Posted byMy husband and I are parents to a wonderful baby girl, and we absolutely love parenthood. We’re thinking about having a second child, but we’re interested in going a different route. I had an excellent pregnancy and birth, and while part of me would like to experience it again (knowing that a second pregnancy could be very different), I’m also pulled to adopt a baby that needs a home.
My husband is on board with trying to have a biological child or adopting, so right now I’m just hoping to get a little insight into the lives of families who have done something similar.
Have any of you had experience adopting your second child after giving birth to your first? — HollyG
I think the key thing for PARENTS who are considering adoption is to ensure that both their motives and actions through the process are as ethical as possible. In some countries, it is almost impossible to adopt from within the country; some areas have restrictive laws that prevent loving families from adopting…in most countries, there is more need to find families for older children. It was important to me to be able to look my daughter in the eye and tell my her how and why we chose to adopt her, specifically as well as more generally…
On the other hand, though: in my bioethics classes, we often discuss why those looking to adopt are pressured to adopt older children (or fill-in-the-blank children) when there is no such pressure on those who are able to conceive naturally or choose to do so. It’s a strong, valid question.
As far as Raising children who were adopted, or in this case both biological children and children who were adopted, there is so much to be said for LOVE. Most people I have talked with agree that there are a variety of particular challenges that come with families wholly or partially formed by adoption, and that these are challenges we do our best to face with LOVE…Kinda like (as those of us who have “one of each” might say) how we face our biological child challenges…That is to say, parenting is often ^%$@@Y&*(*& hard, and confusing, and once a child is OURS we dive in — as best we can.
Original poster here…thank you for this post. I have been trying to parse out my motives for wanting to adopt and have not yet reached any concrete conclusions. I know that I want to provide a home for a child who otherwise wouldn’t have one, but I am not sure that we can handle an older child who may have issues beyond our capabilities. We both work fulltime and I don’t see that changing anytime soon, so what happens with childcare providers in these scenarios? We can’t afford the thousands in fees etc. involved in private or international adoptions…but am I prepared to foster a baby who might be taken away from us? And what are my expectations for the child’s reaction to being adopted?
I also wonder, is it selfish of me to have a second biological child? I don’t think others who have more than one child are selfish, but this is something I wrestle with personally.
I literally go back and forth on this issue every day. My husband thinks I overthink things, which is true…but this is a big decision and I’m finding it very hard. I am planning on having some frank discussions with friends who have adopted (and friends who are adoptees) to help inform my poor brain.
Thank you again!
We adopted our special needs son internationally from Hong Kong- he was older… he had just turned 6 when we got him…. and since he was older, he could go to public school for free like our biological children did… so if you adopt 5 years or older, they have to be provided a public education.
With our newest daughter, she will also be special needs (adopting internationally from China), but it is just a physical issue and nothing medically wrong… she will be 2 (hopefully) when we get her, and we plan to put her in the same daycare place that our other children went to when they were little… its at the local college.
My husband and I both work full time (actually I work 40 hours in an office and then do photography on the side as well)
Also, if it makes a difference, there are organizations out there that will offer you an interest-free loan for adoptions… we have not had to go this route, but I do know it exists… also, the money is always scary, but you usually pay things in payments so there is time in between to get what you need and you dont have to pay tens of thousands of dollars up front or anything
once again, though, I say it is your decision and you know your family best… dont let anyone make you feel bad for what you decide to do.
Addie – your last sentence says it all!!!
Yes! This is us! My husband and I have a biological daughter who is almost 1.5 years and we are in the adoption process right now. I’m still breastfeeding my daughter and I plan to exclusively breastfeed the baby. I’m checking out fenugreek to get my supply up. I was actually just talking to my husband about doing a fenugreek test run to make sure I respond to it before we actually adopt.
I was 10 when my parents adopted my little sister, 13 years ago. I was their only biological child together and my mom was unable to have any more, after several miscarriages. I wanted a sibling so they decided to adopt internationally. I know there are pros and cons to both, but they felt international was best for our family. Also, it was a faster process if the child wasn’t an infant, and since they had experienced that phase with me, decided to leave the infants for those unable to have any biological children of their own, so my sister was 3 when she was adopted. Our family dynamic is no different than it would have been if she were biological. She adjusted extremely well and is a beautiful, healthy 15 year old! Feel free to ask anything further, good luck!
I personally would love to hear from people who grew up in this kind of situation: older siblings who were born to their parents of younger siblings who were adopted.