Well, I have one thing to say about Valentine's Day: STOP WHINING AND START CULTURE JAMMING. Valentine's Day is NOT about buying things and it's not even about romantic love — it's about getting out the construction paper, doilies, and glue stick to make embarrassing cards (full of AWFUL PUNS!) for your friends. It is NOT about having a girl/boyfriend or buying chocolate unless you watch too much TV and believe what you're told.
If you don't like what the media is telling you to do, then stop listening. Get out the glue, glitter, and red paper and start showing everyone how much you love them. Grumpy old neighbors, the cute girl working your grocery check-out, the mail man, your barista…I'm sure they would all be tickled pink to get some home-made Valentine love.
So stop whining and get to work! Let's take a look at some inspiration for some totally homemade, slightly subversive papercrafts and other Valentine's day goodies you can make for all your favorite, non-fucking, platonically awesome people:
For your bff, with a note about getting "felt up":
For your greasemonkey friends:
For your inspiring lady-friends, courtesy of Heather Champ (read her explanation!)
Leave some matches in there for the stoner buddies. ONLY 9 WEEKS 'TIL 4/20, DUDES!
Fuck yeah, googly eyes:
Put an owl on it is the new "put a bird on it":
But it would read "I bloodied my hands for you this Valentine's Day":
Sew some goodies into wax paper for your neighbor:
Hand this to your bus driver:
Loves me the non-Christmas holiday trees:
Picture this with a note inside that says "Thank you for making my coffee!" for your favorite barista:
Healthy snacks for the people you love-but-not-like-that:
So, who's ready to celebrate a super-crafty, totally platonic, culturally-subversive Valentine's day with me? HMM?!