Posted byI have been Gennifer since I was in the seventh grade, after I decided there were too many Jennifers, and I wanted to be different. Legally I am Jennifer but have used the G on my work papers, school records, etc.
Since I’m getting married, I thought it would be a prime opportunity to go ahead and make the change official.
I’m starting to research name changes and it’s very overwhelming and now I’m wondering if it’s even worth it for just the one letter. Can I continue the rest of my life as Jennifer legally and Gennifer personally/professionally?
Anyone else change their first names? How’d the process go for you? -Gennifer
We’ve talked about changing last names many many times:
- If you could change your last name, what would it be?
- Has anyone gone back to their maiden name after marriage?
- Report from the newlywed trenches: lessons from the first two months with a new name
But we’ve surprisingly never talked about changing first names. Have any of our Homies ever done this? What was your experience like? How was the process?
I wish I remembered the circumstances, but a friend of mine changed her name years ago and was given a lot of grief by it from places like the DMV – they considered name changes for reasons other than marriage to be “potentially fraudulent” and she was investigated to make sure she wasn’t making the change to escape criminal repercussions of any kind. It was bizarre and time consuming and very frustrating for her. This was in NY state.
As long as you have the certified copy of court order to change your name, the clerk at the DMV really has no say in the matter. Mine was a court-ordered name change and it’s all that was needed. I did however go with my Birth Certificate showing my original name that matched my ID PRE-Change. Handed them the paperwork and twenty minutes later had a new Driver’s License.
No matter how the change occurs, be it marriage or court-ordered, it is most important that you change it with SOCIAL SECURITY first because many DMV’s will verify with Social Security as part of the process to get your new license/ID.
I changed my first name the day I turned 18. I had gone down to the courthouse that day, got the paperwork to fill out, paid I think $75 or so, and was told that the judge had an opening in 2 hours and I could come back then or I could schedule a time to come back in a few weeks.
I came back in an hour with a friend and the judge just asked me why I wanted to change it. I said the new name was what everyone called me; he wrote down “common usage,” and asked if I was trying to evade any creditors or and legal charges. I said no, and he signed the form and suggested I ask his clerk for a bunch of copies with raised seals, since it’s easier to get the copies when you first get your name changed than to have to come back and request them later. Banks, SSA, etc all wanted a copy of the name change order.
This was in CT, by the way.
Yes! I changed my name when I got married. I actually took my maiden name as my first name and my husband’s name as my last name so I had to go through the courts. I live in NJ, and as mentioned many time previously, I’m sure it varies from state to state. This link shows what I had to do in NJ.
http://www.wikihow.com/Change-Your-Name-in-New-Jersey
I found my local county court house was the most helpful. I also had to deal with the county clerk. So those are both offices I would call and ask where to start. You could also call your state’s bureau of vital statistics, they would probably be able to direct you to the best place to find more information.
http://www.cdc.gov/nchs/w2w.htm
In the end, it certainly was a lot of hoops to jump through and I think cost me a total of $200 in small installments here in there – but it was totally worth it! I say go for it and good luck!
My wife changed her first name after we got married. She figured that since she was going to take my last name, she might as well legalize the first name she actually uses. Since 7th grade she has gone by a first name+middle name combination as her first name. So we made that her legal first name, her old last name became her middle name, and my last name is her new last name. The legal process was super easy (in WA). Changing your info with all the millions of government agencies, companies, websites, etc, etc, etc that all have your name is the hard part. She still doesn’t have a credit card with the correct name and it’s been 4 years. Luckily, the bank doesn’t especially care and will accept checks written out to any combination of her current and former name. Her family still calls her by her former first name, but that really doesn’t matter. Good luck!
Hello fellow Jennifer!!
I was named Jennifer Jessica (ugh, I know, the TWO MOST POPULAR NAMES the year I was born. What were my parents thinking?!).
I only ever went by Jenn, or Jennie growing up, and in college I adopted the nickname Jenna. A few months before my wedding, I went ahead and legally change my name to Jenna, dropped the miserably middle name, in order to have my maiden name as a replacement. It’s been a few years now and I’m super happy I did it! The process was pretty easy, cost like $90 and then all the name change paperwork, so I think if it’s something you want to do you totally should!
I came into the world as Kathrin Jean Gallaher and I will leave as Qathrin Gallaher Hart. I changed the spelling of my first name in 1994, making it legal in 1999 was super easy. I went to a county courthouse, filed the papers in the morning on my way to work, the judge approved it at some point during the day, I went back after lunch and it was done. The follow up is of course changing all of your identification, which is easy with the legal document in your hot little hands. I got a new state DL and filed a name change for my passport and changed all of my accounts (which is really easy). I changed my middle and last names in 2002 when I got unmarried as it was conveniently part of the proceedings. I didn’t change my social until ’05 after my bag was stolen while traveling, the name change on my social was required to replace all my other ID, again easy with all the documentation in hand.
Since the OP has been using a G instead of J for so long nobody but HR and her mom will have to adjust to the change.
In regards to identity and names, as women we’re conditioned to accept that we’ll change our names eventually –ask a man about changing his name and you’ll very likely open an interestingly heated discussion. Our western society is also conditioned to think lightly of a woman’s name change, it ain’t no thang. When I changed my last name I used my middle name as a transitioning tool. Having built my identity and business reputation on the unique spelling of my first name rather than my last names the transition was sort of seamless. As an artist and filmmaker I think a lot about how my name will resonate in the world, garner association and recognition, when the credits roll, the whole 19 letters gets trotted out, I have a lot of pride in my family identity as a Gallaher (there is an long tradition of Gallahers changing their name to Hart, my guess is that nobody will put an extra g in the middle of Hart).
I’m planning to add my Hebrew name as either a second middle or second first name. In CA, you can’t change your middle name when you get married (which I incidentally am doing soon but keeping my own last name), so I have to go through the courts. I’m saving up to do it. I get enough financial help from my parents for expenses while I’m in school that I feel bad asking for a waiver of the court fees, so I’m saving up.
I have to go to court, take out a newspaper ad for a month, then go back to court. (Then so the SSA, DMV, passport office etc stuff). I anticipate between the court fees, newspaper fees, DMV fees, and new passport fees, it will cost about $650, but when it’s worth it to me. (I just have to save up for it).
When I applied to get married, one of the pieces of paperwork I needed to fill out said *Name after marriage*. I have 2 first names, but have been going by the 2nd one only since I was born. I dropped the 1st of my first names, and then hyphenated my last.
It was pretty painfree. This was in Massachusetts.
My first name, Marjorie, was really common in the 1920s. Not so much in the 1980s, so I grew up with an old fashioned and cumbersome and LONG name (my last name is also eight letters). It was a nightmare to write my name on every paper growing up (that’s a lot of letters when you’re six, seriously!) and when I was in seventh grade, my art teacher asked me if I had any nicknames or anything that was easier to spell (and you’d be surprised the number of people who can’t even PRONOUNCE “Marjorie”… I mean come on, it’s a real name and it’s not that unknown, just super uncommon in my generation). I had never really thought about a nickname for myself, but my art teacher asked if it would be okay if she called me Margie. I said sure, and started going by it… I would have gone by Marjie (to keep the original spelling of my name intact) but wouldn’t you know it, already a Marjie at school and the name was “taken” and I would be “stealing” her name… so I took the G.
Fast forward to, um, now (I made the switch in 1997) and I’ve been going by Margie ever since. The only people who call me Marjorie are a few old friends I met when I was a child and haven’t spoken to much since then, older relatives, and anyone who needs to use my legal name (college admissions people, whatever). It’s a nickname for my real name, so it’s never caused any problems, and I’ve never felt the need to change it because it’s basically the same name, just shorter and with a G instead of a J (which does still drive me crazy, but oh well– Margie is the more common spelling). My driver’s license, marriage license, etc all say Marjorie, which is my legal full name, but all my mail is addressed to Margie and EVERYONE (even my parents) calls me that. When I got married, I did not want to change any part of my name legally, but I occasionally tack on my husband’s (extremely common and short) last name to my full name. For my mail and registration for things, I’m Margie Lastname. If I want to be SUPER formal, I go by Marjorie Middle Lastname Husbandname.
TL;DR: Not quite the same, but it’s not worth the hassle for me to change my name for something as small as a nickname I prefer.
My German grandmother has been using an unofficial, shortened, Americanized version of her legal first name since she moved to America. It seems to work out just fine for her, professionally and otherwise. My mother also goes by a nickname professionally and doesn’t have any problems switching back and forth.
I didn’t change my first name, but when I was 18 I took my mother’s last name. I paid the filing fees, ran the required announcement in a local paper, and then spent 30 seconds in front of a judge. The hardest part was getting the official paperwork and realizing they had spelled my new name incorrectly. That was a pain to fix.
Darnit, my comment from the other day disappeared! This may be too late but… I changed my first name from something common to Trystan back around 1992 in California. I used a guide by Nolo.com (DIY legal press, check out the website for handy advice on this & many topics), didn’t get a court decree or pay any fees. Changed my name with Social Security first, then the DMV, & I used those new IDs to change my bank accounts & everything else. Eventually I had enough records that I could change my passport. That was HUGE & very important — if you ever want to fly internationally, your passport & your plane tickets must have the same name on them (thanks, 9/11).
Another thing to consider is that if you use multiple names (one socially/professionally, one legally) or have had 2 first names as an adult, that can impact your credit reporting & applications for loans. Both names may show up on your credit report, & you’ll want to keep track of the old & new name & beware of identity theft/fraud (so far, it hasn’t happened to me, but the old name is still out there & shows up sometimes).
Darnit, my comment from the other day disappeared!
Sorry: there was a batch of comments that were pending that didn’t get approved until last night. They’re up now!
My fiance has been thinking of changing his first name. He is Filipino, and there seems to be a bit of a trend with baby names in the philippines where the parents’ names are blended together to create the baby’s name. Cute in concept, not so great when you hate your name and everyone pronounces it wrong because there’s a random consonant just chucked in there. He has never met his father, who left when he was still a baby, and his mother was abusive, so having a name that is a blend of those two people just doesn’t fit! We were thinking of changing the name to something that has the same nickname (which everyone knows him by anyway), so most people wouldn’t even notice. The new name is much more meaningful to both of us, and would not connect him to toxic people in his past.
I think now it’s just a matter of getting used to the idea and then taking the plunge!
🙂
Omg, so THAT’S why one of my mom’s kindergarten students was named Princess Jenar!
(That poor, poor child. The truly mystifying part of it was she had two older siblings and one younger sibling with perfectly normal American names. No idea what got into her parents – Jennifer (Filipino) and Arthur (German), btw.)
Oh the stories I could tell, as the daughter of a teacher whose best friend was also a teacher – at an inner city school, no less.
BOTH of my parents don’t go buy their real first names. My mom hates her first name so she goes by her middle name (and it suits her a lot better in her defense) and my dad has a very French first name which I have always thought was cool, but he got a shortened version of it as a nick name from his sisters when he was younger and it just sort of stuck and now the people who have just known him as an adult think it’s his real name. I guess it’s kind of good in a security aspect too, because if people don’t know their real first names it’s a little harder to commit fraud on them by just using the (not legally binding) names they go by 😉
My mother had a nickname her family only used with her. Since they all lived out of state, I didn’t know until it was explained to me one day when my mother’s sister called and asked if Dolly was home. I said no Dolly lived here, my mother starts screaming “wait wait”….and I’m like… I got it MOM!!! They want a Dolly, not you! Fortunately at this time she was close enough to just take the receiver. I was 6 or 7…it was an interesting talk afterwards I had with my mother Ann… aka…Dolly.
My sister has always gone by her middle name (my parents named her that way on purpose because they had a name picked out but wanted to stick with the same first letter as me and our cousins and their chosen name didn’t fit the mold). She’s always wished she could switch the two and she took the opportunity when she got married. There was definitely extra cost and extra paperwork involved, but she was organized and took care of everything quickly and I think she’s very glad she did it.
In my group of hippie/ freak/ burner/ pagan/ general weirdo friends, it is very common to have a name that is not your birth name. There is me, my husband, Arrow, Serenity, Taz, Kip, Ean, Thandor, Grace, Kylei, Jessica and Kara (both MTF trans)… I could go on. As far as I know, only Arrow has legally changed his name, though my husband and I both want to change ours soon. It doesn’t seem like too much of a hassle here in GA, but there is some paperwork and some fees. All in all, its about having your name match who you are, I think. I changed my name because I was named after my father, who was abusive when I was a child. Now I hate being called Michelle, or even writing it, because it makes me feel queasy. I have changed to become Ashta, which comes from the ashtamangala, the 8 holy symbols of Buddhism. My name makes me feel whole and happy. And that is what matters. Good luck with your name, whether or not you legally change it!
One form, a trip to the Probate court, and a $100 check later, you can change your name (at least in my state). I walked in with the paper, sat in front of a probate judge, he asked a few basic questions (why the name change, are you running from the law, etc.) and with a signature and seal it was done. Took that paper to all the needed places (DMV, Bank, etc) changed my name on all the necessary places, and it was done. It’s not as overwhelming or scary as it seems.
Hey there. I know this is late but I have two stories that may interest you.
Story 1: My aunt never went through legal proceedings to change her name.. Fastforward to my 70 year old aunt getting flagged for an investigation by the IRS because of her inconsistent name usage. Even though she had done no tax evasion, the lack of a legal paper trail turned it into a 2 year ordeal.
Story 2: I googled the name change legal documents for my home state. I printed them, filled them out, mailed them in, and got assigned a quick court date.$200 and less than 2 minutes in front of a judge and my name was changed. Prices vary by state but it was worth it. I got a new birth certificate from my state with my new name and never had to have an awkward conversation trying to explain my name ever since.
So go change your name legally! It is easy and will save you trouble when you are a little old lady.
Yes to your first story. We still don’t know what my late grandmother’s name is/was. My Dad was trying to fill out her Medicare stuff and renew her passport so we could take a last trip to Canada with her, and nothing matched. Her passport, driver’s license, marriage license, medical stuff was all different. And her birth certificate was destroyed in a church fire. We don’t think the name that everyone called her was part of her legal name at all.
Unfortunately, by the we figured this out, her memory was too far gone to ask her. We’ve decided she was a Russian spy and those were her aliases, and used to tease her about it on her good days 🙂
Not too long ago I had to get state ID in a new state (moved for school), to get the new ID I had to take in my birth certificate, military documents, marriage and divorce documents, records of prior name changes, actual piles of paperwork to verify my identity. It was a huge PIA! I’ve been wondering what it would take to change my name back to my birth name just to save myself the hassle. It didn’t occur to me to have my birth certificate changed. I know every state is different, do you know if the laws pertain to the state you were born in, or the state you live in, or both? I have a sneaking suspicion that the deep south state I’m in now won’t permit it at all.
My husband changed his middle and last name due to personal reasons before we got married. Like most people said, we had to go to the probate court, fill out forms, get a court date, run an ad in the newspaper for a month, then gave reasoning to the judge. It was a fairly simple process for the most part. The judge had no qualms and the time my husband spent speaking with the judge was less than 5 minutes. I’m not sure how the first name change thing goes. I recommend contacting the Social Security office and probate court in your area and asking them what the procedures are for first name changes, and see if it’s possible to just change your first name when you get married, then just take it from there.
I changed my first name in ’99. I’m not an American by birth and my name was basically phonetically spelled out in the Latin alphabet when my family emigrated. It sounded horribly ethnic, like a wad of mucus. I changed the spelling myself in 8th grade first, and just started signing test papers and homework with the new version and no one even seemed to notice. When I went to get “naturalized” (love that term) as a citizen, I changed my last name completely and my first name to the new Americanized version. I didn’t know at the time that you could do that, so when the agent asked me if I wanted to keep or change my name, I was completely unprepared and made the decision on the spot (fun conversation with my parents that night). 15 years later, zero regrets. I basically have a completely made up name and I love it. I got married since, and never even CONSIDERED changing my name to my husband’s, because now I feel very strongly about having my unique self-made identity. Funny thing is, I’m a dual citizen, and the Motherland really don’t give a shit what I wanted to do in America, so my other passport is in my old name and when I go back to visit, I still have to use my Old First, Old Last everywhere. It’s kind of funny, but it doesn’t bother me since it’s only 1-2 weeks a year.
I changed my whole name, in fact. First, middle, and last in one fell swoop. It wasn’t as hard as I thought it would be, but I also needed to renew a lot of paperwork anyway, so it was good timing. First, I changed my first and middle names so the marriage license would have the right names on it, which meant a trip to town hall with a filled out form and a check for $15. Then, I waited a couple weeks for the letter and my newly ordered birth certificate copies (I got 5 just in case). From there, I got my marriage license and some official copies of that for my surname changes. Then I was off to the DMV, Social Security Office, and passport agency. At the time, I didn’t have a bank account or a valid credit card (long story), so that was moot. All in all, it wasn’t too bad. I think the biggest hassle was the passport, and that was just because the nearest centre that I could do the fast track processing at was 6 hours away from where I was staying at the time.
I think if your name isn’t right and it bothers you, then change it. What do you have to lose?
I’ve thought very hard about changing my name. As some with a gender neutral name and a nickname for one the most popular names of my birth year (twofer!), I’ve received some outstanding comments in my life.
One is in 10th grade, when it one of my classes we had a sub and we were required to raise our, she called my name and I said “here” and raised my hand. She said my name again, and thinking she hadn’t heard me, I said a little more loudly “Here!” and waved my hand. She then said “You need to raise your hand!” at which point I half stood up and practically shouted “My hand is up, I’m over here!” She looked stunned and said “Oh! I was looking for a boy!” The whole class was aghast and even then class slacker/clown said “Dude, that’s not cool!” Oh, and did I mention our attendance had our sexes marked next to our name?
The other was actually not long after, I had just discovered I had hypothyroidism and was filling out paperwork for a specialist’s office. I handed the clipboard, my insurance card, and state id to the secretary working the desk, but before I could even turn around, she said in this ridiculously snotty tone “Actually, we need your full, legal name, per the instructions.” I handed the whole mess back to her again and pointing to my id said “Actually, that is my full legal, name, per my state id.”
But more than just that, I have never identified with my name. It just doesn’t seem like me. And then you pair it with my fancy middle name and it can be weird and confusing (also been made fun of for that!) A couple years ago I was strongly motivated to do it. I even had a name picked out. It was one of the two name’s my mom wanted to name me when I was born and it still fit with the theme of my name and my brother’s both being Scottish as a nod to the main part of our heritage. And then I hit my first bump. While my dad and mom (who both went by their middle names) swore then wouldn’t care if I changed my name, my dad picked my name and I am named after who of his aunts. And I adore my dad and I was having feelings of reservation. Then, when asked how I would be changing my name, I mentioned how I would be dropping the Jessie and just having my new first name and my birth middle name. To which my mom said “Oh, that will probably be hard for Daddy (yes, she still refers to him as “Daddy” around me, like I’m still 6. Yes, I know, it’s creepy and weird as hell). Jessie was his favorite auntie and (other auntie) wasn’t very nice!” To which I immediately found myself wondering “Then why was I named after her?” But OH! The Guilt! Even though he said he didn’t care, the guilt, the guilt, the guilt. So, somewhat remorsefully, I started trying to get used to new first name + old first name + old middle name. Two elegant girl’s names with a po’dunk gender neutral (leaning towards boy, even though it has an “i” and is a perfectly acceptable nickname for Jessica, but apparently not as an actual name) smacked in the middle. But who even asks middle names? It’d be fine! So, I start to do research and thinking about fees. And then, bump two. To my chagrin, I find out that all these years, my mom has been pronouncing the name wrong. It’s not the lovely Ca-tree-own-uh I’d imagined it to be, but rather “Katrina”. Mmm, no thanks! For a split second, I considered the other name my mom wanted to name me, Kanina. Until I remembered mentioning this to a friend when I was about 10 and her saying Kanina like Vagina?
So wind taken fully out of my sails, I have trudged forward these last couple of years, still Jessie. I have no idea if I will ever change my name (the GUILT!) but at this point, I have no clue what I would change it to even if I wasn’t paralyzed by the guilt. (the GUILT!)
But to lighten the mood on this dreary post, anecdote: one of the reasons they didn’t go through with naming me Catriona (and mispronouncing it for 28 years) was my mom was worried my nickname would be Cat and wouldn’t have be awkward if I didn’t like cats? Of course, I arose to the challenge and was born a fully formed crazy cat lady.
I was Kathrin until I was 7 or 8 when I asked for a proper nick name ( I was Kaffee to all the kids in the family). I declared to my mom that Kathrin was too big of a name for a little kid. My mom suggested Kitty, at that age my sarcastic seriousness was fully formed and I replied, “Do I seriously look like a Kitty to you? No.” Now I kind of wish my name was Kitty or Kit or something like it, I hate Kathi/Qathi so very much, enough that I usually go by Q.
I was Kathrin until I was 7 or 8 when I asked for a proper nick name ( I was Kaffee to all the kids in the family). I declared to my mom that Kathrin was too big of a name for a little kid. My mom suggested Kitty, at that age my sarcastic seriousness was fully formed and I replied, “Do I seriously look like a Kitty to you? No.” Now I kind of wish my name was Kitty or Kit or something like it, I hate Kathi/Qathi so very much, enough that I usually go by Q.
I legally changed my first and middle name in Nevada recently, and here’s what it was like for me:
First off, find a REPUTABLE source for the paperwork. You don’t need a lawyer, you can do it yourself, but you need to make sure that whatever source you’re getting your paperwork from gives you the RIGHT paperwork. I found a website specializing in family law in Nevada that auto-generated my paperwork from the information I had submitted to them, and it saved us a bunch of time and money.
You will have to file this paperwork with the court, and it’s going to cost money. Depending on what state you’re in, you may also have to file paperwork with a local newspaper to run an ad for you. The ad usually says something along the lines of “OLDNAME is changing to NEWNAME. If there’s any legal reason they shouldn’t be able to do this, contact COURTHOUSE.” That will also cost money. It cost us almost $300 total. Be prepared.
After everything is filed…you wait. Here, the ad has to run for three weeks, and then the newspaper sends you a certified affidavit with a copy of the ad saying that they ran it. Then you go file that with the courthouse…and wait some more. All in all, I think I waited about six weeks.
Finally – finally! – I got a letter from a judge saying that my legal name change had been approved. I COULD HAVE gotten a letter summoning me to court to justify the name change. Thankfully, I didn’t. So, with that letter in hand, it was another trip back to the courthouse to pick up certified copies of the court order. Those cost $3 each here, so it wasn’t that big of a deal on top of what we’d already paid out.
Now I’m in the process of getting my name changed everywhere else – on my Social Security, on my state ID, my medical insurance card, my credit card, the post office, and all of those other little places where your name gets used. It’s a lot of work, but it’s worth it to me to be able to live as my own authentic self with a name that holds real meaning for me. It’s been such an identity-affirming process for me, and I’m so glad that I did it.
Overall, the process can be expensive, and it takes a lot of patience, but if it’s really something you feel in your heart that you need to do – DO IT!
Edited to add: it’s worth noting that there will be a period of time where it’s just really inconvenient, because the name on your ID won’t match the name on your credit card or insurance or whatever. It can help to keep a copy of the legal name change order on you so that when this comes up, you can show people the paper trail between your old name and your new name, so that they know it’s all legal and it’s a work in progress. YMMV!