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Now that my son is 17 months old, I feel like I can confess my deepest, darkest parenting secret: we turned Jasper’s rear-facing seat around to face forward at 6 months. Before you jump all over me, understand that we had incredibly good reasons for doing so. And yes, I watched the YouTube videos about car accidents, I know the American Academy of Pediatrics recommendation ages, and I read all about the risks we were taking by doing this.
The backstory on how we decided when to turn the car seat around
Jasper was born in Portland (Oregon) and spent the first two months of his life traveling by bus. In fact, we didn’t even buy a car seat, since we didn’t plan on buying a car, and our NICU actually let us walk out with him securely wrapped up in a sling for the bus ride home.
In hindsight, that’s kind of amazing, because from what I understand, it’s not exactly legal for them to do so. Also, as a side note, I recommend buying a child’s car seat even if you don’t drive — we ended up at the E.R. around Jasper’s second month birthday and the cab driver almost didn’t take us because we didn’t have one.
Anyway, when we moved to Alabama, we immediately had to get a car because it’s more or less impossible to get around efficiently by bus. A friend of mine with several children loaned us one of her rear-facing car seats. Jasper was fine for about two minutes, and then started screaming the entire car ride from the airport. At first, I attributed this to not being used to the seat, or just being tired from multiple plane rides.
However, the screaming persisted, and became increasingly violent in nature. It got to the point that every single time Jasper was in the car, he screamed. He didn’t start right away, and he didn’t scream in the car seat when it was just sitting in our house — it only happened after the car was in motion for a few minutes. After about ten minutes of driving he would be beet-red and gurgling on his own spit-up because he was that upset.
Family members and friends tried to convince us that it was because he was used to being held often, or maybe because we lived in Portland and he didn’t get used to a forward-facing car seat, but my husband Sean and I both had a feeling that something else was going on with our infant. We even thought that maybe he just needed more padding in his seat, and bought an Evenflo Triumph Advance convertible seat when he was five months — there’s plenty of cushion on that baby!
The research I did about when to turn the car seat around
We brought up the issue with our pediatrician (who we love), hoping she would shed some kind of light on the situation, but she just shrugged and noted that some kids just “don’t like car seats.” She suggested we try giving him medicine for gas, since he might feel queasy in the car. This wasn’t exactly the answer we were hoping for, but it did make a light bulb go off in my head — I get intense motion sickness, especially when going backward. Before that visit, it never occurred to me that Jasper might also be experiencing the same thing.
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Of course, I did what most digital moms do nowadays — went home and started Googling. I looked at everything related to motion sickness in children (a few links: Pregnancy & Baby, Dr. Sears, About.com, Ehow) that I could find, and discovered that (surprise!) we weren’t the first parents who had wrestled with this demon. I read the National Highway Traffic Safety Administration policy on when to switch from a rear-facing position. I looked at policies from each car seat manufacturer, and looked at the manual that came with our convertible car seat.
One day we were driving out of town for a photo session, and got stuck in seriously backed-up traffic. Jasper was screaming and gurgling and choking, and I simply told Sean to pull over.
We decided right then and there that we knew when to turn the car seat around, and it was that moment.
It was like a brand-new baby landed in our car. He still protested (and does, to this day) being in the seat, but it was normal stuff — some grunts, some groans, but not the intense, purple-in-the-face screams we associated with traveling by car.
We spent the next six months not taking Jasper out too often, theoretically so as not to tempt fate, but mostly because we felt kind of (very) worried about our decision, Jasper’s safety, and also because we didn’t want to be judged by other parents who noticed (I even avoided putting photos of Jasper in his infant car seat on Facebook, for fear someone would realize and say something to me).
We believed in our decision, but also aren’t the type of people who handle confrontation very well. I’m not sure anyone ever did notice, and Jasper made it past the age limit, height limit, and weight limit mark fine. Now that he’s the size of most toddlers, I’ve stopped worrying as much about him being in a forward-facing seat.
Would I recommend turning your car seat around when your child is under a year old, and under the weight limit?
If you are in the same situation we’re in, I would at least tell you our story — but I would never recommend it. A decision like this needs to be made clearly and consciously, and based on what works for you and your family.
OMG, a constantly screaming baby is the quickest way to insanity, in my opinion. I place a fairly high price on my sanity, so I totally understand your position on the carseat thing. I’ve made plenty of parenting decisions that may be considered “controversial” in order to protect my sanity (co-sleeping, skipping the crib and placing my baby on a mattress on the floor with side rails etc. etc. etc.)
My son is 10 months old and weighs 27 pounds and is 32 inches tall. I’ve been considering turning him around, there really isn’t enough leg room for him now!
My daughter was way too big to stay rear-facing until she was one, we made the switch around 9 months probably. She moved into a big-kid booster not long after her 2nd birthday. I’m not saying HEY EVERYONE DO THIS! but i totally understand why other parents do it.
We did the same thing with our oldest. He was so tall, he outgrew the bucket infant seat at 9 months. We had regular carseats that were supposed to fit facing front or back, but because we drove compact cars, we couldn’t get them in facing backward, even if we pushed the front seats up all the way and drove with our knees under our chins.
So, we just turned him around. At 9 months. He was larger than most 1-year-olds, so I don’t know what age really has to do with it anyway.
Just putting it out there for parents that are interested…There are many, many carseats on the market that allow children to rear-face comfortably to the minimum requirements and beyond. Yes, your 27lb 9 month old (example, no one in particular)is likely squished in their infant bucket seat. But, in a convertible carseat such as a Graco My Ride or a Britax Marathon, they can continue to rear face safely until they reach 35 or 40lbs. I know many people that have 3 and 4 year olds (weighing in between 30 and 40lbs and being average height) still rear-facing. No 4 month old is going to outgrow a rear-facing carseat these days, unless someone has 4 month old that is around 44″ tall and 40lbs, and that I doubt.
This is what we’ve done. I think Stephanie/Sean/Jasper’s situation is pretty uncommon. I mean, yes, there are probably lots of kids who aren’t thrilled to ride in a car seat and might be appeased by turning around. To me, though, there’s a big difference between a baby/toddler who complains and a baby who is screaming to the point of spitting up/gagging–most likely caused by motion sickness. I’m not saying it’s wrong to turn your car seat around before “they” say you should, but from the standpoint of safety, rear-facing IS the safer way to travel (I believe I read somewhere that there would be far fewer airplane crash fatalities if everyone were facing the back of the plane–and it makes sense if you think about it). Would Sadie prefer to face forward? Probably. But because she’s not suffering from motion sickness, she’s staying rear-facing until she reaches the 35-pound cutoff of her convertible car seat. She’s a bit leggy, so I suspect her legs are going to have to be bent before too long to fit. Unless she starts totally freaking out about it, though, I’m still not turning her around. Broken legs are way better than some of the alternatives. Cars and drivers are dangerous. Sadie only has one life, and Trevor and I are currently in charge of making sure she stays alive. Unless there is a compelling reason not to do so, we’ll be minimizing as much of the danger as we can when she’s riding in the car.
Car seats and booster seats really aren’t necessary after age 2. We as a people really enjoy telling others how to live their lives. I think that keeping a kid in a booster seat until age nine is absolutely ridiculous.
In Superfreakonomics, there was a study done showing that car seats made no difference when in a car accident after age 2. But, no one wants to speak out on this because of being labeled a bad parent or taking too many risks.
But, then again, I also think have a mandatory seat belt law is ridiculous. I wear one, but I want the right to wear one without fear of being fined.
Re: seatbelt laws, my stepdad is adamantly anti-seatbelt, because his best friend died stuck in a burning car when he was 16 — because of his seatbelt. He firmly believes that they kill as many people as they save, and will not wear one.
I stumbled across this page by accident while googling. The site name had me curious so I decided to check it out.
I understand this is a “no drama site” and let me say that I am in no way trying to cause any drama or be accusatory towards anyone.
I just want to clarify something for some of the responders. I read a lot of “his legs were too long” comments. The legs are not a determining factor of when it it safe or proper to turn your child around. It is perfectly fine for their legs to be off to the side, bent, crossed, etc. It is not the legs that you go by, it is the height/weight. If their head is within the proper distance from the top of the shell (many places the rule is an inch), then their length is fine to remain rear facing. It is much better to have a child with a broken leg than one that has been internally decapitated because they were prematurely switched to forward facing.
My son and daughter are now 2 years and 5 months, still rear facing. They have about 10 or so pounds to go before they have reached their rear facing limit. Once they hit that, I may go out and look for a seat that has a higher rear facing limit. The longer they are rear facing, the better.
I also have to disagree with the comment that car seats don’t make a difference after 2 years old. You quoted one study, yet there has been study after study after study that suggests otherwise.
Again, please don’t take this as a confrontational post- that isn’t my intention at all. I just felt it important to clear up some misinformation.
I totally agree with the legroom issue. Kids sit cross-legged All. The. Time. And as someone who is a 4’11” adult, it is WAY more comfortable to ride cross legged than to ride in a seat with your legs dangling and nowhere to rest them. There is evidence that it’s detrimental to the legs (circulatory system and all that) to be dangling like that for long periods at a time. so, damned if you do…damned if you don’t, i guess.
My son is 41″ (and 3.75 yrs old) and happily rear-facing. He knows his friends FF and he has done it a few times and is perfectly happy to stay how he is. He is very leggy and just bends ’em. It means he’s always taking his shoes off, but whatever. 🙂
I’m just glad there are options. I feel more comfortable with my kid RF until age 5, and fortunately I think he’s going to be able to do that (he’s a lightweight). I think there should be good, safe seats for any size and position.
Gosh, this comment is coming so, so late to the discussion, but hey, I found it months later so I guess someone else will, too.
I live in Australia and though I tried to wait until my son was 1 to turn him around, I ended up doing it when he was 10 months. There are a few reasons –
One, he did get carsick, he would vomit during car rides and at no other time. I know personally how freaking miserable motion sickness is. Which leads on to,
Two – There has to be a point where driving everywhere with a screaming baby is just too distracting for the driver, and the safety benefits of rear-facing are negated by the fact that the parent can’t concentrate on the road.
Three – cars don’t have air conditioning vents that point to the FRONT of the car. Most cars don’t have air conditioning vents at all in the back. Mine sure doesn’t. In an Australian 40 degree C summer, that combined with the hot sun shining straight through the back windscreen is, I think, cruel for anyone, let alone a baby. Considering we had to make several long journeys in summer, I just couldn’t keep him rear-facing. It was far too hot. And yes, I tried every option I could think of to block out the sun without completely blocking my rear vision.
The three of us were SO MUCH happier in the car after I turned him around. He stopped crying constantly and started chatting to us during car trips. If anything, I felt guilty that I hadn’t done it sooner because I was just succumbing to the fear around it.
As a side note, my mother bought our car seat and because I went into labour early and she lived five hours away, she had to frantically arrange to have it sent to my hospital. But then I was told that I couldn’t leave with my son in it unless it had been installed by someone certified to do so. My partner walked home with him and I drove, but no one bothered to even help me down the stairs from the ward, let alone check my car. And though I did have it professionally installed the next day, I have not once had to produce proof that it was. ‘Laws’ for you.
That’s funny, I assumed all australian states had the same laws. Out of curiosity what state do you live in?
In Western Australia where I live the law states you can turn them around when they are either 6 months old OR 9kg. There’s also no requirement here to have the car seat fitted by a professional…
Having to have it fitted by a professional seems silly to me, because I know plenty of people who take their car seats in and out on a regular basis. Is the law saying you have to get a pro every time?
Oh and as for the rest of your comments, I 100% agree about the australian summer heat and the safety of having a screaming baby negating the risks.
I know I’m really really really late to this, but I thought I’d post. The issue with the legs has already been addressed, but I’ll address some other issues I saw.
1) Age does matter. The cervical spine is not closed in infants and young children. There are gaps in it that are filled with cartilage. Because of the disproportionate size of the head compared to the body and the weakness of the c-spine when it’s not ossified, young children are at a significantly increased risk of traumatic neck/head injury in an accident. An accident at 30 mph can be fatal. This is one of the reasons that keeping a young child rear facing is so much safer.
2) A professional checking your car seat is important because 80% of people either have the car seat installed incorrectly or have their children put into the car seat incorrectly, as demonstrated by the author’s photos. The straps are too loose, too low and the chest clip is too low in those photos. The chest clip does nothing but position the straps, and is designed to shatter on impact over the sternum. Keeping it over the belly can cause massive trauma to the abdomen.
3) Children under 40 pounds are at significantly increased risk of submarining (flying out under the seatbelt) in a booster. Children need to be mature enough to sit properly 100% of the time, so no wiggling around, no putting the seatbelt behind their back and no slumping if they fall asleep. The reason is because a belt positioning booster offers little (if it’s high backed it can offer minimal side impact protection) if any protection; it’s simply designed to position the seatbelt correctly. Boosters are absolutely necessary until a child can fit properly in a regular seatbelt. Seatbelt syndrome is very real, and fatal.
These rules/laws/recommendations are far from arbitrary. They’re based on physics, anatomy and exhaustive study. Car accidents are the leading cause of death for all children over age 1, which is why it’s so very important to have your child well-protected in the car. The laws of physics don’t really care about your right to make parenting choices, unfortunately. Because of this, it’s so important to make a truly informed choice. I see a lot of well-meaning people posting on this blog, so I just wanted to add in some information I have. Talking to a car seat expert can clear up a lot of this misinformation, so talk to a certified tech!
Especially with the new recommendations put out by the AAP and the NHTSA, I hope people are a little more willing to take a look at their practices, and think about them.