From the age twelve years I have been told I would never carry a child to term. There were days of depression, fears of never having my own children, feeling like an oddity that I didn’t menstruate like my friends and all around not feeling like a “real” woman.
Eventually I came to the conclusion that this did not mean that I would never be a mother – there was ALWAYS adoption and that life was just giving me a different path.
Then on November 7th, 2007 I went in for a routine lady visit and everything was going like normal when my doctor asked me to take a urine test to check for an UTI. Didn’t seem too out of the ordinary until the doctor came back in and told me that my urine sample showed that I was pregnant.
As the word pregnant escaped her lips I felt two things: 1. Fear 2. Disappointment. Fear because I didn’t know what was going to happen and disappointment because they had told me that I would never carry a child to term and I didn’t want to get my hopes up.
My doctor is an amazing woman and she could see the worry on my face. She took my hand and told me that she would call the local hospital and schedule me to be rushed in for an ultrasound.
As I drove to the hospital I rubbed my belly and tried not to let myself get excited. The ultrasound tech had obviously been told about my situation and was kind not to ask too many questions.
Laying on that table waiting for the machine to warm up scared me to no end and then I heard it – the most amazing sound that I will ever hear. The heartbeat of my child. MY CHILD.
Tears started to well up inside me and I just had to let them go because they were tears of excitement and also tears of disappointment because of the fear of not carrying to term.
The following day I returned to my doctor’s office to get the results of the ultrasound. She walked in with the biggest smile on her face and hugged me and her words will be with me forever: “You are going to be a mother. You are in the 13th week of your pregnancy and out of the danger zone. The baby sounds great and I can tell you the sex. You are having a little boy!”
That was when she handed me the picture from my ultrasound and started pointing out where the head, hands and feet were located. My tears were streaming so it was hard for me to see what she was pointing at.
On my way home I stopped at a local craft store and bought a plain bib and a bottle of blue puff paint. On the bib I wrote “I love my Daddy” and hid it in my fiance’s video game case.
When my fiance came home from work he sat down to play his favorite video game. When he opened the case his expression was one for the record books and he turned and asked me: “Are you? Are we….”
I just nodded my head yes and handed him the ultrasound picture. He screamed like the little girl who got the Barbie she wanted for Christmas.
My pregnancy had its ups and downs and weekly visits for monitoring but it was all worth it.
June 8th, 2009 I woke up from an afternoon nap and felt weird. My mother had flown down from Tennessee in order to be there for me and she agreed it sounded like I was in labor.
About an hour later we were on our way to the hospital, circus in tow – fiance, mother, two best friends, dad, and my aunt. In the hospital I was told that I was five cm dilated.
My aunt and mother did this AMAZING trick to help me with the contractions. They each took one of my feet and when I would have a strong contraction they would press on the arch of my foot. It was almost like the contraction would disappear.
My fiancée was also helpful, keeping my long hair braided and out of the way and rubbing my back – and of course providing beautiful and relaxing acoustic guitar music.
My water finally broke on June 9th. I told the nurse that I was pushing and could not stop, she thought I easily had another four hours to go. Twenty-two minutes after my water broke and four back breaking pushes later they handed me my beautiful screaming son!
After all that medicine and science have given us there is no 100% guaranteed diagnosis – my son is living proof of that. Though he was born four weeks early, he weighed 8.2 pounds and was 19 inches long.
Life has given me a gift that will forever make me feel empowered and glad to be alive. I’m so glad that “No” is not always the final answer.