My Halloween regret: I used to wear cultures as costumes
Halloween may be a day permitting mitigated inhibitions, but our ethical responsibilities do not get a day off. I speak on this point as someone personally guilty of this specific kind of oversight. At one point in my young adult life, I costumed-up for the holiday as a cultural stereotype, and to this day I look back at what should be cute pictures of fun memories, but instead… I cringe at my offensive choice (and rightly so). I am guilty of perpetuating the social norm that appropriating cultures to which we do not belong and of whose complexities we do not comprehend is somehow acceptable.
I don’t want to say #metoo, but here’s why I will
“I wish we didn’t have to rip our pasts open & show you everything & let you ogle our pain for you to believe us about predation and trauma.” – Lindy West. The sad fact is, though, that the #metoo phenomenon of sharing seems to be the only way to make any headway in chipping away at the bedrock that allows people with any modicum of power to exploit the vulnerabilities of those who have been raised to be silent and self-blaming. Victims are forced to either take on the system themselves or join together to raise a tiny flag to create larger flag aiming for change.
Why you actually DON’T need to forgive and forget
I hate, hate, hate how our culture mis-attributed the concept of forgiveness. There’s this idea that anger is toxic, and you have to forgive everyone.
What Love Is: My review of Carrie Jenkins’ book (+bonus story about mutual fangirling!)
I’ve mentioned it several times here, but I finally need to write my official review of Carrie Jenkins’ What Is Love: And What Could It Be. I started reading the book in March and immediately adored it… not because I agreed with everything, but because it’s so interesting to watch someone apply their super analytic, logic-based brain skills (the author’s background is in the philosophy of MATH, for fuck’s sake) to something as squishy like love and relationship structures.
How I used existentialism to become body positive
I’m a body positive activist and plus-size model, and people ask me daily for advice on how to become comfortable with themselves. My approach to body positivity is a perspective that I’ve never really seen talked about in-depth in body positive circles. And it all stems unexpectedly from existential nihilism.
So, you want to love yourself? Here’s how I used existentialism to become body positive…
Memoirist ethics, aka how to write your story without being a dick about it
A reader asks Ariel: “As you write your memoir following your divorce, how do you write about it honestly while also protecting your son and (if you even want to) your ex-husband?”
What the Germans can teach us about embracing negativity
I didn’t realize until years after I moved back to the States, but the German outlook suits my personal view of life much better than the American one. I admire their unapologetic skill in taking the bad with the good. That means that negativity is not only normal, but totally healthy from their perspective!
A tragedy survivor’s 9 keys to happiness
I’ve survived a lot: a tragic house fire, multiple severe car accidents, abuse as a child, multiple suicide attempts, my biological mother abandoned me, etc. I have a learning disability and other mental illnesses, as well as a very rare, incurable bone disease.
Given all I’ve been through, you’d think I’d be miserable. Quite the opposite, however. My keys to happiness are simple…