Too young to be a grandma: advice for moms of pregnant teens #I've got a parenting question!#grandparents#teen pregnancy#teens June 6 | Offbeat Editors offbeatbride Offbeat Home & Life runs these advice questions as an opportunity for our readers to share personal experiences and anecdotes. Readers are responsible for doing their own research before following any advice given here... or anywhere else on the web, for that matter. By: Matthew Rutledge – CC BY 2.0 If there's one group of parents we rarely hear from on this site, it's grandparents! Mamiverse recently published a piece with 5 tips for moms of pregnant teens who might be struggling with their child's pregnancy: You don't look like an abuela, and you don't feel like one either. You've nary a gray hair in sight and you could swear that your own kid just got out of diapers. But if you're the mother of a pregnant teen, you don't have a choice: you're going to be a grandma, like it or not. Here are five ways to deal. Accept your new reality You may be awash in emotion when your teen tells you you're about to be an abuela. Maybe you're shocked, angry, disappointed, or a combination of all three. Maybe you're excited, but feel that you should be upset. The good news is that when it comes to your feelings, there's no right or wrong. But it's important to feel whatever you're feeling and then move forward, accepting your new reality. Seeing a family counselor may help you and your teen talk without letting emotions get in the way. Head over to Mamaiverse to read the four other tips. Join our community! Reporter Name * Reporter Email * Original text Enter the original text here. Edited text* Enter your suggested copyedit here. Notes You can add a note for the editor here. * Required information. Fix Typo PREVIOUS Little Free Libraries: Restore your faith in humanity, one book at a time NEXT One-lowsmanship, money anxieties, and being a work in progress Show/Hide comments [ 13 ] This article doesn't mention something very important. "But if you're the mother of a pregnant teen, you don't have a choice: you're going to be a grandma, like it or not. " It's true that *you* don't have a choice, but your pregnant daughter *does* have a choice. It is possible, if you are a pregnant teen, to choose abortion. It's not the right choice for everyone, but it is the right choice for some. I just wanted to mention that. 1 agrees Reply Or adoption. 23 agree Reply You're still a grandma if your daughter relinquishes your grandchild to adoption. Even if you don't have contact with that child growing up, you're still biologically a grandmother, and can still be effected emotionally by it. My mother was a teen when I was born, and her mother did not want me relinquished to stranger-adoption. She struggled my whole life knowing I was "out there" and not able to see me grow up. I was her first grandchild and she was very overwhelmed to meet me as an adult. 11 agree Reply I think, since the article is discussing grandmotherhood, that the choice has been made at that point. Assuming the teen chooses parenting, the soon-to-be grandma doesn't get a choice. On another point, the article didn't mention one unfortunate thing a parent of a pregnant teen has to prepare for: being treated like a pariah. They and their daughter will likely be talked about and shunned, and unfortunately they should prepare themselves for this. It doesn't seem like society will accept teen parents as normal human beings anytime soon instead of demonizing them. 19 agree Reply While you are completely entitled to your opinion, I respectfully disagree. However, its completely irrelevant to the post, and I don't think absolute statements are in any way effective. 1 agrees Reply It doesn't really address the reality that it could be your sons child. That's probably way more to deal with for decent human beings. Having adult wisdom you know you are going to have a grandchild who at some point is going to be a pawn in an immature relationship, and mentally telling yourself that you have to be the mature one and probably failing out of love for your own child. Yikes. Not saying boys are always bad fathers and girls are never immature but you are likely to have less control than the girls family when issues spring up. 3 agree Reply Wow. While I agree they could have addressed teenage fathers, i resent the idea of the child being used as a pawn. That is absolutely not the case for 90% of teen parents- or any parents that i know. 9 agree Reply Unfortunately I have seen the child used as a pawn in petty relationship drama. And it isn't limited to teen parenting. These were full-fledged adults using their child to get back at each other. Reply Yes, it does happen. However, it's not as common among teen parents as some might think. Good parents rarely make the news, so they're not really on anyone's radar. Reply Well, to be honest I work with child support collection agents so I probably hear a disproportionately high number of crazy stories where all you can think is how sad the situation is for the kids involved. Obviously it isn't just teen parents but supposed mature adults as well. 4 agree Reply Yeah, that makes sense. But when you're dealing with deadbeats all day, it makes sense some will be teens. Of the teen fathers I personally know, one works and goes to school to support his girlfriend and child, one works two jobs and sends more than twice his child support even though he doesn't get to see his son, and my ex splits custody with me and is wonderful with our son. My mother had her first at 19 and stayed married to her future-husband until he passed away almost thirty years later. I'm not saying bad teen parents aren't out there- but contrary to what MTV and mainstream media likes to tell us, most aren't. Its just taboo to support us. 3 agree Reply I was a teenage mother. I got pregnant with my daughter when I was 15. To me I mad the decicion to have sex, so I should be mature enough to take care of a child. And I did. I broke up with her father when she was five months. He was in and out of her life for a while and then he stopped coming around. I am no the mother of two and engaged to a man who has been in her life for the last three years and is going to adopt her once we get married. I live in a area where we have the highest teen pregnancy rates in ca. im now 22 and most of my friends have kids, they are all amazing parents. I think it depends on the person and the people involved. I was fortunate enough to have a family who helped me, and I was able to go to school. As for advice I had a problem with my stepmom back seat parenting. Everytime I set a rule or disciplined my child she was there arguing with me the entire time, It was at the point where my daughter favored her over me cause I had rules. Mine an my daughters relationship suffered because of that. When I moved out is when my daughter and I got to really experience each other, because there wasn't someone constantly judging my every move and telling me how everything im doing is wrong. It was a learning curve that we had to adjust to, and since I moved out our relationship is soooo much better. But im still fighting with my stepmom over everything, so that would be my one piece of advice not to back seat parent lol 1 agrees Reply A family friend's teenage daughter is pregnant now, and she's been writing a great blog about her family's journey! Its called Mom Of A Pregnant Teen, I linked it attached to my username. (ADMINS: sorry, not trying plagiarize! I just thought my comment might be labeled as spam if I put it in the body of the comment) 1 agrees Reply Join the conversation Cancel Reply Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *Comment Participate in this conversation via emailGet only replies to your comment, the best of the rest, as well as a daily recap of all comments on this post. No more than a few emails daily, which you can reply to/unsubscribe from directly from your inbox. No-drama comment policy Part of what makes the Offbeat Empire different is our commitment to civil, constructive commenting. Make sure you're familiar with our no-drama comment policy.