My daughter’s name is Ophelia. She also has two middle names plus a ridiculously difficult to pronounce Italian last name. I know what you might be thinking: THAT POOR KID. How will she ever learn to spell her name? How will she even remember all of her names? Won’t she always have to spell it for other people? Kids are going to make fun of her in school. She’ll be an outcast. What about a nickname?
What are the ethics of naming your child — can you use someone else’s baby’s name?
As days went by, I couldn't stop smiling and giggling when I thought of the name -- I know it's meant for my baby, and... Read more
I’ve heard the objections before but I’ve always loved unusual names so nay-saying never really had an impact on me. However, I have felt that if I planned to give my own child an unusual name it was my duty to really, truly examine those objections. Would giving my kid an unusual name really damage her? Would it turn her childhood into a string of memories she will eventually hope to forget? Am I being selfish and simply forcing my own contrariness on her? I considered each of these carefully and here’s what I came up with.
It’s too hard/long for a kid to learn to spell
If you’ve spent any time around young children you know that their name is their identity. I once worked with a two-year-old boy who would toddle around, repeating “I’m Toby, I’m Toby, I’m Toby,” without rest. Kids love telling people their names, learning to spell them and practice both often. So is having a long name a challenge for a child to learn? You betcha. Is that a bad thing? Hell no! Since a kid’s name means so much to them, they’re willing to work extra hard to wrap their minds around it. The diligence and repetition of learning to spell and write a long name only gives them more time practicing vital skills. My daughter has exactly 30 letters in her full name. This kid is bound to be a spelling bee champ, I just know it!
Others will have difficulty spelling or pronouncing it
In the melting pot that is this country, a huge percentage of the population has a name or names that many would consider “difficult.” In plenty of cultures long last names are the norm. In others certain letters and letter combinations have sounds that would be unrecognizable to a native English speaker. Many, if not most, people have to spell their name when giving it to someone else for the first time. Rather than being a lifelong burden, I see this as simply a fact of life. Even if my daughter’s first name was Jane, her last name would still inevitably trip people up. Most parents wouldn’t dream of giving their child an alternative last name because theirs was hard to spell. First names are no different.
They will grow up to be outcasts
I grew up with perhaps the trendiest name of the 80s: Jennifer. Jenny I got yo numba! (Tommy Tutone, anyone?) My husband, Robert (Rob) has one of the most traditional names given to boys. I’m the kid that chopped her bangs into a spiky poof the day before her fifth grade class picture. Rob’s the kid that wore Hawaiian shirts every day of his high school career. We both had incredibly “normal” names and we both were huge dorks. Just as giving your kid a common name doesn’t guarantee their adolescent popularity, neither does giving them an unusual name cement their fate as the kid who eats paste. Their identities are shaped by their names but they are not limited by them. An “Electra” can be quiet and shy. A “Dudley” can be a Romeo. A name serves as a foundation for an identity but the kid decides the rest.
It’s cruel/selfish for parents to give children offbeat names
As cheesy as it sounds, the names I gave my daughter are a gift. Her first middle name was given to her in honor of my dear aunt that died a year and a half before she was born. Because I knew the two of them would never meet I wanted to give her something permanent of her great-aunt’s. Her second middle name is my maiden name, a name that is now shared by my husband and myself as our own second middle names. It’s an essential part of her family tree that should be reflected in her name. While I concur that it might be selfish to want my name and my aunt’s to be carried on, I can honestly say I did not give them to O to coerce her into my own brand of eccentricity. I think this is the case for all parents, whether they choose an offbeat name or a more traditional one for their child. In naming our children we try to give them a foundation, some history and maybe a little creativity. There’s nothing selfish about that.
Okay, I have a question: Both of my grandmothers were born and raised in other countries (Spain/Puerto Rico and Belgium). One grandfather’s first language was Polish, raised in the US by Polish immigrants.
If I were to name my kid (either first or middle) a very Spanish/Polish/French name do you think it would be disrespectful to someone who is in fact from one of those countries, like cultural appropriation? Like in a “Why has this American girl given her son “Jose” for a middle name?” kind of way. I don’t see a problem with it, Jose (for example) was my great-grandfather’s name. My husband thinks it would be weird or maybe disrespectful though. Thoughts?
It’s good that you’re being considerate about appropriation. One way to avoid the issue is to pick an actual family name, like Jose. That way s/he’s named in honor of a specific person that you have an actual connection to. You could also just pick a random name from one of those counties and just say, “my *family member* was from there” if asked. My only warning with that would be to be extra careful that you know how to pronounce it in the native language. Third option, you could pick a name that would work in any of those languages like Maria. Just some suggestions.
Ophelia! That’s the name my husband and I plan on using when and if we have a girl. My son’s name is Armstrong Jameson V. Armstrong was a last/middle name from his side of the family, and I loved the idea of it being a first name. The middle name isn’t from his side of the family, but from his heritage. While his name isn’t hard to spell or say, it is a little different than Tyler or Matthew. My family had a few questions at first about how we came about with his name, but I’m sure they’ve come to accept it, or they’re hiding it very well. haha.
I love my name, but the thing I dislike about having an uncommon first name combined with an uncommon last name is privacy. If you type my given name into Google, EVERY result is ME. In fact, the first hit in Google is an address and phone number! Thank goodness they are out-of-date.
I do have some safety concerns that anyone can find out so much about my life – like where I work and which races I’ve run – with just an internet connection.
Thank you for this article. I’m a feminist in an inter-cultural relationship so my child’s going to be saddled with four names: a first name (has to be pronounceable in both languages and a family name), a patronymic, my partner’s last name (very long and foreign), and my last name. People have been very negative about the whole four name thing. I’ve really appreciated reading about everyone’s positive experiences with their own long and unusual names. Thanks Offbeat Mama!
I have a hyphenated first name and two middle names and I LOVE IT!! I love having an unusual name. My sisters, mum and I all have the middle names “Olivia Rose”, but they both get another individual middle name because they are younger than me. My brother’s both share “James” as a middle name with my dad, as well as having their own individual middle name as well. Our different names are like our family identity. I plan on carrying on the middle name tradition and I hope my kids do the same.
I know this is incredibly off-topic, especially given the awesomeness that is your article, but OMG I thought my fiance and I were the only weirdos who were going to use my last name as a second middle name for both of us! We have gotten nothing but cocked eyebrows in the past when we told people that he was changing his name as well.
Thank you for proving that we are not alone in wanting to do this. Also, good for you for naming your little girl the way you want to!
It was our compromise since neither of us really wanted to give up any of our names or hyphenate. So we each took one from each other and called it even. I’ve always found it a difficult predicament to be in; wanting to share a last name as a family but not wanting to choose one over the other. I like hearing how different families make it work 🙂
My middle name is Hitomi (pronounced He-toh-mee). My Japanese mother actually gave me a Western first name, so my dad wanted me to have a Japanese middle name. Even though it is an endless source of confusion/ribbing, I love my middle name! It’s part of me. I think the kid makes the name more than the name makes the kid.
My parents are pretty “on-beat” people but chose to give me an unusual name which I have always loved.
We chose an “offbeat” name for our daughter, now five and will do so for any additional children. If we ever have a son, we plan on naming him Arthas Riou, after characters from mine and my husband’s favorite video games, we don’t have another girl’s name set in stone yet. (Rinoa Kerrigan maybe?)
Although my daughter is still learning to spell her full name (it’s long) and most of her preschool teachers had a difficult time with it, it’s never been a problem.The kids don’t seem to think anything of it and we’ve gotten more compliments than complaints.
My baby daughter’s name is Týr .. pronounced “tier” or “tear” (like when crying) I hope teasing doesn’t start in a few years, but it’s an Odinist name and my hubby chose it. My 14 year old holds the name Lillian, after her great great grandmother. Great name, VERY uncommon these days, though.
interesting ! I thought I made my daughters name up “Appolina” but i guess a few women have it ? Her middle name is Blossom so we call her Apple Blossom … :))
Apple Blossom?!?!? TOO CUTE! ;D
My baby daughter’s name is Tyr.. pronounced “tier” or “tear” (like when crying) I hope teasing doesn’t start in a few years, but it’s an Odinist name and my hubby chose it. My 14 year old holds the name Lillian, after her great great grandmother. Great name, VERY uncommon these days, though.
My sons both have very old names – Antonio and Isaiah, not too out of the ordinary. Even though we live in South Texas, people always mispronounce Antonio. And no one can spell Isaiah! People tend to call him Isaac too?! His middle name is Adan (Spanish for Adam) and alot of people confuse it for the common name Aiden (which is a great name, but we know too many of those).
I’m sharing just to show that people have trouble saying & spelling traditional names too! I’ve seen some really awesome names on here!
And we still get our fair share of why didn’t we name them after this person or that person or wow, i really thought you’d give them some out there name, u know cuz i’m so offbeat.
If we’re having a girl, we want to name her Tiger Lily. I’ve been stuck on that name for years but I’m terrified our “normal” parents and siblings are going to slaughter us over it.
My real first name is the very common name (at least in my age group) that a certain pop singer has and has four wildly used spellings – two T’s or one T, and -any or -ney – as well as several others that are a bit more off.
I have to say that being asked how to spell your name every single time sucks. My plan is that any child I have will have a name that is not in the top 50 names or so for the age group but a name that most people in the community know and that has one standard spelling, like Joel, Blake, Mary, Ellen, etc.
I love the name Ophelia! My best friend’s daughter is Ophelia Bleu. She was almost Sophia but opted for Ophie because the former was too popular, and I’m so glad she did! I definitely prefer offbeat names, although I am partial to traditional spellings no matter what the name.
We’re naming our little one Beckett Myrlen after the playwright (I’m a big fan) and the middle name after my grandfather. I’m getting loads of eye rolls and he’s not even born yet. PLUS he’s getting a hyphenated last name. And you know what? I’m excited! He’ll probably go through a phase where he hates it, but so did I. My name is Reagan and my last name is also weird. I had to explain my name throughout my whole childhood, and it helped to build my confidence – now it’s a name that I truly love and helps me stand out in my circles. I’m all for offbeat names!
As someone who has an “offbeat” hard to spell first name that was once paired with a hyphenated last name, I urge parents to consider this: separate from the taunting and constant mispronunciation/misspelling, I have faced consistent issues when applying for legal documents/identification etc. One misspelled document can trigger a chain reaction and screw up your ability to apply for other documents. I’m in no way glad I don’t have a “normal name”, mostly because it is a hassle and I have just resigned myself to never hearing my name pronounced correctly by anyone other than my parents and husband. I gladly gave up my hyphenated maiden name for my husband’s easy to spell last name and have never once regretted it. So, name your kid whatever you want, just be prepared for potential resentment and gleeful name changes when they grow up!
My name is pretty common (there’s alot of Tanya’s pronouncing their names Tonya), but the spelling is unique. Hell, my whole name is unique! My dad loved the name, but hated the spelling so I grew up with Tohnia. I get it pronounced TOH-NI-A, and TOH-HIN-YA alot from people, and after I tell them the correct pronunciation: TON-YA, they always follow up with “I’ve never seen it spelled that way!” It took some growing into! I spent years wishing I had a more “normal” name. But now I love it. My middle name is my Chinese name, and my last name is Dutch. I get alot of weird looks when I fill out forms because of my name AND because i’m a Christmas baby. But i’m the only Tohnia Yun Zeeman I know! My dad and mom continued the odd name tradition with my brothers (Daryk Lok Zeeman and Brant Tien Zeeman). Our middle names reflect our mom’s heritage (Chinese) and our last names show our Dutch side (dad). I grew up with Onion as a nickname though!
I want to name my kids interesting names also. I love Anjuli for a girl (it means gift in Sanskrit), and Anakin for a boy (I love Star Wars!). I taught an Anakin swimming, and i’ve always loved the name. Failing that, I love the name Zachariah.
My first name was pretty uncommon where I grew up, and the other Cassandra’s I met usually pronounced it kah-saun-dra instead of kah-sand-ra. I was usually pretty indifferent about my name until I became a teenager than I REALLY loved having a somewhat different name. I did usually get called Cass instead, but never Cassie, my mom was adamant about that because she thought Cassie was a strippers name. Although, my family did have permission to call me Cassie as long as it was Sassy Cassie or Gassie Cassie. There is a case where my peers never made fun of my name, only my family. When I was little I loved being a little rebel and pointing out the bad word in my name.
Once I had a music teacher in elementary school who called me “Casandra-clause” around Christmas time and I thought it was soooo hilarious and liked the attention! I secretly wanted everyone to call me that in December.
My middle name is January, and I’ve always loved it! As a kid I thought it was great to tell people, I was proud of it. And now I wish it was my last name instead of my middle name because I still like it so much.
Awesome post! 🙂 Our first baby was born May 9th! We named him Addis, middle name Jude (Beatles fans). We absolutely love his name and feel it suits him so well. We can’t imagine him with any other name. It’s worth it to go with what feels right over what others think.
Just wanted to say, I grew up in a town named Addis. We called ourselves the Back Addis Kids, haha.
Also, I was always called Tori in school because the teachers always glanced over my name. And of course I was always sung the Hey Tony song. I still don’t feel like it’s my name. It’s almost like I have to remind myself of it, it’s strange. I’ve only known one other Toni though.
I’m naming my daughter after one of my favorite video game characters, Romani, and she will also have two middle names. Most of the comments I’ve gotten about the name are either “that’s interesting…” or “that’s pretty and unique!” most people like it though, I hope she’ll love her name as much as I do 🙂
I agree 1X10^9% about the ‘they wont be able to spell it’ or ‘nobody else will know how to spell it’.
Firstly my name is 3 ACTUAL ENGLISH WORDS crystal dawn badger and i am FOREVER spelling it for people; my point; no matter how ‘common’ they will always have to spell it for people.
Second my mom didn’t name my oldest-younger-sister the beautiful family name that she had chosen (Quaintance) because my grandmother told her that she would hate it and be teased and never be able to spell it. Ten years later she decided to use it for my (now 10 year old) youngest-younger-sister; and she LOVES it and everyone else loves it an honestly kids learn to spell words (that they don’t use every day) much longer than 10 letters all the time.
Third. I think there are ‘bad’ unique names tho; for example Candida (yeast infection), Mirena (IUD brand), and Vagena.
http://www.stfuparentsblog.com/post/229983649/halloween-09-i-recognize-the-editing-only-adds
also…I’m going through these posts for ideas! =D
http://xkcd.com/327/
So excited to read all the awesome names everyone has come up with! When I first found out I was pregnant (about a year ago) I had a girls name which I’ve been in love with for ages -go figure, we had a boy! I had no idea at all for boys names. My husband kind of wanted a Junior, but he is Eric and I am Laura, and neither one of us ever had less than 2 other Lauras or Erics in our classes, so I was determined to go unique. I never felt like my name matched my personality (which is why I adopted the nickname LaLee in middle school which has still stuck among close friends). My husband (my poor, poor, patient husband) perused over 200,000 baby names and came up with a list of 12 which we narrowed down to one we both loved: Rhys (which we pronouse Reese). It’s normal enough that it shouldn’t hinder his aspirations, but unique enough that he can be an original. I chose the Welsh spelling because I really wanted to somehow connect his name to my British heritage (since all the men in my family are Anthony or William, which are a bit boring). And we gave him my husband’s offbeat middle name (his mother’s maiden name) which is Bishoff (Bishop in German). So there you have it, we have a Rhys Bishoff 🙂
Surprisingly, my father who is perhaps the most traditional of anyone in our two families loves his name the most! We do sometimes get confusion over pronunciation and whether or not he’s a boy or a girl, but like someone else said, kids take pride in telling people their names! Also, as I am training to be a pastor, I sometimes get asked by other clergy why we didn’t give him a biblical name. Ezra was high on our list, actually (because we love the name), but he was kind of a xenophobic jerk, and I wouldn’t want our kid to feel like he was named in honor of someone who is remembered as the prophet who condemns intermarrying with “foreign women.”
Hilariously, someone actually asked us if we named our son Rhys after the actor who plays Gimley in LOTR. Now, my husband likes to think that we did.
My son’s name is Knox Daschel. We get two replies, “ooh, I love it!” or “oh, that’s interesting”. I don’t care, I love his name. Which by the way, is taken from a mountaineer my husband admires and the middle name is from the Incredibles movie. We think he is our mountaineering superhero.