It was as if a record scratched to a halt in the distance. My father looked up from his newspaper, and my step-mother glowered over in my direction. In a low whisper she said, “Did-he-just-say” (wait for it…) “Penis?”
“Yeess,” I slowly and mockingly whispered back.
Keep in mind that we’re Texans, true “suthanuhs” my father would say, and there are just some topics that those with proper decorum do not discuss in the presence of others. Especially when you are about to eat. Correct terminology for private parts are one of those topics.
I dismissed my parents’ arched eyebrows of disapproval with an, “Oh puhleeease. What is he supposed to say, Pee Pee? Privates?”
The continued conversation of our private parts was about to send my southern Baptist father over the edge so he interjected with, “Now that’s enough. We get the point. I forget that you do live in Austin so this type of discussion is normal for you folk.”
For those of ya’ll not from Texas, Austin is as liberal as Texas gets. And, according to my father, it’s Austin that has made me a “bleeding heart liberal/Nancy Pelosi lover” which therefore excuses the penis talk.
The Talk
This week we received a sheet of paper from the district—a head’s up, if you will—about a few films that will be shown to the... Read more
When I was a child we used all sorts of cute terminology to describe our private parts but we never actually used the right terms. Saying vagina or penis was like saying a curse word in that it was whispered and giggled over behind cupped hands and hushed voices.
I never gave much thought to the words I used to describe our parts until I had my own children. Being a feminist mama, and feeling rather embarrassed to use “chee chees” to describe breasts, Ranger and I decided that we would use proper terminology around the kids to describe our bodies from the beginning.
I feel that being honest with my kids about their body parts will lead to less confusion as they grow. I’d rather they hear it right from Ranger and I the first time. I believe that talking openly and using correct terminology normalizes the discussion.
The hope is that by doing so my kids will feel comfortable asking questions or addressing concerns they have later on. Plus, I have nursed both daughters in front of Big J and the last thing I wanted to hear come out of his kiddie mouth were chee chees or boobies to describe that which fed his sisters.
I’m also not going to sequester myself when nursing at home simply because my son might catch a glimpse of the flesh! The horror!! Shouldn’t he and my daughters know firsthand what breasts were originally designed for?
I still draw the ire of my family but they’ve gotten used to such terms being spouted off nonchalantly by their grandson. Because I’d rather such talk be normal than taboo like it was when I was a child.
With both parents being medical professionals, it was definitely a vagina and a penis for me and my brother, with my English mother calling my bottom a bottom. We shouldn't be ashamed to teach our children the truth. I am a nurse and work with a Filipino woman who tells our female patients during baths "I need to clean miss Kitty!" The first time I heard this I laughed until I cried! Maybe it was her accent.
My kids call their genitals "penis" and "vagina"…even though the RN at our doctor's office says "boy parts" and "girl parts". I think it's odd that even at the doctor's office, they aren't comfortable with the proper terms (even when the kids use them first). When my husband and I took a childbirth class before our twins were born, the gal conducting the class said "down there"…as in "When the baby's head emerges from "down there" it is called crowning." Growing up, my mom's family called the vagina a "toadie" …a term she did not pass to us. We mostly called it our "crotch" but also "vagina". However, our term for a penis was "go-go". You can imagine how confused/horrified we were to learn there was a band called the "Go Go's". I also remember wondering what the heck my mom was talking about when I overheard her talking about go-go boots once. They certainly weren't anything I'd ever seen her wear!!
This is a fantastic post! I'm a proud offbeat bride, and a proud offbeat auntie! My nephew, who is almost 2, called his penis his 'puss-say' until about a month ago, when he began referring to it in the bathtub as his penis. His mom – my sister – has definitely done her best to encourage proper names being used. My mother, too.
When we were little, my sister and I, called our vagina's our 'front bum'. When my mother heard this, she bought a book about puberty called "What's Happening To Me" – hilarious title, lol – and made sure we knew all the proper terminology. A couple weeks later, she read us "Where Did I Come From", which – looking back on it – was a really excellent book, very comprehensive, perfect for parents who are wondering how to go about the "birds and the bees" chat. Actually, both of these books are great.
It's so good to know that my nephew knows and understands about his body parts… And that he's not the only one! lol
Wow! Excellent post!! I loved reading all the replys!
I have a 20 month old daughter and my husband and I have had a few discussions about the proper terms. Unfortunately my parents are french roman catholic and I grew up saying bum and bottom… and even the word "crotch" seemed a little inappropriate.
And my husbands family is full of people who make up 100 different dumb words for anything! I've heard them call the penis everything from peepee, firetruck, dewy, peanut, to sword. (yes that's right.) And vaginas get coochie, vajayjay, cooter, peehole, and even… wait for it… (his cousin has taught her 3 yr old this for her vagina…) COOKIE!! Who thinks that's a good idea??! What kind of confusion do you want for your daughter! "Mommy… my cookie feels funny." "Daddy I need to wipe my cookie!" Yeah… I don't know what to say to that.
So although I've begun to call my daughters 2 things… vagina and bottom… we shall see what happens in the near future. Hopefully no one tells her its a cookie. Also… even though I've been trying my darndest to change this… my daughter refers to my breats as "boobies".
But hopefully none of us will get scolded at the park or daycare for using the correct terminology!!!
P.S. I'm thinking of changing my vaginas name to Lady town… Haha! Love it!
LOVE this post! My husband and I have always stressed the proper names for both penis and vagaina as our parents did with us. We do use the term "boot" instead of bottom…as in "sit on your boot" which has been shortened into "boot sit" now. However, as much as we tried to stress proper names you can't take into account pronuciation! when my daughter was little (around 2) she couldn't say "vagina" and instead called it her bagina (bah-jine-a)…often rather loudly in public places.
My mom also loves to tell the story of how I corrected my younger brother one day when he referred his penis as his "weenis"…"No, it's penis and girls have a virgina".
I've always tried to teach my son proper terms. One day he pointed to his crotch and said what's that, and I said your penis honey, and he said no THAT and grabbed his testicles. I was at a loss for words, haha. I knew balls or nuts would be totally confusing so I just said your testicles. Try to keep a straight face with your 2 year old saying testicles. OMG! But after that he was fine, until we taught him the word bicycle and he would confuse which word went with what object.
He also got really specific and asked all about his butt. So he learned butt cheeks and butthole. I mean he was asking specifically so I told him the most appropriate names I could think of at the time. So a couple days later he falls down in his room on a pile of mega bloks and comes running to momma saying he hurt his butthole. I said, no that was probably you butt cheek. Sure enough when I changed his diaper later that day he had a bruise right beside his anus. I was like, well you really did hurt yourself. He also went through a phase where he discovered hat our pets have buttholes and thought it was funny and amazing.
All I can say is I'm glad my family is pretty open and hard to embarrass (my 80 year old Grandma has asked complete strangers if they have tattoos on their butts or "diddles" because since I have tatts, not on my butt or diddle btw, she thinks they'e great). I think my hubby gets a little embarrassed and has taught our son euphemisms like weiner, but that's his comfort level.
OH and about the knowing of proper terminology to help prevent sexual abuse topic. I actually read somewhere that it creeps pedophiles out if the child asks them to stop touching their penis or vagina as opposed to some childish euphemism.
Food for thought.
My youngest sister couldn't say vagina and called it her "china"
She just turned 21 and we still (lovingly) tease her about it. My Mom was pretty open with us about the names of everything. Thanks Mom! ; )
Also I am a teacher in a 2 year-old classroom. Potty training means we talk about bodily functions basically all day. Makes for some interesting conversations. I can totally agree with the problems that nicknames can pose. Some of them confused me as their teacher when I started (like dupa???) so I can totally see what other problems that could pose. I have every intention of teaching my own future children the proper terms.
My best friend from the very beginning always said she was going to let my godson (now 3 1/2) know that he has a penis and not a "peter" or "pee pee". Just be upfront with children..i mean he does have a penis and not a "pee pee". That however is what comes out. I will do the same with my children. She even said growing up that her mother said the word vagina and penis.
I am still so glad my story still gets comments! I was very proud of my 6 year old son tonight. As we were eating dinner, he shouted to his sister in response to something he heard her say, "Boobies is not nice! You're supposed to say breasts!". In my 2 year old daughter's defense she was actually saying, "poopies". As in, "I have poopies, Mommy!", not uh…boobies.
This is such a great post. I, too, am all for using the appropriate words, but I have to say it can feel a little awkward at first. I asked my husband if we should use the scientific language–for lack of a better term–and he said absolutely. But then it came time for him to answer a question and use it. He paused, shuffled around…. We've gotten more comfortable now that potty training has come into the mix, and because my son's not asking quite as many questions. Still, your ideas of what you'll do/say as a parent and what you actually feel comfortable doing/saying do not always fall in line with each other. I guess as with all things, you sometimes have to force it.
A friend of mine refered to her cousins different parts as 'MOM DADDY BRODY HAS A TAIL!'
I have heard it refered too as peeen. I never knew what to call my own parts as a child. Breasts were boobs. but i as a child never much talked about it that i can remember.
When working as a nanny i would often have things whispered in my ear if it had anything to do with private parts. Also there was a time i was buying tampons it was an emergancy and i had to explain that as simply as I could to the five year old girl who i was looking after. Her mom laughed said i did a good job of explaining and was glad she wouldn't have to talk about the whole periods what are pads and tampons for thing. She wasnt used to seeing pads or tampons as her mother used a reusable insertion…. anyway… awkward funny story.
i live in Sweden, and here there has always been an accepted word for the penis: “snopp”. Penis is mainly used in a medical or official context, while snopp is the everyday word that all clidren learn. Just a few years ago there was a debate about the lack of an equally accepted word for the vulva/vagina, and a brand new word was invented and launched: “snippa”. It’s a feminized form of snopp, and by now snippa is almost as commonly used as snopp and is the default word in all daycare centers and schools.
Good topic! I was helping my (new) stepson in his bath over break, and he was all “Even Daddy doesn’t see me naked.” I asked him if it was ok that I was in there, and he said it was ok.
I also told him that it was ok to be naked in front of people, that being naked was ok, but that if he even felt uncomfortable, or if anyone ever tried to touch his privates, that he should tell them no, and tell one of us grown-ups.
I kind of left it at that, but I will use proper terminology, but I interchangeably use breasts/boobs and bottom/booty/butt.
I am less modest than my husband, but I also don’t want to push any boundaries with the kiddo (he’s 8) so I will put on PJ bottoms while he is here, but he’s seen me in my undies, and I think that’s fine.
I plan on having lots of books around that the kiddo can reference, and his mom trained to be a sexologist, so he will be well-grounded in a commonsensical approach to language, reproduction and body image.
Plus, I taught sex ed to my high-school students, so there is NOTHING he can ask that would shock or throw me!
My parents (a pair of hippies) decided to teach me ‘twat’ and ‘tit’ for my own body parts, though ‘penis’ for boy parts. They thought about it a lot, and that was the least offensive, yet anatomically accurate term they could come up with. I don’t know if I would want to use this for my own kids, but we’ll see. When my brothers were born, they had ‘penis’ or ‘willy’ for their own parts, I can’t remember what, if anything, they were taught for their testes. Maybe ‘balls’. Mammary glands were ‘tits’ or ‘titties’ (they hilariously referred to bras as ‘bye-bye titties’ for a while)
I see the value in teaching and using both ‘scientific’ and colloquial names for body parts. I am (unpopularly) adamantly against the use of the word ‘vagina’ to refer to the whole of a woman’s primary sexual organs. I would go with vulva, myself. And I definitely agree with teaching little girls that they have both a vaginal and a urethral opening. That’s just good information to have, and too many kids don’t figure it out until much later in life. But I think it’s good to have both the ‘proper’ word and some other kind of word, for use when around grandparents, etc.
I like that you brought up distinguishing between vaginal and urethral openings. There are many adults out there who still don’t realize this.
I wasn’t aware of this until I was probably around 10 years old. My aunt (a nurse) was visiting and somehow it was brought up in conversation and she said “I always taught my daughters that they have 3 holes down there, a poop hole, a pee hole and a baby hole.”
Ugh, that is a pet peeve of mine: the vagina is NOT all of the ladybits! It’s a very specific bit.
I’m still appalled that The Vagina Monologues got that wrong.
I don’t know why, but as my mum has had more kids her language has become more and more childish! Growing up I was taught that I had a fan (short for fanny) and my my brother had a diddle. Now with her 5th being 8 months old, and her using words like “fries” (flies) and flingees (fingers) I shudder thinking what my sister is going to get taught. My partner and I both want to use the proper terms (penis, vulva, vagina, uterus etc) and since my kids will be close in age to her youngest, I had to warn her that my kids are bound to inform their aunty what things are really called.
I only have sons right now, so boy genitals are all we discuss right now. Right now, the word used to describe his penis is “pee bird”. He’s 3, it works for now. He’s started to discover that mommy has boobs, so I’ve been calling them that for him. As the situations and age changes, he will learn the correct terms from us, but I take it as an age thing.
I have three sons (one isnt finished cooking yet though) and my eldest picked up the term ‘Winkie’ on his own, I dont know where he got it from, but everytime I tell him its called a penis he corrects me ‘no mummy this is my winkie’ And mummys have front bottoms, or so I’m told. A breast is called a boobie and daddy has non-boobies…
just as an added thought, i recently read an article or book (dont remember exactly) that recommended not specifying penis for boys and vagina for girls to leave room for the variety of nature. and instead to just explain that different people have different body parts just like we all have different body shapes, colors, and sizes.
While the technical terms don’t bother me in the least, we’re just a family of interesting euphemisms. My son, to alleviate having to explain differences between the parts, has ‘junk’. Since this is what we all called it anyway (among other, much less appropriate terms… that’s what I get for associating with masses of eternal twelve year old men) this is what he calls the whole package deal, and mine too. Since he blurts things out enthusiastically so much, at this tender age, unable to explain conversational timing very well, it works. It was cute however, at seeing my husbands ‘junk’, and wanting to know more about it in his inquisitive manner, he now also has ‘berries’. We’ll explain it all better soon, but for now, considering I have to take him out in public and sometimes the condescending glares are too much for me, this works out great, and gives me a giggle at the same time 🙂
My mom was all about us using “penis” and “vagina”…though I think she might have regretted it just a little when I was three. I fell down at church and my uncle came to the rescue. He asked if I was okay. “NO!” I screamed, “I hurt my VA-GIIII-NAAAAAAAA!!!” He nearly had a heart attack. 😀
My parents taught me French before English, so I used the term “vulve” (French form of vulva) for the first 7 years of my life. When my sister was born and English was more commonly used in the house, vagina was preferred nomenclature. A penis was a penis. Vulva weirds me out as well, but vulve doesn’t. Vagina in French is vagine, and that weirds me out as much as vulva.
Boobs and butt were considered naughty words. It was always breasts and bum – or seins et fesses.
Among my group of university friends and classmates, we’re fond of tits, dick, ass and vagina. I’m not sure how vagina became viewed as being on par to dick a slang term for female genitals, but it has.
As a camp counsellor working with at-risk-youth, our sexual abuse social worker instructed us to use the same terms that a child uses to name their genitals, especially when/if a child chooses to disclose any history of abuse to you.
My mother always called my vagina my “Doodah” which caused much giggling when ever I heard the song “Zip a dee doodah, zip a dee ay…”
With my daughter we used to call that whole area her “bits” but now that she is older she knows the term vagina and uses it almost exclusivly. As I am expecting another child we have recently talked about the different opening s a woman has in her body because she, like so many children was convinced the baby was going to come out of my bum, and then when I said that was wrong she said “so it will come out with your pee then?” We have now got a good children anatomy book so that I can show her what will happen :o)
My mom taught us the proper names for our genitalia (minus confusing vagina with vulva) but as a kid I always remember referring to my genital area as either my crotch or my bird. I knew the proper names I just preferred those two nicknames. Perhaps because they were gender-neutral and that’s what my cousin used to call his penis?
I recently found out that as kids my great-grandmother always referred to my nanny’s (and later my mother’s)genitals as their “Dim-dam-doo” or *gasp* “Mustnt-touch-it” !!!!
After I stopped laughing I was horrified at the thought of teaching your kids or grandkids to refer to their vulva as their “Musnt-touch-it”… but those were different times I guess.