Plus size lingerie for sexytimes all the time

Do you have any fashion advice for larger people when it comes to lingerie?

I’m pretty stumped.

Not only do I have trouble finding something sexy that fits and doesn’t look matronly, but I also need some advice on how to finally feel confident enough to actually wear it in front of someone.

Oh baby, yes. I love lingerie. It’s like getting to plan another outfit under your outfit. This is a two-part question, so first let’s talk sexy underthings. Then, I’ll talk about feeling sexy in those underthings.

What type of lingerie are you looking for?

First: determine what you think you might like when it comes to lingerie. Are you looking for a corset? Bra and panty sets? Stockings? Garters? All of the above? It can depend on what your intended use is (is this just for dressing up, or are these undergarments meant to be worn daily?) and what your personal style is (vintage, goth, steampunk, classic, etc.). Recognize that there are lots of great plus size lingerie options that don’t give a fuck about “minimizing” anything — and that it’s okay if you don’t, either. Remember that your tastes might change once you start to buy things and figure out what works best with your body.

What size are you?

It’s vital to any positive shopping experience to know your size. Plus size clothing in general will be labeled strangely and differently for every store or brand, so having actual measurements is key. This will allow you to find websites and stores that carry your size and immediately remove the frustration associated with “I love this but they don’t make it in my size.” I’m a US dress size 18, but lots of the stores I shop at have lingerie up to US size 30 and above. Stay positive in your search and don’t get discouraged by sites whose plus size models are smaller than you. Remember that all body types and sizes deserve to look sexy if they want, including yours.

If you need help taking your measurements, you can go to a lingerie store or ask a friend. Be wary of labels like “queen” which are usually some ridiculous grouping of sizes like “size 18 and up.” Shop at stores where your specific size is stocked. Please note: you can’t return lingerie because of hygienic concerns, so make sure to have your measurements!

Shop shop shop

Alright: we have a basic idea in mind and our measurements in hand. Now comes the fun part. My advice for shopping: try not to get frustrated when things don’t work out. Concentrate on all the options you have (now that you know your size and where to shop). Stay positive. Get excited.

If you’re stumped about what stores are available in your area, Google it. You might get lucky and find forums where other people are discussing the best plus size shopping in town. Pinterest searches can help, too.

I do all my clothes shopping online, so here are some of my suggestions. Please feel free to leave any others in the comments. All of these ship worldwide — though shipping can be expensive when outside the US. (I’m Canadian — believe me, I know.)

Domino Dollhouse:
Sizes up to 48″ bust, 46″ waist, and 56″ hips
Pros: Models are larger than typical plus size models; customer reviews are posted on the site
Cons: Very limited range

Sock Dreams
Socks, garters, leggings, stockings, and tights.
Pros: Very helpful customer service; models are larger than typical plus size models; customer reviews are posted on the site
Cons: Very wide variety of what is available in each size. Not necessarily a con — just be mindful before you fall in love with something that it might not come in all sizes.

ModCloth
Sizes up to 56″ bust, 49″ waist, 60″ hips
Pros: Incredible customer service; customer reviews posted on the site. The waist corselet in my pic is from ModCloth and is available up to US size 22.
Cons: Limited products in largest sizes

Torrid
Sizes up to 55″ bust, 48″ waist, and 57″ hips
Pros: Customer reviews on the site
Cons: Quality is not necessarily the highest on every piece

Hips and Curves
Sizes up to 60″ bust, 50″ waist, and 62″ hips
Pros: Lots of variety, as well as steampunk and other specialty/costume styles
Cons: Sizing charts are difficult to understand

Get pieces in your favourite colours. Get pieces that are comfortable or pieces that are daring. Get pieces that you’ll want to wear every day or only on “special occasions.” Get the pieces you think are sexy. And then make them sexy by adorning your sexy self with them.

Feel fucking rad about wearing your new lingerie

You now have the perfect underthings outfit. The first thing I want you to do is dress up — for just yourself. Put on fancy shoes. Add accessories. Do your hair and make-up if that’s your thing. Strut around your room like it’s a fucking runway. Answer emails in your garter belt and see how awesome the straps feel when you stand up and sit down. Check yourself out when you pass every reflective surface in your home. Say to yourself, out loud, “God damn I look good.” Wear your lingerie under your regular clothes and smirk to yourself as if you’re hiding something fantastic — because you are. When you can’t take it anymore because you’re too turned on by yourself, masturbate. Do this often. Remember: feeling sexy doesn’t have to be for anyone but yourself . Be selfish in your sexiness until you decide that someone else deserves to experience it, too.

Related Post 8 tips for developing personal style when you have none

I have never considered myself "fashionable." Growing up, I had the tomboy thing down and wore jeans and t-shirts through high school. Every so often... Read more

If you decide to share it, remember that there are lots of ways to share sexiness other than wearing lingerie on a date. Have you browsed the literally hundreds of blogs run by plus size people of any gender fucking rocking their sexy selves on tumblr? Get inspired by these babes. Maybe even post your own selfies in your new outfit. I do it, and it has been a great confidence booster. By building my confidence and self-love like this, it made it far easier to dress up in person. Now I’m posting lingerie selfies on Offbeat Home, so — there you go. Everyone struggles with confidence issues to an extent, and sex is a pretty good equalizer when it comes to nerves. Keep your thoughts and words positive affirmations about your own sexiness and remember the corny-but-true adage that confidence is the sexiest thing anyone can wear.

About the Author: Caroline

@drechyng @carolinediezyn

Caroline was the Offbeat Empire copyeditor from 2011-2015. Caroline is a Canadian genderweird witch and literature PhD student living and working in Toronto. They love art and powerlifting, and they spend their free time with their black cat and familiar, Zee.