A polyamorous quad welcomes their first child
This is not a “normal” birth story. Which makes sense, since my family is not a normal family. Please note the lack of quotes that second time — it’s with good reason. While every birth is unique in it’s own way, and thereby not “normal”, most families in the United States welcoming a baby go through a fairly similar experience. And we had some of that, but when you are a family of four polyamorous adults, nothing is “simple”, “easy” or “normal” when compared to most people.
My prenatal expectations of parenthood caused me to lose track of my marriage
I thought I would immediately know how to do “do it all,” even after a gargantuan life change. And I also expected a lot from my husband. Because, for some reason, I thought that he would just know what I needed from him, especially when I didn’t know what I needed from him, and how to help me once the baby was home with us.
Finding happiness in the unexpected serenity of new parenthood
I’m new to it all — breastfeeding, changing diapers, not sleeping through the night because every cough and rumble makes me jump. I feel pretty inept at all of it. Happiness, I guess by its nature, is a fragile kind of thing — poised on some sort of ledge ready to go either way.
Adopting the son I helped to conceive: how second-parent adoption reframes parenthood
The second-parent adoption has been an ongoing reminder that I need to reframe my ideas of motherhood for myself. Through this entire journey of conception to adoption I have been tested on my ability to bring myself out of melancholy thoughts and into recognition of everything I have to be grateful for. Just because I have always identified as a mother in one way, doesn’t mean I cannot be as much of a mother in different way.
How a second adoption led to our daughters being sisters in every way they can be
This is what I remember about the day I found out I would become a mother for the second time: the sunshine streaming through our windows while I fed my 22-month-old lunch. When I think back nine months to that moment, the memory is bathed in that late summer/early afternoon sunlight.
Making room for motherhood in academia
If you’re a woman in academia and at all maternally inclined, then you’re probably familiar with the book Mama, PhD: Women Write About Motherhood and Academic Life. You have either come across it — it’s been recommended to you, you’ve read about it, or you’ve been given it as a gift. Like those little green Bibles that seem to flood campus about once a year, finding their way into every dorm, surfacing in corners of classrooms and generally sneaking their way into the hands of welcoming and reluctant recipients alike; Mama PhD has a similar way of circulating among the female and the scholarly.
Why we chose to become parents when it doesn’t make financial sense
Many people who surround us are strong supporters of the “wait until…” theology of having children. Wait until you have a steady job. Wait until you own a house. Wait until you feel like you are older. While these are responsible ideals, our desire to “wait until” basically died when my dad landed in hospital.
Doulas are great for any birth, even if there are epidurals and medication involved
I’m not planning to give birth naturally. If I’m managing the pain well and it happens that way, great, but I’m totally pro-epidural. My draw toward a doula is more for emotional support backup in case the hubby poops out. But is it even worth it to have a doula if you don’t really need them for natural-birth advocacy? That’s all I ever really hear about them doing.