Let’s take a moment to fantasize about off-limits offbeat pets

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I grew up in the country. Pets were whatever I could bring home. I raised some baby mice, had a sand piper for a spell, and dreamed of having a pet raccoon like in Rascal.

I’m a grown-ass lady now, and know that I would never, ever keep a non-domesticated animal as a pet (and now I understand why my parents were strict about making me set that sand piper free when she felt better). But it’s still fun to have fantasy pets. There are too many amazing animals in the world NOT to imagine what it would be like living with them. I TOTALLY understand that wild animals are not pets. This is fantasy-land, where I also have a tail and very large yellow wings.

But in fantasy-land, I have a pet tortoise:

And this little guy is SO CUTE but what I really want is a giant one. Like an Aldabra Giant Tortoise:

Source: sunsurfer.tumblr.com via Mellissa on Pinterest
Source: sunsurfer.tumblr.com via Mellissa on Pinterest

Can I ride my fantasy tortoise like a very slow pony? I can.

I’d also score myself a pet flying fox:

Source: concretescarecrow.blogspot.com via Cat on Pinterest
Source: concretescarecrow.blogspot.com via Cat on Pinterest

And feed it milkshakes all the time.

I wouldn’t kick a Fossa pup out of bed, either. Though they are related to civets, so they have scent glands and might make my bed smelly. But it’s MY fantasy, so I’m going to have a Fossa who smells like flowers.

Source: zooborns.com via Meg on Pinterest
Source: zooborns.com via Meg on Pinterest

They also eat lemurs, and I am definitely opposed to lemurs, so I’d be glad to have an anti-lemur force in the home.

I absolutely need a Capybara in my imaginary menagerie.

Source: zooborns.com via Stephanie on Pinterest
Source: zooborns.com via Stephanie on Pinterest

They’re basically GIANT guinea pigs!

Last — and definitely not least — what fantasy pet list would be complete without mention of an otter?

Source: i.imgur.com via Erin on Pinterest
Source: i.imgur.com via Erin on Pinterest

I would name him Ollie and we would be best friends and my husband would never speak to me again because he’d be mad that our house smells like fish.

Take a fiver and brainstorm your no-holds-barred fantasy pet — I want to hear. Since this is totally imaginary, unicorns, triceratops, and the like are TOTALLY allowed.

Comments on Let’s take a moment to fantasize about off-limits offbeat pets

  1. I would definitely have:
    a sloth that loves to hug but would never accidentally stab me with it’s nails,
    a slow loris who similarly likes to cuddle,
    a baby elephant that stayed a baby forever & never tires of playing in a kiddie pool in my back yard,
    a red panda to waddle about mischievously,
    and a zebra… you know, for riding to work.

    • My sister and I were talking yesterday of having a pet baby elephant! I would put a baseball hat on him and get him a pet kitten to love.

    • I almost puked a rainbow when I saw your list… add a gorilla and I’m all over your menagerie like butter on toast! Good choices all round there XD

    • I once had to write a children’s book in Chinese for school – I totally wrote about having a pet elephant that I could feed cake and peanuts and he could ride my skateboard!

      In my fantasy children’s book world, I apparently could ride a skateboard without falling over on my uncoordinated ass….

  2. Penguins! The ones that smell good and wear a bow tie and top hats. And while we’re at it, tons and tons of basset hound puppies that never grow out of the puppy stage and love to cuddle.

  3. -A koala. A while back, an email went around about a koala coming into a house to get a drink during a drought. It was sad, but I couldn’t stop looking at the pictures of him sitting happily in a basin of water they provided. They look so alien and cool!
    -Also, if I could shrink myself and breathe underwater, a seahorse! I would ride it around the ocean, probably in a herd of other seahorses.

    • This comment just led me into a long amount of time looking up cute koala videos on youtube. OHMYGOSH.

      I think my fantasy pet would be exactly like my favorite pet rat Monty, only he’d be able to live forever and always hang out with me. He’s gotten really old and I think he’s close to dying and it’s really got me very upset. 🙁

      • I want the wonderpet duck in your gravatar. I’m sorry about your ratty. They are amazing little animals and it’s a shame they don’t last longer.

      • I’m going to insert my usual plug for chinchillas for ray owners who can’t take the heartbreak of such short lived companions. Chins can have similar personalities as rats, and their lifespan is up to 20 years, with 10-15 being the average. Single males are best if you’re looking for a true companion animal as they tend to bond more closely to a human friend in the absence of a mate.

        As for myself, I’d like my own island of wild ponies please!

    • Naturally it would be the sweet, chubby kind to curl up in your lap and not the psycho kind like the one that chased me and tried to kill me in Namibia. Because I would also totally go for a sweet meerkat to make me smile.

  4. Blue Whale.

    Hey if you’re gonna dream, dream big right? I assume I’d have to own some type of ocean for it to live in, maybe a large sea, but damn that would be cool.

    And also I’d have a gold Pernese dragon called Alzaranth who I’d ride to work so I’d never be late again. (For those who don’t know Pernese dragons can not only teleport but also time travel.) And a blue fire-lizard called Lopp.

    Back in the realm of real animals I’d also have slow loris because they’re weird and awesome and a narwhal so I can show it to people who don’t believe they exist.

  5. No hesitation here: a house hippo. The thought of them make me smile! Making beds from drier fluff and leaving peanut butter hippo-tracks all over the house. So cute!

  6. A pocket lamb.

    This is exactly what it sounds like. A lamb small enough to fit in my pocket. I actually want this. It’s now a running joke amongst friends.

    Also, one of those miniature pigs. Please.

  7. I want a teacup pig. I understand they are domesticated, but still. Teacup. Piglet.
    Also on my list, otters (since they are my Patronus), a baby mastodon, a satyr to play awesome things for me on his pitchpipe, and Gus-Gus from Cinderella, since no other mouse could sound just. that. cute.

  8. I want that giraffe on that satellite TV commercial that is miniature! OMGZZZzZ!
    And then I want a Viscacha. They’re like Peruvian Pikachus and they meditate. Awesome.

    Oh, and PS CAT: I got to PET a giant tortoise on our honeymoon at Reptile Gardens in SD. Yah.

  9. Birds of prey! Ever since I was little I always wanted a falcon, and when Harry Potter and Labyrinth entered my life the falcon got an owl BFF. It’s hilarious because I really do not like domesticated pet birds at all. Parrots creep me out, but a bird with TALONS is a cuddley friend to me.

    Also I want the teacup giraffe from that weird satellite tv commercial. It’s a running joke in our house because everytime it was on I would squeal.

    • Me toooo. Parrots creep me out so bad, but I’ve wanted a hawk since I can remember. I think I figured out why though: Parrots are really smart, and I think they’re judging me. Hawks just want to eat stuff. I get that.

    • We have 2 parrots at home and they make awesome pets but I totally understand why some people just don’t like em. As a teacher, I had several students who just couldn’t take it.

      Point of fact, non judgey, parrots or other pet birds are not domesticated. They are still very wild, most of them only one or two generations away, but are rather tamed and handle-able, much like a lot of other exotic pets.

  10. I work in a zoo, so i get to play with exotic animals all the time! It’s like having smell pets that don’t wreck the home.

    PS i’m totally against having exotics at home, my three house cats are just fine.

    But in fantasy land……………
    Pallas Cat, Giant Otter, Cave Bear (it’s fantasy land, they’re back), Ring Tail cat and raccoon dog. I think that would start out my menagerie at home.

    Great post!

    • I also work at a zoo. We were just having a conversation the other day about the feasability of meerkats as pets. Obviously NOT a smart move, but we’ve got babies that are SOF*INGCUTE that I can’t stand it. If my kinkajou wasn’t so greasy, I’d take him home and make him snuggle with me all night. Also, I want a spider monkey. He would chill on the couch with me and hug me when I came home from work.

  11. A bat and some kind of large cat, probably a panther, but possibly a tiger. Heck, since this is a fantasy, I’ll take both. And otters, maybe a river otter.

    Oh, and my boyfriend wants a tiny Kodak bear, so that’s on the list too.

  12. 2 Capybaras cause you can’t have just one! It needs a friend!
    Sheep to cuddle. I need at least 2 dozen.
    A pack of cavalier king charles spaniels. I have one but they are so cute I need more!
    A pony, not a horse, big enough for me to ride that is dyed blue to match my hair! (I asked for this for Christmas!)
    Three cats (my hubby-to-be is allergic so they are fantasy)
    And last on my list is a pet Clark Kent as played by Dean Cain in Lois and Clark: The New Adventures of Superman! He can sleep in my bed!

  13. I once had a dream about a macaw that didn’t scream, poop or bite. I want that fantasy parrot. And I want it to be shimmery teal blue on top with rainbow wing feathers.

      • You can have the stink gland surgically removed. Vets have done this. Some skunks do well in a home setting. They’re kinda like cats, but without being cats.

        • Even if you remove their scent glands, their poop still smells like “skunk”. I wouldn’t want one in my house, but my friend had one for years and he was fun!

  14. HYPERVENTILATING WITH AWESOME.

    Okay okay okay. First of all? All of these. In a zoo. Where we could cuddle and every animal would have a really realistic faux-environment biodome to run around in, free-range.
    BUT ALSO.
    – Lionfish
    – Sloth
    – Pygmy hippo
    – Red panda
    – Leeeeemurrrrrr

      • CRAZY CUTE.

        And now I’m mentally pitting everyone’s dream exotic pets against one another. BAD THOUGHTS, DOOTS.

  15. one day i will have a farm, with chickens, and miniature ponies, and some of those fainting goats. can you milk a fainting goat?

    • they’re traditionally considered meat goats. i don’t believe they’re terribly good milkers.

      Tennessee fainters are in my somewhat distant future. first, a farm, then the goats.

  16. I would like a giant panda, a skunk (that is magically not smelly at all), and a flamingo or two. 😀

    • I’m in for the giant panda. Except that it would be a baby giant panda. They’re as clumsy and adorable as baby animal can be, AND they have black ears and eyes. I die.

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