Yep, my kid still sleeps in a closet: our post-crib sleeping solution
Those of you who have read Offbeat Families for a while may recall that, since my family of three shares a one-bedroom home, our son's... Read more
It’s April: my two-year-old is snoring in the backseat. I follow the landlords into the apartment complex, noting the “Slow! Children at Play!” signs at both entrances. I spied the little nook where everyone’s bikes and outdoor wheeled toys were jammed together. I ask if there are other families — yes — and are there any noise complaints — no, but the bar across the street can get riled up at peak times. After two years of being parents in college-oriented complexes, I was ready for a place that seemed more family-friendly. Except for the weird amount of grass between the ten buildings, it was perfect.
Oh, how I’ve wished for more grass! I grew up in military housing, where the houses are duplexes and everyone’s yards are smushed together into these huge patches of grass. We ran around with bare feet and more than once ran into the wrong back door. But here? Two of the buildings have smushed patches behind them that could count as yards — one unit inexplicably has a back door, even — but it’s not in a place where the kids can really play safely and supervised. What’s the alternative? The parking lot? With cars?!
Turns out, my son Miles loves running around the parking lot. It’s less about the parking lot, and more about the fact that he loves chasing the other kids who also play in the parking lot, who love throwing balls and riding bikes and rolling stomach-first on skateboards. Out of my 40 neighbors, I’d estimate a third of them have kids, ranging from babies up to a couple young teens. It’s not a sitcom-close neighborhood, despite my dreams of hosting a large barbeque, but the parents I know are pretty cool, and all the kids are protective of each other. If Miles doesn’t come running when we yell “Car!” one of the other kids will pick him up and carry him over to the grass and hold him still. The kids get excited to see him when we go outside, and he does his adorable toddler-waddle-run over to his friends every time.
That said, I get it. Kids playing in parking lots is terrifying; the first time I realized it was a normal thing here, I totally balked. Even my “Eh, it won’t kill him,” style of parenting becomes high-strung and helicoptering when we first step outside.
[related-post]But in this apartment complex playing in the parking lot promotes cooperative play with a wide variety of kids — not to mention it helps socially-awkward me actually meet and interact with parents. Plus, I can bring my coffee mug with me and do it in my pyjamas. So I wanted to offer some hope for other parents stuck with more concrete than tracts of land, so that they don’t spend their summer hiding in the apartment like I did last year.
Know your neighbor-cars and have a policy
It’s normal for kids to overtake the parking lot in the summer. Even the college kids know this and drive accordingly; no careening around corners and backing out at top speed. Even so, all the kids know that when an adult says, “Car!” they need to get on the grass. (The “Game on!” afterwards tends to go over their heads.) Miles is probably the youngest mobile child there, and even he’s pretty good about finding me and holding my hand until the car is gone.
Set boundaries
I have a threshold of how fast I can run in an emergency — if Miles gets too far away or a car starts coming in too fast. Miles is three now, so we’ve got a basic grasp on “Too far away” and “The road is for cars.” Making sure he understands where he’s allowed to play near our apartment and that roads are never places to play helps him. It’s also allowed me to be more comfortable; one day I watched him walk to the apartment and go right in, in search of Daddy and a Band-Aid. Which reminds me…
Prepare for scraped knees and elbows
Like I need to tell anyone with kids this — but it’s especially true when kids are running and chasing each other all over the parking lot. Thankfully Miles has lots of hit points, and gets easily distracted once he’s tagged a kid and remembers he’s playing.
Don’t be afraid of the other kids
Once I realized that the older kids understood and their parents weren’t going to freak out at me over it, it was no big thing. They’re great about keeping the young kids safe as best they can while they play. (I mean, they’re kids. It’s not their job, and they don’t always have the best judgment of safe. Review your own childhood for examples.)
Relax and Have fun!
Is that contrary to everything I’ve said so far? I have to make myself take a deep breath and let Miles play on his own, no matter where we are. After spending time with my neighbors and their kids, I’m comfortable with how they play. It took me a while to get there — we spent most of last summer locked in with the A/C, only traversing the parking lot to walk to the pool — but honestly? I’m at a point where I’d rather let Miles go out and play in the parking lot with our neighbors and the kids I can identify by name than walk to the park where he might be the only kid at that time or on that day.
It’s not the right solution for every family or every apartment complex, but it can work.
Oh, apartment kids. We live in a subdivision now, but in my twenties we lived in a rather busy, kid-populated apartment complex, where during the summer, a gang of 10-20 kids could be seen traipsing around the parking lot, or the green area, or hanging out on our patio at any old time of the day. And the entire complex really tried to look out for them. I’d make sure that they had water to drink, and a popsicle now and then, and in return they kept the front of our building tidy and would feed the cat when we were away. I really miss those kids, most of whom are grown and in college now. It was really great seeing them step up and take care of each other, even if they were only about 100 yards or so away from their homes.
We live in a cul de sac in a quiet suburban neighborhood, but the kids all play in the cul de sac where the cars drive. It’s funny how shouting “Car!” seems to be universal.
I wish the kids who played basketball on our street would be this car aware. They will keep playing in the street until you’re right up on them. They’ve narrowly missed my and my husband’s cars with their basketballs because they had to shoot just one more basket before letting us pass. 🙁
This! I am childless, but I want to mother all the little ones on my street because they don’t know how to get out of the way! I remember when I was a kid, we got out of the way when anyone said “Car!”
I can totally understand that — as a kid (read: 5) I didn’t have my healthy fear of cars, and ended up getting hit by one. Thankfully it went very best-case-scenario; no broken bones, I was right in front of her house so she was parking, but still. The poor woman was a wreck. I think she was in worse condition than I was.
I’d like to say I was more careful later in life, but I really wasn’t. >_>;;; Thankfully, Miles is terrified of cars, so we’re doing alright so far.
Sidewalk chalk, hopscotch, kickball — even thought we’ve moved to a house with a real yard after 3 years in a condo with a parking lot for play, my girls still prefer the driveway to the grass a lot of the time! The only thing I really disliked about it was that I didn’t feel like I could let them play unsupervised out there. Otherwise, as long as there are kids and toys, it’s gonna be fun.
At our apartment complex (four, 4 storey buildings) there is No Playing In The Parking Lot Allowed, so sayeth the building managers. There are also no real Christmas trees, no backing in to parking spaces and no laundry facilities after 9pm. >_< I really hate it here because there's nowhere for my son to play except the crappy 'green space' behind one of the buildings, which is basically someone else's backyard, right off their patio. URGH. I'm so glad your kid, and the other apartment kids, have it better!
My son was playing in our covered parking garage (we live in a condo) after a big storm (there was a giant puddle and he was having a ball!) and this car came careening in and almost hit him (I was never more than an arm’s length away in case of cars). This is the second time this couple has almost hit my 2 year old. He then threatened to call child services on me. All I can think is – this is Canada, and we all played hockey on the streets! I can’t wait until my kid understands ‘CAR’ and ‘game on’.