Individuation: stumbling toward emotional self-reliance
Maybe the most obvious way to talk about individuation is to say that, in the context of my marriage, if there was a bad feeling, I would look to my spouse to help me with it. Over the years, this mean that basically I held him at least partially responsible for my sense of well-being. Then, suddenly, my sense of well-being was very much my responsibility alone… and ultimately, it always was.
Talking about sexuality: the big dirty elephant in the room
Talking about sexuality is a conversation that can make folks a tad uncomfortable. Sexuality is always some big dirty elephant in the room — it’s there and obvious but everyone avoids talking about it. That’s because, for many of us, it has been taught for generations that sex is a dirty thing we keep to ourselves.
We offer sexual education in some schools, we talk to our kids about the birds and the bees, but beyond that, how often do we ever really talk about sexuality?
Figuring out why I’m so uncomfortable with my partner’s self pleasure
My partner masturbates without my knowing and for some reason it really bothers me. My reaction surprised me and I had to dig into it to understand why. We have had a lot of conversations about how I struggle with the fact that he masturbates. Thankfully he is typically able to be open-minded and not take it personally. He knows that it’s my issue, and he knows that I know it’s my issue and that I’m not trying to control him. Here’s how I’m parsing my feelings…
My same-sex marriage is as real as yours no matter what happens
With all the movement towards marriage equality in Australia (and now speculation in the US again), I thought it was time to talk about and maybe even open a discussion about gay marriage. Luckily for me and my wife, it is recognized in America post-Obergefell v. Hodges. I have mentioned my upbringing as a late-bloomer in the South, and the fact that I was raised to believe marriage is between a man and a woman. Little did I realize, when hearing these things, that I would find myself deeply in love and married to a woman when I grew up. Falling in love with someone of the same sex really puts a dent in those childhood teachings…
Swinging: an insider’s perspective (plus how it differs from polyamory!)
I’ve been seeing lots of awesome posts about polyamory and ethical non-monogamy. I wanted to offer some thoughts on a variation that I haven’t seen talked much about yet: swinging.
Swinging or, “the lifestyle,” as we often refer to it with each other (sometimes indicated by a black ring on the right ring finger for those who like to advertise their proclivity), is one subculture among many with countless variations and expressions. Here is my personal perspective…
A reminder in difficult times: Love is an extraordinary and beautiful thing
Each person expresses and feels love in many ways. We love people in our lives with different kinds of love — the love for a child, a parent, friends, and lovers. Each love is defined and felt in personal ways depending on who receives it. I have loved many people in many ways in my lifetime. Loving someone is a selfless endeavor. To love someone is to bare your soul. To trust that person with the deepest parts of you. Love is gentle and selfless and kind.
Here’s a reminder about love in these difficult times…
Partner bashing: Are you venting about your partner too much?
Partner bashing (in my case, husband bashing, though it’s not limited to heterosexual couples by any means) is one of my biggest pet peeves. I notice it happens a lot in mom groups; women get together and complain loudly about their husbands.
I recognize the importance of venting, but is it ever too much?
Let’s talk about talking about your “sex number”
The number of people I have slept with is higher than most women I’ve asked. At the end of the day, I’m not going to lie about my number — I am not ashamed. But I do wonder how I should talk about it in future dating scenarios.
Anyone else with a high sex number want to give me advice about talking open and honestly about it?