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When I (unexpectedly) found myself pregnant this June, my best friend of nearly a decade was finishing an eight-month trip through Asia. Because of the deep bond we’ve shared for years I decided right away that along with my husband and midwife, I wanted her to be at the home birth of my first child. But since she’s been home (for several months) I’ve felt the distance between us. Our lives are on separate paths and in many ways she isn’t supportive or understanding of how profound all the changes of an unplanned pregnancy have been for me. I haven’t expressed any of these feelings to her and now I’m not sure I want her to be at the birth. My husband says I will regret not having her there. My midwife thinks I should have a heart-to-heart with her but I know that doing so will open up a can of worms that I’m not sure I’m ready to deal with given all the other things on my plate.
Has anyone else dealt with changing their minds about someone on their “birth team?” Or is there a way I can approach the topic with her without devastating our friendship? — Jennifer
From a non-mum perspective I feel physically sick with envy when I hear about other people’s pregnancys. I adore my friends and Thier babies, but cannot always be there with a breezy smile loving every minute of your happiness. Sometimes a little understanding and patience is needed, don’t give up on your friend, and don’t assume it isn’t fixable. Some days/ times are better than others or everyone.