Megan Davies Mennes wrote about her reactions to her son’s prenatal Down syndrome diagnosis last October on Offbeat Families — here’s Quinn’s birth story!
On Monday afternoon, December 17th, our son Quinn made that apparent with his early and unexpectedly quick arrival. Readers might remember my previous post about our son’s prenatal Down syndrome diagnosis. We had come to terms with Quinn’s condition and were anxious to meet the little guy, but not quite so soon, especially since we had spent most of the pregnancy facing numerous health scares. Our many doctors told us that our son’s health would depend on his arrival: the later he was born, the better. Since my first son arrived two weeks early, I repeatedly told this guy to stay put and crossed my fingers that he would listen. But in a rebellious fashion that mirrors my own, Quinn decided to do things on his own time.
Just when I thought I would be pregnant forever (even though I was only 35 weeks along), I woke up at around 2am with a pretty intense, but short-lived contraction. I know that this tends to happen toward the end of pregnancy, so I ignored it and fell back asleep, but this continued for most of the evening. At around 5am, I decided to get up, take a shower, and start timing the duration and frequency of the contractions.
They hurt, but there was absolutely no pattern to them at all. Most labor and delivery rooms have a strict policy that laboring women are not admitted until their contractions are 4-5 minutes apart and at least 60 seconds long. I was nowhere near there, so I decided to head into work. I needed to help my students prepare for their finals and, after laboring with my oldest, Atticus, for 19 hours before any real progress was made, I felt like I had time even if this was the real thing.
At work, I had a few more contractions, but they were irregular and infrequent, despite their intensity. My students would notice me pause and grimace occasionally, and a few made jokes that they weren’t fully qualified to deliver a baby. I laughed it off and told them that it’s not like the movies and labor doesn’t happen that quickly.
Nevertheless, I put in a call to my doctor. She told me what I was suspecting: it was likely prodromal, or false labor, but she wanted me to come in and be monitored to make sure that the baby and I weren’t in any distress. I figured I’d be slapped with an order for bedrest and a prescription to assist with the pain. I called in for a sub, hopped in the car, and drove to the hospital to see my doctor, texting my husband, Brian, along the way to let him know what was going on.
When I made it to the doctor’s office, the contractions became pretty frequent and painful. My OB/GYN wasn’t in the office that day, but another doctor in the practice came in to check on me. The look she gave me was one I’ll never forget: it was a mixture of shock, urgency, and a how-the-hell-did-you-not-realize-you-were-in-labor? I was almost fully dilated and the baby was coming. Soon. They ordered a wheelchair to send me downstairs to labor and delivery and told me to call my husband and order him to hurry or he would miss it. When we got downstairs, the delivery room was already packed with a whole team, including the delivery doctor. Within the hour, Brian made it, I pushed a few times, and Quinton Robert Emil Mennes was born at just 35 weeks — over a month early.
Our baby, Jasper, was born on 27 March 2009 in Portland, Oregon. My husband and I moved to Portland in December of 2008, and I... Read more
How the hell did I manage to teach three classes that morning, drive myself to the hospital, and deliver a baby before lunch?
We spent most of the day in shock. How did this happen so quickly? How was he so healthy for being born so early, especially after such a terrifying pregnancy? How the hell did I manage to teach three classes that morning, drive myself to the hospital, and deliver a baby before lunch? We asked and attempted to answer these questions for hours, telling and retelling the story to anyone who would listen. It really was like the movies, and had I decided to stay and teach my fourth period (like I really wanted to), I probably would have delivered this baby in an ambulance or along the side of the road. Turns out our little dude was in a hurry to meet us.
Quinn did remarkably well given the circumstances. They ran virtually every test on him upon his birth and he passed most with flying colors. The day after he was born, he began receiving phototherapy for a touch of jaundice and was being monitored for irregular breathing patterns, both of which are common in preemies. But right before we were supposed to be discharged, the nursery pediatrician came in to let us know that he would be moved to the NICU because he had failed to get his jaundice and breathing under control.
Despite expecting a long NICU stay upon our little dude’s arrival, we were still pretty devastated. They suspected an infection and wanted to get him on antibiotics as soon as possible as a proactive measure. Infections and illnesses in newborns are serious business, especially in preemies and infants with Down syndrome.
Brian and I decided to spend that first night by our little guy’s side, trying to sleep on the painfully narrow bench (Brian slept on the floor) amidst the constant beeps and whirs of the machines in the room. Because Quinn was under the billi lights, the function of which was to break down the high billirubin that causes jaundice into smaller particles for his liver to process, he wasn’t allowed to eat or be swaddled.
Naturally, he wasn’t too thrilled about this prospect after spending the last eight months snuggled in the dark and quiet. So in addition to the machinery, we also were forced to endure his unhappy grunts and whines. Thankfully, our nurse Priscilla was amazing and took great care of all of us (looking back, I think we needed more from her than Quinn ever did). She was constantly reassuring and positive, patiently reminding us that, despite the wires and tubes sprouting from our dude’s body, he was in good shape and would be on the mend soon.
When we got home after that long first night, Atticus was beyond ecstatic. During all this time, he had been staying at our house with his grandparents, who took turns trying to convince him that Mommy and Daddy didn’t abandon him forever and would return soon. I don’t think he believed them until we walked in the door; his relief was palpable.
We spent the second night at home, knowing that a good night’s sleep would be more helpful to Quinn than sleep-deprived parents, but we went often to visit and feed him. He hadn’t mastered nursing yet and was having trouble sucking, swallowing, and breathing at the same time on either the bottle or breast. I was pumping as often as possible and stocking his little fridge in the NICU, but he wasn’t taking to eating too well, so they warned us this could delay his homecoming. At this point, he had been off the billi lights and his breathing had regulated, likely because he was swaddled and comfortable, but he was receiving his meals through a feeding tube.
On day three, we were told we could take him home. His cultures showed no signs of infection and he was getting a little better at eating. They wanted to be sure that I felt comfortable encouraging him to eat on his own and reminded me that if he still wasn’t eating at home, then he’d have to return to the hospital. I was confident that I could get him to eat and didn’t want him to spend a second longer in the NICU. Despite our confidence, we got an earful from our least-favorite nurse, K.
K. is one of those people who thinks she’s really funny, but is actually putting her foot in her mouth every time she speaks. As we were strapping Quinn into his car seat, she said, “I want to share some info with you about your little guy. He’s not the brightest bulb in the drawer. He’s lazy and very floppy, even floppier than his buddies. Make sure you feed him with the lights on so you can see his color. He has a tendency to choke on his food.”
What. the. hell. lady. You just told parents of a new baby with Down syndrome that he’s “not the brightest bulb in the drawer”?! Are you mad? Or just heartless? We were stunned. Floored. How does one even respond to that? I wanted to shout and make a scene, but we wanted to bring Quinn home more, so we held our tongues. We know we’ll face these attitudes throughout our son’s life, but we didn’t realize it would be so soon (or so obvious). We’ve spent the past few weeks marveling at how well he is eating, how strong he’s becoming, and how wrong K. was. We’ve decided that we will constantly strive to prove K. wrong… so far Quinn has been excellent at this.
Now that we’re home, it’s become a new kind of adventure. Now that the holidays have passed, the realities of caring for a newborn and an extremely jealous two-year-old have set in. Atticus manages to be wonderfully helpful one minute, bringing his brother a pacifier, blanket, or hat, then a complete terror the next. One of the first mornings home, he was so mad that I wouldn’t suddenly stop feeding the baby to play with him that he spent a few minutes in blind rage, throwing matchbox Lamborghinis at me and screaming at the top of his lungs.
Things have since settled and we’re enjoying every minute with our latest addition. We know we’ll face plenty more challenges as they years go on, but we’re so happy that Quinn is here and healthy. We’re ready to face this newest reality just like everything else in our busy lives: one day at a time.
Comments on The Mighty Quinn: the birth story of our son with Down syndrome
What that nurse said was cruel. And to describe potential difficulty with muscle tone/swallowing as “lazy” is unprofessional in every sense of the word. I hope you report this incident to the hospital administration.
Oh, almost forgot to add my congrats! (Too busy fuming.)
Oh no she din’t.
Report that nurse. Like, now. Brutal.
p.s. Love the name (it’s our son’s name too!)
p.p.s. who the hell calls an infant “lazy”?!?!
This. Please report her. Nurses like that should not be talking to parents with disabled children. EVER.
A doctor once told my parents that they should “put her in a home” and that they could “just have another one” because I was born with congenital rubella.
He no longer has his medical license.
What a gorgeous little man! Congratulations.
I’m sure throughout his lifetime people will tell you things that are statistically true about people with Down syndrome. But those thing may not apply to your son. He will be capable of so much more than people like that nurse would expect of him.
I wanted to post on your last story, but totally forgot. My name is also Meaghan, my birthday is December 17, I work with kids wh have special needs, and my sons name is also Quinton. What that nurse said is not only cruel, unnecessary and unprofessional, it is patently false. Every single person has there own strengths and challenges, no different from your oldest. I love how you have embraced your son and his unique challenges and how ready you are to fight for him. That will mean far more in the long run than any of the ignorant comments you will hear. Congratulations on your son, he is beautiful!
Congratulations on the birth of your beautiful boy. One day at a time is all any of us can, or should, do. Looking ahead can cause such worry, and looking behind, regrets. Enjoy every moment.
Wow, Meaghan! What incredible coincidences we share 🙂
Thank you for your kind words. We did not have to report Nurse K., as her colleague overhead her comments and reported her for us. Hopefully she learned her lesson and keeps such ignorant comments to herself in the future. I agree, she should have known better!
Oh, ha. I didn’t read through all the comments. I am glad that she was reported.
I think you should report her anyway, even if her colleagues did, just for the record. I find her words and attitude to be inexcusable.
He is absolutely beautiful!! Congratulations! My son was also a preemie and I agree that the first few days, the nurses spent more time taking care of us than our son haha. We needed so much reassurance. You’ll do fine! And yes that nurse can shove it.
Quinn is such a beautiful little boy! And so is Atticus.
Our daughter was born at 35 weeks, after a very fast labour and delivery – I also ignored all of the cramps and pains assuming it was false labour, and as a result barely made it to the hospital in the end. Although our daughter doesn’t have downs syndrome, our experience sounds somewhat similar to yours – and I think is fairly typical for babies born over a month early. Antibiotics and oxygen as a precaution, a feeding tube to supplement nursing, and phototherapy for jaundice. She was in hospital for 10 days, and I had to work very hard to convince everyone that she would thrive at home without the feeding tube – she ended up doing fabulously. Like you we found most of the nurses to be wonderful, but a couple said things that were unhelpful. I was made to feel a little stupid and incompetent, which is the last thing you need as a new first-time Mum. I saw other parents have similar problems though, so I tried not to take it to heart too much. I think some people have personalities that would be better suited to other professions, and they somehow manage to say the wrong thing to everyone, regardless of the situation. There may be other thoughtless people in the future, but I think that overall Quinn will be shown so much love and kindness during his life. Everyone I have met with downs syndrome has had such a warm personality that they bring out the best in everyone around them.
I love the name Atticus (because of To Kill a Mockingbird, of course)!
Your boys are beautiful.
Even if K. was already reported, your words as parents would go far. I don’t even understand why someone who would say something like that can even be in a caretaking position!
Otherwise…so happy for you and your beautiful little clan!
He is beautiful! And no doubt is, and will continue, to make a beautiful impact on those around him as he goes through life.
Welcome to the club (parents of kids with down syndrome) – we are a warm and fiercely loyal bunch… 🙂
I would have reported that nurse ASAP – actually I would have yelled at her and then gone back in and yelled at someone else… thats crazy! Our children may have ds, but let me tell you from experience they are smarter than most ever give them credit for.
Congratulations on your new little one… he is beautiful (both your kids are!)
absolutely — children with down syndrome are much smarter than most adults give them credit for, and like all children they each have amazingly diverse & wonderful strengths.
you can’t predict anyone’s life story from looking at them for a few days after they’ve been born. it’s maddening that people believe just because a child has any kind of diagnosis they think they’ll know exactly what path that child will go down. BS! children will surprise you, no matter what life puts in front of them. Quinn is blessed to have such a fierce family to encourage him along in exploring all of his potential.
Wow.. these boys are both so beautiful and cute! I just checked the blog to read more about your amazing family. Congratulations to Quinn´s birth!
Not only was the nurse a thoughtless b&^%*&^%, but hello?! ALL preemies are floppy! The last few weeks in utero are vital for developing muscle tone (from being squished up in there). What, was she expecting him to hold up his head and do one-handed pushups?! So ignorant in addition to being cruel, nice. /takes off preemie-mom hat
What I actually came here to say is that your baby is just so incredibly beautiful! What a sweet and gorgeous little face he has. 🙂
I didn’t know that about the muscle tone. All of mine could lift their heads at birth (which is weird) and maybe that’s why; they were so big (10 lbs) that they spent more time being squished.
Just wanted to say that the pictures of your sons are SO cute!
Your son is absolutely beautiful. And I so agree that every person has their own beauty and strengths and challenges. Period. Welcome to the world Quinn, so good to have you here!
What a wonderful pair of little boys!
Gorgeous baby. Gorgeous!
I would also report the nurse. You should call AND email the head nurse or the supervising doctor and be very specific with what K. said. It’s inexcusable and completely unprofessional. It’s also emotionally damaging.
Thanks so much for sharing your birth story. It sounds like you handled the many challenges with grace. I look forward to hearing more about your family’s adventures.
Pretty much what everyone else said. But I’d like to add “HOLY SHIT YOUR SON HAS GORGEOUS PEEPERS!”
No really, his eyes are captivating. Do you find it hard to not stare at them all day? I would!
So I have a not so lovely nurse story. When my mom gave birth to my little brother, he had to be lifeflighted to a NICO about an hour away. While my mom is getting her checkout done, the nurse comments saying, “You know he’s probably not gonna make it, right?” My mom was hysterical at that point and I think that if she hadn’t been so set and determined on joining him, she would have lost her mind at that hospital.
My mom hasn’t made it; she passed away from cancer several years back. But that little boy is healthy, happy, and doing just fine at 13 years old. And I know that proving that nurse wrong was something on my mom’s mind at every check up, every ultrasound, every EKG…
I’m glad to hear that your boy is also proving that nurse wrong every day. He’s going to be amazing with a family like yours beside him.