It's hard rebelling against liberal, tolerant parents #Families#rebellion#second generation offbeat#teens June 23 | Ariel offbeatbride Saw this comic today and almost fell out of my chair: Comic by superpoop.com Seeing this reminded me of my own experiences growing up, where try as I might I just couldn't faze my parents… Yeah. That's me in 1996. I remember being a 21-year-old party girl in San Francisco, and my dad asking me very straight-forwardly about my recreational substance consumption, and me answering him very honestly. (It was, uh, A LOT at the time.) My father looked thoughtful for a second and then said, "That's a pretty heroic dosage of toxins. I hope you're prioritizing sleep and eating well, too." I thought to myself, "…!! Fuck, there's no way to get a rise outta this guy." And stopped trying. I posted this story on the Offbeat Families facebook page, and started getting some amazing comments that I just HAVE to share: When I told my mom that I lost my virginity (at 18) she said "well, it's about time!" that's when I gave up! 🙂 All of my friends that it was weird that my mom was the one to help me dye my hair pink and purple at 15! My mom would say "is that Metallica dear, i really like that song" not what I wanted to hear when I was cranking metal trying to piss her off when I was 15. God Bless her! My mother very bluntly asked me if I liked boys or girls when I was about 19, and when I told her I hadn't decided, I thought I might just like both, she just nodded and said "Well, no rush to decide. May as well make the best of it while you can!" HA! I love these stories. Reporter Name * Reporter Email * Original text Enter the original text here. Edited text* Enter your suggested copyedit here. Notes You can add a note for the editor here. * Required information. Fix Typo Ariel Author of Offbeat Bride: Creative Alternatives for Independent Brides, Ariel acts as the publisher of all the Offbeat Empire websites. She lives in Seattle with her son, and if she's not reading or writing, chances are good that she's dancing and happy-crying. PREVIOUS Offbeat kids books about sex and bodies NEXT Using acupuncture and herbs to treat morning sickness Show/Hide comments [ 149 ] "well dear, if you ever have any questions about drugs, between your father and me we've tried just about everything, so feel free to ask…" 5 agree Reply HAHAHA! This made my day! 1 agrees Reply When I was 17 my dad helped me straighten out my blue mohawk. He said that it was a little crooked and immediately got out his shaver thing. My mom was embarassed that her daughter had "the hair of a punk boy", but my dad said that it's just hair and is nothing to get worked up about. 1 agrees Reply My dad tried to get me to Get a purple mohawk, and a tattoo. I couldn't decide what I wanted on either account. Oh, and He used to be in a metallica anthrax cover band.He opened for anthrax one night in hartford. My family is a bunch of rev war rennie re-enactors and Fife and Drum Folk 4 agree Reply Oh god, that reminds me of the time my parents sat my brother and I down at the kitchen table and brought out their pot stash and were like, "This is what marijuana looks like. It is fun. Sometimes we smoke it to enhance our sex life." I was MORTIFIED. 8 agree Reply aha I had my mom say that to me too. Reply I got the same thing from my parents! It's also why I was always too scared to try drugs growing because I was convinced (and still am to this day) that if I. Ever walked into my parents house high they would immediately know I was high, what I took, how much I took, when I took it and how good it was! Lol 1 agrees Reply love this post, but……………… i am one the liberal, tolerant parents. my oldest daughter came home late one night when she was about 15 and she was drunker than a skunk! she could barely walk without falling falling down. when she fell into bed, my husband went and smelled her breath and said, "smells like rye." the next morning i gave my 3 other kids permission to be as load a they wanted and when booze girl got up, i grounded her; not for drinkin', for being late. when my 2nd oldest daughter came home very late from high school one day, i asked her why she was so late. this was her response, "oh, i had sex for the first time today." my reply was, "oh, that's nice, but that's no excuse for being so late." LOL! i think kids needs to figure some things out for themselves. 4 agree Reply That's why we all turned out so well Mom, because you WERE liberal. A lot of my friends got into trouble just to get that rise out of their parents. All us kids knew that it didn't phase you so what was the point in trying anymore. As a result of my liberal upbringing, I have now become a liberal, offbeat mama myself! My kids have said to me that there's no point in trying to hide anything from me cuz what's the point! 2 agree Reply Despite my attempts to rebel, shock, or annnoy, my mother has always lovingly referred to me as the "white sheep" of the family. LOL Not to mention my mother outnumbers all seven of her childern in tattoos. 1 agrees Reply How funny, we joke about me also being the white sheep. No matter all the crazy I do, I could never outdo my family :p 1 agrees Reply I did everything I could to rebel, shock, and embarrass my mother, and in the end…it came down to this one thing. We started drinking very early, my mom came home and of course friends were all thinking we were in big trouble just to hear from my mom, "Well at least you're drinking at home dear." 2 agree Reply My mom had a book called "How to get your kids to say 'No' in the 90s when you said 'Yes' in the 60s". I guess it worked because my "rebellion" against my parents was to stay pretty much squeaky clean! 5 agree Reply Yeah, I was a TOTAL clean jean in high school, and remember actually saying "Why would I want to smoke pot? That's what old hippies do!" I reversed my opinion in college, but rebelling in high school kept me completely squeaky. 9 agree Reply I'm still totally not into pot: it just smells like home! And, the one time I took acid (when I was in college), it was a Christmas present from my parents. 2 agree Reply "Smoke up Johnny!" 5 agree Reply When I was seventeen I had kind of a break down type experience. My mom had to pull me from a bath tub soaking wet and sobbing so hard I was choking. Somewhere I kind of phased out, so I dont remember that actual experience. What I do remember is finding myself on the couch, looking over at my mom sitting in her rocking chair, holding a lighter to a joint and handing it to me. 3 agree Reply I've never smoked pot because I caught my parents smoking. They were laughing hysterically while listening to Crosby, Stills, Nash and Young. I blasted Nirvana on my walkman and tried to block it out! Hahaha it's hilarious to think about now. I've always thought of pot as being really uncool because of that scene with my parents. 2 agree Reply Same here! My parents were the "offer a glass of wine with dinner occasionally" sort from the time I was about 12… my response was "EWWWWWW!" I didn't drink until I was 20. XD And sometimes I think my dad thought my brother and I were abnormal because we DIDN'T experiment with pot in high school! Reply My parents were the "offer a glass of wine with dinner occasionally" sort from the time I was about 12 as well! My dad would offer use beer and harder alcohol was well. I always blame him for spoiling my wine tongue, he had the best stuff and now I am sort of a wine snob. Reply I just can't deal with pot because to me it smells like dead skunk. Seriously, when I first moved to the city (and my city is a very pot-smoking city lol), I was like, "Holy crap, I had no idea there were so many skunks in the city!" Ya. I was such an innocent lol. 2 agree Reply Hahah Man I never even got to experiment with it because first I thought it smelled like skunk too (actually I couldn't tell the difference between cigarettes and pot for a long time) and then I found out that I'm almost deadly allergic to the smoke from pot. (I was a pack a day smoker when I was twenty from working a crappy job -I recently kicked the habit though! I'm so proud- and I was at a friends house……lets just say having one's windpipe close from being NEAR the smoke and going to the hospital and trying to explain it to the medics that no I didn't smoke OBVIOUSLY because I'm allergic. It totally suuuucked) 1 agrees Reply The gift my mom gave me for my 18th birthday was paying for my tattoo. And then getting another one herself. Reply I am still trying to be my mom in tattoo coverage. I have a long way to go! She has a full back piece, one on both arms, her leg, and she is far from done! lol Reply Me and my mum have matching tattoos from our holiday to Thailand together. 1 agrees Reply Yeah, I got my very first tattoo as a 16th birthday present from my mom and sister. But, to be honest, as a non-drinker, non-smoker, non-drug-taker and all round non-partyer tattoos are about as wild as I get. 2 agree Reply Well, my mom was as liberal as it was possible to be, and I was pretty darn conservative, so I got a rise out of her all the time. She sat me down when I was 18 and told me she was concerned because I hadn't lost my virginity yet, that I might be frigid. I just laughed and laughed and laughed… 4 agree Reply I was going to say, it's easy to appal liberal offbeat parents if you go in a different direction. One of my friends shocked his liberal hippy dad at the age of 13 when, in response to an offer of condoms to use with his girlfriend, he declared that he didn't plan to have sex until he was married. Eleven years on he's stuck to his word. Another friend appalled her mother by coming back from her first year of college unwilling to dress in a way which exposed so much as her upper arms and wanting to get married at the age of 19. Her mum actually said things like "Don't go out dressed like that; would it kill you to show some knee?" 1 agrees Reply I think maybe the key isn't that it's hard to rebel against liberal parents (as indicated here, just be conservative!, as much as it's hard to rebel against RELAXED parents. If parents don't care if you follow in their footsteps and beliefs then there's nothing to do to get a rise out of them, since they believe you are your own person and will do what you like. I think what happens is that the more relaxed attitude is associated with liberal parents, but it is by no means just liberal parents and/or all liberal parents that are fine with their kids being their own people. 5 agree Reply HA! Similarly, I got way into classical music as a teen basically EXCLUSIVELY to piss off my hippy/rockstar dad, heehee! 4 agree Reply "Don't do anything I have to explain to your father… no let me rephrase don't get caught doing anything I would have to explain to your father. Oh, and you ought to be on the pill and using a barrier method whatever sort of sexual hijinks you might want to get up to." I love my mother. 1 agrees Reply When I was 18 I started having my first real sexual relationship with the guy I was dating. My mom told my sister she was glad I'd found someone nice to sleep with. I almost died when my sister relayed the comment to me! 1 agrees Reply I'm not squeaky, but I think my mom's experiences helped me to go on my adventures safer than she did. I did my substance exploration, I was a teen mom, and I did a lot of things that my mom did, but I got a chance to do them better because I saw it first hand already. I'm the only person in my family that doesn't drink, and I am successful at a much younger age. 1 agrees Reply My mother is a hilarious mix of hippie and Long Island. She let us kids dye our hair any color of the rainbow, as long as we went to the salon. She was equally concerned with keeping her bathroom clean and root regrowth. She also took my brother to get his eyebrow pierced as a reward for a good report card (after she examined the piercer's hands to see if he had dirt under his fingernails). 8 agree Reply This might be my favorite comment of the thread. 🙂 I love it! Reply That is too awesome. Reply Oh, I have to add another one; from a generation back. When my aunt, who was single at the time, told my grandparents that she was pregnant, her father (in his 80s) gently asked "Well, do we know who the father is?" and then was very careful to add "Not that it matters if we don't." Then he suggested champagne. 2 agree Reply I have a mom who is conservative and was shocked if I said the word, "butt." My dad is the complete opposite. When my mom found my hidden copy of "In Utero" in middle school she broke it and threw it in the trash. My dad said, "It's okay you can listen to my copy." 2 agree Reply Were your parents divorced? Because this sounds like my family dynamic! 1 agrees Reply My parents always wanted to come across like strict disciplinarians, but they never quite cut it. For my 18th b-day I was allowed to have 3 bands play in the backyard. Alcohol was strictly prohibited. As soon as my first bunch of friends arrived the first words out of my Dad's mouth: "Want a beer?". My mom also use to give me grief about my "herbal" habit, yet on one of her trips to Mexico she brought me back a pipe. They never even questioned me about the raves I went to. They would just tell me to be careful and to stay hydrated. It never was out in the open, but they knew, they just didn't want to hear me say it. 1 agrees Reply Not my story, my partner's: He went to his first solo rock concert (Beck, I think) when he was 14 or 15. His mom's once piece of concerned advice was "Don't buy drugs from someone you don't know – they might turn out to be an undercover cop!" 2 agree Reply that's so awesome. sounds almost exactly like my mom. My first rock concert was Green Day at 14, and she supplied a joint so I wouldn't try to buy it off anyone. Halfway through she ended up getting scalped tickets and sat on the lawn with people half her age. She ended up to high to drive home, so my sister had to drive. 2 agree Reply I went to a party when I was 16 and drank way to much and friend's mom call my mom to tell her that I had to spend the night because I was so drunk. My mom was really mad (not about the drinking, but about lying about it), but the next day my dad sat me down and said, "Honey, what did you have to drink?" I told him it was quite a few different types of drinks. He said, "Well, that's what made you sick. Let me tell you a story about mixing alcohols. Me and my friends tried that back when I was your age and…" He wasn't mad at all, and the story that followed has stuck with me since! 1 agrees Reply when I was 14 I really wanted to get my belly button pierced and went on and on talking about how cool I would be. One day my mother took me for a drive and we ended up at a Tattoo place. She said it's time to follow through with what I said I wanted..lol and then SHE jumped into the chair and got hers pierced before ME!!!!My step mother had a heart attck when she found out I got it pierced and flipped out even more whne she found out my mother not only allowed it but joined in on getting hers pierced…totally classic!!! 1 agrees Reply I couldn't rebel against my father. He was a tattoo artist and shop manager so when I wanted a tattoo at 14 he told me to get in the chair. He smoked pot, so drugs didn't bother him and he was the one who got me listening to Insane Clown Posse and Limp Bizkit when I was eight. My mother on the other hand didn't care what I did because I was my father's responsibility. 1 agrees Reply my parents are strangely on/off. My Dad has every Frank Zappa album ever recorded and got me into Bowie, Rolling Stones and heaps of other stuff but is often strangely dismissive towards that "modern omphomph" that he calls a lot of the Indie-Rock etc. I listen to… and he hates the tattoos even though he kinda likes some of them just not that I have them^^… But my best story: at a backyard BBQ me and some friends had when I was maybe 18 or 19 my Mum came out to bring a Salad or something and my friend hid her smoke under the table and when I walked back in with my Mum to grab something my Mum took me asaid and said: You can tell Alex that if we think you guys are responsible and mature enough to handle drink in our house (legal drinking age here is 18 btw), we think you are responsible and mature enough to handle weed!" My friend nearly fainted when I told her 😀 1 agrees Reply Maybe that is why I still get a kick out of rubbing my dad the wrong way? Conservative cop dad= lifelong conflict. 1 agrees Reply It may be how they approach the topics though. Both my parents are pretty conservative, but they never pushed it on to me. I really felt like I could grow up and do pretty much whatever I wanted and they would be like, "Good for you honey!" For example, if I dyed my hair bright pink I know my mom would hate it, but her reaction would be all, "Well, I might have this one dress you can borrow that would totally look great with it!" 1 agrees Reply LOL this is exactly like my parents. They're very conservative but also pretty laid back–when I wanted to dye my hair purple at 16, our church was appalled, but my mom was just like, "Sigh…at least let me do it for you so you don't ruin the bathroom rug". Their motto always seemed to be, "As long as nobody is getting hurt, we're not going to give you a lecture". 3 agree Reply My parents took me to get my first tattoos, and piercings. They let me smoke pot in the house. But when I dye my hair, my mom still freaks out. My favorite color and style to wear is her least favorite on me. Guess Im still rebelling. 1 agrees Reply When I lost my virginity at 17 my dad asked "how was it?" he always encouraged us to be true and honest with him and to ourselves, often commenting that i could be a lesbian if i wanted and "should date non caucasians too" and "should play the field". Now that i'm all grown up and married to a white man I truly think my dad is a little dissapointed i turned out so "normal" lol 1 agrees Reply Me, aged 16: "So, Mom, I'm pretty sure I'm bisexual." Mom in question: "Are you sure you're not gay, honey? Because I always thought you were." And lo and behold, she was correct. Mother knows best? 2 agree Reply Haha, awesome. 1 agrees Reply When I came out to my mom, she said, "What, you think I didn't know that already?" 1 agrees Reply I told my mom at 14 that I liked girls, as well as the boys. She said, "You like boobs?" and laughed at me… Reply My father on one of his trips home, "Have you tried LSD?" Me at 18, "No." "Why not?" "I don't want to?" "Oh, okay. But you don't drink and you don't smoke anything . . . what do you do?" Eloquent shrug, mentally saying, "Girls!" 3 agree Reply I wish I could remember the title of the short play I saw in high school. The mom and dad were rebels and they're son snuck math homework. Reply I believe the play you are referring to was 'Drugs are Bad.' :] Reply Thanks so much! I could not remember that title for the life of me! Your so right that is the name of the play! Reply My mom took me to my first concert with I was 13 or 14: Ozzfest. When I got my first tattoos, people asked what my parents thought. I told them that my mom has more tattoos than me. My dad has still yet to comment on them at all. Reply I almost just fell out of my chair over that comic. I use to work with that kid in the comic a few years ago. Reply Apparently my boyfriend went to school with him… crazy. Reply my mom bought me my first bottle of pink hair dye when I was twelve. When I got older and she knew I was at parties, she would call me and say "so are you completely wasted yet?" gotta love her. Reply My Dad is awesome. I can talk to him about anything without fear of judgement. When I started dating my now-husband, Dad gave me a sex manual and said "Make sure he knows that it's best to be a bronze medallionist." My recent mama moment: Talking with my inlaws about my mother trying to find out if my nerdy brother has had sex over his 18th birthday weekend. Nan turns to my 18-month-old daughter and says in a happy tone "You won't be silly enough to have sex with boys until you're at least 30!" My immediate question: "But what if she likes girls?" 1 agrees Reply my Dad shaved my head for me when i was 15. turns out i have his same strangely shaped head. Reply I came home at 16 with a shaved head and a new tattoo while wearing my standard outfit at the time of black miniskirt, ripped black tights, black lace gloves and black sweater. My dad didn't even blink, he just commented "nice tat" on his way past me in the hallway. 1 agrees Reply When I was 18, a few months before graduating high school. Me: I'm going on the pill! I'm not sexually active yet, but, well, that's what college is for! Mom: You're STILL a VIRGIN?!!?!?! You know, you don't have to be such a prude. 2 agree Reply I love all of these stories! My mother was something to rebel against for sure…and my father totally helped me. When I was 16 he signed for my first tattoo (birthday present), when my mother found out I was doing acid…again opps…he asked if it still "came on sugar cubes" these days HA! He's always been pretty open about his past, while my mother tried to make it seem like she was squeaky clean. Neither of them were, but I totally respect my father for talking to me like a person about it. I'm planning on trying the open communication with my daughter, I hope she writes stories like this about me when she's older 🙂 1 agrees Reply I told my dad I wanted to try acid (at 23 years old) and he said we could both try it together. So we did. In the middle of the day. We wandered around together laughing and stroking the grass on the lawn. Afterwards he said "That was quite fun but we probably shouldn't do it again just in case something bad happens, I hear it can give you brain damage". 3 agree Reply Ha. It reminds me of my ex's parents….they were totally liberal (as opposed to my own) they used to constantly ask my ex if he had managed to have sex with me yet (a no-go for me and him…we were way more conservative 😛 ) My father, on the other hand, once refused to talk to me for three days because he saw me hugging a guy 😛 I should mention I was 17 at the time and in my last year of highschool ^.^ 1 agrees Reply When I was a kid, my parents would bring my sister and me to these "legalize pot hippie dance drug fests" in the Appalachian mountains. The only way to rebel against my parents was by not doing drugs and not dropping out of college lol. 1 agrees Reply My friend was worried about telling her 80 yr old grandma that she was gay and engaged to the woman that grandma has previously believed was just a roommate. She eventually works up the courage, and breaks the news. Grandma is silent for ages, before eventually saying, nonchalantly: "Well I know you get that from dear. Your grandfather was an awful one for the men. I was the only woman he ever loved." My friend ended up being the one shocked! 2 agree Reply My parents were pretty supportive of just about anything I wanted to do, because the likelihood was my older sister had tried it to, so they figured I should be okay. Pink hair, nose ring, tattoo-didn't phase em. During high school I volunteered at Planned Parenthood, and I remember driving with my mum and pointing out the Morgentaler Abortion Clinic. "Oh, I'm so glad you know where that is, I've always wondered. The case of condoms and lube under your bed is quite reassuring, too." Of course, my mum shocks me sometimes: (Age twenty, calling home from apartment shared with my boyfriend) Me: "Mum, I'm bored, what should we do." Mum: "Hmmm….have you tried sixty-nine? It's a lot of fun!" Me: "What the eff?" 1 agrees Reply For my 17th birthday, I threw a party at my house. My parents knew about it…and provided lots of music, food, and alcohol. Then, went out for the evening leaving a bunch of teenagers home after taking the keys of anyone who was drinking and telling us "You break it, you bought it!" My mom also told me at 18 "If you choose to smoke pot, that's fine, just don't drive after smoking and if it's laying around in plain sight your dad and I will smoke it. Keep it in your jewelry box. That's where I kept mine." 1 agrees Reply my parents were QUITE liberal with my raising and to this day there isn't much i can do to piss them off…. but they'd do pretty odd things since they were my parents – for my 16th birthday my dad gave me his friends special "mix" perfect for smoking, – that next summer while @ a head/hippie shop in maine i asked my dad to buy me a pair of birkenstocks he obliged but also bought me the most awesome bowl ever (everyone who ever smoked out of it thought it was the greatest thing EVER) – my parents were directly responsible for my friends and i's rebelliousness at the ripe old age of 12 my dad started carting us to show in NYC to see whatever band we loved, he would sneak us into CBGB's because believe it or not, they were rather strict about age getting in then my father was responsible for all the booze my senior class consumed As i got older my father knew what kind of people i hung out with and i thought i'd piss him off finally with the conversation what drugs i had or hadn't tried and once again that didn't shock him. even when i was telling him about the kid i was about to have, still didn't shock him, now i'm glad he is so liberal because we see eye to eye more as adults than most of my friends and their parents Reply My mom has always been straight-laced and pretty darn conservative. As a child I wasn't allowed to wear black, for example – too morbid on a kid, apparently. At 16 I thought I'd be exciting and dye my hair an unnatural shade of fire engine red. My mother liked it so much she made me pose for photos in 'good lighting' and paraded me around for her church group to admire. I had elderly nuns complimenting my new style – one even commented that she would do the same if she thought she could get away with it. I dyed it back to brown shortly thereafter. I'm in my 30's now and my mom routinely gets me to show my tattoos to people and says that if I ever start dressing 'normally' she'll know something is seriously wrong. The only thing she balks at is skull print clothing on my infant daughter. I don't know why that's "too much", but somehow it is. 5 agree Reply In the mid-90's when I was under 18, my mom drove my friend and I to a rave, dropped us off, then picked us up around 5am, after she'd already come in and danced for a while. There are a few other stories I'd love to share about my mom and I but probably shouldn't! lol Reply Let me preface this by saying I don't mean this in a political way at all, just in the spirit of this article's theme. It seems to me like it might be easier than you think to rebel against liberal parents. I imagine that becoming outlandishly conservative in your worldview (difficult to do given that parents are so important in your socialization) and/or joining up with certain rather mainstream religious faiths might get a rise out of them. I guess that is where the tolerance part comes in. Some liberal tolerant parents will accept it and others will be driven up the wall. This is usually not a very glamourous form of rebellion to teens, which is why this phenomenon is rare. Reply anonymous, I totally tried that route too! As part of this same 21-year-old era, I tried ALL routes of rebellion — both wild and conservative. On the conservative side, I bought a car (my dad works for public transit) and ran off to the city (they live in the country) to work at a law firm. And EVEN STILL! my parents remained supportive. Reply Isn't that what Family Ties is about? LOL 3 agree Reply I think this is where my son is headed. He is a ten year old budding accountant. He likes math and chess and hates getting dirty. He prefers golf shirts and socks that match his outfit. He's a total square and thinks I'm impossibly embarrassing. I love him tremendously. 1 agrees Reply My parents had friends whose daughter did just this – she rebelled by going to a church youth group. They were horrified! It was hilarious. 5 agree Reply – I took my mom to get her first tattoo. I still have none. – I spent all of high school sneaking around to avoid getting caught smoking pot. When I was in college, my mom asked if I'd ever tried and revealed to me that she smokes daily. Now when I come home, she and my younger brothers are passing a joing around the kitchen table. – When my brother came out (at 14!) my mom was so excited that she told all her friends and relatives before he could. – My dad has told me that dropping acid is "fun, but not as enlightening as everyone says it is." 2 agree Reply Also, my dad apparantly wanted to leave a fishbowl full of condems on the mantle in our family room. My mom vetoed that. But they did allow by high school boyfriend and I to have sleepovers for a good 6 months before I went to college. Oh, and my mom asked me to buy her a bong on her last visit to my husband and I. I did not oblige. Reply Dad said something similar to my brother once about magic mushrooms. In a pizza restaurant. (Most of his random drug stories were told in pizza restaurants… not sure what that represents!) Reply lol @ anonymous – My husband & I joke that our son will end up rebelling by joining the Mormons or becoming a preppy type young Republican. 3 agree Reply i swear that's going to happen to me too! but it's bound to happen where we live :/ (i'm rasing my son in bergen county, nj just in the shadows of NYC the breading ground for preppy republicans OR awesome kids rebelling against their parents and since i was one of those rebelling kids my son is going to go the way of the preppy Republican) Reply My parents are getting a little more conservative as they age, but they definitely had some wild days that show through in some of their parenting methods. They've always had a pretty hands-off approach to things. My mother has never liked my tendency towards darker clothing, but she always let me wear whatever I wanted as long as I didn't look like a "streetwalker," something I never managed – at least, not in her presence. With alcohol, she said I could drink whatever I wanted and however much I wanted as long as I did it at home. Last year, she suggested that I just fool around with boys instead of acquiring a steady boyfriend – she's worried that a boyfriend will distract me from my studies, but I guess she still wants me to have fun. I was frustrated at the time, but it's hilarious to me now. 1 agrees Reply Both of my parents were conservative enough when I was a kid, but when I got older my relationship with my mom changed, to the point where she buys pot and shares it with my fiance and asks my advice about where to buy strap-ons so she and her girlfriend can try it. Good times. 🙂 Reply My dad is a musician and all of his friends growing up were musicians. They baby sat us, and it was disconcerting to my grandmother that the tattooed long haired freaks were responsible for our care. When we were in elementary school our out-of-school friends were pretty much dictated by whose parents would allow them to go to the bar on Friday night. I can remember passing out in booths begging to be taken home, and having my parents say "just one more set". By the time I was in high school and all my friends were sneaking into bars, they were the last place that I wanted to go. 1 agrees Reply my parents are librarians, I didn't even get my ears pierced til i was 17, and now I have pink and purple hair, tattoos and i'm (almost)divorced! they've also never approved of anyone I've ever dated! lol -but they DO like my career choice of primary teacher…. I think I'm pretty restrained given all that! 1 agrees Reply I remember being 14 and going to a party where people were passing a joint. I didn't smoke it with them, but when I came home my dad smelled it on me. I told him the truth and asked him if he'd ever smoked dope. He thought about it, and told me that it always made him sick to his stomach and that there was a high, but it wasn't worth the queasiness. Because he was so honest with me, I never felt the need to light up. 🙂 2 agree Reply My conservative mother helps me put my mohawk up, goes to punk rock shows with me and bragged to all her friends when I became a tattoo artist. Parents don't have to be Liberal to be loving and accepting. 1 agrees Reply Great point! Reply Very excellent point! My parents are old hippies, turned conservative. But my mom would always regale me of tales of her high school days; "I remember, we loved shooting up heroin, until Johnny OD'd in the field in '72….." Pretty much kept me out of anything too bad in high school just listening to her! 1 agrees Reply My family had their own rules. Dad said we could drink with the family at 18. My mom told me under strictest confidence she did ALOT of drugs before she had me (the first) I never got into drugs where my younger sister and brothers usage is questionable, I guess even if you want to control your kids to keep them safe nothing beats information and honesty your kids will find a way to do what they want, you gotta be honest so there is nothing exciting about doing things that are potentially dangerous I guess. on the appearance side, isn't that the easiest way for us to express ourselves is the way we dress and adorn ourselves. 1 agrees Reply I never got into doing any sort of drugs, but my parents, who were both quite the partiers in their younger years, told me all sorts of stories. My dad's advice about pot: "If you get any, be careful who you get it from. It's not like the old days- they put all sorts of dangerous stuff in it, now." My mom was also the one who suggested I dye my hair (neon orange) when I was 16. 1 agrees Reply LOL I can't get a rise out of my parents, I use to out of my mom but she stopped freaking the day I turned 18. My dad has done every drug you can think of, is in jail right now for growing weed (LOL. what a hippie ass reason to be in jail) and we've always had a wonderful & open relationship. I've always been talked to as an adult & he didn't tip toe around me. When I started having sex my mom told him (hoping he'd tear into me) & he told me "be safe, i don't want you knocked up". LOL!! Reply "Acid was terrible, I once had to push a dresser in front of a door and climb out a window when a friend I was tripping with lost it. You be careful who you do your drugs with." My mom was an addict, we don't talk anymore. Some people really find that quote cute though. 1 agrees Reply When I was 18 my friends and I went to New Orleans. I told my mom that we couldn't sneak into a single bar and she says "I'm really disappointed in you… why didn't you plan ahead and get fake IDs" 1 agrees Reply My parents were poor, over-worked conservative catholics and I was number 6 out of 8 kids. I could smoke, drink and go out without them noticing if I just remembered to change out of my fishnets and DocMartens before entering the house. We didn't really communicate with my parents so at age 15 I took it onto myself to educate my younger brother: "If you want to smoke pot, Tom, ask me and I'll teach you, it's safer" his 12 year-old response was "you're so immature…" He ended up never smoking or drinking ANYTHING in his life, becoming a firefighter and marrying high-school sweatheart. I love him but still feel a little lonely here 🙂 2 agree Reply So a few weeks ago I told my mom about sneaking off in my car to have sex on a back road with a guy I really liked. My Dad pulled me aside and said "You know, I can't stop you from leaving the house when you're 18, but if you would please start having sex in the house that'd be fantastic seeing as I don't want some creeper sneaking up on you guys next time." Reply When I was about 16, my mom took me aside and explained to me the mechanics of female sexuality and orgasm. I was absolutely MORTIFIED at the time, but now I'm glad she did! No one ever explains these things to you! 1 agrees Reply Many years ago… My Dad: "If you ever decide you want birth control, just talk to me." Me: "Dad… I'm TWELVE." My Dad: "Well, I'm not going to be one of these parents who doesn't face reality. I know you're going to have sex eventually, and when you do I want you to be prepared!" When I was 16 and really DID want birth control, I knew I would have access to it. I was fortunate to have parents who talked openly with me about sex, so I didn't end up a pregnant teenager or having an STD. Reply This reflects my experience exactly! Reply when i dye my hair a relatively normal dark brown my mother still says "i liked the pink better." 4 agree Reply My daughter is 5 and absolutely loves that I look nothing like the other parents, have tattoos, a different hair color every week, and that her friends all say her mom is cool. Now being admired by a bunch of 5 year olds sounds silly…but it's really great to know my individuality, at least for the time being, is a badge of honor for her and not an embarassment. Gooooooo off beat mamas! =D 4 agree Reply When I was about 7 and still in a "boys have cooties" phase, I explained to my mom that marrying a boy would be disgusting, and I would much rather marry a girl. She said "Well, some girls marry boys, some girls marry girls, and some boys marry boys, and you can marry whoever you want." I didn't realize how awesome that was of her until years later, of course. Now adays both my parents are very supportive of my relationship with my boyfriend, even though we met online and are in separate countries most of the time. My parents are pretty wonderful. 1 agrees Reply When I was at Disneyland with my dad (I was like 16 at the time) we were on the teacups and he said, "This ride was even better when I was tripping on acid!" My dad was so frank about his teenage drug use that I didn't do drugs or drink until I got to be 18, and even then the worse thing I've done drug wise is pot. I've lived vicariously through his stories and never had the urge to try other drugs. Reply I was just always being me and it scared/pissed off/upset my mom. ALWAYS. I'm 24, married, 3 kids and she CRIED when I told her I was getting another tattoo. LOL I never really wanted to get a rise out of my mom, it just sortta always happened. I got so fucking sick of it, and I was only 13. lol 1 agrees Reply So on newyears eve 1999/2000. I had some "magic" brownies…. and well started hallucinating, I had some champagne, got really ill went home, and my mom held my hair for me while I puked. The next day when I stumbled into the living room at about noon, My mother and step father we're making lunch. They asked me about what I did last night. I told them I ate a brownie and drank some champagne, went to some parties, saw some auras and then came home because I was sick. They responded, "Well, maybe next time, you only eat half a brownie dear" 2 agree Reply My parents have always been a weird mix. When I was 15 and had my first boyfriend my mother tried to push me to go on the pill, "just in case." At the same time, it was pretty clear that I wasn't supposed to be messing around with said boyfriend in their house. I was always allowed a bit of wine or beer if I wanted, which I didn't after the age of about 7 until much later. My parents despaired of my friends and I for starting our parties at 7 and ending at midnight. But my first tattoo in my mid twenties was horrifying, and dying my hair always gets pained expressions and remarks on how it is a bad idea. I guess I rebelled by being even more conservative than they were in terms of partying, and much less when it came to friendships with boys, dying my hair, piercing and tattoos. Even still, my guy regularly teases me about being a good girl. I guess he is the ultimate rebellion, a skater, pierced, tattood artist/musician who swears and has had his wild days. 1 agrees Reply My parents are incredibly conservative, but they were always very smart about not giving me anything to rebel against… I was allowed to wear whatever I wanted, they let me try alcohol at home, didn't bat an eye when I got a tattoo at 18, and when I wrote my mom a letter telling her I was going to start having sex with my boyfriend, SHE paid for the birth control. They always told me when they disapproved, but they say it in such a NICE way that I can't really get mad at them for it! Just one more note…one of the best pieces of advice I got from my father after I'd spent all night in the basement hanging out with a boy… "You should be careful, because boys talk and they will lie. You do one thing with one guy and the next one will think he can do a little more. I should know, I was young once. Young men are pigs." 5 agree Reply I've got tons of good ones from my liberal parents…like when I was sixteen and my mom brought a giant porceline bowl of condoms into my bathroom. I said "But mom, I'm not having sex." She said, "Oh, well your friends might need them." My mom also let my gay best friend use our guest room for a rendezvous becuase he had no where else to go with his boyfriend since he was still pretty closetted. In college there was the time a professor of mine showed up at a neighborhood brunch and I was chatting him up about the exam he was giving in two days. Mom walks up, slaps me on the back so I nearly choke on my mimosa and asks "So Meghan, are ya drunk yet?" Once I could breathe again I was like, "No mom…and did I introduce you to my French Revolution professor?" There was also when I told her I had started dating a friend of mine and she responded "Why does it always have to be a RELATIONSHIP. Why can't you just be friends with benefits?!" Reply Also the incident after my abstinence only sex ed class where I came home and my mom was like "So what did you learn in school?" and I said "Oh it was so cool mom we learned that the clitoris makes it so you don't pee on your partner during sex." And my mom was like, "um, did they tell you that the clitoris is what gives women a lot of their pleasure?" and I was like "No…but isn't it awesome it makes it so you don't pee on people?!" My mom, "Sigh. So let me explain to you about the female orgasm…" Reply My parents are both liberal in their own ways. My mom smoked pot with me the first time when I was fourteen, and still continues to smoke with me today. When I told her I was bisexual, she said, "Okay, what's the big deal?" and immediately wanted to meet my girlfriend. She gave me and boyfriend condoms for our first time together, and bought them for me for a long time after that. She told me that she'll hold my hand whenever I get a tattoo or a piercing, and wants us to get mother-daughter belly button piercings together. 😀 My father is cool in his own way, he's always told me that if I want to try any illegal substance, to let him know because "I can get top-shelf stuff that a kid your age couldn't procure on their own merit.", and he's always enjoyed drinking lager or wine or sharing an expensive cigar with me. They're impossible to phase. Reply My Mom gave me booze from the time I was about 12 on (paralyzers, I still have a thing for kahlua). The logic was that I was safer experimenting at home than in the back of a car like she had. My rebellion was getting married at 25 and becoming a housewife. She likes to tell me how disappointed she is at how "conventional" I turned out. Reply When I was thirteen my dad thought he needed to give me the talk so he said "Just so you know- sex is amazing. I love it, and you will love it and you'll probably have a lot more of it because you're a girl. I'd rather you be older and I'd rather you have a boyfriend when you do it, but neither one are necessary. Just make sure you're safe, come to me and we'll get you ready." He never batted an eye lash through my drug/alcohol/sex binge from 19-24 When I brought home a girl I was dating, I mentioned it to him and he said "Yea I figured, have fun." 🙂 My dad rocks Reply As a gay man who just turned thirty, I'm feeling very ambivalent about this thread. Raising my own family looks like a bleak abstract improbability right now, and dealing with the family that raised me, is taking a lot of energy. It also means I've been thinking about parental impact a lot. I think what children want, is quality in the way their parents regard them. Some people SEE their children, and others don't. If a child is seen the way it needs to be seen, it doesn't matter much, I think, if that regard comes from a conservative or offbeat perspective. *grin* Of course, I've also got my inner 15yo radicalist who feels all parents are monsters, be it a traditional mother who enables female submission to patriarchy or an unconventional father who perpetuates the drug-related crime cycle. */grin* 1 agrees Reply "Mom, how old were you when you lost your virginity?" (at 17) "A lot younger than you are." – Mom Reply I was bought up in the church. Sunday school every week, I played in the church band, all my family are ministers and VERY conservative (no drinking, smoking of any substance, definitly no other substances and I used to warn my friends before they came over not to swear infront of my mum) I wasnt allowed to wear black and I couldnt go to any of my friends houses unless mum and dad had met their parents. BOTH parents had to be met if I wanted to sleep over.. I was totally the coolest kid in school!! *mops up scarcasm* But beside all of that, I was allowed to go the big shopping mall without adults before any of my friends were (and then it turned into my friends telling their parents that I was going to be there as a substitute for a responible adult, and that ACTUALLY WORKED?? we were 12!!) I wasnt allowed to wear a bikini until my nanna bought one for me at christmas when I was 13. When I was 14 my big brother and his wife paid to have my ears peirced for christmas – also outlawed. But I was allowed to catch the train by myself 2000km each way to visit family for holidays. They used to pack me a bag of food, give me $10, a pack of cards and say "dont get off the train. Not for any reason" I was also allowed to visit Dreamworld (the aussie version of Disneyland) with just me and my freinds/brothers. If mum knew that we were frequently chased by security gaurds for being little shits setting off match box bombs she probably would have stopped letting us go. hrm.. I grew up on a boat in marinas with really dodgy old boaties and solvents and all sorts of fun boat building material we shouldnt have had acess to. And our neighbour used to drink Methylated spirits by choice, not cause he couldnt afford real booze. Through all of this I must have heard both mum and say "I might not like what you do or say, but I'll ALWAYS love you" as well as my Nanna's family instituion of saying everytime you left the house "Remember who you are, where you are and what you stand for" that my dad and all his brothers and sisters had when they were teens. Mum and dad split when I was 16 and mum and I ended up living togeather (I had chosen dad and he said too bad, ya mum needs you more than I do. I was not very happy). I was expecting hell on earth. Mum sat me down and said: You'll be an adult in 2 years time and then you'll be allowed to do whatever you want and I wont be able to stop you. So, how about from now on you start acting like an adult and I'll only step in if I think you've REALLY crossed the line. Cause I think I've raised a responsible thoughtful beautiful girl and I think she can make her own decisions and face the consequenses of those. But I'm always here for anything you need. From that moment, I had no curfew, could do anything I liked as long as I still went to school, had my boyfriends sleep over (the funny part is it horrified my dad – but at the time we went havin sex!! it was compleatly inocent until after I went to uni!) She never said a word when I came home at 3am on school nights, but she would still make me get up early for school. She let me buy that $200 dress I HAD to have with my wages, then she also let me walk to school (and work) for the next 2 weeks until I could afford to fill up my car again. So I had heaps to rebel against when I was young – but when I was a teenager they took all of that rebellion fodder away and I only hurt myself!! As a result I didnt drink or try drugs till my 20's, But never at home. I had orange hair and was the star attraction of the nightlife of our backpacker town, but I never bought guys home – although my friends who knew me never wanted to sit in my backseat!! hahaha! I now have my lip peirced twiced and all she said was "It's not as bad as I thought it would be" (I got it done at 26) and now its all healed she buys lip rings for me! Oh, and I still tell all my friends not to swear in front of my mum even though she knows I swear like a trooper myself! (but only when I think she's not around) 2 agree Reply When I was about 17 my friend was over with her brand new mohawk, my mum walked in, blinked at her for about 15 seconds, said "I never noticed what lovely eyebrows you have" and walked out again. A few years ago, she admitted to me that she was disappointed that none of her kids turned out to be gay. On the plus side, I think her granddaughter might be bi. lol A year or so ago I told my now 14yo daughter that it would probably be much easier if she just rebelled against her fairly conservative dad (what can I say, I was rebelling) and left me out of it. So far my plan is working brilliantly. I've discovered that it's so much easier being the parent of a teen if you like the same music and styles they do. 2 agree Reply Freshman year of college, I got my nipples pierced, and then my room mate and I went to hang out at my mom's house for the weekend. My mom was a nurse and worked until 11, and when she got home I want in my PJ's, kinda holding The Girls (they were still sore from the piercing earlier in the day and the support felt good). I was planning on telling my mom anyway, but not until the next morning. But she walked into the house, saw me holding my boobs and blurted, "Did you pierce your nipples?!" I replied, "Yes. Yes I did." Whereupon she marched me into the bathroom to have a look under better lighting. I gingerly lifted my shirt and without a word about the nipple rings a kind of wistful look passed over my mom's face and she said, "Christine you have such lovely breasts. I haven't seen them since you were a little girl when you needed help in the bath." My response was to yank my shirt down and yell, "EW, MOM!!" and then try to get my room mate, who was standing in the bathroom door snickering, to shut up and make me hot chocolate. 1 agrees Reply My mom was pretty close to disowning me when I got my first Tattoo. Just a couple years later she was getting inked with me on my birthday! Oh, and I vividly remember one day back in freshman year of high school my mom calling me to our linen closet to show me the stash of condoms and pregnancy tests she kept "in case you or your friends need them". I'm sure that contributed to my abstinence during high school! 1 agrees Reply My very liberal mother always supported whatever I did. Pink hair, tattoos, sex, bad choices. She would give her opinion-good or bad- advice if she had it, and leave it at that. She always told me I could love whomever I wanted, and that it would be okay if I became a lesbian. (I don't think she ever thought that was a possibility, I doubt there ever was a more boy crazy girl than me!) But the day I sat down with her (at the age of 19) and explained that I was an atheist, she cried. Literally bawled. She said I didn't have to be Christian, like her, but that I should believe in SOMETHING, so that I would never 'feel lost'. To this day, it's just about the only thing she tries to change about me, and constantly nags about. 1 agrees Reply When I was 15 or 16 my dad said, "Look, I know you're going to do whatever you want anyways. I just ask that you don't get ME in trouble with the police. And don't make me deal with your mother. Oh god, I'd rather go to jail than deal with that." (Those two are, thankfully, very divorced and have been since I was little!) 2 agree Reply Up until last year I was still living at home with my parents when my mom stumbled across my bag of bedroom "gear." I had quite an assortment of stuff, her reaction, "well you really are your mothers daughter" she had the same reaction when she found out I was smoking pot at 15. That's when she decided it was a good idea to hand down her old pipe to me. I love my mother. 1 agrees Reply I was the one doing bad things to get a rise out of my parents in high school–mom still hates my tattoos, hates any hair color other than my natural one (which I haven't seen in 10 years), doesn't understand my "hippie" parenting or choice to eat organic and locally-grown food, tried TIRELESSLY to keep me from smoking pot and having sex…all those efforts only made me rebel harder! I kind of imagine that someday my son will be like Alex P Keaton from Family Ties, really straightlaced honor student, young Republican, straight edge…and I will be disappointed but not show it! 1 agrees Reply When I was 13, my mum found a gram of coke in my jeans pocket. She stormed into my bedroom, threw it at me and said 'Jesus christ! How many times have I told you to check your pockets are empty before putting your jeans in the washing basket!' I had 20 piercings, had left school at 12, fled the country without a passport and been deported, was a drug user and had moved my boyfriend in by that point. I think the first time I ever shocked my mother was when I was 18 and told her I'd been accepted into university lol. 3 agree Reply My husband took my 13 year old daughter to see Iron Maiden last year… She loved it! I always love when she gets mad and tries to upset us with loud music. We tell her to turn it up!! Reply 2 stories 1. For my 21st birthday my uncle airmailed me a bottle of home-made, real-wormwood absinthe v. illegal in the states, and an absinthe trenet and a box of sugar cubes. Oddly, I never had any, 'cause it vanished. 2. So, I come oome from college and there on nthe table is the poster child high-school bong. Water bottle, aluminum foil, bic pen (I don't smoke) I looked at my parents and said "Jeez, you two! You'd think at your age you could afford a grown-up bong!" Reply It was my GRANDMOTHER that was the liberal one in my family life. When I was 12 and had invited my friend to Sunday dinner, the conversation turned to the seaside in which my gran pipes up with "Don't have sex on the beach, sand gets EVERYWHERE" whilst looking at my Grandad with an "am i right?!" kind of like. I was MORTIFIED. She also told me not to settle with the first guy I had sex with, and gave me my motto in life – everything worth doing, is either illegal, immoral or fattening. She is my world! I adore my grandma! 2 agree Reply My parents were both pretty conservative, but incredibly supportive. There were *very* strict rules when I was young, then the rules became more & more lax. I was encouraged to 'be myself' and not just 'follow the crowd'. Once when I was 17 or 18 a a family member saw me & a friend walking around with spiky hair, ripped clothes and wearing COMBAT BOOTS. She quickly reported to my Mom about my appalling appearance. Mom's reply, "Do you know how long it took us to find combat boots in Sherry's size? We must have looked through 100 pair before we found a men's size 6!" I never really tried to rebel against my parents. I knew I could talk to my Mom about anything – and I did. They bought me my own whiskey and I was allowed beer from the fridge. When my friends were busy trying to get someone to buy them booze I didn't care, drinking didn't hold any great mystery or appeal to me, it wasn't forbidden fruit. My Mom still waxes poetic about my electric blue highlights. That & my green & black hair, those were her favorites. When I had to color my hair 'normal' shade of red for job interviews she was sad, and hoped I could find a job that would let me have 'pretty blue hair' again. My Mom rocks. 1 agrees Reply My grandmother took me to the PX at the local Air Force base to get me real combat boots when I was 12. Men's size 5, at least there were enough women in the military by then so we could find them. Reply When I was sixteen, I admitted to my mom that I was having trouble figuring out how to masturbate. She bought me a vibrator. I was mortified, but grateful. 1 agrees Reply I totally didn't tell my mom about getting my first tattoo. She walked in on me, maybe an hour after I got home, and saw me laying on the couch letting air get to it. Mom: Holy shit, you got a tattoo!! Let me see it! Hey, thats not the tattoo I designed for us! So when are you getting ours done? Me: Uhhh….when I can afford it Mama? Mom: Cool, hey did I tell you I got a new one last week? Here, I still have some good soap and tat wax… I love my Mama. She is the epitome of COOL. I never really tried to rebel much, because my mom was so cool, why should I? She taught me how to be a classy, offbeat, cool Lady, and I love her everyday for it. The same year she got her 2nd Masters Degree, was the same year she was voted an MTV Hottie at the bar she works at on the weekends. See what I have to look up to? I might end up being a fraction as cool as she is, and I'll be happy with that. 1 agrees Reply I'm definitely second generation offbeat. My mother kept her head shaved when I was growing up, she also tattooed my father as a hobby, she helped my dye my hair pink for the first time when I was 13, we even shared an eclectic taste in music, ranging from Greenday to Elton John to Fleetwood Mac. We got tounge rings together when I was 13, and matching tattoos when I was 16. A lot of people thought she was being irresponsible to be letting her teen daughter get piercings and especially the tattoo.. But she firmly believed that piercings could be taken out if I ever stopped liking them and that I was mature enough at the time to make a decision like a tattoo. My mother was the biggest role model for me growing up and taught me so much about accepting people and that we are who we are, nothing about the way we choose to look will change that. I'm 22 years old and married now but my mom still shaves her head at almost 50 and we sometimes go get new piercings or tattoos together. A few months ago we got matching nose rings. I hope to be as big of influence on my child(ren) as she was on me, and I hope to have just as good of a relationship. Reply I had the best of both worlds in a way. I come from a very conservative Mormon family, the oldest of 8 children and DEFINITELY the black sheep. My parents have always freely expressed their disappointment when I did things they disapproved of – but always let me know that I was accepted and loved regardless. We've had our substantial disagreements but they've never come down on me beyond "we wish you'd made a different choice" kinda stuff. When I went through my hardcore goth phase, they didn't bother me about it. Music wasn't a problem as long as I wore earphones or the stuff I played over the stereo didn't contain swearing or explicit sexual lyrics. Drugs have never been my bag – they are upset that I smoke but they just give me crap about quitting and that's it. They kinda turned a blind eye to sex – they were upset that I was so sexually active but never got on me TOO bad about it. In my late teens, in a brutally honest conversation with my mother, I finally said "mom- I won't ever lie to you or dad. So if you don't want to know somethiong – don't ask". That has worked well for almost 20 years now, lol. The only thing I'm honestly terrified to bring up is that my fiance and I are in a polyamorous relationship with another (previously 2 other) woman – as mainstream Mormons, they're DEATHLY allergic to anything that even faintly resembles polygamy and I'm pretty sure they would freak, lol. To this day I have an incredibly open and honest relationship with my parents, conservative as they are – and I'm grateful for it. 1 agrees Reply "We don't have bail money in the budget this month." My mom said that line to me and my friends every time we went out. 1 agrees Reply My brother came home one day and asked my mum is he could get a tattoo. (He needed her to sign his consent form.) But he made her a deal: if he paid for the tattoo she always wanted, then he could get one too… She agreed and it was a nice afternoon of all of us in the tattoo shop together while they got tattooed. Flash forward a few more years; I wanted my first tattoo, (At 16) mum agreed, and sat in the shop and teased me about being a "Wimp" because I said it hurt. LOL. My dad also gave both my brothers their first mohawks and helped me dye my hair hot pink. It was hard to shock them… considering I am also the "White sheep" of the family. (Both brothers are in scream-o heavy metal bands with disgusting phrases as band names.) Mum, dad and the step parents still come to every show. LOL Reply I grew up going to church but I wouldn't say my parents were conservative…well my mom anyway. All I really remember about my dad's "parenting skills" is that he always said no so I never asked him for anything. When I was 15 or 16 my mom DID have a problem with me saying I was bisexual but after one incident it was never discussed and while I know she wasn't trilled she accepted my committed relationship with a woman at 19-20. Other than that the only thing I remember her having a real problem with was my "spiritual interests" but that was brief. She found a book I had borrowed from a friend about Wicca and expressed her disapproval but I was 18-19 and it was a phase anyway. My mom was a pretty open-minded parent. She helped me dye my hair hot pink for the first time at 14 or 15 (and many colors after), took me for my first piercings at 16 and 17, and my first tattoo at 18 (while still in high school). My dad always hated my weird-colored hair and piercings (still does) but has never had a problem with my tattoos. While she was very understanding for the most part, as an adult looking back I realize there were things I did that broke my mother's heart. (For example, my mother went to great lengths to understand me and understand WHY when I began dealing with a serious self-injury problem when I was younger but never really made me feel guilty about it. She just took me to counseling and tried to understand. She even had me help her write a paper about it for one of her college classes and I can't explain how much it means for someone to try to understand an issue like that.) Now I'm pregnant with my first and I wish she was here more than anything. My boyfriend (hopefully soon-to-be-fiance! lol) and I haven't really done much discussing of parenting styles but I was reading him some of these comments cause he kept asking why I was laughing and he seems like he might be more conservative than I will. I think we'll pretty much be on the same page as far as hair color, tattoos, piercings, etc but as far as alcohol and marijuana he'll be more conservative than I will so I guess we'll have to come to a compromise. I just know I wanna be like my mom! <3 1 agrees Reply This is totally us. I have 19,17,14 and 13 year olds and we talk to them about everything. I am also the mom that has dyed my daughter's hair green, blue and now Raggedy Ann red. Also, not only did I each of my boys to get their ears pierced, but since you pay for 2 earrings and piercings anyway, I got the second one for each of theirs. The most hilarious thing to me is that knowing they would want to rebel in some way, I chose food to be our major issue. We eat all organic and 50% raw at meals… So, when they are mad at me… they eat junk food. I love it. a) they have an outlet to say fuck you to mom that does not have lifetime consequences and b) they get stomach aches and are reminded how awesome it is that I teach them about healthy eating 🙂 4 agree Reply When I was about sixteen this happened. Me: Hey dad, I'm planning on shaving my head tomorrow. Dad: Tomorrow. Is tomorrow that Wednesday? Reply When I was 15, 'You are most certainly not running off on your own to a Tool concert, I liked them first, it was me who introduced you to them in the first place. I used to rock you to sleep to Opiate every night when it first came out. I'm coming with you.' 3 agree Reply I had a very similar experience. My mom took me to get my hair died blue at a salon when I was 13, but only after giving me the full sociological lecture on social mores and boundaries of the community. Later I found out that she thought it was her duty to at least make me think that I could be shocking her. "It's kind of hard for you to rebel when you have parents like us, kid." My sister became a born-again Christian for a couple of years and freaked out my family like no one's business 1 agrees Reply When I was 14 my mother set me down and we had a very "in depth" deiscussion about sex There where condoms, lube, ect… And of course "never use petroleum jelly with a latex condom, did I ever tell you how you were conceived?" I shudder my freinds were getting tab a slot b and I was getting the play by play. Her favorite line if I left the house "Don't drive drunk and don't come home pregnant" Reply Read more comments 1 2 › Join the conversation Cancel Reply Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *Comment No-drama comment policy Part of what makes the Offbeat Empire different is our commitment to civil, constructive commenting. 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