It was as if a record scratched to a halt in the distance. My father looked up from his newspaper, and my step-mother glowered over in my direction. In a low whisper she said, “Did-he-just-say” (wait for it…) “Penis?”
“Yeess,” I slowly and mockingly whispered back.
Keep in mind that we’re Texans, true “suthanuhs” my father would say, and there are just some topics that those with proper decorum do not discuss in the presence of others. Especially when you are about to eat. Correct terminology for private parts are one of those topics.
I dismissed my parents’ arched eyebrows of disapproval with an, “Oh puhleeease. What is he supposed to say, Pee Pee? Privates?”
The continued conversation of our private parts was about to send my southern Baptist father over the edge so he interjected with, “Now that’s enough. We get the point. I forget that you do live in Austin so this type of discussion is normal for you folk.”
For those of ya’ll not from Texas, Austin is as liberal as Texas gets. And, according to my father, it’s Austin that has made me a “bleeding heart liberal/Nancy Pelosi lover” which therefore excuses the penis talk.
The Talk
This week we received a sheet of paper from the district—a head’s up, if you will—about a few films that will be shown to the... Read more
When I was a child we used all sorts of cute terminology to describe our private parts but we never actually used the right terms. Saying vagina or penis was like saying a curse word in that it was whispered and giggled over behind cupped hands and hushed voices.
I never gave much thought to the words I used to describe our parts until I had my own children. Being a feminist mama, and feeling rather embarrassed to use “chee chees” to describe breasts, Ranger and I decided that we would use proper terminology around the kids to describe our bodies from the beginning.
I feel that being honest with my kids about their body parts will lead to less confusion as they grow. I’d rather they hear it right from Ranger and I the first time. I believe that talking openly and using correct terminology normalizes the discussion.
The hope is that by doing so my kids will feel comfortable asking questions or addressing concerns they have later on. Plus, I have nursed both daughters in front of Big J and the last thing I wanted to hear come out of his kiddie mouth were chee chees or boobies to describe that which fed his sisters.
I’m also not going to sequester myself when nursing at home simply because my son might catch a glimpse of the flesh! The horror!! Shouldn’t he and my daughters know firsthand what breasts were originally designed for?
I still draw the ire of my family but they’ve gotten used to such terms being spouted off nonchalantly by their grandson. Because I’d rather such talk be normal than taboo like it was when I was a child.
One time my sister and I took our then five year olds to our local museum. The kids ran ahead into the next room and we could hear the kids arguing. They were in the African Art section and were looking at the statues. My daughter was emphatically stating that it was a PENIS and NOT a WEINER!
Not a mom yet, but I fully intend on using "penis" and "vulva" for private parts. My parents always did. In fact, they were very open about sexuality. Any and all questions I had were answered. I think it is because of that that I remained a virgin until 18, even though most girls in my town lost their virginity no later than 15. However, I will probably use "bottom" or "tush"…I work in a day care center, and those names have kind of stuck. I don't know about teaching young children to annouce they have to urinate or have a bowl movement, I'll probably just use the stand-by pee-pee and poop.
I was surprised one day at work when a 3 year old boy said "my penis hurts"-his mom looked so young and straight laced, I didn't expect him to know the proper terminology (if you're curious, he had a piece of hair wrapped around a bit of skin of the shaft).
Yeas ago I got in trouble while babysitting my sister-in-law's 3-year old for using the word "butt" (as in, "Emily, come sit your little butt down next to me.") Apparently Emily told her mom "Auntie Dawn used the "B-word!". After sorting out just which B-word it was that had been used, Dee informed me that they used the term "bottom" and that "butt" was vulgar.
Later that week, Emily cleverly notes aloud "hey, mommy's boobies are bigger than Auntie Dawn's boobies!" I turned and looked at Dee and asked "boobies?" Dee said "well, what's she supposed to call them?" I said "well, how about breasts?" Dee looked appalled.
I'm still trying to figure out how "butt" got on the banned list, but "boobies" is on the approved list. Just who makes up these rules, anyhow? Just plain silliness.
I had the same sort of situation with my little cousins. I said the word bum and was told quite sternly by my auntie that they use the word bottom. Then again, these are the cousins that aren’t even allowed to watch PG films even though they are 11 and 13 (even some U films are not allowed – drives me mad).
I whole-heartedly agree. It's silly to use little cutesy names to describe our body parts.
My best friend grew up calling penises "peepees." Now she's a 24 year old married woman and still blushes as the word "penis." She made the mistake of calling her husband's penis a "peepee." He definitely didn't like that, "It's not a peepee, it's a penis!" I'm sure no husband/boyfriend/man would want his 'manhood' being referred to as a shrimpy peepee.
And further more, there is nothing shameful about penises, vaginas, or breasts…and we shouldn't make our kids think there is.
penis is kind of a funny word. i'm definitely not ashamed to use the word, for sure. but it does make me giggle sometimes. it's such a strange word! penis penis penis. hehe.
i do fully intend to inform our child(ren) of the proper terminology. i fully expect that our child(ren) will also adopt the goofier made-up terminology, seeing as s/he will be spending the bulk of each day in daycare starting around 2.5-3mo of age. but s/he will be taught the proper terms at home, even if s/he doesn't use them.
personally, my favorite eye-roll terms for "girl parts" is either vajayjay as posted previously, or bajingo.
We call penises penises and vaginas vaginas in our house. Like other posters have said correct terminology is important from a legal standpoint. We had an awful incident at a park near our home this summer. A 16 year old boy was parading around the splash pad showing off his g string underwear that were sticking out of his shorts. After he was sure us mom's saw him he sat down under a pavilion near by and started masturbating while watching the kids play. The park rangers and state police got involved. It was awful. It took that incident to make me realize I really hadn't done very much talking about strangers and touching with my 3.5 year old. We bought books, made up a password to get into vehicles and we do role playing with puppets. The puppets have been great. I have a police officer puppet, little boy puppet, and the tiger fills in as the stranger. On a much lighter note, I heard a funny story about testicles from a new mom. Her little boy was sitting on a chair naked after his bath. He told his mom his penis cheeks hurt. She walked up closer to him and asked for him to repeat what he said. He did repeat what he originally said while pointing to his testicles. LOL
That sounds like an awful experience! But we need to be careful about the stranger talk also and not making our kids afraid. If there was ever a time that for some reason our chil(dren) was seperated from us a stranger is someone that might help them, so we don't want them to be afraid to ask for help. I have taught my daughters what kind of strangers to ask for help if they were ever seperated from me (ie: a woman with children, or just a woman, or a man with children, or someone in a uniform cop, fireman, etc.). The password for vehicles is a great idea though.
My little girl is only about 3 months old, but seeing this has made me think. Whenever she has a dirty diaper, I always end up saying "Time to change your butt!" even if she's only peed and such. I think I'm going to have a talk with my FH about when she's older teaching her the correct terms (though I have the feeling he'll be like "talk to mommy about your… parts.") I remember when I was about 8 or 9 years old and I knew the words penis, vagina, etc… I felt guilty about knowing them, because saying stuff like that was "bad". I distinctly remember seeing a magazine cover that said "Do your kids know too much about SEX?" and feeling horrible, like I was disappointing my family by knowing those words.
Reading through these comments, i've found my new fave phrase – Ladytown! I like to imagine it has lots of coffee shops and requires the wearing of fab outfits. And possibly poodles.
I told my partner before he left for work, and just got an email saying he's planning an early night as he wants to 'pop over to Ladytown' tonight. He he heh. Yes, our combined maturity equals a 12 year old.
In regards to my girls, we have quite a liberal view of nudity in our house (often afterschool on hot days my 11 year will wander past in a teeshirt and undies declaring it's Pants off Monday or whatever), and so they're pretty clear about what a penis, vagina etc are, but the 5 year old may know the words but still uses Gangina or 'front bottom' if there's a problem. We all use boobs for breasts though, not sure why.
In short, they know the correct terms, but we're more interested in the feeling behind the words than what they call them for now.
Ladytown…
Yep, still precious.
I'm trying to remembers what my late-eighties-brand-new-open-but-with-a-prudish-mother taught my brothers and I… We definitely knew all the right words, and were the kids at school people would go to for sex questions because Mum was always honest (although Dad still hides behind his newspaper if I mention the word "bra") but she preferred "wizzie" to vagina. She was fine with penis, though. Weird.
And although the three of us were fine with the real words, we still used nicknames because most other kids were taught them instead of the biological names. That always felt silly to me – it's a penis, people. Not something you should be afraid of!
I don't like the word vulva though, I much prefer vajayjay, because it's fun to say. 🙂 Vulva just makes me think of Seinfeld. 😛
(And I really need to get my mum to submit something here – her kids were accidental triplets. 🙂 )
I had to add my mum's favourite story about us. Sitting in a cafe with mum and dad, we were in our stroller and the waiterr came up for a chat. He looked at the three of us and asked who the leader was. My brothers both pointed at me and said "she is" then one added "and -she's- got a bajina!" the waiter left very quickly..
My son was 2 when my daughter was born. We had already taught him proper terminology for his body, and now with a little sister in diapers, he wondered what happened to hers? After a bit of explaining, he got it-boy=penis, girl=no penis. While out to eat with my grandfather, aunt, and two uncles, my son began what we now affectionately call "penis role call." He pointed at each person at the table, and based on their gender bestowed a "penis" or "no penis" along with appropriate headshaking to emphasize this. My grandfather was a conservative fella, so he nearly fell out of his chair in tears of laughter over this. I think he was slightly uncomfortable with the term being used by a child, but so tickled it didn't matter:)
I am pregnant and until reading this I hadn't even though about what to call genitals. By boyfriend and I have decided to go with the proper terms. I don't want any confusion or shame. I really can't wait to see what my family has to say about this decision as I know it will be funny.
Ummm it started out as Noodle… I dunno why thats just what he called it… but after watching too my Law & Order and being reminded about how many screwed up twisted people there are in this world… I really started pushing penis, vagina… and boobies is the slang I suppose… it may be right, it may be wrong. But I want my kid to know that those are HIS parts.. those are the names… and when they are spoken of there is no confusion…
i can be a little crazy sometimes, lol
AMEN! I don’t have kids yet, but they will absolutely know the correct terms. I’m a nurse so I’ve always thought the cutesy nick names were ridiculous. A few years ago I realized my husband didn’t understand the difference between vulva and vagina I immediately went and found him my old anatomy text book. How does one get to be in their late twenties and not know this stuff?!?!
(I also made him look at charts about menstruation cycles because he was fuzzy on how that works too. Craziness.)
I recently had a conversation with a 28 year old male friend of mine who was amazed to learn that the cervix was not inside a woman’s anus. I kid you not….
I wonder at what point in time correct terminology of body parts became so "dirty"
I do the same thing with my kids and it elicits the same looks from family members that you described!
I wouldn't tell my children that their arms are their "long reachies" so why would I make up names for their genitals!?
My mother grew up with a very technical term usage family and she jokes that it scarred her for life. She thought the terms "expel gas" and "bowel movement" were nauseating. The only thing worse was "passing gas" as if they were gifting it to the neighbors of something. My sister has three boys and they know the real terms (the youngest had a Vagina Song) but we still have nick names for them. Breasts, boobs, boob-a-la's, breastisis, the boys, the girls, Vagina, Good Girl, Garden, va jay jay, 'gina, etc.
However, some of my favorite stories are about the mispronunciation of the correct terms by children. My sister made some poor girl cry in grade school insisting that her name, Virginia, was the real word for your privates. Then there is that fact that my Aunt pronounces "Volvo" as "Vulva". HA! It was priceless…"Jennifer has a gray vulva." "Why were you looking at her vulva?" "She brought her new car over to show me." "…do you mean VOLVO?!" Could have died I tell you. But my newest favorite is when my mother had an Angina attack and the 14 year old said "Grandmom's had a 'gina for 50 some years why is she so worried about it now? And what does it have to do with her heart?" Bwahahahaha! I still can't tell that story without laughing until tears.
I think letting your kids know the correct terms is fine but you need to realize that confusion and mispronunciation are par for the course (not to mention comedy gold). I think the truly important thing is creating an environment of openness and acceptability. No matter what we called it it could always be discussed with the family. None of us were or are afraid to ask questions. Letting your kids know about appropriate settings would be good too. Nothing is quite as startling as when the six year old tells his lesbian aunts that they need a fecky (penis) to have a baby while out to dinner at HomeTown Buffet. 😉
Loved this post and all the comments. It's fascinating how far people will go to call a thing anything other than the perfectly good word it already has! We raised our boys to use the word penis and it's not a big deal for anyone except my mom, who once talked to them about their "wee-wees" and they just stared at her. I had to translate for them, "Grandma means your penis."
A few weeks ago my mother asked me why I used the word "maker" to refer to to my daughter's vulva. We've been using the phrase 'pee-pee maker' since she was born. My daughter just turned two, and frankly, it's easer for her to say 'maker' since she still can't pronounce certain sounds. She does refer to her butt as 'hinee' and breasts as boobies. That she picked up from both me and her father. Within the next year I plan on teaching her the proper terminology.
Being the only daughter of a feminist single mum she was big on teaching me the right words and I will definitely be passing this on to my daughter. I remember having no shame about these things as a child and actually finding it really useful growing up. Of course, initially I think I caused my mum a bit of embarrasment – like telling a visiting Rabbi that I had a clitoris! – but that didn't continue on for long and I'm sure my mum would agree was worth it in the long run.
Hahaha, my kids know all the right names for things, but it has been a process. Our first child knew them as parts. This was mostly to separate them from the bum. Our second was a boy, so penis was introduced. With our third, came the names vagina and vulva. My hubby still cringes when he hears the word vulva, to the point that he has said he would prefer the girls call it their vagina even though it's wrong and still makes him squeamish. Just less squeamish than vulva. I find it hilarious, and watching some of our friends get all curly is fantastic fun. Fact is though, the name of a part is the name. Nothing we can do to change it. With breasts, I'm not so fussed. Most of the names used for them are fairly commonplace. I do still laugh my arse off when all four of my kids call my bra's booby patches. Love it so much. Not something I'm going to correct them on too soon, because it provides ample entertainment.
It seems that my childhood experience was rude enough to catch the filter! I heard a crass term for vagina as a child. I asked my mother what it meant, and she explained, adding that it wasn't very polite. Clearly, I thought, I must make it polite by calling it my "meow meow." She has never let me live it down.
My Daughter doesnt really call it anything…just her private area. However, *I* had the ultimate term in my opinion. I called my vagina a GOOGIE!
My daughter started school this year and in the play ground another girl said she had a boy name so she was a boy.My darling little girl turned around to this girl and said naaahhh i have a vagina so i am a girl! the other little girl thought vagina was a swear word and told the teacher!!!
A swear word!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I don't have kids yet, but was taught that I had a bum and a vagina when I was little, but my vagina was also a flower, according to my phillipino nanny. Very poetic, I liked that, as well as knowing the correct words.
I happen to have triplet brother and sisters that are sixteen years younger than me. One boy, two girls equaled a very early discussion of boys have penises and girls have vaginas. This lead to gratuitous use of the words… They would bring them up in almost every conversation for a period of time when they were two!
This is a very refreshing story. This is the approach i want to take with my kids, but it would really bother my parents. Growing up in my family, we didn't use slang or proper words, because we couldn't talk about our bodies at all! I don't know why. I never felt shame about my body, only confusion. I didn't know what any of the proper terms or slang words even meant until i was in high school. When I heard the word penis at age 5 I thought it's where urine came from, because people also call it a peepee. Girls pee too, so i assumed my pee also came out of a penis. In fourth grade I found out from a boy at school that girls don't have penises, so I asked my mom what girl's private parts are called and where girls pee from if they don't have a penis. I was so confused, but all she said to me was, "uh, I don't know."
No kids yet, but I wanted to share that my parents were the same way. They called it a “bo-fronty” and a “bo-hiney.” My father would scold me for saying “butt” or “fart” as though I had used one of the supreme cuss words. To this day I’m still working through feelings of shame and embarrassment when I discuss my genitals — even with my husband or my doctor! I still can’t say penis with a straight face — I tend to refer to my husband’s as his “man bits” or “man parts.” As a grown-ass woman I know this is ludicrous, but I can’t help but feel like Jesus is listening or some other nonsense. I can cuss like a sailor, but I still hesitate or have to crack an uncomfortable joke or use a silly accent when I say “Peee-nusss” or “va-JHEE-nuh.” It’s insane!
Predictably, my parents would never discuss sexual or anatomical issues with me. I remember sneaking into my mom’s room when she was outside gardening and looking through her books on childbirth, desperate to find pictures or explanations so it would all make sense. That’s how I finally figured out the proper names, but I think it only served to make them even more taboo. It wasn’t until AFTER I took the sex ed classes in elementary school that my mom asked if I had any questions and all I could say was, “No, they explained everything,” which wasn’t true at all, but I had learned to associate my parents with shame about my body.
One last thing, when I was in middle school I went to a sleepover and one of the girls accidentally kicked me right in the groin (right between the crease of my leg and my genitals). When she asked me what was wrong, I said (trying to be very adult about it), “You kicked me in my groin!” to which she replied, “You’re a girl! You don’t have a GROIN! GROSS!” Unless I’m mistaken, a groin is a groin no matter what your sex which tells me that LOTS of people don’t understand anatomy and (thankfully) I’m not the only one.