Battling the boredom during long-term, long-distance relationships
I have been in a four-year-long relationship with a lovely man, who asked me out over the phone as he was going through security at the airport to leave the country for four months! After he returned I still had two years of college, eight hours away, to finish up. So, while I am by no means an expert, I can say that I have some experience with the long distance experience. Now, let me just say, long-term, long-distance SUCKS but here are my tips so that you don’t get bored with the standard text/call/Skype routine…
How getting engaged made me figure out friendship
Before getting engaged, I also have been pretty shit-terrible about friendship. I’ve fallen out of touch with people I wanted to stay in touch with, I’ve been the kid waiting for an invitation but never proposing, I’ve let fights and misunderstanding end years of friendship. I’ve not always been great about friends. Then I got engaged and moved thousands of miles away from everyone I knew, and had an epiphany about friendships.
Make compromises within a relationship that don’t mean sacrificing your values
I had a lot of time to fantasize about my future and prospective living situations, and the idea of a vegan, eco-friendly, ethical household was appealing to me. So when I met my now-fiancée and the topic of moving in together came up, it was apparent that some compromises were going to have to be made on someone’s end. The compromises didn’t come without some heated discussions. While having these conversations with my fiancée, it occurred to me that a lot of my choices that tried to incorporate ethical consumerism were a lot about boycotting. I decided that from now on, instead of focusing exclusively on cutting things out of my shopping list, I’ll do things that support causes I believe in instead.
Being friends after divorce: Can we act like adults?
After we sign the paperwork, where do we go from here? Do we drift apart as adults and friends usually do or stay involved in each other’s lives? Can we ever get past “what might have been” and move on to “this is where/who we are now”?
How writing erotic fan fiction changed my sex life
Since the beginning of my sexual awakening (or when my high school boyfriend put his hands down my pants), I loved sex. Along with sex, my other interests are TV shows, movies, and books. There is a particular workplace sitcom that I adore and almost exclusively write for. The bridge between these interests is not a long one, and soon I was writing erotic fan fiction. And yes, after (a little) personal deliberation, I told my husband that I was a fan fiction writer. But I don’t think the switch in our sex life really happened until he read My Really Long Fic.
Everything I know about marriage I learned from Terry Miller (Dan Savage’s husband)
Back in 2006 when I was working a full-time corporate job, while also trying to write what would become Offbeat Bride the book, I almost had a nervous breakdown. Desperate for some guidance and inspiration, I sent an email to my local hero, Dan Savage. His advice was basically that he owed it all to his partner. His then-partner? Terry Miller, who is now (thanks to Washington’s marriage laws) Dan’s husband. In the 10 years since I had this exchange, I’ve basically built my het marriage to emulate their gay marriage, and I’m convinced it’s been the secret to everything being happy.
Post-breakup decoration therapy: Heal your heart by rearranging your furniture
The idea is simple: After a break-up of two (or more) persons living together, there’s often this person left behind to live in the “old house,” filled with memories of happier times or painful fights. A good decoration therapy session is about making significant changes to this environment and it usually involves friends, booze and lots of fun.
Help! Work is killing my sex life
Now that we’ve finally reached a level of experience and graduated from junior status, we are finding that our jobs require more of our effort and more of our time. So much so that by the end of the day we are both so zapped out that we can barely do the household things at home before collapsing in bed, which has totally killed our sex life! I’d love to hear how other Homies have managed to retain the energy and carve out the time for sex and intimacy when your jobs are demanding.