuff, until it seemed less superficial.
My wardrobe has toned down a LOT in the six years we’ve lived here — but should I go back to being a brunette who tends to stick with long sleeves in the summer for the sake of my teen daughters?
My mother abandoned me and my life was forever changed
I was just a regular teenage girl one moment and then a wreck the next. All I had to worry about in life was what outfit I would have to wear to school the next day and what grades I got in my classes. But that all changed in just one day.
My mom had been going through a rough patch and her depression had gotten the worst of her. One day she just vanished into thin air…
What would be different if we were all allowed to have tantrums?
My daughter threw a 30 minute tantrum today. I say tantrum, but I look at it through more of an RIE parenting lens, so really, she had a 30-minute emotional release. When we were about 20 minutes in, I started to wonder what the world might be like if everyone were able to have such emotional releases. If there was a judgment-free, intervention-free place where adults, teens, or children could express their anger or frustration or confusion or sadness or whatever else they might be feeling and have others quietly and courageously bear witness.
Being broken doesn’t mean you’re not strong (and capable of being loved)
To love someone who has been broken is a brave thing to do. We have lived a life most know nothing about. To the broken, love is a scary and volatile concept. Love isn’t sunshine and roses but thorns and monsoons. To the broken, yelling and raised voices are a part of a typical conversation and something to which we are accustomed. But being broken can be beautiful and strong… and you’re capable of being loved.
How I make it work as a dwarf parent
Being a dwarf parent has its own challenges, as I do some things differently in comparison to an average height person. There are also situations where I cannot always manage. Often I can be hard on myself and feel down about the fact I wish I could do more in the way of being able to pick Zelda up and carry her around when needed. I’m blessed to have my wife’s patience, as she reassures me that I am doing enough.
Here are a few things that we do to make it easier on everyone…
Coming out as polyamorous to family (how I did it and how it may help you!)
In the spring of 2015, I was planning my wedding. However, the elephant in the room was that I was in love with someone else. My non-fiancé partner was a huge part of my life, and I couldn’t imagine them not being at our wedding.
The problem was, I hadn’t told my family about the polyamorous aspect of my life or my long-established queerness. It was one of those things that I cowardly wanted to save until there was “something to report,” lest I draw my parents into my straight-presenting relationship and the hypothetical non-monogamous sex and love I was open to having with imaginary future people of indiscriminate gender.
Microaffections as revolution: one response to mass shootings and lock-down drills
Then my daughter tells me that tomorrow in school, there will be a lockdown drill and asks me if the alarm will be loud. I freeze.
We need softness in the face of terror, we need kindness in response to hate, and we need love as revolution. We need these tiny drop of some magic healing warmth. We need the opposite of the microaggressions that so many of us deal with daily… and I realize that what we need are microaffections.
Want something better than 13 Reasons Why? Here’s the show that wins in portraying mental illness
13 Reasons Why was problematic when it came to dramatizing suicidal ideation and execution — in all it’s heavy and highly dramatized detail. I want to call out an alternative. A really good alternative and one you may have missed if you’re outside of the U.K. Here’s why My Mad Fat Diary is a much better portrayal of mental illness and suicide…