I’m proud of my stretch marks: body confidence after having two kids
Thanks to my son, I’ve now got a better understanding of who I am and why I should be proud of it. You won’t hear me tell my boys that I’m fat, or unhappy with my body because I’ve truly learned the value of self image. I still watch what I eat and exercise, but it’s not to change my physical self. It’s to stay fit and healthy so I can keep up with these boys.
I’ve ALWAYS been firmly in the “no kids” camp
I’ve always been firmly in the “no kids” camp. When I was 12, my mom took me to meet her gynecologist who became my gynecologist. When I was 16, this gynecologist and I made a deal that if I still didn’t want kids when I turned 25 he would tie my tubes. My long-term first boyfriend and I got pregnant at 17 and we decided to have an abortion. He was going away to school in another state. I could not raise a child alone. It was for the best. Neither of us regret this decision. He’s now happily married with two kids. I’m also happily married. Yay!
I was fat-shamed at an Afro-Centric Pregnancy Fair
The other day, I got fat-shamed. When you get fat-shamed often, like every time you turn on a television, it takes a lot to make an impact. My husband, Chris, and I went to our city’s second annual Afro-Centric Pregnancy Fair in Portland, Oregon. I had high hopes of being in a supportive environment of people who care about the unique challenges facing black women as they enter pregnancy, childbirth, and childbearing. I fantasized about talking with midwives, doulas, and new mothers about their amazing experiences and horror stories of hospitals, birth centers, and their living rooms. Instead, I got a major dressing down by a black doctor manning an information table for a clinic.
I am Deaf, my partner is hearing, and we’re about to have a baby
I do know that I will love my child, and so will both sides of the family, Deaf and hearing, regardless of whether they are born deaf or hearing. I know that we will adapt and I will, along with the child, learn better communication with everyone. I know this child will be a joy and a terror. This child will experience love and loneliness no matter where they go in life, and I will try to teach them to embrace the good and bad, and to accept or fight against certain situations. I try to explain this to my partner, and I try not to worry.
Labels vs. Constellations: sexuality for the next generation
A chosen or assigned label like “male,” “female,” “straight,” or “gay” will still never do justice to the wholeness of any human being, so why boil people down to those categories? It’s not about political correctness; it’s about a bigger-picture awareness of the fact that humans are fascinating multi-faceted beings.
On refusing to let your kids take over your life
I want my daughter to see that I am happy with my life now. I want her to understand on a fundamental level that she deserves happiness, too. And, I want her to be able to handle life’s obstacles as a confident and capable individual… Preferably one who doesn’t grow up to live in my basement.
Why I love every inch of my stretch marks
I have obsessed about my weight since I was eleven. I’m not going to get into all of the years of disordered eating and self-loathing in this post, but when I look back on photos of myself, I can’t believe I thought there was anything wrong with me. I was a fox — long, lean, lithe, and curvy in just the right places. I could shimmy into tons of really cute clothes, and heads would turn. These days, you could describe me as “pillowy” rather than “willowy.”
Why I’m choosing to write a book instead of having a second child
But when I take a hard look at my life I have to admit that I have a finite amount of time and energy and everything is a tradeoff. I am acutely aware that I traded a large chunk of my personal time to have a child. And I’ve never regretted that decision for a second. But I would regret a second child. Even if I did publish a novel with two children I would forever wonder what higher levels of success I could have reached had I decided to stop at one and focus on writing instead.