Could-be-babies: my missed miscarriage of twins
I’ve been up all night deleting my lists of baby names, deleting my secret baby registry, unfollowing the Twins groups I joined on Facebook, throwing away the books and the ultrasound photos that I’d been proudly displaying on our fridge. I’ve been up all night unbecoming a mother. I had a glass of wine and sushi and it wasn’t as good as I needed it to be. Women don’t talk about miscarriage, even though it happens to a lot of us. A LOT.
The realness of early pregnancy and loss
My pregnancy was real. Really brief. Really scary. Really exciting. Really surprising. Really sad. Really hopeful. Really exhausting.
There were three emotional weeks between the moment I saw two lines on a pregnancy test in my bathroom at 4am and the moment an ultrasound confirmed we’d lost it. This wasn’t our first pregnancy, but it was our first since knowing the pain of losing one. We were scared and sad from the start that we might lose it, yet we were hopeful this might finally be our time…
A letter to women struggling to get pregnant
If you’re trying to get pregnant, there is a lot going on. You may become overwhelmed with emotions. Anger and envy over those who you assume became pregnant easily. Frustration and sadness over another negative pregnancy test. Fear and anxiety that you’ll never get pregnant. It may seem like nearly every woman around you is pregnant and you may wonder when you’ll have your turn.
Here’s my letter to you…
How we’re re-building a life without children
I’m not a parent, but I want to be. However, after five years of trying to get pregnant and going in circles about the pros and cons of adoption, my partner and I decided it was best for us to stop trying. We’re not preventing pregnancy, so there is still a chance, but the statistics are not on our side given the amount of time we’ve been trying and our respective ages.
That was two years ago. Here’s how we’re moving forward with a life without children when we planned for them in our lives…
Let’s talk about the silence and uncertainty of possible infertility
I’d started off so optimistic… I was healthy and young, of course I’d get pregnant today or sometime soon. The longer it took, the less I believed that or my doctors reassurance. My mind became wrapped in a negativity I’d never known before.
It is absolutely, positively, fantastic that there is a growing movement of woman making it more socially acceptable to talk about infertility. What we’re not talking about is what comes before that. The months of uncertainty, of wondering if you’re infertile…
The scarcity trap: How sugarcane farmers helped me understand my obsession with becoming a parent
I’ve found some relevance in articles and incredibly personal accounts of pregnancy loss, infertility, grief, and/or anxiety. But it wasn’t until listening to this Hidden Brain podcast from NPR — The Scarcity Trap, Why We Keep Digging When We’re Stuck in Hole — that I found an unlikely solidarity with the experience of sugar cane farmers in India.
Infertility, and the 5 stages of grief
During the first six months of marriage, I wasn’t too concerned about my fertility. After all, I was unaware of any fertility difficulties within my family. At the six month mark, I began feeling impatient. When there was still nothing after eight months. This is about when I started going through the stages of grief…
What not to say to an infertile person (even if they’re child-free!)
I’m infertile. There are a lot of unexpected emotions that come up when you’re infertile. I’ve been described as ultra-confident, and I still struggle with feelings of inadequacy. It can be tough to know what to say when you find out that someone is infertile. Here are a few common responses I’ve received, and why they’re problematic…