Posted bySaw this comic today and almost fell out of my chair:
Seeing this reminded me of my own experiences growing up, where try as I might I just couldn’t faze my parents…
I remember being a 21-year-old party girl in San Francisco, and my dad asking me very straight-forwardly about my recreational substance consumption, and me answering him very honestly. (It was, uh, A LOT at the time.)
My father looked thoughtful for a second and then said, “That’s a pretty heroic dosage of toxins. I hope you’re prioritizing sleep and eating well, too.”
I thought to myself, “…!! Fuck, there’s no way to get a rise outta this guy.” And stopped trying.
I posted this story on the Offbeat Families facebook page, and started getting some amazing comments that I just HAVE to share:
- When I told my mom that I lost my virginity (at 18) she said “well, it’s about time!” that’s when I gave up! 🙂
- All of my friends that it was weird that my mom was the one to help me dye my hair pink and purple at 15!
- My mom would say “is that Metallica dear, i really like that song” not what I wanted to hear when I was cranking metal trying to piss her off when I was 15. God Bless her!
- My mother very bluntly asked me if I liked boys or girls when I was about 19, and when I told her I hadn’t decided, I thought I might just like both, she just nodded and said “Well, no rush to decide. May as well make the best of it while you can!”
HA! I love these stories.
My conservative mother helps me put my mohawk up, goes to punk rock shows with me and bragged to all her friends when I became a tattoo artist. Parents don’t have to be Liberal to be loving and accepting.
Great point!
Very excellent point! My parents are old hippies, turned conservative. But my mom would always regale me of tales of her high school days; “I remember, we loved shooting up heroin, until Johnny OD’d in the field in ’72…..” Pretty much kept me out of anything too bad in high school just listening to her!
My family had their own rules. Dad said we could drink with the family at 18. My mom told me under strictest confidence she did ALOT of drugs before she had me (the first) I never got into drugs where my younger sister and brothers usage is questionable, I guess even if you want to control your kids to keep them safe nothing beats information and honesty your kids will find a way to do what they want, you gotta be honest so there is nothing exciting about doing things that are potentially dangerous I guess. on the appearance side, isn’t that the easiest way for us to express ourselves is the way we dress and adorn ourselves.
I never got into doing any sort of drugs, but my parents, who were both quite the partiers in their younger years, told me all sorts of stories. My dad’s advice about pot: “If you get any, be careful who you get it from. It’s not like the old days- they put all sorts of dangerous stuff in it, now.”
My mom was also the one who suggested I dye my hair (neon orange) when I was 16.
LOL I can’t get a rise out of my parents, I use to out of my mom but she stopped freaking the day I turned 18. My dad has done every drug you can think of, is in jail right now for growing weed (LOL. what a hippie ass reason to be in jail) and we’ve always had a wonderful & open relationship. I’ve always been talked to as an adult & he didn’t tip toe around me. When I started having sex my mom told him (hoping he’d tear into me) & he told me “be safe, i don’t want you knocked up”. LOL!!
“Acid was terrible, I once had to push a dresser in front of a door and climb out a window when a friend I was tripping with lost it. You be careful who you do your drugs with.” My mom was an addict, we don’t talk anymore. Some people really find that quote cute though.
When I was 18 my friends and I went to New Orleans. I told my mom that we couldn’t sneak into a single bar and she says “I’m really disappointed in you… why didn’t you plan ahead and get fake IDs”
My parents were poor, over-worked conservative catholics and I was number 6 out of 8 kids. I could smoke, drink and go out without them noticing if I just remembered to change out of my fishnets and DocMartens before entering the house.
We didn’t really communicate with my parents so at age 15 I took it onto myself to educate my younger brother: “If you want to smoke pot, Tom, ask me and I’ll teach you, it’s safer” his 12 year-old response was “you’re so immature…”
He ended up never smoking or drinking ANYTHING in his life, becoming a firefighter and marrying high-school sweatheart.
I love him but still feel a little lonely here 🙂
So a few weeks ago I told my mom about sneaking off in my car to have sex on a back road with a guy I really liked. My Dad pulled me aside and said “You know, I can’t stop you from leaving the house when you’re 18, but if you would please start having sex in the house that’d be fantastic seeing as I don’t want some creeper sneaking up on you guys next time.”
When I was about 16, my mom took me aside and explained to me the mechanics of female sexuality and orgasm. I was absolutely MORTIFIED at the time, but now I’m glad she did! No one ever explains these things to you!
Many years ago…
My Dad: “If you ever decide you want birth control, just talk to me.”
Me: “Dad… I’m TWELVE.”
My Dad: “Well, I’m not going to be one of these parents who doesn’t face reality. I know you’re going to have sex eventually, and when you do I want you to be prepared!”
When I was 16 and really DID want birth control, I knew I would have access to it. I was fortunate to have parents who talked openly with me about sex, so I didn’t end up a pregnant teenager or having an STD.
This reflects my experience exactly!
when i dye my hair a relatively normal dark brown my mother still says “i liked the pink better.”
My daughter is 5 and absolutely loves that I look nothing like the other parents, have tattoos, a different hair color every week, and that her friends all say her mom is cool. Now being admired by a bunch of 5 year olds sounds silly…but it’s really great to know my individuality, at least for the time being, is a badge of honor for her and not an embarassment. Gooooooo off beat mamas! =D
When I was about 7 and still in a “boys have cooties” phase, I explained to my mom that marrying a boy would be disgusting, and I would much rather marry a girl. She said “Well, some girls marry boys, some girls marry girls, and some boys marry boys, and you can marry whoever you want.” I didn’t realize how awesome that was of her until years later, of course. Now adays both my parents are very supportive of my relationship with my boyfriend, even though we met online and are in separate countries most of the time. My parents are pretty wonderful.
When I was at Disneyland with my dad (I was like 16 at the time) we were on the teacups and he said, “This ride was even better when I was tripping on acid!” My dad was so frank about his teenage drug use that I didn’t do drugs or drink until I got to be 18, and even then the worse thing I’ve done drug wise is pot. I’ve lived vicariously through his stories and never had the urge to try other drugs.
I was just always being me and it scared/pissed off/upset my mom. ALWAYS. I’m 24, married, 3 kids and she CRIED when I told her I was getting another tattoo. LOL
I never really wanted to get a rise out of my mom, it just sortta always happened. I got so fucking sick of it, and I was only 13. lol
So on newyears eve 1999/2000. I had some “magic” brownies…. and well started hallucinating, I had some champagne, got really ill went home, and my mom held my hair for me while I puked. The next day when I stumbled into the living room at about noon, My mother and step father we’re making lunch. They asked me about what I did last night. I told them I ate a brownie and drank some champagne, went to some parties, saw some auras and then came home because I was sick. They responded, “Well, maybe next time, you only eat half a brownie dear”
My parents have always been a weird mix. When I was 15 and had my first boyfriend my mother tried to push me to go on the pill, “just in case.” At the same time, it was pretty clear that I wasn’t supposed to be messing around with said boyfriend in their house. I was always allowed a bit of wine or beer if I wanted, which I didn’t after the age of about 7 until much later. My parents despaired of my friends and I for starting our parties at 7 and ending at midnight. But my first tattoo in my mid twenties was horrifying, and dying my hair always gets pained expressions and remarks on how it is a bad idea. I guess I rebelled by being even more conservative than they were in terms of partying, and much less when it came to friendships with boys, dying my hair, piercing and tattoos. Even still, my guy regularly teases me about being a good girl. I guess he is the ultimate rebellion, a skater, pierced, tattood artist/musician who swears and has had his wild days.
My parents are incredibly conservative, but they were always very smart about not giving me anything to rebel against… I was allowed to wear whatever I wanted, they let me try alcohol at home, didn’t bat an eye when I got a tattoo at 18, and when I wrote my mom a letter telling her I was going to start having sex with my boyfriend, SHE paid for the birth control.
They always told me when they disapproved, but they say it in such a NICE way that I can’t really get mad at them for it!
Just one more note…one of the best pieces of advice I got from my father after I’d spent all night in the basement hanging out with a boy… “You should be careful, because boys talk and they will lie. You do one thing with one guy and the next one will think he can do a little more. I should know, I was young once. Young men are pigs.”
I’ve got tons of good ones from my liberal parents…like when I was sixteen and my mom brought a giant porceline bowl of condoms into my bathroom. I said “But mom, I’m not having sex.” She said, “Oh, well your friends might need them.” My mom also let my gay best friend use our guest room for a rendezvous becuase he had no where else to go with his boyfriend since he was still pretty closetted.
In college there was the time a professor of mine showed up at a neighborhood brunch and I was chatting him up about the exam he was giving in two days. Mom walks up, slaps me on the back so I nearly choke on my mimosa and asks “So Meghan, are ya drunk yet?” Once I could breathe again I was like, “No mom…and did I introduce you to my French Revolution professor?”
There was also when I told her I had started dating a friend of mine and she responded “Why does it always have to be a RELATIONSHIP. Why can’t you just be friends with benefits?!”
Also the incident after my abstinence only sex ed class where I came home and my mom was like “So what did you learn in school?” and I said “Oh it was so cool mom we learned that the clitoris makes it so you don’t pee on your partner during sex.” And my mom was like, “um, did they tell you that the clitoris is what gives women a lot of their pleasure?” and I was like “No…but isn’t it awesome it makes it so you don’t pee on people?!” My mom, “Sigh. So let me explain to you about the female orgasm…”
My parents are both liberal in their own ways. My mom smoked pot with me the first time when I was fourteen, and still continues to smoke with me today. When I told her I was bisexual, she said, “Okay, what’s the big deal?” and immediately wanted to meet my girlfriend. She gave me and boyfriend condoms for our first time together, and bought them for me for a long time after that. She told me that she’ll hold my hand whenever I get a tattoo or a piercing, and wants us to get mother-daughter belly button piercings together. 😀
My father is cool in his own way, he’s always told me that if I want to try any illegal substance, to let him know because “I can get top-shelf stuff that a kid your age couldn’t procure on their own merit.”, and he’s always enjoyed drinking lager or wine or sharing an expensive cigar with me.
They’re impossible to phase.
My Mom gave me booze from the time I was about 12 on (paralyzers, I still have a thing for kahlua). The logic was that I was safer experimenting at home than in the back of a car like she had.
My rebellion was getting married at 25 and becoming a housewife. She likes to tell me how disappointed she is at how “conventional” I turned out.
When I was thirteen my dad thought he needed to give me the talk so he said “Just so you know- sex is amazing. I love it, and you will love it and you’ll probably have a lot more of it because you’re a girl. I’d rather you be older and I’d rather you have a boyfriend when you do it, but neither one are necessary. Just make sure you’re safe, come to me and we’ll get you ready.”
He never batted an eye lash through my drug/alcohol/sex binge from 19-24 When I brought home a girl I was dating, I mentioned it to him and he said “Yea I figured, have fun.” 🙂 My dad rocks
As a gay man who just turned thirty, I’m feeling very ambivalent about this thread.
Raising my own family looks like a bleak abstract improbability right now, and dealing with the family that raised me, is taking a lot of energy.
It also means I’ve been thinking about parental impact a lot.
I think what children want, is quality in the way their parents regard them. Some people SEE their children, and others don’t. If a child is seen the way it needs to be seen, it doesn’t matter much, I think, if that regard comes from a conservative or offbeat perspective.
*grin*
Of course, I’ve also got my inner 15yo radicalist who feels all parents are monsters, be it a traditional mother who enables female submission to patriarchy or an unconventional father who perpetuates the drug-related crime cycle.
*/grin*
“Mom, how old were you when you lost your virginity?” (at 17)
“A lot younger than you are.” – Mom