In which I analyze personal evolution and its role in long-term, monogamous, marriage. With every lesson I have embraced, with every tear I have released, and with every damn experience I have accrued, I have changed my opinion, my story, and my inner-most self, and so has my husband.
I am sitting at my dining room table with a Russian Imperial Stout, and the world’s largest shower cap on my head, and I think I might be having a pre-mid-life crisis.
Here I am, almost 20 summers after my first big music festival. It’s time to confront that I may be the equivalent of the old guy at the club, and why I’m totally ok with that. Here’s why.
Due to ongoing hip/back problems and the fact that my left leg is over three centimeters(!) longer then my right one, my doctor has fitted me for custom orthotic insoles. (/dies) Help me Homies, you’re my only hope! Is this the end of cute, airy summer shoes for me?
There are certain times in your life when you think you have your shit all figured out. You make a decision and, not knowing how the future will mold and shape and affect you, you think that you’ll keep to that decision for the rest of your life. Newsflash: People and choices change. It happens.
In January 1997, I hosted a housewarming at my new place in San Francisco’s Lower Haight neighborhood. It was a particularly debaucherous weekend. The house filled with glamorous and skanky people, skateboards lining the long Victorian hall downstairs. One roommate asked me if I would tell my friends to move their boards, and I reported that only one friend had his skateboard there (my semi-boyfriend, John, visiting from Seattle). My roomies and I had a shared moment of realizing the house was full of people we didn’t know. Shortly afterward, someone started smoking crack in the kitchen…
My sister is amazing with people, confident and outgoing and extraordinarily empathetic. And me? Well, I was the best at logistics. I always had two sets of lunch money in case my sister forgot hers (which was often useful), and contingency plans for every situation. As we grew up and left home the relationship dynamic stayed the same. Then, last year, we had a family crisis, and I realized that the dynamic had shifted, and I needed to shift as well.