The road taken when trying to become a parent is already long enough. You weigh this and that — a new house or a child? My wedding or the birth of someone greater than a piece of paper from the state? Cloth or disposable diapers, when should I start stocking up on either? And then there’s fertility: even if everything checks out fine, you still have a 20% chance of conceiving a child each month.
I have had three failed IVF treatements and been on the super emotional roller coaster. After a bit of time I’m kind of OK/relieved (at least for now), and accepting the Childfree lifestyle that has been foisted upon us. I seem to be the only person on the interwebz who has this attitude.
Apparently SOMEONE out there thought it’d be an awesome idea to turn What to Expect When You’re Expecting into a film.. and I went to see it. This is heavy on spoilers, and includes what I didn’t like, what I would change, and the part that made me cry.
At the grocery store today, I was browsing the “family planning” section. Of course, there are the things that help prevent pregnancy, but I was obviously looking at the things to help promote pregnancy. As I was reading the back of every box of “ovulation predictors” and trying to decide which was the best one, a female employee that was probably in her later 30s came up to see if I needed any help.
I’m one of those women struggling with infertility issues. One: my age. I’m no spring chicken. Two: endometriosis — I was treated for that two years ago after suffering for over a year with crazy painful periods, and after my husband and I had been trying for more than six months. Three, high FSH (follicle-stimulating hormone) levels — it’s taking more hormones to kick-start my ovaries and get them working.
The Story of Sadie sits on the mantle in Shannon, Allison, and Sadie’s home. The book tells the tale of two adventurous queer women who wanted to make a baby together. It’s far from a love story about one getting pregnant with anonymous donor sperm while the other massages feet and masters the art of Lamaze. They opted for a difficult yet decidedly more magical route: Allison carried Shannon’s egg.
If you’re doing fertility treatments, chances are pretty good that you’re stressing the fuck out. Not only do you have the logistics of appointments and medications (and physical/emotional weirdness from said medications), but if you found your way to fertility treatments after dealing with infertility, then you’ve got the emotional burdens from THAT whole awfulness.
And then, as if the whole process wasn’t stressful enough, then you have to stress about STRESSING, because everyone tells you that anxiety will negatively influence your chances of getting pregnant. Not stressing isn’t just an issue of sanity — it’s an issue of treatment effectiveness. AARGH!
So, that’s all fine and good: DON’T STRESS. But how? How can you keep yourself calm and non-anxious during the mind-fuck that is fertility treatments?
Queer families have many questions to consider when planing a family: adopt or conceive? Who will carry? Should we choose someone we know to donate an egg/sperm?